I am in trouble

I have to agree with gollnick.

As much as you'd like to really mess them up, this isn't the way to do it.

There is usually at least one idiot that does this at most larger work places. Very hard to pin the perp. Usually a hidden camera is used.

But this is in a different league than harmless (tho often frustrating) office pranks.


Now two of my funniest pranks.

The back coat/storage room has a cart in it for moving supplies around. I brought in a rubber, very realistic looking rat and a lenght of very fine fishing line. I tied one end of the line to the bottom of the cart and the other to the rubber rat. I then placed the cart in the way of whomever went into the room. They had to move the cart...thus moving the rat out from the darkened corner. I got every single waitress, the hostesses and the salad girl!:eek:
What was great was that each one that got scared set the trap for the next one to come in to work:D Some of those girls could really scream!:p

Next: Our salad lady always drinks a soda from a can during work. After a couple of times of having holes punched into the rim of the can (turning it into a dribble glass:D ) she started useing the clear plastic cups from a bar catering job we had sitting around.
One day I got there early and heated up a nail and melted three holes in the rim of two of the cups and set them back on the top of the stack.
Betty came in and popped her soda and poured it into the top cup that she'd gotten. It took about ten minutes before she took a drink! All down the front of her.
She was pissed.:thumbup: but not nearly as pissed as when she poured her drink into the second glass and tried to drink from that cup!! double whammy!!:D :D
She got the wrong guy back by putting green food coloring in his soda! LOL
 
smknman said:
Any flaws I should be aware of? Any suggestions that could make my revenge more sweet? Do share.
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1.) Brownies are enough of a temptation that someone other than the perpetrator might think, hmmmm, there are 4 brownies here . . . too much for any one person, so they must've been brought in to share! Mmmmmmm, brownies!

2.) If the brownies are not labled with your name, that will reinforce that they are intended to be shared. If they are labled with your name, that can be used as evidence against you.

3.) Deliberately adulterating food can result in: termination of employment, criminal prosecution, lawsuit, or extralegal vengeance (i.e., you'd be stupid to store food you intend to eat in the breakroom 'fridge ever again).

4.) Ex-Lax doesn't taste like chocolate frosting.


If you really want to do this right, put a nice looking sandwich (labled with your name) in the 'fridge. There are a number of things that could be done to said sandwich, many of which are horribly inappropriate. I'd suggest smashing a giant orange cockroach with a flyswatter, and placing it right in the middle, betwixt the meat and cheese. These are commonly referred to as "Palmetto Bugs", and unlike the German or Oriental varieties, they are not vectors for disease . . . and they're high in protein! :thumbup:
 
Upon consideration, here is my plan. Cut pieces of waxed paper about one inch square and write on each one with soft pencil, "You shouldn't be stealing my brownies.<signed>." Bake a new batch of perfectly good brownies but pour half the batter into the pan and smooth by tapping the pan on the counter. Place the papers on the batter evenly on a grid. Carefully put the rest of the batter on top. Bake at 350 which will not burn the paper at all. Cut along the grid lines you imagined. Put them in the fridge with your name clearly labeled on them. When the culprit bites in, he will find the harmless bit of paper with your message on it.
 
I am going to wait until Wednsday to take any action. While I believe anyone that eats something out of a public fridge deserves what they get, I want to be sure that the person responsable for last nights hunger gets his. The only way I can ensure the guilty party is present to get his just "desserts" is to attack on the same day that I was hit. Our shifts are staggered. I cannot at this time promise that intestinal warfare will not be used, but I will spend the next week thinking about my options and other courses of action. The thought of the lunch bandit stuck in a bathroom for 2 days. Thanks for the voices of reason, I will keep them in mind.
 
tyr_shadowblade said:
1.) Brownies are enough of a temptation that someone other than the perpetrator might think, hmmmm, there are 4 brownies here . . . too much for any one person, so they must've been brought in to share! Mmmmmmm, brownies!

:
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It is wrong to steal. someone taking something that does not belong to them is stealing, reguardless of wether they eat it or not. I would feel no remorse if someone other than the original transgressor reaped the whirlwind if that person commited the same crime. And they would have to in order to face my retribution. This is not a lunchroom. It is an office that on any given day is manned by 5 indviduals. I must admit I have never actualy tasted ex-lax. It is good to know the flavor might be a tell, perhaps it needs be baked in?
 
smknman said:
It is wrong to steal.
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It is also wrong to poison, boobtyrap, or conduct vigilante actions, as affirmed by numerous court decisions. I urge you to reconsider this ill-thought plot, as no good can come of such.
 
Logic and reason trip me up every time, but I do listen. How about a habenero spiked sandwich?
 
smknman said:
Logic and reason trip me up every time, but I do listen. How about a habenero spiked sandwich?
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That would be fine. I'd recommend diced peppers rather than a concentrated sauce. The peppers will be plenty hot enough. Certain hot sauces could cause a sensitive individual's tongue to swell if too much is splashed on . . . besides, it'll make the bread soggy. If you're going to use a sauce, mix it with a thick condiment, like mustard. Less than a dozen drops should be sufficient (adjust according to concentration -- some sauces recommend 3 drops to season a gallon of chili!) Bring a 1/2 pint carton of whole milk along too . . . in case you decide to take pity on the fool.
 
I say "to hell with the thieves" I've worked in the public/retail business with hundreds of people, and I have spent 6 years in the military. You take your lunch, and put it in a bowl and put your name on it, and if someone eats it, and gets sick it's not your problem. There is NO way to prove that said person didn't have an allergic reaction to your meal. Or that you intentionally did anything to it. I mean come on, EXLAX is SOLD for a REASON!!!! If you need to take a crap and you buy exlax and you decide that you'd rather eat it on a brownie than drink it out of a glass or pop a pill then IT"S YOUR DAMN RIGHT TO DO IT!!! And if someone wants to come and eat it.... Then oh well!

