Happy Veterans Day!
- Thread starter kage
- Start date
I appreciate the thought. Happy Veterans day to you also.
I have been out 29 years now. Never had one Veterans day off.
I always find it interesting though that it always seem like its other veterans that thank me for my service. It is truly a brotherhood, and one I have always been proud to be a member.
To all you other vets out there. Happy Veterans day to you as well. Your contributions and sacrifices have not gone unnoticed or unappreciated.
KR
I have been out 29 years now. Never had one Veterans day off.
I always find it interesting though that it always seem like its other veterans that thank me for my service. It is truly a brotherhood, and one I have always been proud to be a member.
To all you other vets out there. Happy Veterans day to you as well. Your contributions and sacrifices have not gone unnoticed or unappreciated.
KR
- Joined
- Mar 29, 2007
- Messages
- 5,846
I propose a Kiple contest.
I went into a public-'ouse to get a pint o' beer,
The publican 'e up an' sez, "We serve no red-coats here."
The girls be'ind the bar they laughed an' giggled fit to die,
I outs into the street again an' to myself sez I:
O it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an' "Tommy, go away";
But it's "Thank you, Mister Atkins", when the band begins to play,
The band begins to play, my boys, the band begins to play,
O it's "Thank you, Mister Atkins", when the band begins to play.
I went into a theatre as sober as could be,
They gave a drunk civilian room, but 'adn't none for me;
They sent me to the gallery or round the music-'alls,
But when it comes to fightin', Lord! they'll shove me in the stalls!
For it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an' "Tommy, wait outside";
But it's "Special train for Atkins" when the trooper's on the tide,
The troopship's on the tide, my boys, the troopship's on the tide,
O it's "Special train for Atkins" when the trooper's on the tide.
Yes, makin' mock o' uniforms that guard you while you sleep
Is cheaper than them uniforms, an' they're starvation cheap;
An' hustlin' drunken soldiers when they're goin' large a bit
Is five times better business than paradin' in full kit.
Then it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an' "Tommy, 'ow's yer soul?"
But it's "Thin red line of 'eroes" when the drums begin to roll,
The drums begin to roll, my boys, the drums begin to roll,
O it's "Thin red line of 'eroes" when the drums begin to roll.
We aren't no thin red 'eroes, nor we aren't no blackguards too,
But single men in barricks, most remarkable like you;
An' if sometimes our conduck isn't all your fancy paints,
Why, single men in barricks don't grow into plaster saints;
While it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an' "Tommy, fall be'ind",
But it's "Please to walk in front, sir", when there's trouble in the wind,
There's trouble in the wind, my boys, there's trouble in the wind,
O it's "Please to walk in front, sir", when there's trouble in the wind.
You talk o' better food for us, an' schools, an' fires, an' all:
We'll wait for extry rations if you treat us rational.
Don't mess about the cook-room slops, but prove it to our face
The Widow's Uniform is not the soldier-man's disgrace.
For it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an' "Chuck him out, the brute!"
But it's "Saviour of 'is country" when the guns begin to shoot;
An' it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an' anything you please;
An' Tommy ain't a bloomin' fool -- you bet that Tommy sees!
I went into a public-'ouse to get a pint o' beer,
The publican 'e up an' sez, "We serve no red-coats here."
The girls be'ind the bar they laughed an' giggled fit to die,
I outs into the street again an' to myself sez I:
O it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an' "Tommy, go away";
But it's "Thank you, Mister Atkins", when the band begins to play,
The band begins to play, my boys, the band begins to play,
O it's "Thank you, Mister Atkins", when the band begins to play.
I went into a theatre as sober as could be,
They gave a drunk civilian room, but 'adn't none for me;
They sent me to the gallery or round the music-'alls,
But when it comes to fightin', Lord! they'll shove me in the stalls!
For it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an' "Tommy, wait outside";
But it's "Special train for Atkins" when the trooper's on the tide,
The troopship's on the tide, my boys, the troopship's on the tide,
O it's "Special train for Atkins" when the trooper's on the tide.
Yes, makin' mock o' uniforms that guard you while you sleep
Is cheaper than them uniforms, an' they're starvation cheap;
An' hustlin' drunken soldiers when they're goin' large a bit
Is five times better business than paradin' in full kit.
Then it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an' "Tommy, 'ow's yer soul?"
But it's "Thin red line of 'eroes" when the drums begin to roll,
The drums begin to roll, my boys, the drums begin to roll,
O it's "Thin red line of 'eroes" when the drums begin to roll.
We aren't no thin red 'eroes, nor we aren't no blackguards too,
But single men in barricks, most remarkable like you;
An' if sometimes our conduck isn't all your fancy paints,
Why, single men in barricks don't grow into plaster saints;
While it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an' "Tommy, fall be'ind",
But it's "Please to walk in front, sir", when there's trouble in the wind,
There's trouble in the wind, my boys, there's trouble in the wind,
O it's "Please to walk in front, sir", when there's trouble in the wind.
You talk o' better food for us, an' schools, an' fires, an' all:
We'll wait for extry rations if you treat us rational.
Don't mess about the cook-room slops, but prove it to our face
The Widow's Uniform is not the soldier-man's disgrace.
For it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an' "Chuck him out, the brute!"
But it's "Saviour of 'is country" when the guns begin to shoot;
An' it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an' anything you please;
An' Tommy ain't a bloomin' fool -- you bet that Tommy sees!
- Joined
- Feb 18, 2009
- Messages
- 4,573
You beat me to Tommy, Christof, but here's one of my other favorites. I've been a Kipling aficionado for many years. I've added some emphasis to this one.
Gentlemen-Rankers
By Rudyard Kipling
To the legion of the lost ones, to the cohort of the damned,
To my brethren in their sorrow overseas,
Sings a gentleman of England cleanly bred, machinely crammed,
And a trooper of the Empress, if you please.
Yea, a trooper of the forces who has run his own six horses,
And faith he went the pace and went it blind,
And the world was more than kin while he held the ready tin,
But to-day the Sergeant's something less than kind.
We're poor little lambs who've lost our way,
Baa! Baa! Baa!
We're little black sheep who've gone astray,
Baa--aa--aa!
Gentlemen-rankers out on the spree,
Damned from here to Eternity,
God ha' mercy on such as we,
Baa! Yah! Bah!
Oh, it's sweet to sweat through stables, sweet to empty kitchen slops,
And it's sweet to hear the tales the troopers tell,
To dance with blowzy housemaids at the regimental hops
And thrash the cad who says you waltz too well.
Yes, it makes you cock-a-hoop to be "Rider" to your troop,
And branded with a blasted worsted spur,
When you envy, O how keenly, one poor Tommy being cleanly
Who blacks your boots and sometimes calls you "Sir".
If the home we never write to, and the oaths we never keep,
And all we know most distant and most dear,
Across the snoring barrack-room return to break our sleep,
Can you blame us if we soak ourselves in beer?
When the drunken comrade mutters and the great guard-lantern gutters
And the horror of our fall is written plain,
Every secret, self-revealing on the aching white-washed ceiling,
Do you wonder that we drug ourselves from pain?
We have done with Hope and Honour, we are lost to Love and Truth,
We are dropping down the ladder rung by rung,
And the measure of our torment is the measure of our youth.
God help us, for we knew the worst too young!
Our shame is clean repentance for the crime that brought the sentence,
Our pride it is to know no spur of pride,
And the Curse of Reuben holds us till an alien turf enfolds us
And we die, and none can tell Them where we died.
We're poor little lambs who've lost our way,
Baa! Baa! Baa!
We're little black sheep who've gone astray,
Baa--aa--aa!
Gentlemen-rankers out on the spree,
Damned from here to Eternity,
God ha' mercy on such as we,
Baa! Yah! Bah!
For all of my brother who have also known the taste of war... God help us, for we saw the worst too young.
Gentlemen-Rankers
By Rudyard Kipling
To the legion of the lost ones, to the cohort of the damned,
To my brethren in their sorrow overseas,
Sings a gentleman of England cleanly bred, machinely crammed,
And a trooper of the Empress, if you please.
Yea, a trooper of the forces who has run his own six horses,
And faith he went the pace and went it blind,
And the world was more than kin while he held the ready tin,
But to-day the Sergeant's something less than kind.
