It's the rationalization of what you did, the explaining over and over again like it changes anything.
Want a fresh start? Walk away from this thread, read more post less and put the history behind you. If you're genuine and honestly want to enjoy the forum for what it is you can lurk for a long time and if your good with Google or the bf search function you'll find all the answers you need.
If you can't find your answer, figure out an intelligent way to ask your question, don't bring up your history and if someone asks you about it don't deny it, if you feel the need to explain yourself, do it in a pm.
This is the best advice I can give you. Take it for what it's worth, I'm not 14 and I've been here a long time, I'm suggesting the best path to follow if you want to integrate into the community and who knows, eventually become a contributing member.
Good luck. (~);}