It's the same as if someone had an allergic reaction to Peanuts, Milk, Seafood or any number of other things. You bring your lunch with something you want in it, and someone eats it.... IT"S NOT YOUR FAULT THEY GET SICK!!!

I'm sorry guys, but if you want to show thieves sympathy, get them a dictionary and look between Shit and Syphillis!!

DM
 
DevilMan said:
I'm sorry guys, but if you want to show thieves sympathy, get them a dictionary and look between Shit and Syphillis!!
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That's very funny! Never heard it before.

DD
 
Esav Benyamin said:
I wish I'd worked with you guys. No one would have noticed ME. I mean, no one ever had a freaking HEART ATTACK from one of MY jokes! :D
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Esav, one more and I'm done.

The car stereo store, I worked at, had a large display in the showroom with a sign, "Please don't play with display" There was a guy that always came in and did it anyway. One day, a salesmen said "watch this", while the cust. was playing with the buttons, he goes to the back of the display and using a drinking straw, blows cigarette smoke thru a radio! I think that guy S*** in his pants and never came back! We were crying, laughing at the guy.
 
I got some prick at work once. Now, for pretty much as long as I've lived here, there's been some sort of special on 2 one-liter bottles of soda at Circle K. So naturally I'd buy two, but I'd usually only drink one per day, leaving the other one in the walk-in for the next day. And this fat bastard jagoff who, despite being a manager, couldn't make a pizza to save his life (or get to a phone within 10 rings because he was so frigging fat), kept drinking my Mt. Dews. And he wouldn't even have the effing courtesy to drink the whole thing, he'd just drink a little bit of it, like not even down to the top of the lable, then put it back. One day I even put a lable on it saying "Stop drinking my ****ing sodas!" (censored, because this isn't in W&C--yet), faced the lable away from view, and the next day the instant I walk in the door he says "somebody drank some of your soda even though you labled it", which was a dead giveaway that it was him because only the person who drank it would have noticed the lable.

So I took a new bottle and carefully opened it so the plastic ringy thing didn't break off, but stayed attatched to the cap. I drained about a third of the Dew and replaced it with pepperoncini brine. Closed it back up, and it had all the appearance of a fresh, unopened bottle. Then I had a couple days off.

The next day that we worked together he wouldn't even look at me or talk to me. He never admitted anything, but I knew I owned his fat ass. The bottle was nowhere to be found (unlike the ones that were only partially drank and then repaced). I later heard from one of the drivers that he saw fat bastard dumping the Mt. Pepperoncini into the sink.

He was fired not too long afterwards for incompetance (as well as the GM who hired his fat ass).
 
Squibs buried in the sand of well used communal ashtray, fuses up. Like a landmine fairly indiscriminate. Took a whole morning.


The best was at lights out at bording school with everyone queueing for facilities, Superglue on the loo and washing soap in the urinals.

Last nastie was in a dorm environs. Dry enos applied to a sleepers ear, followed by a single drop of water.
 
Take mono fishing line 100lb test or weed wacker line, place under fitted bed sheet. first twenty or so feet place where you can pull it unnoticed by victim/sleeper put knots in the line every ten feet or so then while victim/sleeper is half asleep pull a knot thru (it's like a bug crawling under your back). keep pulling a knot under his/her back when they get settled in. when you aggravate them enough yank the rest of them thru. great gag.
 
Smnknman,

While I sympathize with your dilemma I too have to side with Gollnick on this one, at least as far as the exlax goes. If you plan to go ahead anyway, why not subsitute crushed red pepper for the exlax. The kind that most people put on pizza? At least that's a common food additive. Who knows, maybe you like super hot brownies.

Lagarto
 
NEVER EVER mess with a Veterinarian's food... it can always be spiked with Lasix. :D (a very potent diuretic) And yeah, I know... you can get into legal trouble blah blah blah. Mess with my chocolate, I'll kill ya!
 
*Update* I did the brownies last wednsday night.
When I came in Thurs. night 2 were missing.
I have heard nothing, did I fail? Are they too embarassed to say something?
I cannot ask around about to find out:( I left some fajita meat and tortilas in the fridge Mon. night, they are still there, but I don't plan on eating it, I don't want to see what my medicine taste like.
 
Hmmmmm, now I don't feel so bad about the black shoe polish on the earpiece of the phone.
Or the time we crazy glued everthing on a neatfreak's desk in place.

EB's moving the desk a half inch at a time reminded me of an old pro that I used to work with.
The guy they picked on wore cheap fedoras and carried a walking stick.
When he got his cheap fedora, they took note of the size and bought a couple more...in varying sizes. Some weeks it would be a little tight and some a little loose. Especially puzzling having a hat that was too tight right after a haircut.
They also took a little off the bottom of the walking stick every couple of weeks. After a year he was listing way to one side, and thought it was him.

Then there was the retoucher (back in the airbrush and paint days) who lifted his coworkers rain rubbers (they slipped over your dress shoes).
He painted big gnarley bare feet on them.
Then he covered that with water soluable black paint.
Looked fine to the victim, after a few blocks in the rain lots of people were staring and pointing :D

Almost forgot last year we put the CPR dummy bound and gagged with duct tape under a coworkers desk...got the cleaning lady by mistake :eek:

Good thing she had a sense of humor :D
 
They also took a little off the bottom of the walking stick every couple of weeks. After a year he was listing way to one side, and thought it was him.
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I know murder is a felony, but I would kill you for doing that to me. :D
 
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