Getting burned out , and a few other ramblings...

[Allen R.]

Mods first off I don't know where this goes so feel free to move ,anyhow.

I've been into knives and guns and gear for ,shoot I can't remember not being a gear nut. Well as some of my friends on here know I left all forums , for close to 8 months I guess, I had to deal with family issues in another state , and then an event happened at my own home that really made me see that my wife and daughter, and baby #2 on the way mean more to me than anything ,and all those times my wife asked me to get off the computer and watch a movie with her ,or what have you could of been gone in a matter of minutes, and it has changed me.

I have been pretty vocal on these forums about my military service , not bragging about it but usually taking up military folks in discussions that have been made about current events. Always have and always will, that is who I am. I will tell you this, when violence finds its way to your home it is completely diLent, kind of why I'm posting this and maybe because I love this community and maybe you guys get it.

Anyhow so after the smoke settled on what happened at my home , I just saw things differently, all the gear and guns and knives I had meant nothing to me , but seeing my wife and child's face, unharmed was the greatest feeling I have ever had, the gear again was nothing, almost a waste of time ,all those hours online researching, shopping and talking about my gear when that was time I could of spent with my family ,but I didn't.

So I let it go, time to be the best father and husband that I can be. Its been great guys really , but I missed bladeforums so I came back. However the passion I have formknives and such is jus not there anymore. That is part of the reason I have been selling things like crazy on here , not because I want or need the money,but for instance in my town I'm known as the gear guy people ask me all the time about guns, knives , whatever and I help as best as I can. However the other day a young man approached me, (stepped on an IED , and nearly died BTW), and he asked me where to get a good deal on a strider SnG , I went o my standard rant about strider,until he told that his parents had researched for hours online and decided to buy him an SnG to go war with, but the knife was on him in the accident, and he just wanted to replace it, and carry it and he said it would be the last knife he ever bought. So I got his number and checked a couple sites found the knife and called and asked him his address. Of course he questioned me and I told him I was going to mail him a strider catalog and he could order directly(complete and horrible lie but he said OK) so I bought the SnG , and had it sent to his house. 30 mins after it showed delivered ,he was at my home and then look on his face was worth well more than the price of that strider. So it got me thinking , who am I with all these knives I buy just to buy and never carry them, and guns and gear is included in this, and I felt like a spoiled child to be honest with you.

So it got me thinking if this man can be content with 1 knife why can't I? So I went through my arsenal and picked a few knives I would carry, a couple guns In would carry, and the rest of my guns, knives and other gear will be sold off , and with the cash I will do the same, Give gear to soldiers or veterans in need or whatever they need. I still enjoy bladeforums and I love you guys , sorry about the long post , I just wanted to post it for awhile now, but Family 1st now no matter what, and I knew it was going to be along post ,And I just needed to say what I said. Thanks to everyone who contacted me to ask if all was well while I was gone it meant a lot and is one of the reasons I came back here, God bless.

 

[Rappy]

You gave up your passion for knives, guns, and gear for your wife and child, thats what a real man does.

 

[Allen R.]

You gave up your passion for knives, guns, and gear for your wife and child, thats what a real man does.

Thanks buddy, like I said I can't shake the feeling of being like a spoiled child buying knives and guns etc. Some I carried once and in the case they go, always had to have the next best thing ya know. I never neglected my wife n child to buy a knife like oh you can't get this cause I want this limited edition whatever.

 

[jackknife]

Allen, you reached a point that too few people get to in life. And that is the realization that things are just things, and it's the people in your life that you love and care about that really matter.

Once I did the knife accumulation thing, as well as the gun accumulation thing, and the power tool accumulation thing, and so on. Then I had an awakening. It wasn't a very big crisis, but enough that I woke up and looked at all the stuff I had and woke up. It was like coming out of a trance, like I had been in some form of temporary insanity. I ended up having a huge downsizing. I sold off my Randall's and other customs, gave away most of my production knives, and the same with my guns. What the kids didn't want, I sold. The wife did the same, and we then took al the money and had a second honeymoon. Spent a bit over a month on the road, giant counter clockwise trip around the country camping out in the badlands, Custer National park, Yellowstone, Bryce, Grand canyon, Arches, Canyonlands, and Mesa Verde. Had a ball, and memories that will last us for whatever time God lets us have left.

