Enigma ? ?

uncle Alan

uncle Alan

Joined
Jul 11, 2004
Messages
1,830
Since my divorce I've had success,failures & disappointment. An awkward approach with some rustiness didn't help & I finally went into the restoration business. It was a hoot but when I started searching for a OAO I found a strange thing.

There are women out there that were so abused,physically & verbally that they become somewhat robot-like.

I was sitting downtown on an empty display table in the shade killing time until I wanted to cross the street for an early lunch . This very attractive lady came out & sat nearby & lighted a cigarette too . Noticing she wore no rings, I casually asked if she was married . "Married for 21 years & divorced for 22 " she said .Perking up,I asked if she would please have lunch with me . She rather coldly told me no .

She works in a junque exchange & said they opened at 11:00 & she had to go in.What a kick ! After sifting through trailer trash & a 40 yo crack-head I was searching for quality & after finding it, down in flames !

Since my EX cleaned out a considerable amount of kitcken gadgets , I'd stop in her store & buy an item just to get to see her. Cold as a dead mackrel !

I started carrying her flowers several times a week. She said the owners thanked me because they thought they added a bit of class . Dayum ! I told her they were for her & she said she didn't want a stranger spending money on her . Then I asked her favorite foods & luckily I am practiced in her kind of foods. I said I cook harge meals , fill my freezer & deliver a lot to family & friends [true]. I offered her a smothered chop with asparagus & oiled potatoes. She accepted & praised my cooking .I followed up with chili & went through my entire
menu .
Then I took extra to the owners & then I was in[NOT ] .After about 3 months she agreed to have lunch just across the street .After a relaxed meal we'd find some shade & have a smoke before she went back to work .

I was afraid to even hold her hand because she looked like she'd run if I tried. She reminded me of a gun-shy dog . After around six or seven lunches she announced that was her last meal with me. Dayum ! What did I do ?

She said having lunch cost her $6 and because she was living on less than $700 social security [the store did an under-the- table and] she was hard pressed for money. Then they cut her back a day. Knowing she was proud I send a visa gift card via a lady friend & we left no footprints but she never mentioned it . She did call the friend because we wanted a PO return reciept. Said she wanted to thank her benefactor.......

Part 2 after I bake her favorite cake .

Uncle Alan :confused:
 
I was telling my step-daughter about her & she kept nodding that she believed me. Margie related that several older ladies in her bank chain ]3] were that way. She'd invite them and an escort to dinner & they'd come alone . They all said they had been abused by their EX"S & wanted nothing more to do with men or society. They ,like my lady . work , go home & only leave home to shop,no circle of friends to speak of.

This appears in women from their late 40's to older than 65 ,drawing social security & retirement & maybe posessing bank stock. Patsy is not that fortunate.

She mentioned she was in the Air Force for a year & a half. I jumped on that & told her I was very practiced in getting vets a disability pension of some degree & since she has back & foot problems I could get her treatment & medicine ,maybe without co-pay. NOT ! The Air FOrce claimed she was not issued that ASN . To further the hurt ,she had a house fire that destroyed all records & photos. She cannot recall friends,unit numbers etc--- it all a blur now.

She met a charmer [read snake ] & became pregnant. Then she learned he had just gotten a divorce. She took an Honorable & they married. She discovered he was a womanizer but stuck it out because of the kids & but after # 3 she split.

She lives in a flea bag in not the best neighborhood but it's 1 1/2 blocks from the police department so I feel a bit easier but she refuses to carry one of my many pistols. She does get rides both ways.
They cut her a day at work & I started to send her more money. I brlieve I have sent $250 0r 300 by now & plan to send her $50 for Valentine's Day

I took photos of my beautiful home & she oohed & aahed over it.Asked her to marry me & move in. She would get Champus medical & a good pension because I am rated at 100 percent [total & complete ] & she said " HELL NO !"


I told her she could remain a hermit & I would not asK her to consumate our vows . But she refused .


Sorry but it looks this will come to part # III

Please indulge me here because I can use it to help me see hod I stand & what else I can do.

Uncle Alsn
 
hmmm, you gave it one hella of a try but I would move on. You can't fix what doesn't want fixed.

Have you considered joining a country club or something similar? Sounds to me like you need to set your sites a little higher, no offense intended.
 
Man, It's time to cut your losses (hurt feelings) and move on. She doesn't seem to want any men in her life anymore. I dunno, maybe you could show up at her place wearing a nice dress and give it a shot at that route.

However, with the kind of money you've spent on trying to woo her, you could have "rented" a couple fine women for awhile.:D.:D.
 
Hm. Now granted I am quite a bit younger than you so my opinion may have little value but, regardless, I shall give it. It seems with the first woman that you were tyring to hard...buying her flowers and making her food when you bearly know the girl. The second one seemed better off but still, a lot of stuff going on in her life. I would suggest sitting back and relaxing, stay on the prowl but do not try so hard. Just go to different social gatherings and find out average things about ladies, typical everyday things like where they work and whatnot. Wait for someone to notice you.
With a grain of salt
SS
 
1.) Rent nice hotel suite.
2.) Call escort service.
3.) Divulge minimal personal information.
4.) Use latex.
 
Uncle Alan, you threw money at your ex-wife and she left you. Now you are throwing money at another woman, and she's leaving you.

Can you see a pattern emerging?

If it's meant to be, it will be.

No amount of cash flow can create a relationship.

Find a happy, fun woman who cares for you, not the contents of your wallet.

