I have no problem with the question itself. My thoughts on this are cheap and directed to the original question and then a little on the difficulty you are having. The responses to your question or whether to stain seems to garner one of four responses:
1. Members asking how to do it,
2. Members sharing tips and tricks,
3. Its not necessary/waste of time, and
4. The only thing that should go into a handle is the dirt and sweat from working hands in the process of doing work.
Hanging a sharpened head on a handle solely intended for use, your use? Doesnt much matter whatever you like and whatever works with your hands.
Have a gaggle of "hafted" Norlunds for sale for a large profit? Raise that grain and brag about it when you hand it to your mark!
This really isnt my place to type (or even think) the following but here is my take on the negativity you are feeling
Jlemay, your thread title is Forgot to raise grain before using BLO, should I leave it or try to fix?
I think maybe some members are taking Forgot as implying it is a requirement or the better way to finish a handle and not really a question of a final touch - even if the axe is just going to sit around and get pet a lot. Too much work on your axe=Dandy! Not enough work on your axe=Green Horn! There is a huge list of dichotomies I have collected from this site that deserves its own thread Reeeeal tightrope/razor's edge stuff!
So, Jlemay, I am going to simply share something I see that might help here. Please don't take this personally - I'd like you to stick around here actually.
I dont think some of the reactions to your post are entirely about raising the grain being necessary. Believe it or not there is kind of a core group that posts here that, to a certain degree, backs each other up, trades off-line, picks stuff for one another, spends time researching something that really is only interesting because someone here would like to know, etc. I get what you mean about negativity but my recommendation is to say I get it and focus on your tools. There are a couple of fights you can fight here but the Old Man one can only be won by the oldest guy here. I don't have a horse in this race but there are members here that are way better at this "game" than you or me.
So back to the grain-razin:
If you think that last step is the final touch on your best faith effort with that axe and it keeps rattling around in the back of your mind, why not just do it? That right there would be all it takes for me to do it.
You don't have to get furniture finish crazy but shape and sand that handle exactly how you want it, use a spray bottle/wet rag, let it dry, and final sand. It cost nothing, it takes 20 minutes (if that) including drying, and now you don't have to think about it anymore.
In fact, you should take a close-up picture of the handle right now in reproducible lighting. Raise that grain and take a picture of what that looks like. Sand it down and take a picture. Oil/treat it with whatever and take a picture. Maybe share that for conversation's sake - that would be productive and add something to the mix of ever-repeated opinions.
Here is a recent experience with Grain Raising:
I had two recently hung axes that I used and left against my house by accident. It rained that night like it seems to all of the time. When I picked up the two axes, the one that I raised the grain on wiped up quickly with no noticeable difference, was dry pretty quickly, and took BLO again. The one I did not raise the grain on had wood fibers sticking up all along the grain. The moisture seemed to penetrate the wood more than the other. I sanded it down again, wet it one more time, and sanded again before oiling. That is my take on what I saw. There definitely could be something else going on there that I am confused about.
These are some more unsolicited thoughts that might play into how someone answers your question and their potential motivations for doing so:
1. These vintage axes that we "covet" and use probably came with rough/raised grain on their handles? The first time they got wet do you think they had standing fibers on them? My general take is that they didnt by the looks of the NOS handles Ive seen on or off an axe in person or posted here.
2. Soft hands aside, is there really a character question, ethical difference, or test of machismo in raising the grain or not on an axe handle? I say no. Citing/complaining of blisters is kind of universally something guys dont want to hear about To me it usually means you were doing work. I dont get blisters using an axe but a rake this time of year will give me some if I am not careful.
3. These really nice looking handles made by obviously skilled members of this forum, would you think less of them to know the craftsman that made them raised the grain? There are some fine axes that people have spent some real time on that should not be discounted because they get handed to someone with a nice finish on them. They will do the same amount of work as one without the grain raised.
This whole raising the grain isnt an issue. Being a solid/interesting pattern that is well-profiled and sharpened, set low on the shoulder of a well-shaped handle is more important.
I do wear gloves working when its cold enough outside and I dont intentionally leave my gear outside just because they are tools.
I do raise the grain on the new handles I prepare - for myself and for others. I like the look and feel of it. I wont stop because it makes me a dandy.
They dont chop any differently with the grain raised.
Oh, and they still give me blisters but that is the last youll hear about it.
Salt is free in this forum, it just depends on much you want served to you