I still ove knives, and come here to look, but my whole knife collection will now fit in one small belt pouch that I can hold in one hand. My new rule is "One new one in, one old one out." If I get more than a handful of knives, I have a give away over in the traditional forum where I hang out the most.

Things are just things. Thank God when my kids were young, there was no internet, and I carried the same Buck 301 stockman for 25 years. With no computer, we had the time to go canoeing, hiking, camping, and have quality time to know my kids as they grew up. And I get by just fine with a half dozen knives.

 

[dogstar]

Material things weigh us down, don't they? The acquisition process gives us a short term thrill, but then there is the long term responsibility of caring for and housing these objects. This is all well and good if it is something you use regularly, but can become a burden if it lacks utility. Good things knives don't take that much space.

Personally, I go through cycles of acquisition and purging. I have 3 telescopes, but I really only use one. I have over 10 pocket knives, but I only really carry two. The others are not much use now, except for trying them out and realizing they were not "the one."

Anyhow, I commend you for realizing what is important in life. Good luck with everything.

 

[midnight flyer]

Allen -

For most, although we enjoy them a tremendous amount all of our must have "gear" really amount to expensive toys. It takes a few years for some of us and some long miles along the road of life to find out what is important. Unfortunately it is usually a tragic event that leads us to put things in our lives into perspective. Loss of cherished friends, loss of loved ones, loss of family members, helps us remember how selfish we have been at times.

Poring over comparison charts that say this super steel did better chopping through car hood than another steel seems pretty pointless when the first person in your family gets cancer. Then you realize you would trade all that you have, everything, if you could cure it... but you can't. You are helpless. None of your toys bring relief. And it is worse still if it is your life partner or your own child facing some terrible event. Helpless borders on despair.

When you realize that the $1200 you spent on a new rifle would have bought your significant other a really nice piece of jewelry that she would probably treasure forever, and still have enough money to spend a day or two goofing off with the whole family somewhere, then you are on your way to finding real perspective on what is important.

Sadly, for me it took a huge personal loss in my later 20s to sit down and figure out why nothing made me happy about my life. Sadly, it still took a while for me to find out what was what, but I eventually got there.

Knives are a lot of fun, and as a "hands on" contractor I have the requirement to use mine almost every day as a tool. I don't sit and ogle them, brag about them to my buddies, or watch TV and fondle them. I still love them, but if it is a choice to research and buy a new super knife or spend the same time to plan and have all of my family over for a cookout, the cookout wins. I already have a pile of knives I don't carry. Why be such a glutton?

Anyway, good for you! I hope your loss wasn't too great and you can get by it without too much pain. You are certainly making the right choices now. Rappy summed it up quite nicely.

Robert

 

[Allen R.]

Allen, you reached a point that too few people get to in life. And that is the realization that things are just things, and it's the people in your life that you love and care about that really matter.

Once I did the knife accumulation thing, as well as the gun accumulation thing, and the power tool accumulation thing, and so on. Then I had an awakening. It wasn't a very big crisis, but enough that I woke up and looked at all the stuff I had and woke up. It was like coming out of a trance, like I had been in some form of temporary insanity. I ended up having a huge downsizing. I sold off my Randall's and other customs, gave away most of my production knives, and the same with my guns. What the kids didn't want, I sold. The wife did the same, and we then took al the money and had a second honeymoon. Spent a bit over a month on the road, giant counter clockwise trip around the country camping out in the badlands, Custer National park, Yellowstone, Bryce, Grand canyon, Arches, Canyonlands, and Mesa Verde. Had a ball, and memories that will last us for whatever time God lets us have left.

I still ove knives, and come here to look, but my whole knife collection will now fit in one small belt pouch that I can hold in one hand. My new rule is "One new one in, one old one out." If I get more than a handful of knives, I have a give away over in the traditional forum where I hang out the most.

Things are just things. Thank God when my kids were young, there was no internet, and I carried the same Buck 301 stockman for 25 years. With no computer, we had the time to go canoeing, hiking, camping, and have quality time to know my kids as they grew up. And I get by just fine with a half dozen knives.

Some knives I will never sale over sentimental value , as far as the load out I'm going to keep and carry , I want to keep 7 which is a lot but they aren't just folders that's a multi tool, a izula 2, 5 folders , I have more that never get carried that mean the world to me that will live their lives in a safe.

