I think there's something wrong with me

Discussion in 'Community Center' started by Charlie_K, Jun 18, 2020.

  1. Houlahound

    Houlahound

    715
    Aug 2, 2017
    People have become less social since social media.

    My town had several clubs for various activities, sports, hobbies, theatre, community etc. They were all busy and full for decades.

    Now they are literally empty and the buildings are not even being kept up but the population has more than doubled.

    It's a mystery.
     
  2. Redmeadow Knives

    Redmeadow Knives John Conner Moderator Knifemaker / Craftsman / Service Provider

    Aug 29, 2010
    If you really think there's something wrong with you, talk to a professional.

    With that out of the way, life has an ebb and flow, goals can keep you balanced.

    Folks are uncomfortable with the subject but are you suicidal? Give me your email and I'll send you my number and we'll shoot the breeze, no strings attached.

    -John
     
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  3. Charlie_K

    Charlie_K

    Jul 16, 2012
    I've had the odd, occasional thought on the subject from time to time. I'm sure plenty of people have at times through their lives. Never had much desire to actually do it though. I've got this rare condition called empathy, that makes me stop and worry about how my actions and/or decisions can/will negatively affect others as a result. I just can't bring myself to be that greedy.
     
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  4. Redmeadow Knives

    Redmeadow Knives John Conner Moderator Knifemaker / Craftsman / Service Provider

    Aug 29, 2010
    That's about as straightforward as it gets, good to hear and I agree completely. Try setting some goals, especially short term, it sounds lame but sometimes tiny motivations lead to bigger ones. My goal right now is to go in and make some damn coffee, I've been fooling around setting up a dedicated bench for my etching setup. After some coffee I'm gonna work on a handle, baby steps brother, baby steps.
     
  5. 22-rimfire

    22-rimfire Gold Member Gold Member

    Nov 20, 2005
    I think you're right on the less social aspect for the general population with social media so easy to access. The problem with this and I see it as a biggish problem for young adults who have grown up with social media. don't have many friends or even want them, and depend on social media for their dose of "social". You need to be somewhat social in business as we are not machines.

    I still haven't "gotten it" when it comes to facebook.... Don't know why it is so popular other than to post pictures and have your group give you likes or comment on the pictures. I resisted for years even having a facebook account. Have one now and .... yep, I just post pictures there and not very many.

    @Charlie_K These thoughts and transitions are normal. You'll be fine.
     
  6. James Y

    James Y

    Feb 18, 1999
    There have been some good suggestions here.

    I will say that it’s not uncommon for interests to change/shift. Or sometimes one can get burnt out from something for awhile. Sometimes taking a break from something, then coming back to it can renew your interest in it.

    I’ve been a serious martial artist since age 13 (I’m 57 now). Up into my 40s, I used to train like crazy, totaling hours a day, including physical conditioning. I trained both here and overseas. It was my number one passion, and I have other passions as well. Due to circumstances...a nagging injury, as well as other responsibilities...my life shifted. I still train most days, but by myself, and nothing at the level I could when I was younger. Even so, it’s still a lot more martial training than most people my age do. When I was young, I always envisioned training the same way even when old. But life is about changing and adapting. Even without the injury, my interests and responsibilities would have evolved and shifted over time anyway.

    My point being, it doesn’t necessarily mean something is wrong with you. Only you (or maybe a professional) can really answer that.

    I actually suffered from depression for decades (from my teens through my 30s). It wasn’t a 24/7 debilitating thing. But it was always there, sometimes worse than others. I was eventually able to beat it without any medication at all. I can’t say that can be true for everyone, and it certainly didn’t happen overnight. Much of that had to do with spiritual (not religious) experiences I’ve had that I won’t go into, that shifted my view of self and life.

    Back when I read the paper, I used to read the Dear Abby column, and sometimes she’d get people complaining that the best friend they grew up with isn’t keeping in constant contact with them in their 30s. Or they no longer enjoy the same thing they did all their lives to the same degree. Life changes, and people (all of us) change. I don’t see things like that as a problem but an opportunity. Often it can be a sign to open our horizons and grow in other ways, and develop new interests. Or perhaps look at that existing interest from a new angle. Otherwise things can become stale.

