How does the other half live?

I wouldn't bother trying to maintain a relationship with someone that didn't support me, whether it was making knives or anything else, for that matter. Life is both too short and too long to spend it with someone that just nags at you!
With that being said, I'm much unlike most guys... I don't drink, couldn't care less about sports, and in general lead a pretty reasonable wife, while also supporting her endeavors and helping where I can. In fact, I've never understood why so many people have adversarial relationships with their women... NOTHING can be worth it.
Just my .02
 
Just realized how much my post sounds like I'm telling you to ditch your woman! NOT what I meant at all!

Did your lady have issues with your knifemaking when she was working? If not, then my guess is that your knifemaking isn't the problem!
 
Did You say why the wife doesnt work anymore? Does she want to go back to work? It seems that there needs to be 2 incomes nowadays but you cant work and make knives and still pay attention to her. Knifemaking is too time consuming and we as makers tend to retreat from reality in this hobby. I still want to be a hermit.
 
I can relate. Every time I want to get out in the shop, within 10 minutes she'll come out & say "Come spend some time with ME." Usually this means looking after the baby for her so she can go read a book or play a computer game undisturbed. I was so excited when my new bars of steel arrived like 3 weeks ago. Worked on 'em exactly one night in all that time, and even then only because a buddy wanted to come over & work too. And my wife even gave me shit about that later.

The end result? I don't make anything these days. And I don't spend any more time with her either. I hang around the office after hours on Bladeforums to satiate my passion for knives since I can't seem to do it at home.

Don't get me wrong, I enjoy spending time with my wife, and LOVE hanging out with our two year old daughter too. But I've got all these dreams about creating stuff in my head, and just end up feeling like a total shitbag loser when i realize I'll never get to make most of 'em.
 
I'm hearing a lot of good advice here, but I'm going to throw in my $.02 anyways. I'm in a similar situation inasmuch as I'm working and my lovely wife isn't (decision by choice, not force. Don't know your situation and frankly it's none of my business...). When I was initially getting into the knifemaking hobby (habit?) I was all gung-ho 24/7 knives. Reading, researching, and generally being a chatterbox about it. It irritated her to no end. Not because I was doing something I enjoyed and she wasn't or anything, but mostly because she honestly didn't care about it the way I did.

We had a sort of defining moment just prior to my blacksmith guild's annual shin-dig this year. I was working on a knife for the knifemaking competition and having a pretty bad time of it. A blade that I had a month of evenings and weekends into turned out to be cracked (but I couldn't see it until I buffed it out). This happened a week before the contest. I finished a new knife in time (3 handles and 2 guards later), but almost lost my good relationship with my wife. I had gotten so sucked into it that for that week it was ALL I thought about, ALL I did, an certainly ALL I talked about. She was ready to kill me. After it was all said and done we talked, and she told me that "if this is the way knifemaking is going to be, you'd better find another hobby or another wife". Turns out what the problem was was that it was supposed to be something I enjoyed, but it was stressing me out (and stressing her out because of that).

Now, that doesn't sound anything like your situation, but I did learn a few things in the process of this conversation with her:

- All I was thinking about was that knife
- All I was worrying about was that knife
- All I was talking about was that knife
- All I wanted to do was be happy with that knife

Now, look at the above list and try to find the 'wife' in there. Certainly sometimes you should just replace the 'knife' above with 'wife'. It took us almost having some real problems for me to realize that I was a little obsessed. We talked, I realized that, admitted it, felt terrible about neglecting her (she is ultimately the only thing in my life that matters worth a damn. If I had to set down my hamer and turn off the grinder forever to keep her, there would be no second thought.), and told her all of that.

Fast forward bit and I have the most supportive wife a guy could hope for. She let me put up a shop building, build a grinder, buy a power hammer (that I haven't even gotten to bring home yet!), gas forge, etc, she puts up with the near constant deliveries of little boxes of wood and steel and supplies. Heck, when I mentioned needing to get stencils so I could mark a blade I'm working on now (it's for a trade item at my blacksmith guild meeting...it'll be the first piece that anybody but me gets) she said to tell them that I'd mark it later so that I could make one for her that would be the first one I mark. :)

Your situation undoubtably is different, but my point is that if you figure out what is stressing your wife out about your knifemaking you can work it out. She may even end up being your biggest fan!