We're poor little lambs who've lost our way,
Baa! Baa! Baa!
We're little black sheep who've gone astray,
Baa--aa--aa!
Gentlemen-rankers out on the spree,
Damned from here to Eternity,
God ha' mercy on such as we,
Baa! Yah! Bah!
Oh, it's sweet to sweat through stables, sweet to empty kitchen slops,
And it's sweet to hear the tales the troopers tell,
To dance with blowzy housemaids at the regimental hops
And thrash the cad who says you waltz too well.
Yes, it makes you cock-a-hoop to be "Rider" to your troop,
And branded with a blasted worsted spur,
When you envy, O how keenly, one poor Tommy being cleanly
Who blacks your boots and sometimes calls you "Sir".
If the home we never write to, and the oaths we never keep,
And all we know most distant and most dear,
Across the snoring barrack-room return to break our sleep,
Can you blame us if we soak ourselves in beer?
When the drunken comrade mutters and the great guard-lantern gutters
And the horror of our fall is written plain,
Every secret, self-revealing on the aching white-washed ceiling,
Do you wonder that we drug ourselves from pain?
We have done with Hope and Honour, we are lost to Love and Truth,
We are dropping down the ladder rung by rung,
And the measure of our torment is the measure of our youth.
God help us, for we knew the worst too young!
Our shame is clean repentance for the crime that brought the sentence,
Our pride it is to know no spur of pride,
And the Curse of Reuben holds us till an alien turf enfolds us
And we die, and none can tell Them where we died.
We're poor little lambs who've lost our way,
Baa! Baa! Baa!
We're little black sheep who've gone astray,
Baa--aa--aa!
Gentlemen-rankers out on the spree,
Damned from here to Eternity,
God ha' mercy on such as we,
Baa! Yah! Bah!
For all of my brother who have also known the taste of war... God help us, for we saw the worst too young.
One of my favorite poems about Vets that always gets me a little emotional (maybe more Memorial Day than Veterans Day, but we should always remember):
A Soldier Died Today
Originally Titled, "JUST A COMMON SOLDIER"
by A. Lawrence Vaincourt ©1985
He was getting old and paunchy and his hair was falling fast,
And he sat around the Legion, telling stories of the past
Of a war that he had fought in and the deeds that he had done,
In his exploits with his buddies; they were heroes, every one.
And tho' sometimes, to his neighbors, his tales became a joke,
All his Legion buddies listened, for they knew whereof he spoke.
But we'll hear his tales no longer for old Bill has passed away,
And the world's a little poorer, for a soldier died today.
He will not be mourned by many, just his children and his wife,
For he lived an ordinary and quite uneventful life.
Held a job and raised a family, quietly going his own way,
And the world won't note his passing, though a soldier died today.
When politicians leave this earth, their bodies lie in state,
While thousands note their passing and proclaim that they were great.
Papers tell their whole life stories, from the time that they were young,
But the passing of a soldier goes unnoticed and unsung.
Is the greatest contribution to the welfare of our land
A guy who breaks his promises and cons his fellow man?
Or the ordinary fellow who, in times of war and strife,
Goes off to serve his Country and offers up his life?
A politician's stipend and the style in which he lives
Are sometimes disproportionate to the service that he gives.
While the ordinary soldier, who offered up his all,
Is paid off with a medal and perhaps, a pension small.
It's so easy to forget them for it was so long ago,
That the old Bills of our Country went to battle, but we know
It was not the politicians, with their compromise and ploys,
Who won for us the freedom that our Country now enjoys.
Should you find yourself in danger, with your enemies at hand,
Would you want a politician with his ever-shifting stand?
Or would you prefer a soldier, who has sworn to defend
His home, his kin and Country and would fight until the end?
He was just a common soldier and his ranks are growing thin,
But his presence should remind us we may need his like again.
For when countries are in conflict, then we find the soldier's part
Is to clean up all the troubles that the politicians start.
If we cannot do him honor while he's here to hear the praise,
Then at least let's give him homage at the ending of his days.
Perhaps just a simple headline in a paper that would say,
Our Country is in mourning, for a soldier died today.
A Soldier Died Today
Originally Titled, "JUST A COMMON SOLDIER"
by A. Lawrence Vaincourt ©1985
He was getting old and paunchy and his hair was falling fast,
And he sat around the Legion, telling stories of the past
Of a war that he had fought in and the deeds that he had done,
In his exploits with his buddies; they were heroes, every one.
And tho' sometimes, to his neighbors, his tales became a joke,
All his Legion buddies listened, for they knew whereof he spoke.
But we'll hear his tales no longer for old Bill has passed away,
And the world's a little poorer, for a soldier died today.
He will not be mourned by many, just his children and his wife,
For he lived an ordinary and quite uneventful life.
Held a job and raised a family, quietly going his own way,
And the world won't note his passing, though a soldier died today.
When politicians leave this earth, their bodies lie in state,
While thousands note their passing and proclaim that they were great.
Papers tell their whole life stories, from the time that they were young,
But the passing of a soldier goes unnoticed and unsung.
Is the greatest contribution to the welfare of our land
A guy who breaks his promises and cons his fellow man?
Or the ordinary fellow who, in times of war and strife,
Goes off to serve his Country and offers up his life?
A politician's stipend and the style in which he lives
Are sometimes disproportionate to the service that he gives.
While the ordinary soldier, who offered up his all,
Is paid off with a medal and perhaps, a pension small.
It's so easy to forget them for it was so long ago,
That the old Bills of our Country went to battle, but we know
It was not the politicians, with their compromise and ploys,
Who won for us the freedom that our Country now enjoys.
Should you find yourself in danger, with your enemies at hand,
Would you want a politician with his ever-shifting stand?
Or would you prefer a soldier, who has sworn to defend
His home, his kin and Country and would fight until the end?
He was just a common soldier and his ranks are growing thin,
But his presence should remind us we may need his like again.
For when countries are in conflict, then we find the soldier's part
Is to clean up all the troubles that the politicians start.
If we cannot do him honor while he's here to hear the praise,
Then at least let's give him homage at the ending of his days.
Perhaps just a simple headline in a paper that would say,
Our Country is in mourning, for a soldier died today.
- Joined
- Nov 14, 2005
- Messages
- 11,133
Happy Veterans day guys....From one Vet to another. :thumbup:
Now read this.
213 things you cant do in the Army.
1. Not allowed to watch Southpark when Im supposed to
be working.
2. My proper military title is Specialist Schwarz
not Princess Anastasia.
3. Not allowed to threaten anyone with black magic.
4. Not allowed to challenge anyones disbelief of
black magic by asking for hair.
5. Not allowed to get silicone breast implants.
6. Not allowed to play Pulp Fiction with a
suction-cup dart pistol and any officer.
7. Not allowed to add In accordance with the
prophesy to the end of answers I give to a question
an officer asks me.
8. Not allowed to add pictures of officers I dont
like to War Criminal posters.
9. Not allowed to title any product Get Over it.
10. Not allowed to purchase anyones soul on
government time.
11. Not allowed to join the Communist Party.
12. Not allowed to join any militia.
13. Not allowed to form any militia.
14. Not allowed out of my office when the president
visited Sarajevo.
15. Not allowed to train adopted stray dogs to Sic
Brass!
16. Must get a haircut even if it tampers with my
Samson like powers.
17. God may not contradict any of my orders.
18. May no longer perform my now (in)famous Barbie
Girl Dance while on duty.
19. May not call any officers immoral, untrustworthy,
lying, slime, even if Im right.
20. Must not taunt the French any more.
21. Must attempt to not antagonize SAS.
22. Must never call an SAS a Wanker.
23. Must never ask anyone who outranks me if theyve
been smoking crack.
24. Must not tell any officer that I am smarter than
they are, especially if its true.
25. Never confuse a Dutch soldier for a French one.
26. Never tell a German soldier that We kicked your
ass in World War 2!
27. Dont tell Princess Di jokes in front of the paras
(British Airborne).
28. Dont take the batteries out of the other soldiers
alarm clocks (Even if they do hit snooze about forty
times).
