Gettin' A Little Angry

LongRifle

LongRifle

Joined
Apr 5, 2000
Messages
2,018
I have been trying to get my grill going for about an hour now. I think I have fire retarded charcoal, because no matter what I do I can't get the damn thing going. I think I am going to take me AK into the woods and chop out some dry wood for tinder. Either that or take the AK to the grill! I am getting pretty hungry and I am at the point of eating the burgers and bratwursts cold. Maybe I should chop up my furniture and throw that on the grill that should get it going!
Matthew
 
Pour about a quart of starter onto the coals. Use gasoline only if you don't have the starter but wear your fire protective suit when throwing the match into the grill. When the fire starts blazing (or after it has exploded if you use gasoline) get a heavy duty air dryer and fan the coals until they get to the desire "red".

Personally, I will only use the gasoline after 15 bottles of Heineken.

If everything fails, get a couple of kitchen chairs (assuming the are made of wood), chop them into kindling size pieces and stick them in the grill after throwing out the charcoal. Use the quart of starter of gasoline.
 
"Personally, I will only use the gasoline after 15 bottles of Heineken"

That was pretty good you had me laughing uncontrollably for a little while there Uncle Bill. I took my girlfriend's hairdryer and that got it going pretty well. I already used half of a jumbo sized can of fluid on the thing trying to get it going, actually I just like watching the ball of fire. I think the coals are ready to go now :D
Matthew
 
Originally posted by LongRifle
I have been trying to get my grill going for about an hour now. I think I have fire retarded charcoal, because no matter what I do I can't get the damn thing going. Matthew
Click to expand...

Yvsa crawling fitfully up onto his soapbox.

Okay, since it's already Saturday night you're SOL this time.
Throw out the Dayumed Lighter Fluid!!!!!
You don't need it and if you don't let it all burn off the food tastes funky.:barf:

I hate Charcoal Lighter Fluid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:barf: :barf:

Seriously. The first chance you get try to find a local outfit that sells grills and accesories. If you don't have one locally I think they're probably available online, should be anyway and it seems I recall looking on Webers Website once and they were
there.
If it's a decent outfit they will have the Charcoal Chimneys. That's what you want!!!! (Edit. It's written below, but I found the Weber's at Home Depot!!!! Saves a trip to a specialty shop
maybe)
Personally I like the Weber's since they're quite a lot larger and one helluva lot better built than the Taiwanese chimneys, which are okay and will last about 3 years with some TLC, and they hold enough charcoal to get the job done right the first
time.
All it takes to fire one of these up is One (1) sheet of newspaper!!!!!!
At the most two (2) sheets, if that doesn't do it your charcoal is probably funky.
Sometimes I use a double sheet if I want to hurry things along a bit, probably not any faster, but makes me feel
good, Grunt, Grunt Grunt.:)
Crumple the sheet of newspaper and stuff it under the chimney. Fill the top of the chimney with charcoal.
Light the newspaper and in about 30 minutes give or take a little you will have coals ready to cook on. Guaranteed,!!!! (that is if your charcoal is alright)!!!!:D
Actually on my grill I have found that if you heap a pile of the old charcoal, if any was left from the last time, I close my grill up after cooking and almost always have charcoal left****, or put a
heap
of new charcoal under the grate where you're gonna place the chimney that it will light as well as what you've put in the chimney.
****Appeals to the conserative Okie in me.;)
I have used these for the last several years. I went through 2 of the cheap ones and then at Home Depot in Phoenix last April I bought a Weber's Chimney for our daughter as she was having the same trouble all the time with the lighter fluid.
I went looking for one of the others since I didn't know at the time that Webers made them and happened to see the Weber's.
They were only a couple of dollars more than the cheap ones!!!!