Good luck man,

-d
 
The majority of what I contribute to our income comes from a small percentage of my time. A small percentage of what I contribute comes from knifemaking and yet I spend 60 + hours per week on knifemaking and the business of being a knifemaker. My wife works in education outside the home.
I have assumed responsibility for alot of the work that couples may share rather than one or the other does...pay bills, handle repairs, investments, scheduling things, the yardwork, some of the grocery shopping, anything involving a trip to the hardware store, help with her parents if/when they need it etc.
Also, we have a routine of coffee together every morning, I see her off to work from the front porch each workday, and our pup and I meet her at the door, or I drop what I am doing to speak to her when she comes home.
If I am working on knives and hear, "I want you to spend time with me.", I do.
We spend time with her/our best friend who's husband is in a nursing home (he's just turned 59).....
I guess I am just saying, in my long-winded manner, that SHE is the most important person in your life, and you show it. I can be stubborn, heck she is a Type A also, but SHE is number one. Make sure she knows that and make sure you give her time when she wants it and when she doesn't
Its not knifemaking vs.your spouse, bothe are important to you but priorities and "give and take" always needs to be more give by each of you than take.
Oh yeah, we've been married for over 38 years.
 
deker said:
If I had to set down my hamer and turn off the grinder forever to keep her, there would be no second thought.), and told her all of that.

Fast forward bit and I have the most supportive wife a guy could hope for.
Click to expand...

That's usually all they want ... to know you have things straight. It's just like magic when your wife knows they're 'number-one.'
 
Joe, I'm lucky that my wife supports me in this hobby of mine although she does say that I spend too much money on it. If some one really cares for you they want you to be happy...Do you have young kids at home?? If not and she just doesn't want to work, tell her that instead of you working a second job, you can just sell her car(she doesn't need it to got to work) and put a cap on her shopping..She can't have it both ways..I would love to sit home every day and relax and do nothing. But life is expensive so I do what I have to do..Ironworking is hard, I sure don't want to get a second job so that my wife can stay home!!!!!!!!!!!:grumpy:
 
I could consider myself to be pretty lucky. My wife supports ALL of my hobbies, no matter how expensive, and I get all the time I need all week long cause she is still in college, and has to study all the time. She studies in the office, and I make a mess in the garage. Every night. She actually gets mad @ me when I bother her while she is studying, so leaving her alone is a bonus.
 
rocketmann said:
Ironworking is hard, I sure don't want to get a second job so that my wife can stay home!!!!!!!!!!!:grumpy:
Click to expand...
Amen to that :cool:

I didnt mention that she chose not to work :o It was a mutual decision her bartending and having to get up early for the kids and me wanting to shoot half of middletown just wasnt working out(though I did get a pretty good reputation as a knife weilding,pistol packing redneck :eek: )
All the 2 cents in this thread make sense to me maybe I can put her in college next semester.She wants to go back to school for dental hygentistry maybe I'll go full time bladesmith :rolleyes: ;) I'd opt for a hermit anyday :thumbup:
All in all she admit's it she just hates knives :grumpy: and guns and bladeforums.
 
I was a part time maker with the emphasis on part time when I met my wife 5 years ago. She looked at a few of my knives and stated, "Why don't you make something useful like jewelry?" She then went on to say, "Isn't it a waste of all that attention to detail on a mere knife?"

I have since won her over to the dark side. When we moved out here to the Northwest, she happily agreed to let me build a shop onto the new house. She now comes out and watches me work (play) and likes having a husband that is only 20 feet from the back door. The more I spend time in the shop, the more she likes it. I think it's because she feels we're getting use out the addition to the house. She's been a wonderful supporter and is now suggesting that I put together a website and attend a show or two.

I guess I'm one of the lucky ones!

Icky
 
It's about impossible to find a good middle ground when we makers try to keep our ladies happy. I work a full time night job and do the knives part time. Actually, my wife enjoys the extra income (imagine that) and is pushy with me to get into the shop and get more work done. I have this itch I have to scratch, called hunting and fishing, so on weekends it's off to the woods or on the water between shop time. My job and union stresses require time away from it all. Being entwined in problems is not the frame of mind to be in while in the shop, as we all WELL know. My wife doesn't work, she is a stay at home and disabled. My union positions both regional and local takes valuable time away from the week's grand total of available hours, too.
 
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