Good news and kinda-good news...

Hiya Ashes, great to hear from you. I think you're making a very positive step, and I'm proud of you for it. Best of luck to you.
 
WONDERFUL! :)

Alcoholism is a very challenging addiction, but I have no doubt that you have the willpower to do it. Just remember that you are worth the effort. You'd go out of your way to help others. Now it's time to help yourself. I don't see any reason to be embarrassed. We are all flawed in some way. Unlike many, you are strong enough to talk about your weakness in a public forum and correct it through your behavior. I think you should be proud of yourself.

Your future is looking very bright. ;)
 
Ashes,

Sound like great and better than great news. I know a few too many people who have had problems with mean Mr. Alcohol and have waited 30 years longer than you did to address it after a lot of damage is done emotionaly and physically. I am very proud of you. You have the strength to see this through.


What a wonderful way to start the year!

-g
 
Thank you all so much for the support and encouragement. :) I'm kind of dreading the group thing because I think I'm one of the few, if not the only, one going there on my own. I'm pretty sure the rest of them are being forced to by law for DUI's and stuff. That was kind of the impression I got. But at least I won't be the most screwed-up person there! Another good thing is that my insurance is covering all the costs; I don't even have to make a co-pay. I just had to pay $25 for urine test(s), which they can do randomly without warning.

Thanks again for all your words of support!

~ashes
 
That's actually great news. Of course you'll be nervous at the first meeting. Who wouldn't be? But you're already ahead of everyone else since you decided to take control before it gets any worse.

You've got lots of support from everyone here. I've not drunk alcohol for 25 years now. I'm sure you can do it.
 
Good for you , Ashes. A better life awaits... and the "hot babe" population will go up by one in your group ;) . All the best.
 
As everyone said, that's really great news, Ashes.
I wish my aunt had done the same thing at your age...or when she was 40...or 50. :(
And yeah, it's just as well that you skipped the DUI thing :D
 
Cindy, thanks for whatever you may have sent to my email, but the email I have listed no longer works. I use hotmail, which they wouldn't allow, so my regular address is: fragilethissideup@hotmail.com , or stumblingonrocks@hotmail.com. I wrote in my "profile" thing that the email I listed didn't work anymore, but I left it there because I needed to list an email address to access this site. If you want to, please forward any messages you've sent to my hotmail address. Or else you could send me a "Private Message" here.

A lot of you have mentioned being sober for "X" amount of years. It would really help if you'd tell me about it, or even if there are people who are still alcohol-dependent. I've felt so alone with this that it's kind of freeing to find out that I'm not as alone as I've thought. I'm sick of hiding this, and wondering if people know or suspect anything about me. If you don't want to write it here, please email me at the above addresses I mentioned. I'd appreciate it a lot.

~ashes
 
Good luck, best wishes in reclaiming yourself.
I almost went that way when I was in college. It's so easy when others you're constantly around are doing it so easily and so often. So I can see how one can get caught up in it. I drew the reigns in before it got too far. I still go out with co-workers once in a while and have some at home with dinner on occasion, even cook and do confectionery with it. I can set it aside. I skated the edge, and just hate to think where I'd be if I didn't decide to control it.
Your deciding to fight it definitely says you want this change to happen. It'll be hard, just don't give up or give in.
 
The most recent email I received was from Paul Poundstone. Seriously. How weird is that?

~ashes
 
Hang tough Ashes, I've had to deal with alcoholism between family and friends for 40+ years, it's better dealing with life without a crutch and the memories of the good times are always much clearer when sober.

There are a lot of good people here willing to listen and talk, myself included, PM or Email me if ya need to talk, although there are plenty of other offers out there.

Best of Luck.
 
Ashes said:
The most recent email I received was from Paul Poundstone. Seriously. How weird is that?

~ashes
Click to expand...

Weird. Really weird.

I guess I'm lucky that I never really acquired much of a taste for booze. Now, weed was a totally different story. I smoked fields and fields of that stuff. Wasn't easy giving that up, but the police helped. :grumpy:

Haven't touched the stuff for going on 20 years now, and don't really miss it. You just gotta not be around the stuff, or in your case, the booze. Stop hanging around people who are into that stuff and will try to tempt you. I literally had to find all new friends.
 
Ashes..
your too good of a person to be sold into slavery by booze. I am glad that you are going to fight this evil. We are here to support you kiddo...good luck..

Ren
 
I used to drink about $200 a month, getting taken off work helped that.

I'm off still for an injured wrist, unable to do any work with it. The meds my doc put me on seriously curtailed my drinking, since the MAX I am allowed is 3oz per 100lbs.
I used to hit the bar and drink 12oz of whiskey and then a few beer, for a night.
Didn't touch the stuff for 2 months. The only drinking I've done since mid october was new years eve, and that was even a light night.
Used to be I had a hard time making a week without a drink, now, I don't even miss it.

