For the mathematicians.

[gajinoz]

Please Note: In the following, when you see something like b2, the 2 should be a superscript as in b squared. I couldn't figure out how to do that in this post. (I'm sure there must be a way!)




Animal, Vegetable or Minister

Let a and b each be equal to 1. Since a and b are equal

b2 = ab (eq. 1)

Since a equals itself, it is obvious that

a2 =a2 (eq. 2)

Subtract equation 1 from equation 2. This yields

a2 - b2 = a2 - ab (eq. 3)

We can factor both sides of the equation; a2 - ab equals
a(a - b). Likewise, a2 - b2 equals (a +b)(a -b). (Nothing fishy
is going on here. This statement is perfectly true. Plug in
numbers and see for yourself!) Substituting into equation 3
we get

(a +b)(a - b) = a(a - b) (eq. 4)

So far, so good. Now divide both sides of the equation by
(a - b) and we get

a + b = a (eq. 5)

Subtract a from both sides and we get

b = 0 (eq. 6)

But we set b to 1 at the very beginning of this proof, so this
means that

1 = 0 (eq. 7)

This is an important result. Going further, we know that Win-
ston Churchill has one head. But one equals zero by equation
7, so that means that Winston has no head. Likewise
Churchill has zero leafy tops, therefore he has one leafy top.
Multiplying both sides of equation 7 by 2, we see that

2 = 0 (eq. 8)

Churchill has too legs, therefore he has no legs. Churchill has
two arms, therefore he has no arms. Now multiply equation 7
by Winston Churchill's waist size in inches. This means that

(Winston's waist size) = 0 (eq. 9)

This means that Winston Churchill taper's to a point. Now, .
what color is Winston Churchill? Take any beam of light that
comes from him and select a photon. Multiply equation 7 by
the wavelengh, and we see that

(Winston's photon's wavelength) = 0 (eq. 10)

But multiplying equation 7 by 640 nanometers, we see that

640 = 0 (eq. 11)

Combining equations 10 and 11, we see that

(Winston's photon's wavelength) = 640 nanometers

This means that this photon - or any other photon that comes
from Mr. Churchill - is orange. Therefore Winston Churchill
is a bright shade of orange.

To sum up, we have proved, mathematically, that Win-
ston Churchill has no arms and no legs; instead of a head, he
has a leafy top; he tapers to a point; and he is bright orange.
Clearly, Winston Churchill is a carrot. (There is a simpler
way to prove this. Adding 1 to both sides of equation 7 gives
the equation

2 = 1

Winston Churchill and a carrot are two different things, there-
fore they are one thing. But that's not nearly as satisfying.)

What is wrong with this proof?. There is only one step
that is flawed, and that is the one where we go from equation
4 to equation 5. We divide by a - b. But look out. Since a and
b are both equal to 1, a - b = 1 - 1 = 0. We have divided by
zero, and we get the ridiculous statement that 1 = 0. From
there we can prove any statement in the universe, whether it
is true or false. The whole framework of mathematics has ex-
ploded in our faces.

 

[cmd]

The flight of fancy starts here:

a + b = a (eq. 5)

 

[MikeGram]

Nice one. I'd say that foundation of math and physics is still sound, though.


I also like this series of equations...

It's a given that girls require time and money:

Girls = Time x Money

And we all know that "time is money":

Time = Money

Therefore:

Girls = Money x Money = Money^2

And because "money is the root of all evil":

Money = sqrt(Evil)

We can write:

Girls = [sqrt(Evil)]^2

Girls = Evil

Now the math here is sound, but some of the assumptions might not be valid. However, I think the fact that girls are evil is self-evident and requires no further proof.

 

[gajinoz]

Now the math here is sound, but some of the assumptions might not be valid. However, I think the fact that girls are evil is self-evident and requires no further proof.

Well, yes, I think that's a given.

Anyway, if you really want to prove anything you should use statistics. You can prove anything at all with those.

 

[akjon]

A little OT, but it reminds me of a sign in my brother's repair shop:

Cheap.
Fast.
Good.

Pick any two.

Do the math, it's always true!

 

[cmd]

A little OT, but it reminds me of a sign in my brother's repair shop:

Cheap.
Fast.
Good.

Pick any two.

Do the math, it's always true!

The one I have heard the most often is about how to build a tank, it can not do more than two of these:
good firepower
good armor
good manuverability
this is a classic thought problem, but then there is our M1 tank!

I have to tell some people every once in a while that they have to make a choice but always seem to end up the best in the long run by providing the most of these together:
ROI (yep, return on investment)
quality
performance

Chris

 

[kamkazmoto]

never mind.

 

[Esav Benyamin]

Please Note: In the following, when you see something like b2, the 2 should be a superscript as in b squared. I couldn't figure out how to do that in this post. (I'm sure there must be a way!)

The standard transcription for superscript is b^2.

 

[Easyrider]

Instead of dividing by zero, just take the limit as it approaches zero and graph it to see how the function is acting as you get infinitely close to zero.

 

[Don Luis]

...
(a +b)(a - b) = a(a - b) (eq. 4)

So far, so good. Now divide both sides of the equation by
(a - b) and we get...

This is a very old one.

Actually, since a = b so that a - b = 0:

Anything * (a - b) = Whatever * (a - b)

Which of course does not mean that Anything = Whatever since you cannot divide by 0.


Now, some Physics, the exclusion principle:

No woman can have more than two of the following three properties (actually it applies to men also):

1.- Intelligence
2.- Beauty
3.- Chastity

Luis

 

[Kkimo]

Please Note: In the following, when you see something like b2, the 2 should be a superscript as in b squared. I couldn't figure out how to do that in this post. (I'm sure there must be a way!)

Esav gave you one way of denoting superscript, another is a**2 for a².

Also, for most text based systems, you can get the superscript for "squared" with the ascii character <alt>+253.

Dave