gf and I are breaking up I think....

G

garnto

Joined
Sep 5, 2010
Messages
54
i don't really know anyone here but I just needed somewhere to vent.

my gf of 3 years decided she wasn't happy with our relationship, and that she needed a break to figure things out. I wasn't happy about a break and almost dumped her for that alone, but I gave in and allowed a few day break. she claims she just isn't happy and can't figure out why


tonight I'm going to ask her what she's figured out, and if she says she hasn't yet I'll give her until tomorrow afternoon. after that if she still hasn't figured it out I'm going to leave her. how can I consider marrying someone who isn't mature enough to figure out her own problems without needing a 'break' to do so.


oh well I'm only 20 so I'll get over it. maybe I'll finally join the Air Force since she's the only reason I haven't joined. college just isn't for me at this point in life. I need some actual life experience before I can choose and commit to a certain job for life. yea yea I know you don't have to get a job in your college degree field, but I'd actually like to go to college for something I know I'll like though


vent over for now.
 
It'll be easier the 3rd or 4th time you go through this....
For now, I'd say it'll be tough for a couple months, but the sooner you get back on the horse and talking to some other girls, the sooner you'll be just fine.
 
garnto said:
i don't really know anyone here but I just needed somewhere to vent.

my gf of 3 years decided she wasn't happy with our relationship, and that she needed a break to figure things out. I wasn't happy about a break and almost dumped her for that alone, but I gave in and allowed a few day break. she claims she just isn't happy and can't figure out why


tonight I'm going to ask her what she's figured out, and if she says she hasn't yet I'll give her until tomorrow afternoon. after that if she still hasn't figured it out I'm going to leave her. how can I consider marrying someone who isn't mature enough to figure out her own problems without needing a 'break' to do so.


oh well I'm only 20 so I'll get over it. maybe I'll finally join the Air Force since she's the only reason I haven't joined. college just isn't for me at this point in life. I need some actual life experience before I can choose and commit to a certain job for life. yea yea I know you don't have to get a job in your college degree field, but I'd actually like to go to college for something I know I'll like though


vent over for now.
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As you say, you don't know me nor were you particularly looking for advice... so of course I'm going to give you my take anyway...

1) At 20 you shouldn't be thinking about getting married anyway. You won't be the same person in 5 years... or even one year and neither will she, you've got a lot of time ahead of you worry about getting married later. Some people make it work young but a lot more don't, mostly because they didn't bother to grow up before they got married.

2) Just break it off and be done with it. Figuring out problems is something you are supposed to do if you are together. If she isn't figuring out the problem with you then you are the problem.

3) Go join the Airforce if you want to do that. Get that growing up done.
 
Not sure what to say, garnto. There isn't enough background info in your post to draw any conclusions. It may be for the best. I would suggest that you serve at some point before it's too late. I never did and I've always regretted that. It would be good for you and probably a lot of fun also. Just make sure it's the right decision before you sign. :)
 
Women instinctually don't like weakness so negotiating is never a good idea. If you want to keep her the best thing you can probably do is reject her outright and tell her to give you a call if she ever figures out what she wants.
 
Finish school bro, go to OTS. I know how college can suck, I'm there right now too. I'm also in Air Force ROTC. The Officer benefits highly out weigh the time spent in college.

I hope everything works out for the best for ya. We've all been there, it sucks.
 
Triton said:
As you say, you don't know me nor were you particularly looking for advice... so of course I'm going to give you my take anyway...

1) At 20 you shouldn't be thinking about getting married anyway. You won't be the same person in 5 years... or even one year and neither will she, you've got a lot of time ahead of you worry about getting married later. Some people make it work young but a lot more don't, mostly because they didn't bother to grow up before they got married.

2) Just break it off and be done with it. Figuring out problems is something you are supposed to do if you are together. If she isn't figuring out the problem with you then you are the problem.

3) Go join the Airforce if you want to do that. Get that growing up done.
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any advice is appreciated, and #2 is exactly why I wanted to just end it when she brought up 'break'. I told her several times either figure it out without adding the word 'break' to the situation or it's over. she just kept saying I don't want to end it I want to figure things out.

I gave in figuring I didn't really have anything to lose at this point
awh said:
Women instinctually don't like weakness so negotiating is never a good idea. If you want to keep her the best thing you can probably do is reject her outright and tell her to give you a call if she ever figures out what she wants.
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^ this is true and what I'm going to do tomorrow. I'm not looking to play games with her, and I'm not going to be put in this situation where I feel like crap all day
 
Tell her to get lost.Get your own life worked out before you try to have a life with anyone else.In a relationship,two halves don't make a whole.Each person needs to be complete and able to contribute that wholeness to the relationship.Just like any partnership,a marriage needs to be between two people who have qualities that will help the other.

I know it's tough but I didn't get married untill I was 30 and I thank God every day I didn't get stuck with some of the loonies I dated.I've been with the same woman for 17 years and she is my best friend and partner in every aspect of life.
 