29. The Irish MPs are not after Me frosted lucky
charms.
30. Not allowed to wake an Non-Commissioned Officer by
repeatedly banging on the head with a bag of trash.
31. Not allowed to let sock puppets take
responsibility for any of my actions.
32. Not allowed to let sock puppets take command of my
post.
33. Not allowed to chew gum at formation, unless I
brought enough for everybody.
34. (Next day) Not allowed to chew gum at formation
even if I *did* bring enough for everybody.
35. Not allowed to sing High Speed Dirt by Megadeth
during airborne operations. (See the earth below/Soon
to make a crater/Blue sky, black death, Im off to
meet my maker)
36. Cant have flashbacks to wars I was not in. (The
Spanish-American War isnt over).
37. Our medic is called Sgt Larwasa, not Dr.
Feelgood.
38. Our supply Sgt is Sgt Watkins not Sugar Daddy.
39. Not allowed to ask for the day off due to
religious purposes, on the basis that the world is
going to end, more than once.
40. I do not have super-powers.
41. Keep on Trucking is *not* a psychological
warfare message.
42. Not allowed to attempt to appeal to mankinds
baser instincts in recruitment posters.
43. Camouflage body paint is not a uniform.
44. I am not the atheist chaplain.
45. I am not allowed to Go to Bragg boulevard and
shake daddys little money maker for twenties stuffed
into my undies.
46. I am not authorized to fire officers.
47. I am not a citizen of Texas, and those other,
forty-nine, lesser states.
48. I may not use public masturbation as a tool to
demonstrate a flaw in a command decision.
49. Not allowed to trade military equipment for magic
beans.
50. Not allowed to sell magic beans during duty hours.
51. Not allowed to quote Dr Seuss on military
operations.
52. Not allowed to yell Take that Cobra at the rifle
range.
53. Not allowed to quote Full Metal Jacket at the
rifle range.
54. Napalm sticks to kids is *not* a motivational
phrase.
55. An order to Put Kiwi on my boots does *not*
involve fruit.
56. An order to Make my Boots black and shiny does
not involve electrical tape.
57. The proper response to a lawful order is not
Why?
58. The following words and phrases may not be used in
a cadence- Budding sexuality, necrophilia, I hate
everyone in this formation and wish they were dead,
sexual lubrication, black earth mother, all Marines
are latent homosexuals, Tantric yoga, Gotterdammerung,
Korean hooker, Eskimo Nell, weve all got jackboots
now, slut puppy, or any references to squid.
59. May not make posters depicting the leadership
failings of my chain of command.
60. The Giant Space Ants are not at the top of my
chain of command.
61. If one soldier has a 2nd Lt bar on his uniform,
and I have an E-4 on mine It means he outranks me. It
does not mean I have been promoted three more times
than you.
62. It is better to beg forgiveness than to ask
permission, no longer applies to Specialist Schwarz.
63. Command decisions do *not* need to be ratified by
a 2/3 majority.
64. Inflatable novelties do *not* entitle me to BAQ or
Separation pay.
65. There are no evil clowns living under my bed.
66. There is no Anti-Mime campaign in Bosnia.
67. I am not the Psychological Warfare Mascot.
68. I may not line my helmet with tin foil to Block
out the space mind control lasers.
69. May not pretend to be a fascist stormtrooper,
while on duty.
70. I am not authorized to prescribe any form of
medication.
71. I must not flaunt my deviances in front of my
chain of command.
72. May not wear gimp mask while on duty.
73. No military functions are to be performed
Skyclad.
74. Woad is not camouflage makeup.
75. May not conduct psychological experiments on my
chain of command.
76. Teddy Bear, Teddy bear, turn around is *not* a
cadence.
77. The MP checkpoint is not an Imperial Stormtrooper
roadblock, so I should not tell them You dont need
to see my identification, these are not the droids you
are looking for.
78. I may not call block my chain of command.
79. I am neither the king nor queen of cheese.
80. Not allowed to wear a dress to any army functions.
81. May not bring a drag queen to the battalion formal
dance.
82. May not form any press gangs.
83. Must not start any SITREP (Situation Report) with
I recently had an experience I just had to write you
about . military vehicles to Squish things.
85. Not allowed to make any Psychological Warfare
products depicting the infamous Ft. Bragg sniper
incident.
86. May not challenge anyone in my chain of command to
the field of honor.
Now read this.
213 things you cant do in the Army.
1. Not allowed to watch Southpark when Im supposed to
be working.
2. My proper military title is Specialist Schwarz
not Princess Anastasia.
3. Not allowed to threaten anyone with black magic.
4. Not allowed to challenge anyones disbelief of
black magic by asking for hair.
5. Not allowed to get silicone breast implants.
6. Not allowed to play Pulp Fiction with a
suction-cup dart pistol and any officer.
7. Not allowed to add In accordance with the
prophesy to the end of answers I give to a question
an officer asks me.
8. Not allowed to add pictures of officers I dont
like to War Criminal posters.
9. Not allowed to title any product Get Over it.
10. Not allowed to purchase anyones soul on
government time.
11. Not allowed to join the Communist Party.
12. Not allowed to join any militia.
13. Not allowed to form any militia.
14. Not allowed out of my office when the president
visited Sarajevo.
15. Not allowed to train adopted stray dogs to Sic
Brass!
16. Must get a haircut even if it tampers with my
Samson like powers.
17. God may not contradict any of my orders.
18. May no longer perform my now (in)famous Barbie
Girl Dance while on duty.
19. May not call any officers immoral, untrustworthy,
lying, slime, even if Im right.
20. Must not taunt the French any more.
21. Must attempt to not antagonize SAS.
22. Must never call an SAS a Wanker.
23. Must never ask anyone who outranks me if theyve
been smoking crack.
24. Must not tell any officer that I am smarter than
they are, especially if its true.
25. Never confuse a Dutch soldier for a French one.
26. Never tell a German soldier that We kicked your
ass in World War 2!
27. Dont tell Princess Di jokes in front of the paras
(British Airborne).
28. Dont take the batteries out of the other soldiers
alarm clocks (Even if they do hit snooze about forty
times).
29. The Irish MPs are not after Me frosted lucky
charms.
30. Not allowed to wake an Non-Commissioned Officer by
repeatedly banging on the head with a bag of trash.
31. Not allowed to let sock puppets take
responsibility for any of my actions.
32. Not allowed to let sock puppets take command of my
post.
33. Not allowed to chew gum at formation, unless I
brought enough for everybody.
34. (Next day) Not allowed to chew gum at formation
even if I *did* bring enough for everybody.
35. Not allowed to sing High Speed Dirt by Megadeth
during airborne operations. (See the earth below/Soon
to make a crater/Blue sky, black death, Im off to
meet my maker)
36. Cant have flashbacks to wars I was not in. (The
Spanish-American War isnt over).
37. Our medic is called Sgt Larwasa, not Dr.
Feelgood.
38. Our supply Sgt is Sgt Watkins not Sugar Daddy.
39. Not allowed to ask for the day off due to
religious purposes, on the basis that the world is
going to end, more than once.
40. I do not have super-powers.
41. Keep on Trucking is *not* a psychological
warfare message.
42. Not allowed to attempt to appeal to mankinds
baser instincts in recruitment posters.
43. Camouflage body paint is not a uniform.
44. I am not the atheist chaplain.
45. I am not allowed to Go to Bragg boulevard and
shake daddys little money maker for twenties stuffed
into my undies.
46. I am not authorized to fire officers.
47. I am not a citizen of Texas, and those other,
forty-nine, lesser states.
48. I may not use public masturbation as a tool to
demonstrate a flaw in a command decision.
49. Not allowed to trade military equipment for magic
beans.
50. Not allowed to sell magic beans during duty hours.
51. Not allowed to quote Dr Seuss on military
operations.
52. Not allowed to yell Take that Cobra at the rifle
range.
53. Not allowed to quote Full Metal Jacket at the
rifle range.
54. Napalm sticks to kids is *not* a motivational
phrase.
55. An order to Put Kiwi on my boots does *not*
involve fruit.
56. An order to Make my Boots black and shiny does
not involve electrical tape.
57. The proper response to a lawful order is not
Why?