And if you absolutely Must use charcoal lighter there's a trick to it, learned from an ex father in law who was a fireman. Squirt the fluid on and let it set for a while so the charcoal can absorb the fluid. If you wait a little too long a fresh squirt will refresh what's already soaked into the charcoal.
If you wait just right the charcoal will start burning when a match is placed on it without the all familiar Whuumpff that we're all used to.:)
And by letting the fluid soak in a bit it will also guarantee that your briquets will start the first time with only one match.

The Really Truly nice thing about the chimneys is that not only does your coals start just as fast or faster than with fluid is that your meat or whatever will Never Taste like Lighter Fluid again!!!!
The other Really Truly nice thing is that you're not polluting the air and in fact are using a small amount of a product that keeps so many landfills in business.
Good for you And good for the enviroment.

More Soapbox Edit. Charcoal Lighter Fluid is also the number one cause or close to #1 cause of children getting burned badly. Macho dad squirts the lighter fluid onto a slow starting fire and when the fire comes up the stream he throws the dayumed can over his shoulder onto his kid.
This is Truly the number one reason for giving up the fluid and getting a chimney!!!!
I almost forgot when I happened to look down at my arm where I did the same thing with a Prestone Plastic Jug of Gasoline while burning heavy grass where there were still hot coals underneath I couldn't see.
That foolish act cost me a week in the hospital and a month at home and several thousand dollars and I was dayumed Lucky!!!!!!!

Off my soapbox.:)

And yes, That's Exactly how I feel about Charcoal Lighter Fluid!!!!;)
 
When I was in High School a friend of mine and I were painting a man's house for some spending money. Well, one day we showed up to paint and the door was answered by his crying widow. Turns out the guy had decided to fire up the grill and then it wasn't going as good as he wanted, so he squirted more on to the open flames (either that or threw some from a can--can't remember which cause the widow only told us he had died and we heard the details later. I grew up on a small island and the rumors over there were something else!! you had to sift through the b.s. carefully:):)) the fire came back and burned the old guy so bad he died from the burns:( Really hit home for me. I NEVER pour fluid on an open fire, or on lit coals!:eek: Believe it or not, my father in law told me the same thing Yvsa's did about dousing it liberally and letting it soak in--works great:)

I am interested in the chimney deal though... I have a gas grill, but sometimes I miss the charcoal taste.
 
Well, I am not going to lie, I couldn't get the fire going-even with the hairdryer. Yvsa, I am going to go to the home depot today and pick up a chimney, and if that doesn't work I am throwing out this charcoal. Last night I even went to the extent of getting wood and mixing it in with the coals. The wood burned great, but the coals just sat there and didn't even smoulder. Yvsa I agree with you about the lighter fluid, I hate the taste and I don't like the thought of chemicals on my food. I am going to get the grill going this evening, I don't care what it takes. I will keep you posted.
Matthew
 
There's not anything better than charbroiled squirrel's heads with lighter fluid flavor.

If you've got a one gallon paint can laying around you might be able to press it into service as a chimney.

Half the fun is getting the fire going, especially if you use gasoline!
 
LongRifle, I think you must have some old charcoal which has absorbed too much moisture. Get a fresh bag.
Those chimney gadgets are the cat's pajamas!

--Mike L.
 
Matthew since the coals wouldn't light with a wood fire around them they're probably moisture soaked or something. It's not worth the hassle, just get a new bag of charcoal.
You will like the chimney, Guaranteed!!!!
I had to go to a grill shop here to get my Weber's Chimney, but it was well worth the effort expeneded to find it here in Tulsa.
I like the extra safety feature that the bail provides on the Weber's model.:)

