Yes that was very clear. I got that. I know what you are going through.
Keep in mind if you insist on this hand sharpening madness . . . little things effect the out come. The curve of the bill on your operator's cap . . . freeekin' vital that.
Which side of your mouth you stick your tongue out of . . . this can depend on how the aspects of Mars relates to the rest of the zodiac; find a good astrologer is my advice.
Or if you want to just relax and sharpen your knife you can always be a big candy ass like me and get an Edge Pro.
A million years ago when I was 7 or 8 years old, I would trudge along with my old man and brothers and brother in law and whoever else to Bob's Hardware. Mind you, that was a few miles drive in the Monte Carlo or Scout or Power Wagon. They'd all buy their hunting licenses and I'd drool over the display of Buck knives. Buck was still in Oregon then but close enough to be called "local" and everyone I knew had some form or another of Buck knife and a Case or similar pocket knife. I thought they were magical. Bob's hardware was just a general store kinda thing, sorta like an Ace but with even more diversity. In fact I think he eventually became an Ace franchise. Bob was a big fella, rotund and not much on talking. I can remember hearing about upland bird stamps and federal waterfowl tags, but I was too young to legally hunt so it was the knives I gravitated to.
My grandpa was a mechanical genius. I mean that with all the sincerity a computer screen can convey. He didn't have much schooling but there was nothing that man couldn't do with his hands and his gift for "inherent" math was amazing. He built a tractor out of a scrap pile and mostly galvanized pipe. His table saw, band saws, etc. were all homemade. But his three-bladed Case pocket knife? Bah. He'd run it across some sand paper once in a while or across a grinder wheel. Everyone I know was like that. Knives were kinda "sharp enough".
So I started sharpening the family knives on an old 4" SiC and black Arkansas stone. It was my way of being connected to what I couldn't actually do, hunt. Long after I was actually hunting, everyone still brought their knives to me to sharpen. In retrospect, I wasn't really very good at it. Sort of hit or miss I reckon. I didn't know anything about burrs or angles or pressure or lubricants or anything. But people had such dull knives that whatever I did made them think they were awesome. Looking back, my edges dressed and cleaned a lot of fish and game, whittled a lot of marshmallow sticks and tent stakes, and opened countless packages. I cringe to think of those edges now, but no one else did.
Even today, as I work in manufacturing, I am always a bit surprised how little folks care about a decent knife edge, especially in their kitchen knives. I routinely witness manual machining artists that tote around dull knives, often expensive ones.
Far too often I read on the internet about people asking about the "one knife" or the "best steel" or recommend me a knife and the answers are almost always too painful to read. It's rare that anyone recommends a good lower grade knife and some sharpening equipment. We have to have low ride pocket clips and uber strong locks and blades that flick open with a wish and all of that. What's the point in owning a knife if you can't sharpening it?
So, for many, many years I struggled with free hand sharpening. I knew those around me were pleased, but I knew I wasn't. I just didn't really have anyone to teach me or any knowledge of any real sources of education. Eventually, I bought a KME because I was resigned to getting super fine edges and reconciled that I was never going to get them free handing. I love the KME, it is fantastic and I have customized and upgraded it quite a lot. There is no debating the edge quality I can achieve.
But it isn't the same. For me, free handing is like redneck zen. I love it. Even if I'm not or wasn't always good at it. These days people will tell you that Arkansas stones can't sharpen super steels and that you'll ruin your stones and so on and so on. Sure, whatever. I do just fine with S90V, XHP, and ZDP189. Is it ideal? Maybe not but do I get very nice edges? Yep. I got lost in chasing "tree topping" edges and the like for a time. I marveled at blades that could split a hair under it's own weight. I cursed myself for not being able to achieve it. Why? Why couldn't I do that?! It's the equipment! So I spent the money on all manner of things. It's me?! So I studied everything I could find. Then when I could do it, the thrill of the achievement was just not what I thought it would be.
After many decades, I'm more or less back to just getting good working edges on my knives and then focusing on maintaining them. I don't sharpen much any more. I maintain. I don't care if my knives can cleave the back hair off a gnat. Those edges are either a passion or a fool's folly, but they are not necessary.
Free hand sharpening for a good, long lasting, working edge does not need to be that complicated or difficult. I have zero issue with guided systems and certainly recommend them and use them but most anyone, if they slow down and follow some good principles can get working edges on knives.
I know this was a long ramble, and I only quoted you Wowbagger as an effort to illustrate my point, not in an effort to be contrary. I know you were being largely tongue in cheek.
Find what works for you and don't stress what the internet tells you is a standard. Filter it all.
PS: oh and never try to hand sharpen with your keys in your pocket on Thursdays . . . it throws off your whole ionic aura . . . leave them well away from the sharpening area . . . but only on Thursdays. 