58. The following words and phrases may not be used in
a cadence- Budding sexuality, necrophilia, I hate
everyone in this formation and wish they were dead,
sexual lubrication, black earth mother, all Marines
are latent homosexuals, Tantric yoga, Gotterdammerung,
Korean hooker, Eskimo Nell, weve all got jackboots
now, slut puppy, or any references to squid.
59. May not make posters depicting the leadership
failings of my chain of command.
60. The Giant Space Ants are not at the top of my
chain of command.
61. If one soldier has a 2nd Lt bar on his uniform,
and I have an E-4 on mine It means he outranks me. It
does not mean I have been promoted three more times
than you.
62. It is better to beg forgiveness than to ask
permission, no longer applies to Specialist Schwarz.
63. Command decisions do *not* need to be ratified by
a 2/3 majority.
64. Inflatable novelties do *not* entitle me to BAQ or
Separation pay.
65. There are no evil clowns living under my bed.
66. There is no Anti-Mime campaign in Bosnia.
67. I am not the Psychological Warfare Mascot.
68. I may not line my helmet with tin foil to Block
out the space mind control lasers.
69. May not pretend to be a fascist stormtrooper,
while on duty.
70. I am not authorized to prescribe any form of
medication.
71. I must not flaunt my deviances in front of my
chain of command.
72. May not wear gimp mask while on duty.
73. No military functions are to be performed
Skyclad.
74. Woad is not camouflage makeup.
75. May not conduct psychological experiments on my
chain of command.
76. Teddy Bear, Teddy bear, turn around is *not* a
cadence.
77. The MP checkpoint is not an Imperial Stormtrooper
roadblock, so I should not tell them You dont need
to see my identification, these are not the droids you
are looking for.
78. I may not call block my chain of command.
79. I am neither the king nor queen of cheese.
80. Not allowed to wear a dress to any army functions.
81. May not bring a drag queen to the battalion formal
dance.
82. May not form any press gangs.
83. Must not start any SITREP (Situation Report) with
I recently had an experience I just had to write you
about . military vehicles to Squish things.
85. Not allowed to make any Psychological Warfare
products depicting the infamous Ft. Bragg sniper
incident.
86. May not challenge anyone in my chain of command to
the field of honor.
- Joined
- Nov 14, 2005
- Messages
- 11,133
87. If the thought of something makes me giggle for
longer than 15 seconds, I am to assume that I am not
allowed to do it.
88. Must not refer to 1st Sgt as “Mom”.
89. Must not refer to the Commander as “Dad”.
90. Inflatable sheep do *not* need to be displayed
during a room inspection.
91. I am not authorized to initiate Jihad.
92. When asked to give a few words at a military
ceremony “Romper Bomper Stomper Boo” is probably not
appropriate.
93. Nerve gas is not funny.
94. Crucifixes do not ward off officers, and I should
not test that.
95. I am not in need of a more suitable host body.
96. “Redneck Zombies” is not a military training aid.
97. Gozer does not dwell in my refrigerator.
98. The proper response to a chemical weapon attack is
not “Tell my chain of command what I really think
about them, and then poke holes in their masks.”
99. A smiley face is not used to mark a minefield.
100. Claymore mines are not filled with yummy candy,
and it is wrong to tell new soldiers that they are.
101. I am not allowed to mount a bayonet on a
crew-served weapon.
102. Rodents are not entitled to burial with full
military honors, even if they are “casualties of war”.
103. My commander is not old enough to have fought in
the civil war, and I should stop implying that he did.
104. Vodka, green food coloring, and a “Cool Mint”
Listerine® bottle is not a good combination.
105. I am not allowed to bum cigarettes off of anyone
under twelve.
106. I may not trade my rifle for any of the
following: Cigarettes, booze, sexual favors,
Kalishnikovs, Soviet Armored vehicles, small children,
or bootleg CD’s.
107. Must not mock command decisions in front of the
press.
108. Should not taunt members of the press, even if
they are really fat, exceptionally stupid, and working
for UPI.
109. I am not authorized to change national policy in
Eastern Europe.
110. Never, ever, attempt to correct a Green Beret
officer about anything.
111. I am not qualified to operate any US, German,
Polish, or Russian Armored vehicles.
112. When saluting a “leg” officer, an appropriate
greeting is not “Airborne leads the wa- oh…sorry sir”.
113. There is absolutely no need to emulate the people
from “Full Monty” every time I hear the song “Hot
Stuff”.
114. I cannot trade my CO to the Russians.
115. I should not speculate on the penis size of
anyone who outranks me.
116. Crucifying mice - bad idea.
117. Must not use government equipment to bootleg
pornography.
118. Burn pits for classified material are not revel
fires - therefore it is wrong to dance naked around
them.
119. I cannot arrest children for being rude.
120. An EO briefing is probably not the best place to
unveil my newest off color joke.
121. I should not use government resources to
“waterproof” dirty magazines.
122. Radioactive material should not be stored in the
barracks.
123. I should not teach other soldiers to say
offensive and crude things in Albanian, under the
guise of teaching them how to say potentially useful
phrases.
124. Two drink limit does not mean first and last.
125. Two drink limit does not mean two kinds of
drinks.
126. Two drink limit does not mean the drinks can be
as large as I like.
127. “No Drinking Of Alcoholic Beverages” does not
imply that a Jack Daniel’s ® IV is acceptable.
128. “Shpadoinkle” is not a real word.
129. The Microsoft ® “Dancing Paperclip” is not
authorized to countermand any orders.
130. “I’m drunk” is a bad answer to any question posed
by my commander.
131. No dancing in the turret. This especially applies
in conjunction with rule #113.
132. The loudspeaker system is not a forum to voice my
ideas.
133. The loudspeaker system is not to be used to
replace the radio.
134. The loudspeaker system is not to be used to
broadcast the soundtrack to a porno movie.
135. An order to put polish on my boots means the
whole boot.
136. Shouting “Let’s do the village! Let’s do the
whole fucking village!” while out on a mission is bad.
137. Should not show up at the front gate wearing part
of a Russian uniform, messily drunk.
138. Even if my commander did it.
139. Must not teach interpreters how to make “MRE”
bombs.
140. I am not authorized to sell mineral rights.
141. Not allowed to use a broadsword to disprove “The
Pen is Mightier than the sword”.
142. “Calvin-Ball” is not authorized PT.
143. I do not need to keep a “range card” by my
window.
144. “K-Pot, LBE, and a thin coat of Break-free” is
not an authorized uniform.
145. I should not drink three quarts of blue food
coloring before a urine test.
146. Nor should I drink three quarts of red food
coloring, and scream during the same.
147. I should not threaten suicide with pop rocks and
Coke ®.
148. Putting red “Mike and Ike’s” ® into a
prescription medicine bottle, and then eating them all
in a formation is not funny.
149. Must not create new DOD forms, then insist they
be filled out.
150. On Sports Day PT, a wedgie is not considered a
legal tackle.
151. The proper way to report to my Commander is
“Specialist Schwarz, reporting as ordered, Sir” not
“You can’t prove a thing!”
152. The following items do not exist: Keys to the
Drop Zone, A box of grid squares, blinker fluid,
winter air for tires, canopy lights, or Chem-Light ®
batteries.
153. I should not assign new privates to “guard the
flight line”.
154. Shouldn’t treat “piss-bottles” with
extra-strength icy hot.
155. Teaching Albanian children to taunt other
soldiers is not nice.
156. I will no longer perform “lap-dances” while in
uniform.
157. If I take the uniform off, in the course of the
lap-dance, it still counts.
158. The revolution is not now.
159. When detained by MP’s, I do not have a right to a
strip search.
160. No part of the military uniform is edible.
161. Bodychecking General officers is not a good idea.
162. Past lives have absolutely no effect on the chain
of command.
163. Take that hat off.
164. There is no such thing as a were-virgin.
165. I do not get “that time of month”.
166. No, the pants are not optional.
167. Not allowed to operate a business out of the
barracks.
168. Especially not a pornographic movie studio.
169. Not even if they *are* “especially patriotic
films”
170. Not allowed to “defect” to OPFOR during training
missions.
171. On training missions, try not to shoot down the
General’s helicopter.