I've lived with my scars so long I tend to forget about getting burned until someone mentions gasoline and fire or lighter fluid and fire in the same paragraph.;)
My primary care doc at the time told me I was dayumed lucky to have lived with even the amount of burns I had because of the disease I have. Usually infection is what gets you.
The burn covered about 3/4ths of my right arm and then over my shoulder and onto my back a bit.
When I rolled and got the fire out I grabbed a hose and started drenching my arm, shoulder and leg. (Just had 2 blisters about 6" in diameter on my right leg, no scars.)
The skin was literally hanging from my arm in shreds about 6"
long.
I can testify that there is such a thing as ecstatic pain. I hurt so bad that I felt really good until the endorphines started wearing off then it just by Gawd HURT!!!!
I managed to walk into the hospital ER before I ran out of gas, no pun intended, and semi collapsed.
The next thing I knew I had a wheelchair shoved under me and away we went.
The staff gave me a container of laughing gas and told me to breath that until they could get me better pain relief.
That was the fastest I have ever been treated in any ER!!!!!!!:)
After I got out of the hospital I had to get into the bathtub every day and soak off the Silvadene I had to butter almost my whole right arm with and then reapply the medicine.
Nothing can live in Silvadene and I credit it for keeping any infection away, besides taking extra care in cleanliness such as scrubbing the bathtub before I got in it each day and then staying in an air conditioned enviroment.

Funny thing though. My surgeon who did the hospital work on me told me I probably wouldn't be able to grow hair on that arm anymore.
He was pretty amazed that it did regrow and I'm most certainly glad it did or I would only have half as much to test knives with.:D
 
REMINDS ME OF THE TIME MY BEST FRIEND ADDED BLACK POWDER TO MY DAD'S ASHTRAY ( an old Allison piston, that he hardly ever dumped ). Put in a tablespoon, nothing happened. Put in another couple, still nothing. Don't know if he added match shaving the third time but it finally went off for a five foot radius. Not only did my dad lose his eyebrows but the fingernails on his right hand melted.

This is the guy I gave a pair of 15" AK's in remembrance of our dads. The way they built stuff would have awed Sher the way they beefed things up.
 
I once saw a website with video footage and pics of a guy who used liquid oxygen to light a grill. He did this only for special events and not for grilling (since the grill was reduced to a pile of slag). I'll try and find it again and put the link to it. Originally found it off a link from a submariner's site...go figure we would have the oddballs to do this sort of thing. :D :eek:
 
what do you need a grill for? Take the AK, dig out a good fire pit, rock it. Take the AK and make yourself a bowdrill or just a handdrill, and maybe a fire reflector from other sticks. Get some "Y" shaped sticks and a good green one, and roast your daily meatasourus intake. :D

I bet the Tsalagi (Cherokee) on the forums wouldn't mind the taste of that!
 
..(that's us OLD Cherokees) like lined fire pits, meatosaurus roasted on green spits and the taste of wet hickory chips burned with the charcoal. Forget the bowdrill...use a propane torch...saves arthritic hands and elbows for knife and fork activity :D
 
Well, I bought some new charcoal, didn't get a chance to pick up the chimney, and it went great. I did toss a few pieces of hickory and a jalapeno in the fire just to give it some added flavor. Had I been cooking steaks I wouldn't have gone to the trouble of starting the grill, I would have got out a match or two and they would be ready to go! If I didn't live in an apartment complex I would have gone out back and dug a nice fire pit and roasted the burgers on that. Thanks for all the tips and suggestions.
Matthew
 
"If I didn't live in an apartment complex I would have gone out back and dug a nice fire pit and roasted the burgers on that"

Matthew,

See now that's where digging the pit with the 20" Ak comes in handy--they may not like it, but they ain't gonna say anything!:D :D ;)
 
If you've got a one gallon paint can laying around you might be able to press it into service as a chimney.
Click to expand...

This might not be a great idea, because paint can be flammable, and who knows what sort of fumes it'll give off once it's heated. I've used a coffee can with the bottom cut out and a few holes punched in the side. A Sirupati would work best to punch the holes and cut out the bottom. :)
 
Paint cans, gasoline, liquid oxygen, roasted squirrel's heads and a couple of dozen Heinekens -- now that's the life.

I saw that squirrel in the tree today. I don't have the ox but I have some gasoline. I have a bag of charcoal that was rained on all last night. My antique .38 is ready and I have a flashlight and it's only 7:30. Let's see, where's my Heineken? Two more bottles and I'll be ready.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top