Last Week my two year old boy fell down the very steep and long stairs to the basement. He is now slurring his words a little- just not as clear as he was, goes on crying jags, and has a few other signs of not being 'right'.
MY five year old also had head injuries before 3 years of age. As you know, the brain is not attached very well before the age of three, and bumps can do micro damage, the blood vessels tearing away in small areas, and those parts of the brain not being oxegonated do not grow as they would have. This is why one does not throw a baby into the air; the landing hurts them, even in your arms.
I could just kick something, or kill something. The five year old is now fine- by any standard he is bright, but before his head injuries at age two he could memorize and repeat entire Bible verses at Church. He cannot today. Some of that is due to the maturational development- he was at the cusp of new language skills, and what is simpler and more defined for a two years old becomes exponentially more complex as he makes the next language and self development step.
Now I have another two year old hurt. He was at the top of the stairs, which he takes very carefully, but because of the excitment of a guest being downstairs I think he just went too fast. The guest is the same boy who helped injure the first son's brain, so I'm not happy. He's not a bad kid, didn't do anything wrong, but I'm not happy- or particularly fair. I don't have to be. He once slammed an iron gate into my little guys head against a concrete wall, and his mommy, unwilling to see the Monstrosity, said he didn't mean it.
Before I decide to destroy all who injure my family, I have to look at my eldest son, who out of jealousy caused several significant blows to his brother's head also. And of course, I could destroy myself for somehow not being around or aware or quick enough to fix all of this. What am I saying anyway, I once dropped my oldest on his head from a baby seat straight down four feet onto the carpet- on Christmas day!! Let the Games begin.
Yes, I suspect my littlest son will be OK. I don't anticpate seizures or anything. He wasn't knocked out, pupils responded well to light, and the behaviors he has now are to be expected when there is a injury, but can be overcome.
This subject hurts me. When I was 8, I was knocked out rather severely and could not ride my new Christmas bike for over six months. There were severe headaches for many years afterwards. I guess like the subject of spiders and snakes, which some of us dwell upon with disproportionate concern, I'm a little over-sensitive about injuries, and head injuries in particular.
Then my eight year old was bitten by a Tic, didn't realize it, thinking it was a peice of skin, and scraped it off his back. His mother thought the head was still on the Tic, but I have my doubts. A quarter sized red mark apeared, with a white center. Initially both my son and I felt a little hard something catching my fingernail as I probed. I couldn't really see it, though, and left it alone after cleaning the bite area. We have a lot of tics here. Come to Montana, where the Tics are free!!! Getting bitten is not a big deal, but this inflamation is of concern.
Naturally, I call a hospital. You know, beside once being a Psych Nurse, I read things. Unfortunately, a lot of the data runs out of my head like water in a catheter, and I have more of a sense of things than a concrete picture. (No- this is just me- too many years of drinking, and waaaaay tooo abstract an intellect. ) But I want to reclarify the Lymes Disease issue. I'd just read about it here again, so had that fresh, but wanted local comment.
I don't think the Nurse knew what she was talking about. She wanted him brought in. They always want to see them. What a surprise. I once had a Tic head left in which resulted in a huge red patch and even bullseye marking. I don't think it was Lymes disease though. Just 'reaction to foriegn protein." I'm not driving 200 miles to a Nurse who is on shaky ground- she also says there is no known case of Lymes Disease in Montana.
"The head of Fish and Game has Lymes Disease." I tell her.
"Oh, well, maybe he moved here."
She might even be right- I don't know. But I do sterilize a needle and poke around on my son's back. Real good idea- stab an infected area looking for something which cannot be seen. I knew better, but because of the earlier inspection in which both my son and I felt something I decided it was worth a try. The nurse also told us that the kid should be seen because he was a kid, or that the head might travel through the blood stream. I didn't believe either theory. It would have to be one in ten million to have a tic head floating upstream. Doesn't mean I'm not watching all this.
I call another hospital. Now I get different advice. They think he should be seen but say it can wait until the holiday weekend is over. They don't know for sure if Lymes disease always has a allergic reaction.
Guys, I could go on and bore you with tedium. But there's nothing in it for any of us. I'm trying to tell you things happen, and the solutions are imperfect, and we do what we can. I don't like it one bit. I think it stinks to holy Hell and I wish there were more.
I'm watching both injured children. The Hospital isn't going to stick a sautering iron in the skull of the kid who fell- you know- maybe rewire a couple loose ends? And the ER staff aint going to be able to tell me sh-t about Lymes disease. I've left a message on my regular doc's phone and I'm driving a couple hundred miles tomorow to have these things checked out. We'll get some labwork and some antibiotics just to be safe.
Please don't give me medical advice. That isn't what this post is about. It's about being sorry. Sorry I can't fix everything. I didn't even tell you of the stove wiring that went 'pop' yesterday....replacing a stove top that could have been fixed for one she wanted more but it didn't have a vent and how good do these vents work anyway and where is that kid and why is he crying again? That's my life. My friend John Shirley called me in the middle of this and tried to help.
And Finally, I'm tired of saying dumb things. I will all my life- it's my Karma, a silly cross I throw around. I could write threads of ridiculous unneccesary messes I've created, of hurting people for no reason, and even misrepresenting myself as I do. Almost crazy- the things we do, I just have a little more of it than some folks. But if you're feeling like that, and then your kids are hurt, and you can't fix them or the stove, what do you think you do?
Beats the hell out of me. It's fingerends scraping along asphalt. And it's humility. It's prayer too, if you can get there and remove the muffle that seems to hold your brain. I call it the cardboard. Silvia Plath called it the Bell Jar. I hate that darn stuff. At least all this brings myself back to the fore.
