How does the other half live?

J.Marsillo

J.Marsillo

Joined
Nov 8, 2000
Messages
1,255
rant on:
How many of you makers get grief from the wife/girlfriend for making knives.
I started this infectious hobby a year ago with the intentions of it turning into a moneymaking thing when I retire (ok I know I have 30 years to retire).
Untill recently my wife worked and everything was fine financially.So now I'm trying to kick up the knifemaking as a second "job".Even if I sold one a month its still income right? WRONG.... every thing that has to do with me making blades gets me some kind of attitude :grumpy: Wtfo, would I be better off putting this hobby/addiction/second job aside to just go to work a second job?
Keep in mind that I already scrapped every other hobby to enter the wide world of bladesmithing.Once a month I go to a union meeting....thats about it for me.I have tried just about every angle to make it apealing to her but nothing is working.:jerkit: feel free to flush this over to whine and cheese but I wanted to ask a few makers first ;)
 
Lol, I'd say you're asking a pretty biased bunch.
I guess we first need to know what her main objection(s) is/are to knifemaking....
Good luck.
 
CanDo said:
Lol, I'd say you're asking a pretty biased bunch.
I guess we first need to know what her main objection(s) is/are to knifemaking....
Good luck.
Click to expand...

Could be yes or no. Like CanDo said: need more info
 
I have the polar opposite wife. I casually mentioned to my wife one day that I would like to make a knife for myself, and if it worked out well, maybe a couple for friends, relatives, etc... A few days later, after showing her some knives in blade magazine, and telling her about the wealth of info I found online about knifemaking, she is actually pushing me to start the hobby, and if it eventually makes a few bucks (way down the road), thats all the better!!

A Smith
newbie
 
Sorry to hear about your problem.Mine absolutely loves it.She handles all my bookwork, makes my cards, calendars and brochures.She has designed my table display and goes to all my shows and picks out my handle materials for me.I would suggest taking her to a big show to see what its like and maybe she could talk to some of the other ladies.Good luck.Dave:)
 
CanDo said:
Lol, I'd say you're asking a pretty biased bunch.
I guess we first need to know what her main objection(s) is/are to knifemaking....
Good luck.
Click to expand...

This sounds kind of one sided on my behalf but the main objection IS making knives period.I already mentioned I gave up my hobbies.No more d&d night at my friends house,no more trips to the range for some shooting,I dont go to bars.If she wants to find me all she has to do is follow 100 ' of extension cord to the garage (and not unplug it while I'm leaning into the kmg at full speed :eek: )
 
This is an easy one, Joe...

You're having way too much fun!
:D

Just don't neglect her for the shop and it should all work out.
And if she's complaining, it's probably because she feels neglected.
Then again with girls/women...ya never know :D
 
Obviously the mysteries of the woman are not likely solved by a bunch of guys on a knife-related internet forum.

(Incidentally, I too am one of the lucky ones ---Very supportive wife.)


Here are some shot-in-the-dark musings on the subject:


1. It is my experience that women do not like to be ignored. IF your wife is feeling left out, or that 'the knife thing' is interfering with time you "should" be spending with her, it will be resented. It doesn't matter that you've made room by ditching other things. If she's there alone and you're 100 ft. away, giddy with enthusiasm, doing something else, it's worse than if you were across town with friends.

2. She may have some resentment over your enthusiasm for something new, especially if it's just the same-old-things going on in her world.

3. She may rightly discern that this new 'hobby' is going to get pretty expensive and isn't convinced it will pay off. Besides, the hope of potential financial payoff will never be worth the perception of being ignored.

4. Regardless of what she says, she may not like knives, certainly not in the same way you might. She probably won't appreciate the need to make knives when juxtaposed with her desire not to feel ignored.

5. She may feel ignored while you're 100 ft away, giddy with enthusiasm, making knives ... oh, I already said that one ... well, I'll say it again:

6. She may feel ignored while you're 100 ft. away, giddy with enthusiasm, making knives!!!!

Really it's always a good idea to ask her what's going on, and a better idea to listen very carefully for what she MEANS...which may not be exactly what she says. I know, I know ...

Additional advice: Don't broach the subject if she already seems to be in a bad mood, is preoccupied or is otherwise out of sorts. Better yet, take her out, do something 'special', etc., THEN ask her what her thought are regarding your knifemaking.

Edit:
I see EBBTIDE hit on my main point just before I posted .... Well then, I'll just point and say, "What he said!"
 
Make some stuff for her not necessarily knives ,anything you can think of.And spend one day a week with family !!
 
I think Ebbtide and JCaswell, have it nailed. I have learned to ignore alot of the grief my wife gives me. But at the same time I don't shut her out. ( if that makes any sense) There is a very fine line we (as knife junkies) walk. Another thing I have noticed atleast with my wife, she herself really does not have any hobbies that she can get lost in. Don't worry mate, things will smooth out, I'm sure you will find a way to make both, you and your wife happy.

