I saw this on tv....a new use for the kabar..

Vampire Gerbil

Vampire Gerbil

Gone, but not forgotten. RIP Dave
Platinum Member
Joined
Sep 21, 1999
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either it was the military channel or the history channel and they were going into a shot by shot description of a FIREFIGHT IN THE SANDBOX, MAYBE AFGHANISTANLEY, MAYbe I RACK.... BUT A MARINE HAD TO TAKE OUT AN ENEMY UP CLOSEAND THE TELEVISION TOLD ME HE TOOK HIS KABAR AND STABBED THE ENEMY IN THE LEFT TEMPLE. I WAS TAKEN ABACKABIT SINCE I BEEN LOOKIN' AT OUR FIGHTIN' FOLKS AND THEY ARE JUST KIDS FOR DOUG'S SAKE (SORRY, BUT I DON'T MENTION PETE ANYMORE SINCE HE MOLLESTED MY INNER CHILD. BUT UNLESS THIS GYRENE WAS A LONG TIME VET(DESERT STORM OR SMETHING ELSE WE DID BEFORE THAT) I WOULD THINK THAT GOING FOR A SKULL STAB FOR A YOUNGIN' WOULD REQUIRE CAJONES THE SIZE OF CANTALOPESAND THEY'D GET ALL TANGLED UP ON THE WAY OVER TO SNEAK UP ON HIS TARGET. I DOUBT I HAVE A POINT IN ALL THIS, IT'S JUST THAT I WAS KINDA SURPRISED TO HEAR THAT DESCRIPTION COMIN' OUTTA MY "KIND AND GENTLE RCA. WOUL NOT YOU BE IF YOU WERE ME. OK, I KNOW YA DON'T WANNA DWELL ON WHAT IT WOULD BELIKE TO BE ME.. I DON'T LIKE IT EITHER.
HEY YA KNOW WHAT? THE OTHER DAY I HAD A REAL BAD CASE OF THE "I DON'T WANNA BE HERE NO MORES" AND I WOUND UP IN A PSYCHE HODING CENTER OF A HOSPITAL THAT WAS FRUCKINGFREEZING. I WAS ON THE FLOOR THAT EMS BROUGHT PEOPLE INTO, SO THE DOOR WAS ALWAYS OPENING AND CLOSING, BUT I WOKE UP ONE MORNING FOR MY GOOD DAY LAS VEGAS PISS AND MY WILLY WAS GONE. I RAN TO THE NURSE AND SAID SOMETHING MUST BE DONE ABOUT THE COL SINCE I LOST MY WILLY... I STILL HAD A BUMP, WHICH I CALLED A CLIT AND THE NURSE TOLD ME SHE'D GET ME MORE BLANKETS. I ASKED HER IF SHE COULD SET FIRE TO 'EM FIRST BUT SHE SADLY SHOOK HER HEAD SH DIDN'T OFFER TO HELP ME FIND MR. WOMBLEBOTTOM (MY PET NAME FOR HIM EVER SINCE HE STARTED GROWING A BEARD.) BUT I TOLD EVERY NURSE THAT CAME ON SHIFT THAT I LOST MY WILLY AND IF SH SAW ITM, WOULD SHE PLEAE KICK IT INTO MY ROOM? WHAT THE HELL, IT'S A PSYCHE PLACE SO YA CAN PRETTY MUCH REQUEST ANYTHING. ANYHOW, WASN'T THAT A WEIRD THING FOR MY TV TO SAY ABOUT A KABAR?

FREELING A BIT CHILLED I'M GONNA MAKE A HEAD CALL JUST TO MAKE SURE MY BUSINESS IS STILL MINE.
THANK YOU FOR READING ME. IF IT WEREN'T FOR YOU GUYS I'D HAVE TO SPEND LOTS AND LOTS OF MONEY FOR A PHYSICHIATRIST AS RICKY RICARDO USED TO SAY.. WA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... I JUST LAUGHED LIKE HE DID. DID YOU HEAR THE CUBAN ACCENT, YEAH IT DID SOUND MORE NICARAGUAN THAN CUBAN BUT WITHOUT THE CIGARS I'M DOIN' THE BEST I CAN.
OFF TO FIND TWEEZERS,
I REMAIN, VAMPIRE GERBIL
 
When Ken sees that post he's not going to know whether to move it to Blade Discussion because it mentions a knife, to Practical Tactical because of the temple-stabbing, to W&C because it's mostly a rant about hospitals, or to the Pirate's Cove for adult content. Or maybe he'll be so filled with inner conflict he'll freeze in place and do nothing but vibrate for the next week....