    Anyway, sorry for the rambling.

    Jim
     
    Last edited: Jun 30, 2020
  7. Charlie_K

    Charlie_K

    Jul 16, 2012
    Sometimes rambling is the best source of advice. It lets you figure out who's really paying attention to what you're saying.

    I've experienced burnout with other matters before, so I know what you're talking about. But it's been 60 weeks and counting since the last time I managed to get out and do any shooting, not for lack of trying though, so I don't know if that applies in my case.
     
  8. jackknife

    jackknife Gold Member Gold Member Basic Member

    Oct 2, 2004
    Charlie, look at me, this is serious!

    Things come and go, and we all change as we age. Even in your 30's, you are not quite the same person you were just 10 years ago. Our personalities, likes and dislikes, all change as we go through life and encounter different conditions that influence us.

    When I was in my 30's, my knife nut syndrome was in full swing. I was collecting customs and had Randalls's, Jay Henricksons, and other high end stuff. By 40 I was burned out on them and sold all them off and the wife and I took one hell of a trip on the money. Use dot be really really into guns. Had more than I could ever use in a lifetime. Shot a couple times a week for the sheer joy of it. Guess what? I ended up selling off almost all the guns. Got rid of the range toys that I knew I'd never carry, and just kept a few small ones that can fit in a pocket. Haven't missed any of them.

    Most my life I was an avid motorcyclist. Mostly BMW R series, with a K75 at the end. Then I reached a point where I didnt want to bother with them anymore. I came to value a nice comfortable car with a nice sound system and heater and air conditioner. It's soooo hard to drink a coffee while riding a bike!

    By age 50 I was a much different person than I was in my 30's. In my 60's I changed more and so much of what was sooooo damm important to me just didn't mean squat anymore.

    You may just be experiencing the first wave of real change and values in your life. Its perfectly okay to loose an interest in some long time passion, because you're gown a bit in another direction. What goes on around us is constantly influencing us, so just go with what does please you. Like I said, I used to be a rabid knife and gun nut. Now, as long as I have some small SAK in my pocket, and my .22 revolver to shoot now and then, I'm fine. I don't shoot anywhere near as much as I used to by a long shot.

    It's okay, just relax for while, put the guns away, and see if it comes back in a few months. Don't rush it. It just may be temporary burn out.
     
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  9. Houlahound

    Houlahound

    715
    Aug 2, 2017
    Seems you have an emotional attachment to shooting probs linked to your identity and self worth.

    The conflict is your body is not going to shooting while your emotions think you should - in the middle is your poor mind working overtime to keep the peace.

    You haven't been for 60 days but you haven't quit. Try actually quitting for the next 30 days as an experiment. It's the same physical action as now ie you are not going to the range. The only difference is you have declared you are not going instead of pretending you are going to go but not go leading to the cycle of guilt.

    Shooting sounds like a big part of your identity. You have to find other ways to be that nourish you. You are burning out.

    I have had to kick a few habits, the process involves losing some identity and also some friends.

    Sometimes being true to yourself means you have to become a different person. Sounds like a contradiction right?

    If you can't change you can't grow and when you stop growing you start to die. Unfortunately that is the houlahound law of life.

    Also ignore everything I say,I have no medical or counseling training or qualifications.
     
  10. Charlie_K

    Charlie_K

    Jul 16, 2012
    Jackknife there might be something to that. Because I know full well that a fair portion of my collection is stuff I didn't particularly want for myself.

    My buying/stocking up/hoarding habits were kinda thrown out of whack back when Hurricane Katrina hit, despite being thousands of miles away from there and safe from the resulting fallout. It was a chaotic time, law and order had failed and been rendered nonexistent, and neighbors were helping protect neighbors from harm. So here and there I've been buying extra stuff to have on hand in case such a development ever occurred here and we found ourselves on our own. There's not much I can do about food, water, and medicine. But when it comes to guns, knives, ammo, and kerosene lamps/lanterns, I've got a few spares on hand in the event of neighbors being in need of those basic essentials.