-Lucky- said:
Finish school bro, go to OTS. I know how college can suck, I'm there right now too. I'm also in Air Force ROTC. The Officer benefits highly out weigh the time spent in college.
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A+ advice right there, my friend.
 
she needs time to herself to figure things out, give her time - walk away before you get an ulcer.
enlist is not a bad thing -- learn a trade, earn some GI bill $$ and if your scores are high enough, you may qualify for a couple of semesters of school while on active duty.
if after 4 years the military is not for you, go back to school - GI bill is not restricted to college only, any accredited trade school/vo-tech qualifies as well.

best of luck.
 
everything yall are saying is 100% true. I'm sure all of you have been here before, so we all know even in knowing what needs to happen, it doesn't make it entirely easy.


it does make it a whole lot better seeing other people confirm my thoughts though.

I have re decided that I'm not giving her until tomorrow. she either decides if she wants to work things out tonight or its over. we've been together for 3 years, she should know if our relationship is worth working for
 
now's your chance to go out and cheat on her. well its not really cheating, she is the one which called for the break so it will be her fault. just go out and bang as many girls as you can! I bet she is banging a guy on the side or is just about to and is using this as a way to feel better about herself when she does, after all she is on a break...
 
If she calls back saying she wants to break up, tell her you have been with 5 other women in the last 2 years.
 
First, strongly consider if the Air Force or any of the armed branches is right for you.

Second, in the mean time, find something to do to take your mind off things or clear your mind, like weight training. I don't mean mean drugs and booze.

Third, 3 years seems like a long time, but it's really not that long. If things don't go the way you want, just remember, in time, you will find someone else. Also, learn to embrace the pain, because it will make you wiser for the next relationship. Don't jump on the next woman you find just because you feel hurt. 3 years, while not long IMO, is long enough for you to figure out what you want and what you don't want. It's OKAY to be selective in who you pick. Lastly, take things one day at a time. It will be a long trip. Some days good, some days bad, but mostly bad. Then things will slowly get better before they end up getting shitty again; it will be an up and down roller coaster of a ride for a long time until finally one day you're all better. That's when you're ready to move on.

My ex and I broke up after 8 years. That is a long time. I was ready to marry her.
 
If you are willing to let go of her so quick when she is facing these problems, then she isn't the one for you to marry. Not judging or anything... but when you find the one that you can't stand to be without, you'll do anything to keep her close and do whatever it takes to make her happy.
Jason
 
jawilder said:
If you are willing to let go of her so quick when she is facing these problems, then she isn't the one for you to marry. Not judging or anything... but when you find the one that you can't stand to be without, you'll do anything to keep her close and do whatever it takes to make her happy.
Jason
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You can't make a woman happy.She's either happy or she isn't.I would rather find one that has already worked on her own problems and is happy than try to be with one that expects me to make her happy.
 
harkamus said:
First, strongly consider if the Air Force or any of the armed branches is right for you.

Second, in the mean time, find something to do to take your mind off things or clear your mind, like weight training. I don't mean mean drugs and booze.

Third, 3 years seems like a long time, but it's really not that long. If things don't go the way you want, just remember, in time, you will find someone else. Also, learn to embrace the pain, because it will make you wiser for the next relationship. Don't jump on the next woman you find just because you feel hurt. 3 years, while not long IMO, is long enough for you to figure out what you want and what you don't want. It's OKAY to be selective in who you pick. Lastly, take things one day at a time. It will be a long trip. Some days good, some days bad, but mostly bad. Then things will slowly get better before they end up getting shitty again; it will be an up and down roller coaster of a ride for a long time until finally one day you're all better. That's when you're ready to move on.

My ex and I broke up after 8 years. That is a long time. I was ready to marry her.
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I've always wanted to join the AF and would have right after high school if it wasn't for this relationship. she's very family oriented and would not have moved with me. I've always figured the chance of us working out was worth me putting off the military because it'll be there always, she wouldn't be

weight training has always been an hobby of mine. that's the 1 thing really hurting me in all of this. I'm in the middle of bulking so my stomach being all messed up isn't cool. Can't get bigger if I can't eat alot


jawilder said:
If you are willing to let go of her so quick when she is facing these problems, then she isn't the one for you to marry. Not judging or anything... but when you find the one that you can't stand to be without, you'll do anything to keep her close and do whatever it takes to make her happy.
Jason
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I have thought of this, but if she is some body who I might marry one day I need to be able to count on her. If she's got a problem we need to be able to work it out together. I just don't feel like her taking a 'break' is the most mature thing to do in a relationship
 
Walk away.

I did it. When the girl of my dreams gave me the old, "I need my space. we're moving too fast, you need to see other people" talk, I walked away, cut it off, saw other people.

Next July we will celebrate our 40th wedding anniversary.
I am fully convinced that if I had been a needy "clinger", it would have never happened.
 
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