172. “A full magazine and some privacy” is not the way
to help a potential suicide.
173. I am not allowed to create new levels of security
clearance.
174. Furby ® is not allowed into classified areas. (I
swear to the gods, I did not make that up, it’s
actually DOD policy).
175. We do not “charge into battle, naked, like the
Celts”.
176. Any device that can crawl across the table on
medium, does not need to be brought into the office.
177. I am not to refer to a formation as “the boxy
rectangle thingie”.
178. I am not “A lesbian trapped in a man’s body”.
179. On Army documents, my race is not “Other”.
180. Nor is it “Secretariat, in the third”.
181. Pokémon® trainer is not an MOS.
182. There is no FM for “wall-to-wall counseling”.
183. My chain of command has neither the time, nor the
inclination to hear about what I did with six boxes of
Fruit Roll-Ups. ®
184. When operating a military vehicle I may *not*
attempt something “I saw in a cartoon”.
185. My name is not a killing word.
186. I am not the Emperor of anything.
187. Must not taunt officers in the throes of nicotine
withdrawal, with cigarettes.
188. May not challenge officers to “Meet me on the
field of honor, at dawn”.
189. Do not dare SERE graduates to eat bugs. They will
always do it.
190. Must not make s’mores while on guard duty.
191. Our Humvees cannot be assembled into a giant
battle-robot.
192. The proper response to a briefing is not “That’s
what you think”.
193. The Masons, and Gray Aliens are not in our chain
of command.
194. Shouldn’t take incriminating photos of my chain
of command.
195. Shouldn’t use Photoshop ® to create incriminating
photos of my chain of command.
196. I am not allowed to give tattoos.
197. I am not allowed to sing “Henry the VIII I am”
until verse 68 ever again.
198. Not allowed to lead a “Coup” during training
missions.
199. I should not confess to crimes that took place
before I was born.
200. My chain of command is not interested in why I
“just happen” to have a kilt, an inflatable sheep, and
a box of rubber bands in the back of my car.
201. Must not valiantly push officers onto hand
grenades to save the squad.
202. Despite the confusing similarity in the names,
the “Safety Dance” and the “Safety Briefing” are never
to be combined.
203. “To conquer the earth with an army of flying
monkeys” is a bad long term goal to give the
re-enlistment NCO.
204. NEVER nail a stuffed bunny to a cross and put it
up in front of the Battalion Headquarters sign as an
“Easter Desecration.”
205. Don’t write up false gigs on a HMMWV PMCS.
(”Broken clutch pedal”, “Number three turbine has
frequent flame-outs”, “flux capacitor emits loud whine
when engaged”
206. Not allowed to get shot.
207. The Chicken and Rice MRE is *not* a personal
lubricant. (Skippy wanted this noted for the record
that this is not something he has ever attempted or
considered! It was something we heard at dinner on 22
September 2001 and it was just so obscene it had to go
here.)
208. Not allowed to play into the deluded fantasies of
the civilians who are “hearing conversations” from the
NSA, FBI, CIA and KGB due to the microchip the aliens
implanted in their brain.
209. An airsickness bag is to be used for airsickness
*only*. (Also not a Skippy-ism…this was the same
dinner.)
210. Must not make T-shirts up depicting a pig with
the writing “Eat Pork or Die” in Arabic to bring as
civilian attire when preparing to deploy to a
primarily Muslim country.
211. Don’t ask LTC Steele to sign my copy of Blackhawk
Down.
212. Must not go on nine deployments in six years that
require a security clearance that I don’t have, even
if the Army tells me repeatedly that I have one and I
have no reason to question them.
213. Do not convince NCO’s that their razorbumps are
the result of microscopic parasites.
steps.
longer than 15 seconds, I am to assume that I am not
allowed to do it.
88. Must not refer to 1st Sgt as “Mom”.
89. Must not refer to the Commander as “Dad”.
90. Inflatable sheep do *not* need to be displayed
during a room inspection.
91. I am not authorized to initiate Jihad.
92. When asked to give a few words at a military
ceremony “Romper Bomper Stomper Boo” is probably not
appropriate.
93. Nerve gas is not funny.
94. Crucifixes do not ward off officers, and I should
not test that.
95. I am not in need of a more suitable host body.
96. “Redneck Zombies” is not a military training aid.
97. Gozer does not dwell in my refrigerator.
98. The proper response to a chemical weapon attack is
not “Tell my chain of command what I really think
about them, and then poke holes in their masks.”
99. A smiley face is not used to mark a minefield.
100. Claymore mines are not filled with yummy candy,
and it is wrong to tell new soldiers that they are.
101. I am not allowed to mount a bayonet on a
crew-served weapon.
102. Rodents are not entitled to burial with full
military honors, even if they are “casualties of war”.
103. My commander is not old enough to have fought in
the civil war, and I should stop implying that he did.
104. Vodka, green food coloring, and a “Cool Mint”
Listerine® bottle is not a good combination.
105. I am not allowed to bum cigarettes off of anyone
under twelve.
106. I may not trade my rifle for any of the
following: Cigarettes, booze, sexual favors,
Kalishnikovs, Soviet Armored vehicles, small children,
or bootleg CD’s.
107. Must not mock command decisions in front of the
press.
108. Should not taunt members of the press, even if
they are really fat, exceptionally stupid, and working
for UPI.
109. I am not authorized to change national policy in
Eastern Europe.
110. Never, ever, attempt to correct a Green Beret
officer about anything.
111. I am not qualified to operate any US, German,
Polish, or Russian Armored vehicles.
112. When saluting a “leg” officer, an appropriate
greeting is not “Airborne leads the wa- oh…sorry sir”.
113. There is absolutely no need to emulate the people
from “Full Monty” every time I hear the song “Hot
Stuff”.
114. I cannot trade my CO to the Russians.
115. I should not speculate on the penis size of
anyone who outranks me.
116. Crucifying mice - bad idea.
117. Must not use government equipment to bootleg
pornography.
118. Burn pits for classified material are not revel
fires - therefore it is wrong to dance naked around
them.
119. I cannot arrest children for being rude.
120. An EO briefing is probably not the best place to
unveil my newest off color joke.
121. I should not use government resources to
“waterproof” dirty magazines.
122. Radioactive material should not be stored in the
barracks.
123. I should not teach other soldiers to say
offensive and crude things in Albanian, under the
guise of teaching them how to say potentially useful
phrases.
124. Two drink limit does not mean first and last.
125. Two drink limit does not mean two kinds of
drinks.
126. Two drink limit does not mean the drinks can be
as large as I like.
127. “No Drinking Of Alcoholic Beverages” does not
imply that a Jack Daniel’s ® IV is acceptable.
128. “Shpadoinkle” is not a real word.
129. The Microsoft ® “Dancing Paperclip” is not
authorized to countermand any orders.
130. “I’m drunk” is a bad answer to any question posed
by my commander.
131. No dancing in the turret. This especially applies
in conjunction with rule #113.
132. The loudspeaker system is not a forum to voice my
ideas.
133. The loudspeaker system is not to be used to
replace the radio.
134. The loudspeaker system is not to be used to
broadcast the soundtrack to a porno movie.
135. An order to put polish on my boots means the
whole boot.
136. Shouting “Let’s do the village! Let’s do the
whole fucking village!” while out on a mission is bad.
137. Should not show up at the front gate wearing part
of a Russian uniform, messily drunk.
138. Even if my commander did it.
139. Must not teach interpreters how to make “MRE”
bombs.
140. I am not authorized to sell mineral rights.
141. Not allowed to use a broadsword to disprove “The
Pen is Mightier than the sword”.
142. “Calvin-Ball” is not authorized PT.
143. I do not need to keep a “range card” by my
window.
144. “K-Pot, LBE, and a thin coat of Break-free” is
not an authorized uniform.
145. I should not drink three quarts of blue food
coloring before a urine test.
146. Nor should I drink three quarts of red food
coloring, and scream during the same.
147. I should not threaten suicide with pop rocks and
Coke ®.
148. Putting red “Mike and Ike’s” ® into a
prescription medicine bottle, and then eating them all
in a formation is not funny.
149. Must not create new DOD forms, then insist they
be filled out.