    I don't know if that's had an affect on the fun aspect of shooting for me, but I know it's certainly affected what I look for to buy.
     
  11. 22-rimfire

    22-rimfire Gold Member Gold Member

    Nov 20, 2005
    @jackknife Good thoughtful post (#28)!
    Stocking up is part of my nature as well. With the recent racial issues nationwide, maintaining some means of protection is important or I think so. For those people.... stay the hell out of my neighborhood!

    On the guns thing, stocking up and shooting..... my interests have migrated away from firearms in general to the point that I haven't shot in about a year. I was very interested in big bore revolvers for a while with hunting being the internal justification for me to get stuff. I still like the big stuff (480 Ruger 475 Linebaugh). But I always go back to the good old 22 LR for extended fun. You might try it as the cost is much less for ammo overall. The thing that triggered my shift in interest relative to regular shooting was the Obama ammo scare (shortage). I just lost interest at that point.... figured why bother? But I know it's good to maintain at least some ability with handguns. Shooting is necessary for that and I have let that slide for a while.

    Interests change..... No big thing.

    I have shifted for the time being to outdoor photography as the trigger to get me outdoors and explore again. I have nearly always been interested, but the active interest waned during the period of time when SLR were switching to DSLR's (auto focus and so forth). For the most part I do my outdoors activities alone. I mostly shot alone. Seems to fit my MO. No problem here with "social distancing" as I did it naturally anyway except for the 6 feet thing at cash registers in stores.
     
  12. RedFury

    RedFury Gold Member Gold Member

    316
    Jun 17, 2015
    I have the same thing. The combination of age and Covid is kicking my butt. Initially Covid didn't change my lifestyle at all because I don't normally get close to people anyway and prefer to hang out on the farm. Now, it's changing. Some family members have actually gotten sick, others are in self quarantine. Employees spend more time dashing around getting tested and retested than they do working. The worst of it is there is nothing I can do about it. So I'm down to dragging my ass out of bed every morning and trying to accomplish just one thing for the day.
    Sometimes I get down on myself for being a dilettante because I plow into things in a big way and then drift away to something else. The shift seems to take a few years generally. Just checked the definition of dilettante and now I feel better because a dilettante gets into something "without real commitment or knowledge." I certainly do the real commitment and knowledge but drift away when I feel I have a full grasp of the knowledge of the subject.
    I know you never have full knowledge of anything but you can damn sure know know more than 95% of people know if you study something for several years. For example, I drove my caspian horses for several years. Learned all the common hitches, single, pair, tandem, unicorn, and four-in-hand. Even did four abreast but that was a mess. Paid for a lesson from a master every week for several years. Spent thousands of dollars on harness and vehicles. Now the horses are growing old and I haven't hitched in at least five years. Not proud of it but that's how interests change.
    Bought a bunch of guns when Obama was the nation's leading gun salesman,but I view them as tools. I have various tools for various jobs. Many tools don't get pulled out of the tool chest for years until the need arises. Am I a gun dilettante?
     
    Last edited: Jul 5, 2020
  13. Rhinoknives1

    Rhinoknives1 KnifeMaker / Craftsman / Service Provider Knifemaker / Craftsman / Service Provider

    Jul 1, 2013
    Pretty much everyone is feeling off A bit about life these days....,..the Chinese proverb, “May you live in interesting times” Well those interesting times are Fing here!:)...Life marches forward! Change is just that sometimes. As new age bs as it sounds , Allow yourself to change & grow! Perhaps call a friend you haven’t talked with In a while ., Help someone less fortunate .. Sometimes we can sink up to our neck in our own shit.:D.. Keep us posted on how you’re doing!:thumbsup:
     
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  14. Boxer .45

    Boxer .45 Gold Member Gold Member

    Jan 11, 2015
    Why don't you try teaching someone else less experienced? Get someone involved. That might give it some purpose and it's really good for the community.
    There are a LOT of new gun owners right now with some record number gun sales (like historical) since the beginning of the year. Everybody I've talked to that sells guns said most of their sales (large part of) were to new gun owners. Now a lot will have someone to teach them, lots will likely learn on their own. But many wouldn't mind getting comfortable or trying to shoot the first time by someone that has a little experience.

