gf and I are breaking up I think....

in my experience "breaks" are never good.

one day my gf tells she wants a break over the weekend i say ok
come to find out she went on a date with some guy the on monday
acted like everything was fine and was wondering why i wouldnt hold
her hand hug or kiss her when i told her i knew about her date she said
it was no big deal that i could have done the same thing !!! WTF! after
that we would go on dates but never officially dated again shes a fun girl that was my
first time i had to deal with "breaks" now if a gf says she wants a break
i say its over and if she want to call me later on that would be ok

so my advice would to be give her up and look in to joining the air force and if
you guys talk tell her your planning to join and see what her reaction is ! either
she'll wish you luck and you'll know she wasnt the one or she'll want you to stay
and be with you !

frank
 
One of the best pieces of advice I ever got came from a movie. "If there is any doubt, there is no doubt."

If you think the relationship isn't working well (despite reasonable efforts obviously) then it's not meant to be! Just cut ties and be done. Another gent was right when he said you won't be the same person in even a year or two, especially at twenty. (That's not a knock, just reality.)

It will suck for a good while, because she's been in your life for so damn long. Try to around people often (friends, etc). Don't date for a while, just learn to be by yourself again. Otherwise you'll be worth dick to the next person.
 
-Lucky- said:
Finish school bro, go to OTS. I know how college can suck, I'm there right now too. I'm also in Air Force ROTC. The Officer benefits highly out weigh the time spent in college.

I hope everything works out for the best for ya. We've all been there, it sucks.
Click to expand...

I didn't do military service, but met some guys that did that and had really good careers. Scientists, engineers, intel and pilots that retired from 20 years as O-5 or O-6 with 2 master's degrees or a PhD and a nice GS position on the other side. Whether you enlist or go the officer route DO NOT sign up with a recruiter without agreement on your path/options BEFORE you sign the papers. That is the advice I hear over and over from enlisted guys.

Seems like a really good deal.

Be wary of women that are not encouraging you to pursue what you want to do with your life (so long as it's a positive goal) or you may regret it.
 
Lots of good schools you can go to in the Air Force. Look at them carefully so you will be able to get a good job when you get out. Give it a whirl, tell her you'd like to hear from her now and then and it's been wonderful being with her. Kiss her on the cheek and walk down the road. You're only 20 there's a huge world out there. Go take a look at it, and use the experience to benefit yourself and others in the future. Good Luck!!
 
...I have a feeling that if a guy wants to find a decent, lovable female these days, his best chances are something like a farming community in South Dakota or Iowa...
 
SkinnyJoe said:
...I have a feeling that if a guy wants to find a decent, lovable female these days, his best chances are something like a farming community in South Dakota or Iowa...
Click to expand...

Theres a lotta fields to plow when you're only 20, not just in SD or Iowa!
 
This isn't the right forum to give you my real advice in, so I'll just say....Walk-away. Do it now.
 
Garnto, welcome to the party... Same thing happened to me.. Gf of 3 years. We split up numerous times. She found someone else.. Its bs...
 
It's rough. Walk away and don't dwell on it.

Dumbest thing that I ever did was let a girl keep me from going into the military after high school. I'd be retired in 4 years if I'd gone and stayed in. UGH.

It worked out for the best though. I dumped her after 4 years, got with her best friend (we secretly had a crush on each other for years), banged her all summer long till she couldn't walk, got dumped by her after the summer, and ended up dating a good friend of THAT girl and marrying her a couple years later.

Been together 13 years now and I wouldn't change anything now (other than being retired in 4 years :D).
 
Everyone who said "walk away" is right. If she decides she want's to be with you, she'll come find you. No woman wants to be with someone forcing her hand or begging her. If she sees that you're confident enough to move on and even better yet sees that other women and people in general enjoy being around you, she might reconsider.
If she doesn't then you're better off without her anyways.
I know it's hard but better to get this ironed out now than later on down the road.

I had already bought a ring for a girl back home when I was 21 in the Marines, then got the "Dear John" letter. I was devastated but took the ring back to the jewelry store. I didn't end up married for another 7 years and was so glad I had that 7 years of freedom. I finally found the right girl and often think how crappy my life might have been if I'd married the first girl at 21.
 
Sounds like me all over again, though with two different aspects. One, I was only dating the girl for 3 months and two, it was towards the end of my college "experience." It sucks and for me, even for the short relationship, it took a looong time to get over her. Still sucks thinking back about it, but things do get better/fine. I think we have the same mentality with regards to college, though you fortunately aren't in college yet, while I was already in it while being unsure of what to do. Unfortunately, I didn't like what I studied and am faced with a bigger problem than figuring out what to study.

Seems impossible to stop thinking about somebody you've liked/loved for that long, but keeping your mind busy and on other things does help. Spend more time on here and try to get together with peeps here too. As for figuring out what to study, check out college websites and curriculums. Tons of videos of actual colleges and courses online too, worth a look. Honestly though, it seems most people don't wind up using what they study anyway, not directly at the least. Pick something you like and is challenging.

And the last bit of advice, which is key and like what the others have said....definitely walk away. Don't go back, don't hold out hope, just move on. It really is the best way to handle it. Plenty of other and better people out there, just need to find them/her.

