Funniest marketing spiel.

I

Indianbladenoob

Joined
Feb 8, 2012
Messages
598
We see a lot of threads promoting or knocking certain knives and knife makers (usually manufacturers not custom makers).
We also see a lot of laughter on the "tactical" aspects of knives. While I am sure that there are people to whom "tactical" actually means something real, they are few and far between and I think some of the funnier takes would come from them too :)

I'd like to see a list of links/pics/quotes of the funniest most unreal marketing spiel on knives and tools. The quality of the knives themselves may not be in question (a la TOPS) but the way they promote it has to be funny (again a la TOPS and of course CS).

And of course I beg forgiveness if this has been done before, and request
 
The Bodyguard:

[video=youtube;_wRRoOLXBO8]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_wRRoOLXBO8[/video]

This guy's no Kevin Costner.
 
Indianbladenoob said:
And we're off! Come on! Just the name!?!?!
You know the fact that they have advertised "Stink Bombs" on the same page speaks volumes :D
"If you like the Secret Agent Tactical Ninja Sword you may also like:"
Click to expand...

Haha, never scrolled that far. Thanks for pointing it out lol.
 
Strider Knives HERE. Especially the second and fourth introduction paragraphs:


The company was founded and is currently operated by former military personnel. The initial goal was to provide a field service knife constructed with the finest components available, yet affordable to the average enlisted man and within his maintenance abilities.

And This one

The background of Strider Knives founders enables the company to assess requirements in diverse fields ranging from the average line soldier/marine through special operations, law enforcement and hunting to commercial diving. Various Strider designs have met and exceeded the requirements in each of these fields.

Makes me giggle a little every time!
 
Plenty of contenders for this one, but Mr Thompson VS The Plastic Lion never fails to crack me up! :D
 
"THE # 1 HARD USE KNIVES IN THE WORLD" - Emerson knives
I always roll my eyes when I see this... don't know what the big deal is with these knives.
Just a silly thing to say, IMHO.
 
Mantis Laser Guided Knife...

[video=youtube;yBVumM6-vt4]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yBVumM6-vt4[/video]
 
flarp said:
Mantis Laser Guided Knife...

[video=youtube;yBVumM6-vt4]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yBVumM6-vt4[/video]
Click to expand...


I'm sorry, but if you need a laser guide on a knife, you might want to buy a laser guided cock-ring, as well. Just saying.
 
Zombie Tools easily takes the cake for me. Admittedly theirs is deliberately funny and, given the nature of the humor, I can't think if a single example I can post to this site without risking infractions.
 
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