Anyway, this is where I've been for a few days. I know you know what I mean.
munk
MY five year old also had head injuries before 3 years of age. As you know, the brain is not attached very well before the age of three, and bumps can do micro damage, the blood vessels tearing away in small areas, and those parts of the brain not being oxegonated do not grow as they would have. This is why one does not throw a baby into the air; the landing hurts them, even in your arms.
I could just kick something, or kill something. The five year old is now fine- by any standard he is bright, but before his head injuries at age two he could memorize and repeat entire Bible verses at Church. He cannot today. Some of that is due to the maturational development- he was at the cusp of new language skills, and what is simpler and more defined for a two years old becomes exponentially more complex as he makes the next language and self development step.
Now I have another two year old hurt. He was at the top of the stairs, which he takes very carefully, but because of the excitment of a guest being downstairs I think he just went too fast. The guest is the same boy who helped injure the first son's brain, so I'm not happy. He's not a bad kid, didn't do anything wrong, but I'm not happy- or particularly fair. I don't have to be. He once slammed an iron gate into my little guys head against a concrete wall, and his mommy, unwilling to see the Monstrosity, said he didn't mean it.
Before I decide to destroy all who injure my family, I have to look at my eldest son, who out of jealousy caused several significant blows to his brother's head also. And of course, I could destroy myself for somehow not being around or aware or quick enough to fix all of this. What am I saying anyway, I once dropped my oldest on his head from a baby seat straight down four feet onto the carpet- on Christmas day!! Let the Games begin.
Yes, I suspect my littlest son will be OK. I don't anticpate seizures or anything. He wasn't knocked out, pupils responded well to light, and the behaviors he has now are to be expected when there is a injury, but can be overcome.
This subject hurts me. When I was 8, I was knocked out rather severely and could not ride my new Christmas bike for over six months. There were severe headaches for many years afterwards. I guess like the subject of spiders and snakes, which some of us dwell upon with disproportionate concern, I'm a little over-sensitive about injuries, and head injuries in particular.
Then my eight year old was bitten by a Tic, didn't realize it, thinking it was a peice of skin, and scraped it off his back. His mother thought the head was still on the Tic, but I have my doubts. A quarter sized red mark apeared, with a white center. Initially both my son and I felt a little hard something catching my fingernail as I probed. I couldn't really see it, though, and left it alone after cleaning the bite area. We have a lot of tics here. Come to Montana, where the Tics are free!!! Getting bitten is not a big deal, but this inflamation is of concern.
Naturally, I call a hospital. You know, beside once being a Psych Nurse, I read things. Unfortunately, a lot of the data runs out of my head like water in a catheter, and I have more of a sense of things than a concrete picture. (No- this is just me- too many years of drinking, and waaaaay tooo abstract an intellect. ) But I want to reclarify the Lymes Disease issue. I'd just read about it here again, so had that fresh, but wanted local comment.
I don't think the Nurse knew what she was talking about. She wanted him brought in. They always want to see them. What a surprise. I once had a Tic head left in which resulted in a huge red patch and even bullseye marking. I don't think it was Lymes disease though. Just 'reaction to foriegn protein." I'm not driving 200 miles to a Nurse who is on shaky ground- she also says there is no known case of Lymes Disease in Montana.
"The head of Fish and Game has Lymes Disease." I tell her.
"Oh, well, maybe he moved here."
She might even be right- I don't know. But I do sterilize a needle and poke around on my son's back. Real good idea- stab an infected area looking for something which cannot be seen. I knew better, but because of the earlier inspection in which both my son and I felt something I decided it was worth a try. The nurse also told us that the kid should be seen because he was a kid, or that the head might travel through the blood stream. I didn't believe either theory. It would have to be one in ten million to have a tic head floating upstream. Doesn't mean I'm not watching all this.
I call another hospital. Now I get different advice. They think he should be seen but say it can wait until the holiday weekend is over. They don't know for sure if Lymes disease always has a allergic reaction.
Guys, I could go on and bore you with tedium. But there's nothing in it for any of us. I'm trying to tell you things happen, and the solutions are imperfect, and we do what we can. I don't like it one bit. I think it stinks to holy Hell and I wish there were more.
I'm watching both injured children. The Hospital isn't going to stick a sautering iron in the skull of the kid who fell- you know- maybe rewire a couple loose ends? And the ER staff aint going to be able to tell me sh-t about Lymes disease. I've left a message on my regular doc's phone and I'm driving a couple hundred miles tomorow to have these things checked out. We'll get some labwork and some antibiotics just to be safe.
Please don't give me medical advice. That isn't what this post is about. It's about being sorry. Sorry I can't fix everything. I didn't even tell you of the stove wiring that went 'pop' yesterday....replacing a stove top that could have been fixed for one she wanted more but it didn't have a vent and how good do these vents work anyway and where is that kid and why is he crying again? That's my life. My friend John Shirley called me in the middle of this and tried to help.
And Finally, I'm tired of saying dumb things. I will all my life- it's my Karma, a silly cross I throw around. I could write threads of ridiculous unneccesary messes I've created, of hurting people for no reason, and even misrepresenting myself as I do. Almost crazy- the things we do, I just have a little more of it than some folks. But if you're feeling like that, and then your kids are hurt, and you can't fix them or the stove, what do you think you do?
Beats the hell out of me. It's fingerends scraping along asphalt. And it's humility. It's prayer too, if you can get there and remove the muffle that seems to hold your brain. I call it the cardboard. Silvia Plath called it the Bell Jar. I hate that darn stuff. At least all this brings myself back to the fore.
Anyway, this is where I've been for a few days. I know you know what I mean.
munk