    Make a plan, contact some people you know and ask if anyone wants to try your guns, or theirs, and learn?

    Just a thought.

    I've got three that asked me...as soon as I can.
     
  15. Charlie_K

    Charlie_K

    Jul 16, 2012
    Well, Boxer, I've wanted to become a firearms instructor, despite the amount of work needed to do just that. But as I've learned in other areas of life, my ability to express my thoughts verbally is quite lacking. In-person communication is one of my worst weaknesses, and despite efforts at trying to improve that field, I still stumble and struggle with putting forth a coherent sentences without a lot of pauses and such.

    I was bad at talking to other people as a kid, and very bad at making eye contact, almost always looking down. I still haven't managed to outgrow that, and even being in charge of certain things hasn't served to help any.
     
  16. annr

    annr

    Nov 15, 2006
    I just resumed an activity that according to my account I had not done since December 2019.

    Years ago I would have done this activity 3+ hours/day. One reason I don’t need to do so much is that I damn good at it by now!:D
     
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  17. James Y

    James Y

    Feb 18, 1999
    Hi, Charlie.

    I was always a shy kid, though as an adult I’ve always been able to express myself verbally, but not always to my satisfaction. I’m still more of an introvert. Several years ago, I started taking classes at a film acting school. The school in question was considered the best in town. I never really expected to become a star, but I was always interested in the process of acting. Every class we had to memorize and act out scenes with a partner or partners, on camera in front of everybody. We also had to do monologues for the camera. At the end of class, the movie screen would come down and they’d replay our scenes for everybody to critique. You see things about yourself, how you speak, eye contact, any subconscious movements, body language, etc., that you are normally unaware of. That includes rocking back and forth, and saying things like “uh,” “um,” and other superfluous things. I suppose someone could video themselves at home, but it’s different.

    The class really helped me in many ways. Especially when we went to professional auditions. The hardest were the agent showcases, where you are hoping to impress the agent enough to get representation; all the other actors are there in the room at the same time, watching. I stayed in the class for two years, when I decided that I got from it what I wanted. It improved my communication skill; how to project, and my ability to speak in front of groups of people with greater self-confidence and minimal nervousness. At the last agent showcase I attended, the agent told me my showcase wasn’t bad, and she didn’t mince words if she thought someone’s performance sucked. It also taught me that acting is a lot harder than it looks. The best actors make it look like they’re not acting. I also had fun and met some interesting people during those two years.

    I’m not saying you have to study acting, just that sometimes trying something new to expand beyond our limitations, whatever it is, can be a great help.

    Jim
     
    Last edited: Jul 11, 2020 at 5:28 PM
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  18. tinfoil hat timmy

    tinfoil hat timmy Gold Member Gold Member

    Aug 21, 2014
    Low Testosterone?

    What are your eating habits like?

    I'm in the same boat really. Work maps me then I've got very little left over for outside of work stuff.

    How often do you laugh?
     
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  19. Charlie_K

    Charlie_K

    Jul 16, 2012
    Possibly, but I'm not that old.

    Largely steady and have been for years, with very little variation in diet. I don't like trying new foods because there are so many things my stomach doesn't tolerate.

    Oh so very much.

    That depends on what kind of laugh you're talking about.
     
  20. tinfoil hat timmy

    tinfoil hat timmy Gold Member Gold Member

    Aug 21, 2014
    WHAT do you eat?
    Well, when you laugh, why do you laugh? How often.

    Laughter is the best medicine
     

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