Stabbing the enemy in the temple is a good idea. A good strong reverse grip thrust will easily penetrate the skull, then stir briefly before removing and he will lie down and stop bothering you.

Why are hospitals always so goldurn cold? Isn't it bad enough being sick without freezing too? One time I had to go to the ER in the middle of the night and they looked me over a little and then parked me on a reclining bed dressed in a threadbare johnny while they looked at my blood samples ... for two hours ... in the freezing cold! Before they left me there they clipped a pulse monitor to me so if my pulse stopped they would know at the nurse station. Well, finally I got so cold I unclipped the pulse monitor and lurched off in search of blankets ... I staggered across the frozen tundra for mile after mile (why are hospitals always so goldurn big?) ... finally I found a stash of blankets ... lurched back across the frozen tundra, laden with blankets ... about the time I got back the nurses finally noticed I was apparently dead and organized an expedition to resusitate me just as I was getting snuggled into my nest of blankets ... no, as a matter of fact there is no actual point to this story ... um ... it's one in the morning here....
 
Yeah Coug, I had the same worries myself. but I'll just have to remind him of the moderation lessons I gave him when he was just a little tyke begging to ring the big bell on the fire engine I was driving all over the place to answer a call at the WTC in '83 when the idiots blew up a rental truck in the parking lot.Oh how he'd tug at my suspenders and say, "pleeze mister Gerbil, can I ring the bell, can I huh? so I let him.. mostly outta pitythen he' had this giant ship eting grin on his grape jelly smeared face as he said said, boy, mister Gerbil, thank you, that sure was swell"I just ruffled the little rugrat's hair good naturedly and said, in my best mr T voice "Don't be no fool, Little Kenny. You stay in school and say "No Thank you" to anyone that offers you drugs(Iexplained that it paid to be polite to those people cuz they were usually better armed than even I Vampire Gerbil was. Little Kenny nodded his unusually larger than normal head enthsiasically as he scanned the items on my belt and yes, even my bright redsuspenders fascinated by all the shiny objects on them. he pointed to a SOGmultitool attached to my suspenders and said "Can I see that Mister Gerbil?PLEEEze? I stifled many a laugh as he clumsily tried opening all the tools, but due to his being left handed, , then he only got one blade open andI started worrying about him stabbing me in the leg once iI had to hop a sidewalk to pass a stopped schoolbus but the shiny edge of the blade etched itself into his head as I watched him through the corner of my eye, and i knew that a knife knut had been created. Little Kenny then asked where he could learn about things to be just like me, so I skipped the good sexstuff which probably resulted in some embarrassing sitations with Vietnamese transvestites he shyly told me about.. I felt kinda bad about that but it was so damned funny I couldn't feel bad for long, ya know? hey, you don't think he's gonna read this do ya? uh oh... it's beddybye time... i'm sure this post will have been dealt with accordingly by morning, the next time I should see it. I mean it's like 2300 hours now and I be sleepy, I'll be even slepier in a few minutes after having my go-to-bed-slice-of-pizzawish me luck and i'll wish you some too, that don't mean to go juggling battle mistresses though, ok?ok. nite nite
 
With the right operant conditioning a stab to the temple should be doable. Not having to watch the person’s eyes should reduce the impact of the visual empathy response.

Your penis clearly needs more conditioning: it shouldn’t wonder off on its own when you’re in the hospital.
 
I think my head is gonna' explode and the uncontrollable spasms have started.
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:eek:

Dave, you're killing me brother!!!
 
