Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crappy Movie

DannyinJapan

DannyinJapan

Joined
Oct 9, 2003
Messages
5,594
I just got home from the theater.
I would have got gome a little sooner, though, cause about 20 minutes into the movie, I decided to leave.
I figured I'd sit it out because I paid 8.75$ to see it.
What do I think ? TERRIBLE TRIPE, OFFAL, REFUSE, BILE.
I aint buying the DVD and I dont ever want to see this movie again.
The only thing that could have made this movie worse would have been putting JarJar in it.


I used to live in Tokyo and I have been to the Indiana Jones section of Tokyo Disney Sea. I knew that Disney had a stake in this and their big thing was "Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull." That idea has been around for years.
I was hoping that this new movie wouldn't be a sell-out kiddie film like the Star Wars Prequels. It was.
Nothing was scary, nothing was funny, nothing was serious.
Just a big bowl of bland borsch.
What's worse, they used plot concepts and even the same boobytraps from National Treasure: Book of Secrets. (A much better film)
I am not selling my fedora anytime soon, but I can't tell you how disappointed I am.
I can only wonder if Harrison Ford made any objections during the filming.
"George, doesn't this seem a little stupid and pointless?"

(Toshiro Mifune basically did that to Kurosawa during the filming of Sanjuro, which was Kurosawas' worst film, also a lame-a$$ sequel. They never spoke again.)

Don't waste your money on this turd of a film.

And yes, it needed some parkour. It's not like it could have ruined the film.
How can you ruin feces?
 
I must admit, I went to see it at midnight on opening day. I work midnights and it was my night off, so I would've been up anyway, but it's worth noting that I hadn't dragged my butt to a theater since Cloverfield, to give you an idea of how much I wanted to see Indiana Jones.

Crystal Skulls seems to have lost a lot of the magic of the first three films (particularly the first and third) and replaced it with CGI. And while I walked out of the theater feeling disappointed that it wasn't on par with Raiders of the Lost Ark or Last Crusade, I was still somewhat satisfied with its overall Indiana Jones-ness.

While the story itself is pretty good, the whole movie suffers greatly for a number of reasons. First and foremost in my mind are the action sequences that completely break my suspension of disbelief. Refrigerators, snakes, monkeys, and waterfalls do not work in those ways. I know the other films had spectacular stunts, but even at their goofiest--let's say the raft in Temple of Doom--they still had a modicum of plausibility that an ordinary man could have made it through. Next, the narrative takes leave of the realistic and enters the paranormal way too soon. Psychic skulls: fine. Psychic skulls that attract various ferrous and non-ferrous metals as well as gunpowder with varying strengths and only when the plot really needs them to: now I'm afraid you lost me. Finally, the non-Indy cast was almost entirely without merit. Even Karen Allen, who played the best character ever to share the screen with Indiana Jones, disappointed me somewhat. Cate Blanchett's character could've been cooler if it turned out she was an alien or something, and the n-crossing, British, "Uncle Tusky" fellow was ridiculous to the point where I just ended up ignoring him.

The film had some good parts. The jungle chase was okay until somewhere between the point where you realize Indiana Jones isn't one of the people swordfighting and the point where the monkeys came into play. The graveyard scene is also pretty good if you can forget about the quick-dissolve mummies, and regardless of how out of place Shia LaBouef looks on a Harley Davidson, the campus chase is also done pretty well.
 
I couldn't bring myself to go see it. My wife took my son and his friends. They both really liked it so it does work for 8 year olds.

I was 12 when Raiders came out and it was brilliant, I figured that the plots and action I loved then wouldn't suit now I am almost 40.
 
I'm glad I am not the only one who didn't like it. I really think it is the worst movie that I ever saw. I even fell asleep during one of the action scenes.:thumbdn:
 
I didn't think it was too bad. It was a fun matinee when I was on vacation. I went in expecting it to be cheesy but fun and it was.