 

[stabman]

Then you realize you would trade all that you have, everything, if you could cure it... but you can't.

Exactly...there's not a thing you can do in the face of death.
So I just go on with life...and get another knife.

Loved ones die, and people betray...but a snazzy knife in corrosion-proof H1 steel is forever. :thumbup:

 

[Rhinoknives1]

As we mature in life and if we are honest with ourselves our priorities change and usually for the better.
At the end of the day its all just "STUFF" to me and my wife, family, pets are whats really important. I also had a load of firearms, knives, etc..

I make knives so for me holding on to an excessive amount of them is even more of a hindrance to focusing on what really matters in life.

I thank you for your service and for that great gift that you gave to another vet that will carry the scars inside and out of his service.

Its great that you have your second child on the way. Congrats and I wish you the best with your young family.

 

[Allen R.]

Allen -

For most, although we enjoy them a tremendous amount all of our must have "gear" really amount to expensive toys. It takes a few years for some of us and some long miles along the road of life to find out what is important. Unfortunately it is usually a tragic event that leads us to put things in our lives into perspective. Loss of cherished friends, loss of loved ones, loss of family members, helps us remember how selfish we have been at times.

Poring over comparison charts that say this super steel did better chopping through car hood than another steel seems pretty pointless when the first person in your family gets cancer. Then you realize you would trade all that you have, everything, if you could cure it... but you can't. You are helpless. None of your toys bring relief. And it is worse still if it is your life partner or your own child facing some terrible event. Helpless borders on despair.

When you realize that the $1200 you spent on a new rifle would have bought your significant other a really nice piece of jewelry that she would probably treasure forever, and still have enough money to spend a day or two goofing off with the whole family somewhere, then you are on your way to finding real perspective on what is important.

Sadly, for me it took a huge personal loss in my later 20s to sit down and figure out why nothing made me happy about my life. Sadly, it still took a while for me to find out what was what, but I eventually got there.

Knives are a lot of fun, and as a "hands on" contractor I have the requirement to use mine almost every day as a tool. I don't sit and ogle them, brag about them to my buddies, or watch TV and fondle them. I still love them, but if it is a choice to research and buy a new super knife or spend the same time to plan and have all of my family over for a cookout, the cookout wins. I already have a pile of knives I don't carry. Why be such a glutton?

Anyway, good for you! I hope your loss wasn't too great and you can get by it without too much pain. You are certainly making the right choices now. Rappy summed it up quite nicely.

Robert

Thanks for your input and I agree with you, I do know people who will get that new rifle for deer season ,while their children have been begging them for whatever, and I never did that,talking kids too young to work here. As far as the loss in my family , It was a suicide, and I may be cold but he left his wife and kids to struggle as the only source of income and 2 kids without a father. I understand and struggle with my own demons everyday, but those are my demons I'll pay for it in this life and the next , My wife and children will not.

 

[RevDevil]

Allen, you are a good guy. Since I can remember seeing your posts. I hope that you can find a way to balance the everyday life with some recreational knife fun. Anytime the hobby begins to dominate, it's time to reel it in. Nothing says you can't have that kind of balance, but it's totally your choice. In my case, I get burned out at work and this place gives me something unrelated to read and participate in. It helps some when the grind gets too heavy.

 

[stabman]

I understand and struggle with my own demons everyday, but those are my demons I'll pay for it in this life and the next , My wife and children will not.

Much respect for that. :thumbup:

 

[Allen R.]

Man , this is why I posted this , even though we are knifenuts and gear junkies , the community is a good community . On kind of a funny note , most people know how I feel about striders , well I wasn't going to post this but OK, we bought a new house I guess a little over a year ago, well my packing consists of getting a box and throwing random stuff in it. Well wife had back surgery and is going stir crazy so she was going through our storage closet and a box labeled misc. Junk , she opens it up and there sits a brand new SMF I forgot I bought still in bag lol, I guess the excitement of the house made me forgot I had it, WTH

 

[Krav]

Giving and expecting nothing in return is a awesome feeling. When we share we have more. I have never seen a hearse with a luggage rack YET.

Love your family, tell them everyday, get rid of greed, envy, and hate. My recipe for a great life.

Your a good man Allen.

 

[Allen R.]

