This <a href="http://www.canoe.ca/LifewiseHomeYardDecor00/0812_hammer.html">column</a> on chicks and multis might offer come advice.
<b>The modern bride and her multi-tool
by Mag Ruffman</b>
In the midst of the summer wedding season, you have to wonder how many of the lace-festooned hopefuls in white stretch limos will one day wish they never got married.
With divorce rates flourishing, what the modern bride needs is something that makes married life splendid, fulfilling, permanent and rife with adventure. What the modern bride needs is a multi-tool.
Multi-tools are the grown-up version of the pocketknife you had when you were nine. You remember, you called yourself Vera, Queen of the Forest, and tied a towel around your neck for a cloak, and built forts and ran wild in the fields. Because you had special powers. You had a pocketknife.
With your pocketknife you could carve your initials on a fence-post, whittle a stick for toasting marshmallows, remove the wormy bits from wild apples, or free your brother's foot from a badly knotted PF Flyer. It didn't end there. A girl with a pocketknife knew no bounds to her abilities. She was daring, spirited and knew swordplay, several of the attributes needed for a successful marriage.
In adult life, finding a good multi-tool is akin to discovering love; your pulse quickens, your breathing becomes shallow, your palms dampen, a soulful glance means you don't sleep well, a warm touch means you don't sleep at all. Apply these exact physiological specifications to your selection of a multi-tool and you will behave oddly in the hardware store, but the euphoria is worth it.
There are many multi-tools to choose from but only one will suit you for life, unless you're a multi-multi-tool girl, in which case, you may also find monogamy challenging.
Most multi-tools have similar features: pliers with both wire-cutting and gripping surfaces, a selection of knife blades, several screw-drivers, a saw blade, ruler, metal file, and that critical life-enhancing tool, the bottle-opener.
Some multi-tools stand out from others. A superior tool has great action; you can whip it out with one hand in a single swift motion. Individual blades are easy to pull from their nested cradle, and the knives lock for safety. Good multi-tools also come with a sturdy belt-mounted case, which contributes swagger to your strut and sparkle to your eyes. Some multi-tool models have bonus implements like ice-picks, good for starting a screw, starting a cocktail in the arctic, or both, if you're that kind of roving adventuress.
Whether you're married or single, a multi-tool can make a sweet and subtle difference in the quality of your life. Share this pleasure with others; next time you're invited to a wedding, ensure that the bride is given a reasonable start in married life. Give her a multi-tool. Give the groom one too, if he's the sulky type. No point in clouding the wedding night with tool envy.
Multi-tool resources
Schrade (
www.schradeknives.com)
Available at Home Depot, this is a densely packed multi-tool with 21 individual bits, blades and drivers. Great variety, but the tool is stiff. I know, I know, but you don't want that in this case. Approsimate price is $80.
Gerber (
www.galeswholesale.com)
Gerber makes a range of multi-tools. Their unique feature is a cool flip-out pliers head that makes them fun to use, and good for impressing others at boring social functions. Plus you can accessorize them with interchangeable driver bits. Approsimate price is $80.
Leatherman (
www.leatherman.com)
Leatherman produced the first multi-tool, so they've been innovating longer and they say that makes them better. One of their latest models, which I have yet to be given as a thoughtful surprise for being a nice wife, is the Flair. It encourages a rich and enigmatic lifestyle by providing a corkscrew, butter knife and cocktail fork in addition to all the usual stuff. Plus scissors. Very buff. You will produce additional saliva just looking at a picture of this one.Approsimate price is $120.
SOG
The SOG Power Plier is the preferred multi-tool of Canadian movie crews. It's my personal favourite at the moment. The action is unbelievably smooth for quick one-handed whip-outs. The hex nuts can be adjusted to make it even faster. This is the only multi-tool that has a Robertson (square-head) driver bit. Available in Canada from the people who supply lighting equipment to movie crews; William F. White (416)-239-5050. Approsimate price is $90.
<i>Mag Ruffman can be reached at
tool.girl@home.com. Her new show Anything I Can Do debuts on WTN this fall.</i>