Domestic survival

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This may've already been seen by many but sage words nonetheless...

NINE WORDS WOMEN USE

(1) Fine : This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes : If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing : This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with "nothing" usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead : This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh : This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That's Okay : This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. "That's okay," means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks : A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome,' as that will bring on a 'whatever').

(8) Whatever : Is a woman's way of saying %*&# YOU!

(9) Don't worry about it, I got it : Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has asked a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.
 
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Better advice has never been givin. This should be a handout in high schools everywhere.
 
10) How do I look?

-Should always be followed up - 'as pretty as the day I met you'. Don't pause - this should be an automatic response.....Otherwise you are in for (5)
 
Thats why its a dog whos a mans best friend.... Unless she feeds him and then you know where the dogs loyalty is at....The smarts ones (me included) are not married.....

Sasha
 
That's hilarious...but from the opposite approach, always remember the following:

"Those pants do not make you look fat. Poor diet and a lack of exercise made you look fat."

"I know I left the seat up. Don't worry, you are much too big to fall in."

I could go on but actually I don't have a lot of experience with annoying things women constantly say...I have about 5 nags worth of tolerance and then it's out the door for you, honey!

Wow, 3 drinks and the misogynistic streak really starts to come out on me!
 
I could go on but actually I don't have a lot of experience with annoying things women constantly say...I have about 5 nags worth of tolerance and then it's out the door for you, honey!

Wow, 3 drinks and the misogynistic streak really starts to come out on me!

If you really want to test your metal, after she reaches the 5th nag, wait 'til she is eating something fattening. Wait 'til she has a mouth full then ask her "Do you really need that?"

The look on her face will be priceless. I swear you can actually hear a rumbling before she even gets up to square off with you. :D
 
Very nice Marcelo!

My wife and I had a "discussion" the other night that started over "nothing". I should of left it at "fine" but didn't:o So it ended with a really big "WHAT EVER!"

Thank god we have that rule about not going to bed mad at eachother! Its made for many sleepless nights:rolleyes:
 
Thats why its a dog whos a mans best friend.... Unless she feeds him and then you know where the dogs loyalty is at....The smarts ones (me included) are not married.....

Sasha

Right,just lock your dog and your wife/girlfriend in the trunk of your car...and see which one is happier to see you when you let them out>

Dennis
 
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