Allen, you are a good guy. Since I can remember seeing your posts. I hope that you can find a way to balance the everyday life with some recreational knife fun. Anytime the hobby begins to dominate, it's time to reel it in. Nothing says you can't have that kind of balance, but it's totally your choice. In my case, I get burned out at work and this place gives me something unrelated to read and participate in. It helps some when the grind gets too heavy.

Thanks Rev, ur an OK guy yourself (for a mod) j\k buddy, the thing is I have all this stuff, and never use it , tools need to be used , like my cruwear spidies bought them cause they were limited ,however I have used the cruwear manix 2 every single day , and it is my favorite knife and steel, and I would of never used them a year ago. Now I will buy any and every knife i see made in cruwear because how i use my knives ,that steel is my favorite,and its so hard to find knives in it, and no not for resale.

 

[sabre cat]

Allen, Your "family 1st, no matter what" attitude proves that you are a person with high morals and a good heart. In this day and age, both of these qualities are lacking in many people and many homes. May God bless you and your family in these trying times.

During my time in the service, one of our NCOs had a son that took his own life. It was hard on everyone but one day my NCO friend told me the two most important things that that he had learned through the ordeal: One, Don't sweat the small stuff. Two, it is ALL small stuff when compared to family.

The most important work that a person will ever do is within the four walls of their own home.

 

[Lycosa]

As stated, you are a good man, Allen.
You can do this. Drop the weight.
I have ONE pistol and I will whittle away at my knife collection. I have it down to 3 knives in rotation. The rest will be sold. I did this before with the knives and I will do this again. Less is more.
All the Best.
rolf

 

[truth-seeker]

Sounds like you are heading in the right direction, somany people never learn whats really important in life
I've had a hard last few weeks and your post speaks to my heart, it means more than you'll ever know.
Thank you
Tim.

 

[Allen R.]

Allen, Your "family 1st, no matter what" attitude proves that you are a person with high morals and a good heart. In this day and age, both of these qualities are lacking in many people and many homes. May God bless you and your family in these trying times.

During my time in the service, one of our NCOs had a son that took his own life. It was hard on everyone but one day my NCO friend told me the two most important things that that he had learned through the ordeal: One, Don't sweat the small stuff. Two, it is ALL small stuff when compared to family.

The most important work that a person will ever do is within the four walls of their own home.

True words my friend, when it comes to the suicide , I understand mental issues , I understand p.t.s.d. , I under stand guilt and shame (family was USMC) I get it , and not being cold hearted ,but in tried to reach out to him, not over bearing not questioning him I just said buddy I've been to war , youmsaw me after I came back it takes time, I said nobody is going to understand unless they have been there. I said take your time with is , talk if and when your ready and if u want to speak with me im here 24\7. Told him I would never judge because he did what he had to do to get home , as did I. It was just too much for him so he ended it. That's another thing if anyone here has family that nare vets and having trouble, #1 if u haven't been there, chances are most want to talk with someone nwhos been what they have. If they do open to you please don't act shocked or any different towards them. Most are kids going through hell trying to make it home. Veteran suicide is a serious problem here if anyone knows a vet in need email or pm me and even just a call to a combat vet hotline can save a life guys.

These men and women went through hell so others don't haft to and I will support our military personal both past and present till I take my last breath on this earth. I've had guys come back and talk to me about cqc , and it may horrify some, but if a vet respects and trusts you enough to share with you ,just please don't act like they are murderers or bad people , we had a job to do and we did it. We fight those battles in our minds daily as is,sometimes just a simple thank you, or I was in this and this myself you are not alone can really help someone

My father was USMC Vietnam vet, my uncle was Army Special Forces (green beret) , and neither one ever spoke about it, until I returned home from first deployment and we talked for hours , it was like I had never knew my dad or uncle before then. Sorry for chasing a rabbit again just Veteran suicide is a serious issue to me.

 

[Allen R.]

Sounds like you are heading in the right direction, somany people never learn whats really important in life
I've had a hard last few weeks and your post speaks to my heart, it means more than you'll ever know.
Thank you
Tim.

Hey friend you don't know me but, allenrhodes1986@yahoo.com if u wud like to talk, or I'll give you my number, don't obligated to do so friend , just know if I can help I will, that goes for any one who may need to talk but wants to do it not face to face or even over the phone email or text , AMD as long as I'm not with my girls well talk, if I'm with the girls well chat when I get home or finished.