150. On Sports Day PT, a wedgie is not considered a
legal tackle.
151. The proper way to report to my Commander is
“Specialist Schwarz, reporting as ordered, Sir” not
“You can’t prove a thing!”
152. The following items do not exist: Keys to the
Drop Zone, A box of grid squares, blinker fluid,
winter air for tires, canopy lights, or Chem-Light ®
batteries.
153. I should not assign new privates to “guard the
flight line”.
154. Shouldn’t treat “piss-bottles” with
extra-strength icy hot.
155. Teaching Albanian children to taunt other
soldiers is not nice.
156. I will no longer perform “lap-dances” while in
uniform.
157. If I take the uniform off, in the course of the
lap-dance, it still counts.
158. The revolution is not now.
159. When detained by MP’s, I do not have a right to a
strip search.
160. No part of the military uniform is edible.
161. Bodychecking General officers is not a good idea.
162. Past lives have absolutely no effect on the chain
of command.
163. Take that hat off.
164. There is no such thing as a were-virgin.
165. I do not get “that time of month”.
166. No, the pants are not optional.
167. Not allowed to operate a business out of the
barracks.
168. Especially not a pornographic movie studio.
169. Not even if they *are* “especially patriotic
films”
170. Not allowed to “defect” to OPFOR during training
missions.
171. On training missions, try not to shoot down the
General’s helicopter.
172. “A full magazine and some privacy” is not the way
to help a potential suicide.
173. I am not allowed to create new levels of security
clearance.
174. Furby ® is not allowed into classified areas. (I
swear to the gods, I did not make that up, it’s
actually DOD policy).
175. We do not “charge into battle, naked, like the
Celts”.
176. Any device that can crawl across the table on
medium, does not need to be brought into the office.
177. I am not to refer to a formation as “the boxy
rectangle thingie”.
178. I am not “A lesbian trapped in a man’s body”.
179. On Army documents, my race is not “Other”.
180. Nor is it “Secretariat, in the third”.
181. Pokémon® trainer is not an MOS.
182. There is no FM for “wall-to-wall counseling”.
183. My chain of command has neither the time, nor the
inclination to hear about what I did with six boxes of
Fruit Roll-Ups. ®
184. When operating a military vehicle I may *not*
attempt something “I saw in a cartoon”.
185. My name is not a killing word.
186. I am not the Emperor of anything.
187. Must not taunt officers in the throes of nicotine
withdrawal, with cigarettes.
188. May not challenge officers to “Meet me on the
field of honor, at dawn”.
189. Do not dare SERE graduates to eat bugs. They will
always do it.
190. Must not make s’mores while on guard duty.
191. Our Humvees cannot be assembled into a giant
battle-robot.
192. The proper response to a briefing is not “That’s
what you think”.
193. The Masons, and Gray Aliens are not in our chain
of command.
194. Shouldn’t take incriminating photos of my chain
of command.
195. Shouldn’t use Photoshop ® to create incriminating
photos of my chain of command.
196. I am not allowed to give tattoos.
197. I am not allowed to sing “Henry the VIII I am”
until verse 68 ever again.
198. Not allowed to lead a “Coup” during training
missions.
199. I should not confess to crimes that took place
before I was born.
200. My chain of command is not interested in why I
“just happen” to have a kilt, an inflatable sheep, and
a box of rubber bands in the back of my car.
201. Must not valiantly push officers onto hand
grenades to save the squad.
202. Despite the confusing similarity in the names,
the “Safety Dance” and the “Safety Briefing” are never
to be combined.
203. “To conquer the earth with an army of flying
monkeys” is a bad long term goal to give the
re-enlistment NCO.
204. NEVER nail a stuffed bunny to a cross and put it
up in front of the Battalion Headquarters sign as an
“Easter Desecration.”
205. Don’t write up false gigs on a HMMWV PMCS.
(”Broken clutch pedal”, “Number three turbine has
frequent flame-outs”, “flux capacitor emits loud whine
when engaged”
206. Not allowed to get shot.
207. The Chicken and Rice MRE is *not* a personal
lubricant. (Skippy wanted this noted for the record
that this is not something he has ever attempted or
considered! It was something we heard at dinner on 22
September 2001 and it was just so obscene it had to go
here.)
208. Not allowed to play into the deluded fantasies of
the civilians who are “hearing conversations” from the
NSA, FBI, CIA and KGB due to the microchip the aliens
implanted in their brain.
209. An airsickness bag is to be used for airsickness
*only*. (Also not a Skippy-ism…this was the same
dinner.)
210. Must not make T-shirts up depicting a pig with
the writing “Eat Pork or Die” in Arabic to bring as
civilian attire when preparing to deploy to a
primarily Muslim country.
211. Don’t ask LTC Steele to sign my copy of Blackhawk
Down.
212. Must not go on nine deployments in six years that
require a security clearance that I don’t have, even
if the Army tells me repeatedly that I have one and I
have no reason to question them.
213. Do not convince NCO’s that their razorbumps are
the result of microscopic parasites.
steps.
- Joined
- Mar 29, 2007
- Messages
- 5,846
Excellent.
I almost never quote something not Kipling, but Siegfried Sassoon, in WW1, wrote these:
The Kiss.
To these I turn, in these I trust—Brother Lead and Sister Steel.
To his blind power I make appeal,
I guard her beauty clean from rust.
He spins and burns and loves the air,
And splits a skull to win my praise;
But up the nobly marching days
She glitters naked, cold and fair.
Sweet Sister, grant your soldier this:
That in good fury he may feel
The body where he sets his heel
Quail from your downward darting kiss.
They.
The Bishop tells us: 'When the boys come back
'They will not be the same; for they'll have fought
'In a just cause: they lead the last attack
'On Anti-Christ; their comrades' blood has bought
'New right to breed an honourable race,
'They have challenged Death and dared him face to face.'
'We're none of us the same!' the boys reply.
'For George lost both his legs; and Bill's stone blind;
'Poor Jim's shot through the lungs and like to die;
'And Bert's gone syphilitic: you'll not find
'A chap who's served that hasn't found some change.
' And the Bishop said: 'The ways of God are strange!'
I almost never quote something not Kipling, but Siegfried Sassoon, in WW1, wrote these:
The Kiss.
To these I turn, in these I trust—Brother Lead and Sister Steel.
To his blind power I make appeal,
I guard her beauty clean from rust.
He spins and burns and loves the air,
And splits a skull to win my praise;
But up the nobly marching days
She glitters naked, cold and fair.
Sweet Sister, grant your soldier this:
That in good fury he may feel
The body where he sets his heel
Quail from your downward darting kiss.
They.
The Bishop tells us: 'When the boys come back
'They will not be the same; for they'll have fought
'In a just cause: they lead the last attack
'On Anti-Christ; their comrades' blood has bought
'New right to breed an honourable race,
'They have challenged Death and dared him face to face.'
'We're none of us the same!' the boys reply.
'For George lost both his legs; and Bill's stone blind;
'Poor Jim's shot through the lungs and like to die;
'And Bert's gone syphilitic: you'll not find
'A chap who's served that hasn't found some change.
' And the Bishop said: 'The ways of God are strange!'
- Joined
- Feb 18, 2009
- Messages
- 4,573
Army Sayings
By: Unknown
Combat Engineers:
If it can’t be fixed with duct tape and a crowbar, it can’t be fixed There exists no problem which cannot be solved by a direct application of high explosives
Among the officers:
Hey, this place sucks! Let’s live here!
There’s got to be a harder way to do this
Among the enlisted men:
Hey, %^#&*# #$^%&^ man! #$^%&# @%^# and let’s #$^@#& #$^& (^*#^! until we #^@^$%&$* and then #$^#&^& @$^*)& @$#%@^ beers!!!!
General (excuse the pun) Wisdom
Friendly fire - isn’t.
You are not Superman; Marines and fighter pilots take note.
If it’s stupid but it works, it isn’t stupid.
Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo and not want to waste a bullet on you.
If at first you don’t succeed, call in an airstrike.
Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.
If your attack is going really well, it’s an ambush.
The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions: a. When they’re ready. b. When you’re not.
There is no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole.
