I was like you: respected Spyderco, but couldn't stand the hole. I bought 3 Spydercos, and couldn't get used to any of the holes on them. I found them too small, sharp, and slow to deploy, especially on my back-lock Spydercos.
That all changed when I got a Paramilitary 2. What I realize now is that (for me) the Spyderhole is just as good as a thumbstud as long as the knife it's attached to has a good detent and right locking mechanism. After getting the Para 2, I immediately realized what Spyderco was all about: innovative, quality knives at a price that won't break the bank. And that's when I finally "got" what people had been meaning when they talk about that "Spyderco Charm." It's not the same as "Benchmade Charm", where you feel like you're in an elite club with a killer warranty; instead, Spyderco Charm is the confidence that you've got a unique, innovative product in your pocket...and you didn't have to break the bank to get it!
As for appearences, yes, alot of Spyderco's are not "pretty" knives IMO. I still find my Benchmade's more attractive, but I do find the leaf-shaped and S-curved Spydercos (Manix, Sage, Dragonfly, Cricket, Civilian, Matriarch) to be very sexy knives. And once you start using your Spydercos, they become beautiful in their own way.
My advice? If you've ever handled a "typical" Spyderco (Endura, Delica) and said "these knives stink!", do yourself a favor and get a Para 2. It's so much better than any other Spyderco I've ever owned or handled, and in my mind, is the best representation of what Spyderco is all about.