Working on getting healthy again, quit smoking on labour day, now I need to lose the 30lbs I gained over 2 months of not working.
 
Danbo said:
.................................
Haven't touched the stuff for going on 20 years now, and don't really miss it. You just gotta not be around the stuff, or in your case, the booze. Stop hanging around people who are into that stuff and will try to tempt you. I literally had to find all new friends.
Click to expand...

All this is very true, and extremely good advice. I literally had so called friends come over with a gallon of wine and try to force it on me, saying a little bit won't hurt, etc. A trip body surfing down the stairs put an end to his nonsense, and I had other so called friends say that I only quit drinking because I wanted to be better than them.
The truth that they didn't want to hear was, I did it to be better than ME, as I was.
I never saw any of those people again, and they all died within years of my quitting.
Someone said, "You gotta be different from the rest, to be the best". That can be interpreted many ways, I guess.
 
Danbo said:
Weird. Really weird.

I guess I'm lucky that I never really acquired much of a taste for booze. Now, weed was a totally different story. I smoked fields and fields of that stuff. Wasn't easy giving that up, but the police helped. :grumpy:

Haven't touched the stuff for going on 20 years now, and don't really miss it. You just gotta not be around the stuff, or in your case, the booze. Stop hanging around people who are into that stuff and will try to tempt you. I literally had to find all new friends.
Click to expand...

I think it's most important to find new friends when you're a weed-head wanting to go dry. Reason being is that the "friendships" you make with the like minded people really do seem like tight knit, life-long bonds. But when things go dry, or one of you quits, all of the sudden everyone gets that blank look at you, issues in the friendship come to the surface, fight starts, and indifference towards each other creeps in. Pot friendships are the fakest anywhere.
 
Plus, think of the health benefits: You get to keep your own liver and kidneys and avoid costly surgery and possible dialysis. People don't realize the serious damage long term heavy drinking can do to some of the internal organs.

Again, good luck.
 
I know I'm an addict. It has gone from one thing to another. As a kid, I was overweight. In high school through college, I dieted, which eventually developed into anorexia.

At one point, for maybe a year or so, not too long ago, my ritual was that I'd fast all day, go home and smoke a bowl, then either run or rollerblade or go to the gym while I was still high. I was a fruitarian for about six months.

After I broke seven ribs, I could hardly breathe, let alone work out. I got lectured by my doctor, my parents, my friends... I was about thirty lbs underweight, but I still felt fat. I was very muscular because of weight lifting and stuff, so it was hard to tell what I truly looked like under the clothes.

But then I felt like I was constantly being "watched" and I WAS. I had to eat in front of people to prove that I ate at all. And I could hardly move, so working out wasn't possible. I gained a lot of weight. Not being able to go to the gym also contributed to that. I got depressed. I gave up the pot. Then I started drinking, and then drinking more...

I gained a lot of weight. My profile pic is from when I was anorexic. I'm too self-conscious to post a pic of what I look like now. I still eat less than those "diet plans" tell you to, but my body is so f-ed up that I can't lose weight again unless I totally starve again. I went a year without menstruating because of having too little body fat.

I turned to alcohol because I stopped the MJ use and because I needed something to turn to. Being sober isn't the same for me as it is for most people. I feel like I want to crawl out of my skin. I want to run away from myself, but I can't. I can only numb the thoughts in my head, just a little. I don't want to die, because I don't want to hurt people who care about me, although I'm not afraid of dying. I'm also on anxiety medication, and was on antidepressants, but stopped them because they didn't seem to do anything.

I went to my first "group" session tonight. I was right in assuming I'd be the only person there who had gone on my own (the rest were on parole) but wrong in thinking I'd be the only girl there. There was only one guy, although the class across the hall appeared to be all men! My group was small. The others were all there because they had to be. There were only me, two women, and one man, and we had to go around and say why we were there. One girl said something about how it took a lot of guts for me to go there on my own, and the rest sort of murmured in agreement, and the therapist-lady agreed. I still felt kind of like a freak, but I have to admit that it made me feel a little better to hear that.

About the Paula Poundstone thing... she used to be an alcoholic too, and I sent a message through her website, which was answered by her PR person or whatever. The PR person sent my email to Paula, and then offered me free tickets to see her show when she comes to PA in March. She even said that she'd arrange for me to meet Paula after the show. Paula herself emailed me afterward, thanking me for the email and saying that she'd love to have me in her audience and to meet me. I hope I am able to go. It's about 3 hours from where I live.

So that's my most recent news. I don't really expect anyone to read all of this, but, like journaling, it's a way to let things out. And if anyone does read it, maybe that's good or bad. I don't really care anymore. I'm sick of lying, and I want to just be honest about myself. (Good girl, laura.)

~ashes
 
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