Best wishes,

maximus otter
 
maximus otter said:
Uncle Alan, you threw money at your ex-wife and she left you. Now you are throwing money at another woman, and she's leaving you.

Can you see a pattern emerging?

If it's meant to be, it will be.

No amount of cash flow can create a relationship.

Find a happy, fun woman who cares for you, not the contents of your wallet.

Best wishes,

maximus otter
Click to expand...



Sage advice from all & appreciated greatly.

My real problem [?] is being a great humanitarian. Surving a war & coming inches from death many times,when in my 50's I began to wonder why I was spared. God & I were not very close then but the relationship has grown & I decided to serve Him by helping fellow man.

Strangely enough my spending has not hurt my bank account because it has grown by over $ 4,000 in a few months . Therefore I may help others & recieve great pleasure from it and it's similar to unselfish lovemaking. I have found that out through the years.

I bought Patsy a 1/2 carat solitare 3 days ago & made her very happy. With barganing & exchanging 3 dead pocket watches I have approximately $150 out of pocket .

I love people ,particulary fellow forumites . Thank you all !

Uncle Alan :D
 
UA..
be her friend. Be her listening ear. Help her financially if she is in a bind. But you do not need to marry the girl. All she needs is a friend..be just that.
 
Ren the devils trailboss said:
UA..
be her friend. Be her listening ear. Help her financially if she is in a bind. But you do not need to marry the girl. All she needs is a friend..be just that.
Click to expand...





I retract figuring that from youir threads that you had chewed through your restraints .

I resolved that a few minutes ago . I'm not trying to buy affection because it is voluntary. I am a caring old fart that is trying to give someone a hand up. She is not the only person I'm helping but needs me to restore her feeling of self-worth.

We hug & have kissed on occasion but she says she's still thawing out & emerging from her cave . I am a take-charge man but & am very careful with my gentle nudging . Easy does it. I'm determined to help her if it takes all my remaining days.

Uncle Alan:D
 
There isn't anybody who cares like you do Uncle Alan, I think that's awfully kind of you. Try collard greens and cornbread on her if everything else fails.:cool: :)
 
Just learned Parsy came from a cold family. She was never hugged,was sexually abused by her father but held on until she got her diploma & immediately joined the Air Force. She said her parents accompanied her to the train station & shook hands goodbye ! No hugs ,kisses or tears ---- Give me a break !

When she met this abusive scoundrel he charmed her & having zero idea about love,confused kindness with the real thing & she let him bed her because she thought that is what peoiple in love did . [Great sex-ed from family ?]

She stuck out the marriage through 3 children & when he was close to retirement ,they moved to Florida & stayed with his blind mother. They divorced & she stayed on to help the old lady & try to get her kids through school .

The mother died 5 years later & she & the kids were tossed out because the house had been deeded to his brother & he immediately sold it .

We have a tenative agreement on getting married & let her remain in her shack until she can get acclimated to living here . She discovered a breast lump but it looks like a cebacius [sp?] cyst & now the important thing is to get her life

insured , married & into the VA Champus VA hearth care system .

Found a JP judge in Ridgeland S.C. to do the nuptials after a 24 hour


waiting period so we'll be headed up Cindy's way soon . If Gaston wasn't so

far I'd ask Cindy Love to be matron of honor .




I sure am fumble fingered .


With my eyes wide open, I remain....... Uncle Alan:D
 
uh, did I read this right? You just/just about to marry to this person?

Cautiously I offer my Congrats, because I'm confused.
 
Uncle Allen

We do not know each other, so this may be inappropriate, but I do feel your pain, hell, we have all been there at one point or another!

If I may ask, are you seeking advice, or just airing the laundry, if you could pardon the analogy? (As there are kudos to both)
 
CrowValleyForge said:
Uncle Allen

We do not know each other, so this may be inappropriate, but I do feel your pain, hell, we have all been there at one point or another!

If I may ask, are you seeking advice, or just airing the laundry, if you could pardon the analogy? (As there are kudos to both)
Click to expand...




I am surrounded with an aura of euphoria & wanted to share the feeling.



Uncle Alan:D
 
uncle Alan,

Be sure to take her out for a "test drive" before you marry her to make sure that she's not frijid or anything like that.:D.
 
"Marry in haste, repent at leisure."

For goodness' sake, Uncle, try an engagement for 6 months at least.

This sounds awfully like a rebound marriage.

Bad idea.

maximus otter
 
Uncle Alan, maybe you have heard of this before and maybe not, but here goes....

I work in a hospital in a profession where women outnumber men by a very large margin, and so I have tons (literally!) of female coworkers and female friends.
And there is a certain type of woman who is inevitably the "RESCUE CHICK".
She is the woman who takes in every hardluck guy she meets.
She is the woman who seems attracted to (or attracts) screwed-up guys.
Maybe she thinks that she can save them...rescue them from themselves, if you catch my drift.

Uncle Alan, you sound like that "rescue chick" (only in male form).

But believe me when I tell you, the "rescue chick" does not usually end up with the guy.
She takes him in and cares for him and "rescues" him, and then he goes and finds another chick to live happily ever after with.
And the "rescue chick" ends up heartbroken again (and usually sleeping with the "always there to take advantage of a heartbroke girl guy").

But don't feel sorry for the "rescue chick" because she really is not happy unless she is rescuing a guy.
Once she "rescues" them she quickly gets bored with them and moves on to the next hardluck guy in distress.

Anyway, goodluck,
Allen
 
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