OOhh you got me started now
Master Williams:
First let me say that I am more impressed with your reasoning than any of the other self- proclaimed masters I have encountered. May I suggest compiling a primer, on how to become as omnipotent as yourself? You are the first Supreme Being blademaker that I have seen who could provide such knowledge without fear or trepidation, since even though mere mortals may have the knowledge, who but you could properly administer it?
The primer could include tips such as the following:
Embrace the title of Master entirely and realize that you title is superior to those what have received that title from their peers, after all who are your peers to bestow credentials upon you? You title was given to you by yourself the ONLY one qualified to rate one such as yourself! There will be small minded insects who will ask for more than this as credentials so I suggest you line your shop walls with master certificates from many countries with prestigous names like- The Kingdom of Artemisia, The Kingdom of Atenveldt, The Kingdom of Northshield, the Kingdom of Calontir, The Kingdom of Ansteorra, the Middle Kingdom ect
Dont bother with certification from any places like The United States or America as they are far too common and mired in the political issues of reality.
Be very certain to mention your mastery of virtually every martial art ever conceived. After all it is so vital to have a quadruple degree black belt in Tae Kwon Everythingjitsu in order to swing a hammer at steel. Perhaps this is why I have never reached your level of mastery, all I did was get my belts in Tae Kwon Do back when I could lift my leg above my waist without pulling every muscle in it. But every kick and block I learned has been invaluable to me every day I heat treat a blade. Martial arts and metallurgy, the two are so inseparable that the very mention of a belt ranking should make you a great craftsman. The one thing that I love about the martial arts is its heavy emphasis on HUMILITY! Oh my, wait a minute, that could be a problem, couldnt it?
Be certain to make VERY outrageous claims! Tell the world that your stuff is superior, or on a higher level. If you want to play it safe just leave it at that, and don't say anything about what it is superior to or performs above. But if you want to boldly go for the top simply lower very other maker out there with one blow! Never stop at being better than average- be the best there ever was! In fact be certain to unequivocally state you are the best in the whole wide world! in the manner of any 8 year old trying to prove himself on the play ground. Adults are filled with self doubt because they are small minded; you have the self confidence of that 8 year old (as well as the mentality) because you are a supreme being.
Borrow confusing language from every source you can. Mysticism and magical terms work well for about 40% of the population that want to believe. Science is the best, as it intimidates the heck out of everybody! Whether it is magical or scientific terminology, be certain to use such obscure and remote references so they cannot be verified and picked at by the ignorant masses. 20% of the population may actually crack a book and verify documents or historical records, let them waste their time. You have no need for such technicalities as to whether something actually happened or not. But remember this- scientific words are your most powerful tool until some fool points out that the terms you use are contradictory, or that you should back your claims in a scientific manner, then be certain to either fall back on the superior fields of magic and mysticism, or point out how flawed science is and how it has lead mankind astray too many times to be trusted (hey it worked what that idiot Galileo!)
Never, and I mean NEVER allow yourself to be drawn into a debate over facts! You dont need facts! You have the belief of your followers! How dare members of the common rabble, who are only worthy to blindly give you their money, ask you to back your claims with specific verifiable facts! Your followers dont need facts and they completely understand your universe, it works for them so the rest should just shut up and submit.
Speaking of followers, followers are essential! How can you be a guru of any sort if you do not have lackeys to preach the gospel to the world? When things get out of hand with mere mortals questioning you, you can simply back out of the area and send in your lackeys to mindlessly attack your detractors from every direction, but reason! Lackeys can say, and do, the most ridiculous and incorrect things, and if it gets thrown back at you, you can say you didnt say it- they did!
In fact Master Williams I would like to be the first to offer my services as one of your lackey followers. I am unable to relocate to your shop yet but I will be happy to give any doubters on this forum a sound verbal thrashing for you!
Now who has a question worthy of Master Williams? All other questions will be attacked by myself and the other lackeys!
P.S. I took time to post this because I think it is very important that members of any field discuss things like this (peer review is something that the knifemaking world could benefit from greatly), and this is great because we are having fun at the same time. I would like to point out that I use no single entity as a guide in my primer points, but included a little bit of every steaming pile I have seen in this business
Now I have some blades coming out the salts that I need to tend to.
, just one question, where do you take your morning poop to? 