Best of luck.
 
Garnto,

Go do the Air Force thing, and let this one go. It may hurt, but you will not see this as such a big deal in awhile. Be happy you are free from her, and now you can find another. There are many more to choose from. Try not to get too serious at this young age. You will know the right one when you see her. She will make 3x your annual income, she will make you feel a bit awkward because her beauty is downright intimidating, and she will call or PM you just to let you know she was thinking about you. Wait, that is my wife. Anyways, I hope you know what I mean. Do not sell yourself short.

Oh, and the 3x my salary was her last year, this year she is only 2x mine.:D
I love her so much! :D

Make smart choices Garnto, listen to older wiser peoples who can barely remember their 20's. You are free to have a screwed up life nuking hot dogs in the micro wave for dinner, or be cooking ribeye steak on a Weber Genesis bbq with 3 independent burners! :thumbup:

Go git em tiger.
 
MikeH said:
Walk away.

I did it. When the girl of my dreams gave me the old, "I need my space. we're moving too fast, you need to see other people" talk, I walked away, cut it off, saw other people.

Next July we will celebrate our 40th wedding anniversary.
I am fully convinced that if I had been a needy "clinger", it would have never happened.
Click to expand...


+1 Sage advice

I don't think an ultimatum is a good idea.It'll most likely drive her away for good.
 
Yea, ultimatums never work. I was in the same position as you a few years back with a girl I dated for around 3 years. We got to college and she wanted a break because she wanted to just be young and stupid, which is fine. Back then though I wanted to throw myself off a building, which is a horrible feeling and no one in the world should ever make you feel that way. I got dragged along for awhile by being friends with ahem "benefits" which were too tempting to say no to at the time, but I still saw other girls. The real breakthrough came when I finally did really put her on the back burner of my love/affection stove. Then she felt her pot o' soup getting cold and she didn't like it one bit. Through a bunch more BS and a lot more BS and a lot of true, sage, and unwelcome advice, I've gotten through it pretty okay. I think it's worth mentioning though- don't join the service unless your head is clear. I understand you've wanted to for a long time but my dad always told me to never make an important decision like that under the effects of a huge emotion (excited, scared, sad, angry, any of em, good or bad). Take your time, your appetite will come back, DEFINITELY avoid booze and drugs, and you'll be alright in the end

just my imput
 
garnto, you are much to young to remember the world champion bull rider Jim Shoulders, but you should remember his words just one second before they opened the gate. "Let'er GO"
 
This sorta thing happened to my former neighbor. His wife (total time, 7 years) told him she needed "space" and that he should move out for that undetermined period of time. Few days later, he's living in OUR spare room! Turns out his wife was talking to another guy before she sent him packing. Once Ramiro got situated at our house, one of his (female) co-workers came over to shoot the breeze and ended up hooking up. Now he's on a latino dating site and has 3 girls blowing up his phone. He's happy as hell. He's 30 and has 2 kids from his first marriage that he doesn't see (distance) and one 2 year old son from the latest marriage. Since the soon to be ex lives next door, he gets plenty of time with Mateo and has him 3 nights a week. Together, we have a nice "family" under our roof.

Be glad you don't have kids with this girl, that's when things get complicated. Go out and be a man whore for a while. Hook up with her friends. Once you get into the military, you'll be so busy that this girl will slowly fade with the memories of last week's chow hall menu. Girls don't know what they want and your ex was definitely a girl. What you need is a woman. Don't be in a hurry to find one, esp while in the military... plenty of gold diggers looking for that fat BAH/BAS check they can pocket once they get a ring on your finger.
 
Charlie Mike said:
This sorta thing happened to my former neighbor. His wife (total time, 7 years) told him she needed "space" and that he should move out for that undetermined period of time. Few days later, he's living in OUR spare room! Turns out his wife was talking to another guy before she sent him packing. Once Ramiro got situated at our house, one of his (female) co-workers came over to shoot the breeze and ended up hooking up. Now he's on a latino dating site and has 3 girls blowing up his phone. He's happy as hell. He's 30 and has 2 kids from his first marriage that he doesn't see (distance) and one 2 year old son from the latest marriage. Since the soon to be ex lives next door, he gets plenty of time with Mateo and has him 3 nights a week. Together, we have a nice "family" under our roof.

Be glad you don't have kids with this girl, that's when things get complicated. Go out and be a man whore for a while. Hook up with her friends. Once you get into the military, you'll be so busy that this girl will slowly fade with the memories of last week's chow hall menu. Girls don't know what they want and your ex was definitely a girl. What you need is a woman. Don't be in a hurry to find one, esp while in the military... plenty of gold diggers looking for that fat BAH/BAS check they can pocket once they get a ring on your finger.
Click to expand...

Being with and/or talking to another guy seems to be the way it works. Same thing happened to me. She had been talking to and pretty serious with the other guy the week before she said she needed a break from our relationship. Definitely a good thing to not have kids or a mortgage.

Hope things have been going better.
 
My Dad told me years ago.
" Boy , There are two types of Women. Good time girls. And ones you marrie. Dont get them mixed up"
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top