The easy way is always mined.
Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy other people to shoot at.
Never draw fire; it irritates everyone around you.
When you have secured the area, make sure the enemy knows it too.
Incoming fire has the right of way.
No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection. No inspection ready unit has ever passed combat.
If the enemy is within range, so are you.
The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
Anything you do can get you killed, including nothing.
Make it too tough for the enemy to get in, and you won’t be able to get out.
Tracers work both ways.
Military Intelligence is a contradiction.
Weather ain’t neutral.
The Cavalry doesn’t always come to the rescue.
Mines are equal opportunity weapons.
Killing for peace is like screwing for virginity.
The one item you need is always in short supply.
When in doubt, empty your magazine.
The side with the simplest uniforms wins.
Never stand when you can sit, never sit when you can lie down, never stay awake when you can sleep.
The most dangerous thing in the world is a Second Lieutenant with a map and a compass.
The worse the weather, the more you are required to be out in it.
Combat experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
The tough part about being an officer is that the troops don’t know what they want, but they know for crertain what they don’t want.
To steal information from a person is called plagiarism. To steal information from the enemy is called gathering intelligence.
A Purple Heart just proves that were you smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.
Beer Math —> 2 beers times 37 men equals 49 cases.
Don’t ever be the first, don’t ever be the last and don’t ever volunteer to do anything. If your positions are firmly set and you are prepared to take the enemy assault on, he will bypass you.
The more stupid the leader is, the more important missions he is ordered to carry out.
There is always a way, and it usually doesn’t work.
Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.
By: Unknown
Combat Engineers:
If it can’t be fixed with duct tape and a crowbar, it can’t be fixed There exists no problem which cannot be solved by a direct application of high explosives
Among the officers:
Hey, this place sucks! Let’s live here!
There’s got to be a harder way to do this
Among the enlisted men:
Hey, %^#&*# #$^%&^ man! #$^%&# @%^# and let’s #$^@#& #$^& (^*#^! until we #^@^$%&$* and then #$^#&^& @$^*)& @$#%@^ beers!!!!
General (excuse the pun) Wisdom
Friendly fire - isn’t.
You are not Superman; Marines and fighter pilots take note.
If it’s stupid but it works, it isn’t stupid.
Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo and not want to waste a bullet on you.
If at first you don’t succeed, call in an airstrike.
Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.
If your attack is going really well, it’s an ambush.
The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions: a. When they’re ready. b. When you’re not.
There is no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole.
The easy way is always mined.
Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy other people to shoot at.
Never draw fire; it irritates everyone around you.
When you have secured the area, make sure the enemy knows it too.
Incoming fire has the right of way.
No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection. No inspection ready unit has ever passed combat.
If the enemy is within range, so are you.
The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
Anything you do can get you killed, including nothing.
Make it too tough for the enemy to get in, and you won’t be able to get out.
Tracers work both ways.
Military Intelligence is a contradiction.
Weather ain’t neutral.
The Cavalry doesn’t always come to the rescue.
Mines are equal opportunity weapons.
Killing for peace is like screwing for virginity.
The one item you need is always in short supply.
When in doubt, empty your magazine.
The side with the simplest uniforms wins.
Never stand when you can sit, never sit when you can lie down, never stay awake when you can sleep.
The most dangerous thing in the world is a Second Lieutenant with a map and a compass.
The worse the weather, the more you are required to be out in it.
Combat experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
The tough part about being an officer is that the troops don’t know what they want, but they know for crertain what they don’t want.
To steal information from a person is called plagiarism. To steal information from the enemy is called gathering intelligence.
A Purple Heart just proves that were you smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.
Beer Math —> 2 beers times 37 men equals 49 cases.
Don’t ever be the first, don’t ever be the last and don’t ever volunteer to do anything. If your positions are firmly set and you are prepared to take the enemy assault on, he will bypass you.
The more stupid the leader is, the more important missions he is ordered to carry out.
There is always a way, and it usually doesn’t work.
Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.
- Joined
- Nov 14, 2005
- Messages
- 11,133
more of a memorial day thing....but this has very special meaning to me, and evey trooper.
Halfway down the trail to Hell,
In a shady meadow green
Are the Souls of all dead troopers camped,
Near a good old-time canteen.
And this eternal resting place
Is known as Fiddlers' Green.
Marching past, straight through to Hell
The Infantry are seen.
Accompanied by the Engineers,
Artillery and Marines,
For none but the shades of Cavalrymen
Dismount at Fiddlers' Green.
Though some go curving down the trail
To seek a warmer scene.
No trooper ever gets to Hell
Ere he's emptied his canteen.
And so rides back to drink again
With friends at Fiddlers' Green.
And so when man and horse go down
Beneath a saber keen,
Or in a roaring charge of fierce melee
You stop a bullet clean,
And the hostiles come to get your scalp,
Just empty your canteen,
And put your pistol to your head
And go to Fiddlers' Green.
Halfway down the trail to Hell,
In a shady meadow green
Are the Souls of all dead troopers camped,
Near a good old-time canteen.
And this eternal resting place
Is known as Fiddlers' Green.
Marching past, straight through to Hell
The Infantry are seen.
Accompanied by the Engineers,
Artillery and Marines,
For none but the shades of Cavalrymen
Dismount at Fiddlers' Green.
Though some go curving down the trail
To seek a warmer scene.
No trooper ever gets to Hell
Ere he's emptied his canteen.
And so rides back to drink again
With friends at Fiddlers' Green.
And so when man and horse go down
Beneath a saber keen,
Or in a roaring charge of fierce melee
You stop a bullet clean,
And the hostiles come to get your scalp,
Just empty your canteen,
And put your pistol to your head
And go to Fiddlers' Green.
- Joined
- Dec 14, 2007
- Messages
- 1,918
Happy Veterans Day!
My thanks to all that serve, that have served or that will serve!
May God bless each and every one of you!
My thanks to all that serve, that have served or that will serve!
May God bless each and every one of you!
- Joined
- Apr 23, 2006
- Messages
- 265
A very special Happy Veterans Day to all vets especially my Vietnam brothers.
Welcome Home.
Oldman/Marty Simon
Welcome Home.
Oldman/Marty Simon
To the fallen, to the deployed, to the reserve units at home, to the new recruits and the old guard,
Thank you from all of us
------
This year I started a new tradition that is catching on with some of the local Vets. I took one of our special edition Canadian quarters and a rare earth magnet, and used the magnet to hold the quarter to my lapel. It has gotten many accolades from Vets and CDN Soldiers
this is the quarter:
Thank you from all of us
------
This year I started a new tradition that is catching on with some of the local Vets. I took one of our special edition Canadian quarters and a rare earth magnet, and used the magnet to hold the quarter to my lapel. It has gotten many accolades from Vets and CDN Soldiers
this is the quarter:
THE WHISTLE OF SANDY McGRAW
You may talk o' your lutes and your dulcimers fine,
Your harps and your tabors and cymbals and a',
But here in the trenches jist gie me for mine
The wee penny whistle o' Sandy McGraw.
Oh, it's: "Sandy, ma lad, will you lilt us a tune?"
And Sandy is willin' and trillin' like mad;
Sae silvery sweet that we a' throng aroun',
And some o' it's gay, but the maist o' it's sad.
Jist the wee simple airs that sink intae your hert,
And grup ye wi' love and wi' longin' for hame;
And ye glour like an owl till you're feelin' the stert
O' a tear, and you blink wi' a feelin' o' shame.
For his song's o' the heather, and here in the dirt
You listen and dream o' a land that's sae braw,
And he mak's you forget a' the harm and the hurt,
For he pipes like a laverock, does Sandy McGraw.
. . . . . . . . . .
At Eepers I mind me when rank upon rank
We rose from the trenches and swept like the gale,
Till the rapid-fire guns got us fell on the flank
And the murderin' bullets came swishin' like hail:
Till a' that were left o' us faltered and broke;
Till it seemed for a moment a panicky rout,
When shrill through the fume and the flash and the smoke
The wee valiant voice o' a whistle piped out.
The Campbells are Comin': Then into the fray
We bounded wi' bayonets reekin' and raw,
And oh we fair revelled in glory that day,
Jist thanks to the whistle o' Sandy McGraw.
