HotDog Eating Dog Beware

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BuraFan

BuraFan

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I shouldn't tell this story but it's harmless and kinda funny. My dog is a lab and she loves to eat weiners She'll do anything for one :)

Well last night I was out back and it was late and no one was around so I decided to take a leak.

Wham she bit my ding dong jessssssssssssus :)

Darn dog

:)
 
That reminds me of a joke:

Two drunk guys were out in the woods. One stepped behind a tree to relieve himself. The other guy looked over and saw part of his anatomy sticking out from behind the tree. "Oh my God a snake!" he screamed. The guy peeing said "pick up a stick and kill it" The other drunk picked up a big stick and swung with all his might. "Aieeeeeeeeeeee" cried the guy behind the tree " Hit him again! He just bit me" ;)

This guy was in the woods with a friend and was relieving himself and was struck by a snake where none of us wants to be struck. His friend told him to lie still and he would call a doctor for advice for first aid. The guy calls and the doctor tells him to make 2 small cuts on the incision and then to try to suck the poision out. The guy gets off the phone and returns to his friend.
"what did the doctor say" he asked. " Doctor says you gonna die" he said. ;)
 
In the days of outhouses, guess what part of the anatomy was most bitten by black widow and brown recluse spiders?
 
When my dad was 14, he was bitten by a brown recluse right where your nuts meet your ass. When he was young he said he would drop his pants straight down next to the bed. In the morning, he would hop into his pants and pull them straight up. Apparently, they wore the same clothes for several days (unlike my daughters that average an hour). When he pulled them up he felt a needle stick. He thought he had a splinter or something in his drawers. Never found the spider. By lunch time, he couldn't sit on the tractor and had to be helped to walk. He said his balls were the size of baseballs and hurt so bad, he couldn't move his legs. A spot rotted out about the size of a quarter. He was in bed for 4 weeks. Doctor said it was probably a brown recluse and he would probably be sterile....yet, here we all are. Two boys and two girls and none of us look like the milk-man (or the mailman).
 
Your Dad is one lucky fella!!! youch, a nightmare spider bite on the taint.
Burafan, try not to feed your dog weiners by wiggling them at waist level, maybe you'll be safe, lol!
 
Per radio morning show John Boy & Billy "Dumb Crook News"

A male flasher walks into a grocery store wearing a rain coat and nothing else. He goes to the vegatable isle and picks up a large can of corn. The man then proceeds to the check out counter and places the corn on the counter in front of the female clerk.

As the clerk is ringing up his order, the man places his "member" on the counter next to the corn. Seeing this the clerk immediately picks up the can of corn bringing it down with such force on the tip of the male's member that he passes out...... :eek:

When the local cops arrived the man was still passed out. As they arrested him and departed the grocery store, one cop was overheard telling the man...."you should have bought a loaf of bread" :D
 
y'all have inspired me to a new low.....posting weiner jokes online.....**groan**

(sure had some good ones, though! - still cleaning water off computer at work....:eek: )


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There once was a couple of newlyweds named John and Wendy. John told his wife Wendy that he wanted a tattoo! Wendy agreed and said that would be ok. John did not know what the tattoo should say or where he would put it. So Wendy said, "Well, if you REALLY loved me, you would get my name tattooed on your pecker."
John couldn't back out on that one, so he went to the tattoo parlor. The tattoo artist told him that he needed to have an erection while he put it on. After an hour of excruciating pain, the tattoo was done.

As John was on his way home from the tattoo parlor he saw a rest stop and decided he needed to stop and take a leak. He went to the restroom and looked down to admire his tattoo and he noticed, that when he was not erect, the only letters that were visible, were the W and the Y.

Suddenly, a big black gentleman steps into the urinal beside John and John accidentally looked down at the guy and could not help but notice that he ALSO had the letters W and Y tattooed.

So John said "Hey, I guess you have a girlfriend or wife named Wendy too."

The guys looked confused and said, "What makes you think that?"

John replied "Well, I noticed the W and the Y tattoo -- so you don't have a girlfriend named Wendy?"

The black guy laughed and responded, "No mon, that tattoo says, 'Welcome to Jamaica! Have a nice day.'"
 
There is an old guy named Glen that is a little out of it that lives in a nursing home. One day Glen rushes up to one of the nurses and said(very panickedly),"Nurse, my weiner died!" "Well I am very sorry to hear that, Glen," said the nurse, and Glen contentedly walked away. Well, the next day old Glen is walkin around with his weiner hangin out of his pants. The nurse walks up and asks him what it is doin like that, because she thought it died. He replied," It did. Today's the viewing."
 
are getting ready to consummate the marriage on thir wedding night. The woman says" I have a confession to make--this bra makse my breasts look two cup sizes bigger than they really are." Man says, "Thats ok, I have a confession to make--I'm hung like a baby." He turns out the lights while she goes to the bathroom to change into lingerie. She comes back out, and the heavy petting jsut begins when she says "Wow, I thot U said you were hung like a baby!" He says "Yes I am--7 pounds, 20 inches."

Keith
 
He picks up flowers and takes off work at lunch. Gets home and finds his wife in bed with another man. Gets his shotgun out of the closet and leads the poor fellow to the garage. Say's put your penis in that vice there. Guys says please....please don't cut off my weiner. Husband says I'm not going to. The guy puts his dick in the vise and the husband cranks her down good and tight and pulls the handle out of the vise. He grabs a hacksaw and says here hold this. The guy says why. The husband says I've got to get the gas and the matches.
 
I don't have a dog so I guess I am safe peein in the yard. But on second thought, there ARE a lot of squirrels back there.
 
not sure if I'm supposed to laugh at that one, Jotto....:( ouch :(


There was an urban legend floating around my HS about a guy who after demonstrating his lack of school spirit was taken out in the woods by a rowdy bunch after the game. They found a stump, drove an axe in it and opened 'er up. Forced him to put his unit in the splintery crack and then pulled the axe out and left him there.

Anybody else heard anything like this?
 
Daniel Koster said:
not sure if I'm supposed to laugh at that one, Jotto.... ouch :(


There was an urban legend floating around my HS about a guy who after demonstrating his lack of school spirit was taken out in the woods by a rowdy bunch after the game. They found a stump, drove an axe in it and opened 'er up. Forced him to put his unit in the splintery crack and then pulled the axe out and left him there.

Anybody else heard anything like this?
Click to expand...
I heard it was Bruise that got stuck there.:rolleyes: :(
And that's why he is so paranoid today.:eek: ;)
Hell I wouldn't trust anyone either!!!!:mad:

Did y'all hear about the guy who had a corkscrew member? He searched and searched and finally found a female with a similar fixture.
They married and on their wedding night right after they were about to consumate the marriage he shot himself.....
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After screaming out. OH NOooooooo! LEFT HAND THREADS!!!!! :eek: :p :D
 
Burafan--if you had big Russian weiner like Yerrik there was no way your dog mistook your weiner for hot dog. Yerrik wonders if you even have dog.
 
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