It was not as good as Kung Fu Panda, however, which is saying something:p
 
Color me disappointed with Indiana Jones and the Jumping of the Crystal Shark. I have colored some spoilers in white font if you don't want to read them. Honestly, it probably won't make much of a difference. There are no twists or turns in this movie. Just a plodding muddled pretty much actionless plot that I gave me about the same relief when it ended as when I am getting over a bout of the stomach flu.

It was "entertaining"...I guess, but it was not the typical caliber of Indy movies 20 years ago. I could buy the refrigerator part. It was campy, but seemed to sort of fit the universe of the movie. It bugged me, but I bought it. Now, the Shiazan and his army of commie hating monkeys was stupid. Also, the ENTIRE quicksand scene was idiotic. "Crazy Guy! Go get us help!"....from whom:confused: You're in the middle of a jungle. Who else is out there with you besides the communists you just escaped from? That wasn't even dumbest part. >cough-callitarope-cough<

Crystal Skull was a complete letdown. National Treasure: Book of Secrets was the superior movie. However, I just rented NT:BoS on netflix, watched it, and forgot about it a couple hours later. It was a much better film but not a fantastic one. That's how far, I feel, that this last Indy movie has fallen.

Iron Man remains the most fun I have had at the theater this summer with The Incredible Hulk coming in a distant second, Adam Sandler Zohan movie barely visible in third, and Doctor Jones' crapfest coming in way, way back there. There are some pretty attractive flicks coming out in the next 4 weeks that really have me interested. Hopefully they are good enough wash the rest of this film out of my mouth.

Can you tell I was really, really disappointed by this movie?
 
You have payed to watch escapist garbage which you knew in advance to be escapist garbage, thereby subsidizing the production of escapist garbage and prolefeed. Your penance is to drink a pot of week-old Cafe Du Monde coffee with chicory, and watch the following back to back: Come and See, The Sorrow and the Pity, Open City.
 
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I'm still suffering from the aftershocks of watching Battlefield Earth, now 8 years later. Any entertainment that helps get that horrid memory of a movie out my mind a little further is therefore pleasing and welcome.

I protested spending the $8 for Crystal Skull, because I'd heard from enough people that it wasn't worth it. But since it was our anniversary, and my wife has such strong nostalgia for anything having to do with Indiana or Back to the Future, that I had to go anyway. It was OK, but I'd wait to get it for $1 from Redbox or Netflix. I sure do miss the writers of the 1st and 3rd Indiana Jones movies. Those were some folks that knew how to tell a story that was both mostly believable and engaging.

Ooooooh... just thinking of Battlefield Earth again has left an ill feeling in my stomach. Gotta go find something to wretch into...
 
I am getting so tired of the writers in Hollywood who all seem to have a brainstorming session and share ideas which end up being produced as nearly identical shows. (and often in the theaters at the same time)
That is the opposite of creativity, isn't it?

Armageddon and Deep Impact (comet impact)
The Sphere and Event Horizon (psycho spaceship)
Analyze This and The Sopranos (mafia boss sees shrink)
National Treasure and Indy 4 (search for the lost city of gold)
 
Re: Sphere.

Sphere only resembles Event Horizon because the hollyweird writers absolutely BUTCHERED Michael Crichton's story.
 
Shann said:
I didn't think it was too bad. It was a fun matinee when I was on vacation. I went in expecting it to be cheesy but fun and it was.

It was not as good as Kung Fu Panda, however, which is saying something:p
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Kung Fu Panda was awesome.

Frank
 
I thought it was an OK movie.

But then again I like watching commies being punched out by senior citizens. :D
 
I wans't exactly chomping at the bit to see this one anyway, so I guess it's no big loss if I don't bother.

DannyinJapan said:
(Toshiro Mifune basically did that to Kurosawa during the filming of Sanjuro, which was Kurosawas' worst film, also a lame-a$$ sequel. They never spoke again.)
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Personally I liked Sanjuro even more than Yojimbo, but that's just me. Of course, the worst Kurosawa film is still pretty damn good by many a standard. And I think it was Red Beard that created the Kurosawa/Mifune rift, no?
 
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