I've only been married for 10yrs. and sometimes it seems like a hundred. I have tried to explain to my wife that making knives is a stress reliever for me. I actually think that, that made her a little upset because once again she has not found the stress reliever for herself.

Just give it time, I'm sure things will smooth out for ya.

Good Luck
Nick:)
 
Ebbtide said:
This is an easy one, Joe...

You're having way too much fun!
:D
Click to expand...

Lmao....thanks Wally
I made her a nice paring knife....she let it rust in the drawer :rolleyes:
Giddy with enthusiasm :D
I opted for the set my shop time hours but she wasnt giving me any at all.
I guess I just have to make some REALLY nice knives and give her the cash :eek: Only time will tell. Untill then I will do my tedious fit up fileing and the like during my 1/2 hour lunch at work.It's just as much fun except that if your watching from a distance it lookslike I'm jerkin off in my car :jerkit: :eek: :D
 
It's been my experience that women will get jerked if you're doing something you enjoy without them....even if they're the ones who told you to do it.


I have the problem in reverse. At least three times a week, all I hear is:
"Did you finish that knife yet? I wanna see it" and " Did you start that knife for that guy yet?"

Better than you're problem I guess. ( Ignore Her )
 
all i can say from experience is keep the two things seperate. if she asks let her know how its going but when you're with her you're with her. don't talk about it. don't bring it up. unless you just sold one and you're going to use the cash to fix something you've been putting off, or using it for something good for the both of you

doesn't matter if you're onl in there 3 minutes a month, but if all you do is hang on the forums, talk about the new tools to buy, where to get em, who's got the deals, the next hammer-in, the new tips you learned on how to remove solder, showing em the new burl you picked up, and promising it will all pay off someday,

they don't care they just want you to step out of the knife zone and into the wife zone, don't forget why you're with her.

try this each time you go to say something about knives to her or around her, instead complimnet her, you start to realize how much you're sucked into this damn addiction that can't be beat.... no patches for this one.

good luck man!
 
Joe, I don't think we have enough facts here. Was it planned that she not work? Is it possible that she's feeling a little guilty that she's not being a contributor to the family finances, and then turning that outward onto you because you having to take up the slack is a constant reminder of that? If it's a bit too personal, just tell me to shut up.
-Mark
 
I just reserve one evening a week (usually from 7pm til midnight) to make knives. To speed up the process, I have my blanks waterjet cut and all I grind are the bevels. Saves a lot of time... otherwise, she'll kick my ass.

I've also setup a separate bank account so she can see that I make a little money each month or break even -rather than losing money.

I used to get the ol' "Stop playing with knives and pay attention to the kids" statement -but after doing the things above, we're all a lot happier. Marriages and life are all about fair compromise. :)
 
A lot of good advices here, take it as you wish :)

And to add to the pile, here is my 2cents...

In allmost every kind of art form in the world today and in history. As well as in propably every martial art. One thing binds them all together. While performing they leave trivial things behind and focus at the task at hand. Put your mind where your hands are, or nothing good will come of it.

While that is important it is equally important to leave the knifemaking behind when you close the shop door. When you are with your family, that is where your mind should be.

It is very difficult for someone who never created anything with their hands, to really understand the appreciating feeling one gets by doing so. Let her know that you feel good leting out your creative self.

I told my wife who did not share my passion for budo, that studying budo gives me peace of mind and make me feel good. That it is easier for me to be a good husband when I am overall satisfied. Now she does not share my passions, but she accepts it, and respects my priorities.

Like yourself, I still had to put away most other hobbies and activities.

You dont mentinon why your wife doesnt work. Perhaps she was layd off ?, perhaps she didnt feel valued in her job. Let her know you value her.
 
The complicated answer: Involve her in the process

My GF is into fishing, so I've recently started a really nice filet knife for her, and have asked her to consult on the design, fit, and finish, and have also asked her if she'd like to make the sheath, or help me make it. She seems at least mlldly interested.

The easy answer: Start a "worse" hobby.

I've recently become interested in firearms (I guess it's a pretty natural crossover from the knife world). I purchased a firearm (still in my waiting period), and told her about it. Her immediate reply was "so, got any new knives you want to make?"

True story.

pr.
 
Psriley, that is just great. I caught myself laughing out loud :D
Propably bcaus I reccognised a real life experience of my own...

Please let us know how she feels about it in 3 months from now. ;)
 
here is what I have done.
Wife knows that I dont like to "Chat" when I am in the frame of mind to work - she lets me work.

Wife knows that after work and I want to work I wont be later than 7 o'clock - she isnt left guessing when I am coming in.

Wife knows I am way backed up in orders but I put them 1st so when I do work she knows I need to do just that.....go and work:thumbup:
 
My Son, My Son, My Son!!! You have sinned.:eek: Only kidding.;) :D
I am lucky too, Helen is great on the support and I use her as my QC person. This makes her feel the sher is involved in my work.
I also spend Sundays with her and cook up a nice dinner for the both of us.;)
This Sunday is a seafood feast.:thumbup:
 
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