Oh Boy... Ken, I Think I Know How Ya Feel, Bro. I Probably Just Had Another Stroke And Anyone Who Saw All Those 3's And B's Coulda At Least Called For A Ambulamps I Didn't Sleep Last Night, So I Just Made Up For It While Everyone Just Stood Around Saying, " Hell, If He Ain't Breathing, [/i]i[/] Sure As Hell Ain't Giving Him Mouth To Snout Resusitation; I Mean, Like What's That Green Foam At The 7 Corners Of His Snout?" Only To Be Nswered With, " I Don't Know And I Don't Wanna Find Out!" Me Just Lyin' There, Foaming. Anyhw I Did Have A Response Iniyially And It Went Something Like This..... :a 1 And A 2 And A3 Andcha Cha Cha Cha Chachacha!!!
"well Ken, It Is I, Vampire Gerbil. I Want You To Know That I Didn't Set Out To Bust Your Spheres When I Came Up With This Threadit Started Out As Most Of My Threads Did. First, There's A Tiny Spark Of An Idea Of What I Wanna Say Then The Inevitable Happens: The Spark Immediately Grounded Itself Out On My Dental Fillings The Ensuing Short Circuit Had Me Typing Up Some Tripe That Affects Mormal Pple Fifferently. In Your Case, Ken, Your Head Chose Self Destryction Rather Than Staying Netween Your Shoulders In An Attempt To Remain Rationallly Funcional But No!your Head Chose To Self Destruct Rather Than Attempting To Decipher My Literary Seizures This Is In No Way A Criticism Of Anyone But My Own Baaaaad Self. Hopefully I Cleared Up Any Blurs I May Have Caused By My Missing Brain Parts. It's All Fun And Games Until Someone Loses An Eye Or Head Ok, I Spent Long Enough Trying To Figure Out What To Put Here, Worrying About What People Are Thinking About The 7,000 B's And S;s That Were Posted All The Time I Spent Trying To Figure Out What To Put Hereand I Still Know That It's Totallygacked Up Anyway. Sorry About That. Oh Yeah, In My Defense, My Dogs Got Into A Viscious Gangfight Right Behind Me.no, They Couldn't Be Tiny Sized Dogs Either. Oh No!! Jake Is 1/2 Rottweiller/german Shepherd.blue Is Kinda Collie But He's Got The Same Colorings As A Rott Or Dobermein And He Did Not Back Don One Iota From Jake And His 200 Pounds And Just To Make Things As Nerve Wracking As Possible, Alisha' Dog Got Right In Between Them Barkin His Lttle Schnauzer Head Off.hr Weighs In At Abo 8 Pouds/blue Is Like 40 Pounds And There's Like A Tornado Going On Between All 3 Of 'em. I Give 'em My Best Marine Corps Shout To Stfu. I Couldn't Even Hear Myself Over Them So How Do I Get These Beasts To Simmer Their Collective Doggie Asses Fown? The Magical Sound Of Just Your Basic Polive Issue Asp Telescoping Baton. I Do Not Hit The Dogs With It I Just Pet Them With It. Eventually, They Relize They Liked Things Better When That Baton Was In My Closet So Simmered Canine Asses Abound In My Living/compter Room. And This Post Is Again Way Off Point, But I Eel As If I Addressed My Issue As Best I Can For At Least The Next Few Hours. Hopefully You've Had A Slight Glance Into The Jumble Of Mush Inside My Skull That's Doing The Job Of Brains For Me Lately. I Ask Not For Pity Only A Piyyance Of Sympathy For The Series Of Random Events That Come Thrashing Through My Existance While I'm Just Minding My Own Business Under A Roof I Rent By The Month, Just Another Schlubb Who's As Harmless As A Little Baby Kitten With A Machine Gun Loaded With Hydrashoks, Glasers And Wasp Stingers. You Know The Type Of Little Baby Kitten I Speak Of, Don'tcha? I Know I Do. Speaking Of Stuff I Know... I Know I Have To Tinkle And Post This And Be Done Already, Cuz By Gum, Nobody Is That Interested Anyway. Iu Know That I Hardly Am!
So It's Tata For Now Tit Tit Fo Later. Farewell My Brother In Nozzles And Hoses
Looking Forward To A Happy Tinkle, I Remain, Meme, Vampire Gerbil, Smelly And Greasy By Choice
 
maximus otter said:
Dave,

1. Back away from the drugs...

2. Pa-ra-graphs!

;)

maximus otter
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I'm just glad to see the Gerb up and postin again! :thumbup: :)

Yo, Dave. Call me, ya Jarhead!
 
I can't tell any difference from before the stroke:p

Keep on keep'n on VG.

BTW Use a taser on the pups if they get out of hand next time. After that a little sizzle on the hand eletrocution device should make them retreat to their respective corners.
 
hso said:
I can't tell any difference from before the stroke:p

Keep on keep'n on VG.
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About the only difference I can see, is that he no longer cares whether or not he uses his Caps lock key. :p :D
 
I havent been on the Forum for a while and when I return the Vampire is back. I am glad to see it. You VG make my internet experience better. You make people laugh and feel good. God bless the Gerbil and Welcome Back!!!:)
 
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