HT Relish Blues

Stacy E. Apelt - Bladesmith

Stacy E. Apelt - Bladesmith

ilmarinen - MODERATOR
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Knifemaker / Craftsman / Service Provider
Joined
Aug 20, 2004
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Yesterday a box arrived from God's country (New England).I tore it open ,knowing that it was TWO JARS of Indian George's Heat Treat Relish.I got a jar a month ago for a friend,I have eaten most of it myself when visiting him.Anyway,Shortly after receiving the package two men in dark suits and sun glasses came to the store to see me.Showed me some badges and mumbled something about Dept. of Homeland Security.They wanted to know what I was planning on doing with such a HUGE supply of IG's HT chemical warfare compound! Seems the FBI tracks this stuff in shipping.They said that one jar could be explained as personal use,(about a three year supply),but three jars clearly indicated that I planned to either distribute it to terrorists through the underground,or was personally planning some diabolical scheme of global proportions.I feigned innocence,screwed the lid off a jar (They backed away ) took a spoon and ate some.Told them it was harmless.They both took a big spoonful and tried it.Last time I saw them they were headin' for the Black Sedan parked out front.Don't reckon I'll see them again soon.
 
I use it to start fires. You throw about half a teaspoon full on a pile of wood and within 15 seconds it will ignite the wood.
 
I've explained this before but for those that missed it......

IG is under investigation for plotting the end of the world via, global warming. That's not true as all of us know. George wouldn't do that on purpose. Here's what has happened.

He worked out a deal with some Eskimo's to get whale ivory in exchange for Relish.

Due to overfishing and the illegal killing of seals, Killer whales have found it necessary to supplement their diet with ......Eskimos.

Ig's Relish has an abnormally high concentration of "Fartigens " These are the building blocks for one of the most dangerous reactions known to man.

Critical Gas This is like critical mass....just different....anyway.....

The Eskimo's eat the relish, the whales eat the Eskimos and ingest the Fartigens. The Fartigens react in the whale and reach critical gas.

When this happens the resulting explosion blows another chunk out of the Ozone layer. Global warming occurs.

He doesn't intend to bring about the end of the world.....it is just a by-product of his knife making! :eek:
 
OH...I forgot to mention that the deadly and destructive emissions from the explosion are called Farticals

The reason the Feds are concerned is that this could be used as a superDirty Bomb by terrorists! :rolleyes:
 
Heading out to my friend's to try it now.Wife won't let me open it in the house.Says our insurance won't cover the damage if anything happens.I'll let you know later today the verdict.
 
I’m just a little ticked here. IG sent me a jar of HT Relish (in trade for creating a website for him), but didn’t give me any warning, no warning labels, no product data sheet, nothing. I didn’t realize the Fartigen count was so high.

I finished the jar in just over two weeks. Granted I my sewer plumbing made creaks and pops like an iron wood stove heated too much, and I shook my fists in the air, red faced, hurling curses to the sky at IG every time I went to the restroom. I didn’t realize the real danger. It was like a kid playing with matches in the forest. I live in the Sierra Mountains, which is like a tinderbox ready to go off. I’d be out cutting wood and have a Fartigen emissions release and not even know that could have been my final moment.

But I think I found a way to convert the negative energy of Fartigens into a positive to help us through the energy crisis and the gas prices. Secret plans in the works.

Since I’m in California and the elections are over there are a lot of full time protesters without anything to do. I put the bums to work. See below.

My first relish rally!
fartigen_protest.jpg


Proto-type concept car. Suv proto-type in development.
fartigen_power.jpg


Power to the people. Viva la Fartigen.


Kraig
www.sedergraphics.com
 
OK,I'm back.My friend ,Don will be back as soon as comes back down.The smoked relish is FAR superior to the regular (and there is nothing regular about it).Don owns a BBQ shop.He has over 100 hot sauces and such items.He says he has NEVER tasted anything as good ,or hot,as your HT relish.He is spending the night at his store so the clogged sewer pipe will be cleaned out by morning.
 
Stacy this is the recipe please give it to him. :D
HEAT TREAT'G RELISH

90% HABENARO
10% CAYENNE OR SMOKED PEPPERS
KOSHER SALT
BALSAMIC VINEGAR
GARLIC
BASIL
OREGANO
WORCESTERSHIRE SAUCE
EV OLIVE OIL

For the smoked relish just smoke the peppers for 3 hours.
Kraig; I had GrassHoppa and Paul Sabin over here yesterday and we were all laughing are butts off,because of those pic's you put together. Done Good!!!! :D :D
 
George you really need to give out the MSDS paperwork along with that recipe! :D either that or a doctors referal :D
 
I broke a box end wrench once, put some of George's relish on the break, and within 45 seconds it had fused it back together. You can light cigarettes with it too, but the first drag is pure hell.
 
Tom, DO NOT SMOKE THIS STUFF! It could rip the lining off your lungs and leave you on a respirator for life (presuming you live in the first place).
 
I was going to suggest it for a liquid weld, but Tom beat me to it! You could weld any type of metal with it, using it sparingly, of course. It is really great tasting relish! But you have to wonder, how could something that tastes so good be so explosive?
 
IG, this is criminal making such fun of the good stuff from your kitchen, or forge, or compost pile. I am a new found fan of your relish. It is fit for the least and the greatest of us. It should be sold in stores all along the eastern sea coast and expanding.

RL
 
I've been using IG's relish for etching the effluvium off my concrete.

Its also great for killing ants.

One time last year, it got really cold and the power went off. We couldn't run the furnace. I opened a jar of IG's relish, and it heated the whole house and warmed the pipes.
 
I get heart burn just reading this. I have used it to thaw out frozen water pipes. The pipes are still frozen but they have a heavy coat of hair now...........
 
Raymond Richard said:
I get heart burn just reading this. I have used it to thaw out frozen water pipes. The pipes are still frozen but they have a heavy coat of hair now...........
Click to expand...
Ray: You should put some on your head. HEHEHE!!! :eek: :eek: Nah!! Your head is harder than the pipe. :p :D
 
indian george said:
Ray: You should put some on your head. HEHEHE!!! :eek: :eek: Nah!! Your head is harder than the pipe. :p :D
Click to expand...

Yeah both of your heads were heated and quenched with tequila when Ray came to visit! :eek:
 
jhiggins said:
Yeah both of your heads were heated and quenched with tequila when Ray came to visit! :eek:
Click to expand...
Well if some TURKEY hadn't of brought it, we wouldn't of had that problem. :p :p Right TURKEY????? :D
 
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