. . . . . . . . . .
At Loose, it wis after a sconnersome fecht,
On the field o' the slain I wis crawlin' aboot;
And the rockets were burnin' red holes in the nicht;
And the guns they were veciously thunderin' oot;
When sudden I heard a bit sound like a sigh,
And there in a crump-hole a kiltie I saw:
"Whit ails ye, ma lad? Are ye woundit?" says I.
"I've lost ma wee whustle," says Sandy McGraw.
"'Twas oot by yon bing where we pressed the attack,
It drapped frae ma pooch, and between noo and dawn
There isna much time so I'm jist crawlin' back. . .
"Ye're daft, man! " I telt him, but Sandy wis gone.
Weel, I waited a wee, then I crawled oot masel,
And the big stuff wis gorin' and roarin' around,
And I seemed tae be under the oxter o' hell,
And Creation wis crackin' tae bits by the sound.
And I says in ma mind: "Gang ye back, ye auld fule !"
When I thrilled tae a note that wis saucy and sma';
And there in a crater, collected and cool,
Wi' his wee penny whistle wis Sandy McGraw.
Ay, there he wis playin' as gleg as could be,
And listenin' hard wis a spectacled Boche;
Then Sandy turned roon' and he noddit tae me,
And he says: "Dinna blab on me, Sergeant McTosh.
The auld chap is deein'. He likes me tae play.
It's makin' him happy. Jist see his een shine!"
And thrillin' and sweet in the hert o' the fray
Wee Sandy wis playin' The Watch on the Rhine.
. . . . . . . . . .
The last scene o' a'---'twas the day that we took
That bit o' black ruin they ca' Labbiesell.
It seemed the hale hillside jist shivered and shook,
And the red skies were roarin' and spewin' oot shell.
And the Sergeants were cursin' tae keep us in hand,
And hard on the leash we were strainin' like dugs,
When upward we shot at the word o' command,
And the bullets were dingin' their songs in oor lugs.
And onward we swept wi' a yell and a cheer,
And a' wis destruction, confusion and din,
And we knew that the trench o' the Boches wis near,
And it seemed jist the safest bit hole tae be in.
So we a' tumbled doon, and the Boches were there,
And they held up their hands, and they yelled: "Kamarad!"
And I merched aff wi' ten, wi' their palms in the air,
And my! I wis prood-like, and my! I wis glad.
And I thocht: if ma lassie could see me jist then. .
When sudden I sobered at somethin' I saw,
And I stopped and I stared, and I halted ma men,
For there on a stretcher wis Sandy McGraw.
Weel, he looks in ma face, jist as game as ye please:
" Ye ken hoo I hate tae be workin'," says he;
"But noo I can play in the street for bawbees,
Wi' baith o' ma legs taken aff at the knee."
And though I could see he wis rackit wi' pain,
He reached for his whistle and stertit tae play;
And quaverin' sweet wis the pensive refrain:
The floors o' the forest are a' wede away.
Then sudden he stoppit: "Man, wis it no grand
Hoo we took a' them trenches?" . . . He shakit his heid:
"I'll-no -play-nae-mair" feebly doon frae his hand
Slipped the wee penny whistle and --- Sandy wis deid.
. . . . . . . . . .
And so you may talk o' your Steinways and Strads,
Your wonderful organs and brasses sae braw;
But oot in the trenches jist gie me, ma lads,
Yon wee penny whistle o' Sandy McGraw.
You may talk o' your lutes and your dulcimers fine,
Your harps and your tabors and cymbals and a',
But here in the trenches jist gie me for mine
The wee penny whistle o' Sandy McGraw.
Oh, it's: "Sandy, ma lad, will you lilt us a tune?"
And Sandy is willin' and trillin' like mad;
Sae silvery sweet that we a' throng aroun',
And some o' it's gay, but the maist o' it's sad.
Jist the wee simple airs that sink intae your hert,
And grup ye wi' love and wi' longin' for hame;
And ye glour like an owl till you're feelin' the stert
O' a tear, and you blink wi' a feelin' o' shame.
For his song's o' the heather, and here in the dirt
You listen and dream o' a land that's sae braw,
And he mak's you forget a' the harm and the hurt,
For he pipes like a laverock, does Sandy McGraw.
. . . . . . . . . .
At Eepers I mind me when rank upon rank
We rose from the trenches and swept like the gale,
Till the rapid-fire guns got us fell on the flank
And the murderin' bullets came swishin' like hail:
Till a' that were left o' us faltered and broke;
Till it seemed for a moment a panicky rout,
When shrill through the fume and the flash and the smoke
The wee valiant voice o' a whistle piped out.
The Campbells are Comin': Then into the fray
We bounded wi' bayonets reekin' and raw,
And oh we fair revelled in glory that day,
Jist thanks to the whistle o' Sandy McGraw.
. . . . . . . . . .
At Loose, it wis after a sconnersome fecht,
On the field o' the slain I wis crawlin' aboot;
And the rockets were burnin' red holes in the nicht;
And the guns they were veciously thunderin' oot;
When sudden I heard a bit sound like a sigh,
And there in a crump-hole a kiltie I saw:
"Whit ails ye, ma lad? Are ye woundit?" says I.
"I've lost ma wee whustle," says Sandy McGraw.
"'Twas oot by yon bing where we pressed the attack,
It drapped frae ma pooch, and between noo and dawn
There isna much time so I'm jist crawlin' back. . .
"Ye're daft, man! " I telt him, but Sandy wis gone.
Weel, I waited a wee, then I crawled oot masel,
And the big stuff wis gorin' and roarin' around,
And I seemed tae be under the oxter o' hell,
And Creation wis crackin' tae bits by the sound.
And I says in ma mind: "Gang ye back, ye auld fule !"
When I thrilled tae a note that wis saucy and sma';
And there in a crater, collected and cool,
Wi' his wee penny whistle wis Sandy McGraw.
Ay, there he wis playin' as gleg as could be,
And listenin' hard wis a spectacled Boche;
Then Sandy turned roon' and he noddit tae me,
And he says: "Dinna blab on me, Sergeant McTosh.
The auld chap is deein'. He likes me tae play.
It's makin' him happy. Jist see his een shine!"
And thrillin' and sweet in the hert o' the fray
Wee Sandy wis playin' The Watch on the Rhine.
. . . . . . . . . .
The last scene o' a'---'twas the day that we took
That bit o' black ruin they ca' Labbiesell.
It seemed the hale hillside jist shivered and shook,
And the red skies were roarin' and spewin' oot shell.
And the Sergeants were cursin' tae keep us in hand,
And hard on the leash we were strainin' like dugs,
When upward we shot at the word o' command,
And the bullets were dingin' their songs in oor lugs.
And onward we swept wi' a yell and a cheer,
And a' wis destruction, confusion and din,
And we knew that the trench o' the Boches wis near,
And it seemed jist the safest bit hole tae be in.
So we a' tumbled doon, and the Boches were there,
And they held up their hands, and they yelled: "Kamarad!"
And I merched aff wi' ten, wi' their palms in the air,
And my! I wis prood-like, and my! I wis glad.
And I thocht: if ma lassie could see me jist then. .
When sudden I sobered at somethin' I saw,
And I stopped and I stared, and I halted ma men,
For there on a stretcher wis Sandy McGraw.
Weel, he looks in ma face, jist as game as ye please:
" Ye ken hoo I hate tae be workin'," says he;
"But noo I can play in the street for bawbees,
Wi' baith o' ma legs taken aff at the knee."
And though I could see he wis rackit wi' pain,
He reached for his whistle and stertit tae play;
And quaverin' sweet wis the pensive refrain:
The floors o' the forest are a' wede away.
Then sudden he stoppit: "Man, wis it no grand
Hoo we took a' them trenches?" . . . He shakit his heid:
"I'll-no -play-nae-mair" feebly doon frae his hand
Slipped the wee penny whistle and --- Sandy wis deid.
. . . . . . . . . .
And so you may talk o' your Steinways and Strads,
Your wonderful organs and brasses sae braw;
But oot in the trenches jist gie me, ma lads,
Yon wee penny whistle o' Sandy McGraw.