Knife Loaning Horror Stories

Wife says, "I'm going to grap one of your knives to cut these saplings down."
Me, OK.
Wife comes walking by with my Randal Confederate Bowie. :eek:
Me, Honey where are these saplings.
Wife, on the side of the house in the ROCKS.:eek:
Me:mad: , A honey lets go down stairs and find something a little more fitting for the job, like a shovel.:rolleyes:
Wife, whats wrong with using this one, is it expensive?
Me, long pause, give me that please.
She still managed to wack the hell out of my BK9 that day.:rolleyes:

Helle
 
The IT guy at one of my customer sites is stripping some CAT5 cable. Now if you are familiar with CAT5, it's 8 tiny little wires, wrapped around each other in pairs. Not heavy insulation either. He's using an Old Timer mini-stockman to strip the insulation off, and you can just see the insulation s-t-r-et-c-h-i-n-g as his knife fails to cut AT ALL. So I'm a nice enough guy, and without thinking about it I hand him my knife(my cheap lender knife mind you) and pull a small stone out of my tool bag to sharpen his knife. Can you picture it yet? He goes to strip the wire and it slices through like butter. I hear him say "wow, thats sharp.....s**t". He cut about an inch long slice along the side of his hand a good 1/4 inch deep. Nothing serious but bled like a muther.
I had already put a starting to be decent edge on his knife and I actually ran it back across the stone at a 90 degree angle to kill the edge before I handed it back.

Syn
 
cops are the worst in this regard.

officer 1: "hey, anyone got a knife?"
officer 2: "yeah, here ya go."

officer one promptly shoves it into a doorjamb to open a door, and returns it with no tip.

officer 1: "hey, anyone got a knife?"
me: "what for?"
officer 1: "why?"
me: "ask someone else."
 
Friend helping out with some home improvement "you have that knife thingy on you?" -referring to the Atwood SOnofPryThing I had just shown him....I had JUST showed him the cuts hanging paper blade on the side....a minute ago, and handed it to him.
He proceeds to tighten a screw withthe tip (an OK use of this tool, if you have never seen one).
I noticed about one second before he did that he had been applying pressure with the pad of his finger....to the blade. It had slipped right into him.
He handed me back the knife, and proceeded to bleed all over my wall.

I think I'm done lending knives.
 
If he hasn't got a knife of his own,
he probably doesn't know how to use one,
so why would you loan him yours?
 
A friend one asked to borrow my knife and proceeded to cut the top out of a TIN can, not aluminum so he would have a spit cup. Needless to say I stopped him and took my knife away from him.

Once in college (Auburn University) ROTC in the ranger unit my 1st Sgt. asked to borrow my knife. He was cutting up a chicken and managed to cut the web between his thumb and finger to the bone. His comment, “Boy you keep a sharp knife” For the next two years every time he saw me, he commented about how sharp my knife is.

Along the same lines I had to take my machete from another friend as he used it for a fireplace poker and was killing the temper.

Also in the process of building a deck my wife stripped the head of the deck screw she was driving with a cordless drill. I went to get a pair of vice grips and when I get back I found she had used a brand new $40 razor sharp chisel to attempt to pry the screw resulting in a huge notch in the blade. I still bring that up to her every Saturday when we are watching the home repair shows.
 
I showed my elder brother how to flick a knife, handed him the knife to give it a try, and he immediately flicked it right into his thigh. We had to go to the emergency room to get him stitches.
 
I always ask "why?" THe two worst answers I've heard are...

"I have a wart I need to work on." (not with my BM 940)

"I this window is painted stut and I need to pry it open." (not with my BM 910HS)

What is wrong with these people!
 
I had a retard "sharpen" my custom Knife after he cleaned fish with it...errr thanks..you just took a $400 custom and screwed up the edge beyond belief...I sent it back to the maker ( Bud Nealy ) and he fixed it up right..and put a note in the box saying ( Ren what did you sharpen this knife with a rock??)

I also had another retard open a OTF fDalton Auto the wrong way and the blade went literally Jesus style right through his palm...Ouch..it bled like crazy and before he could freak I grabbed his hand and pulled it out and wrapped in in ice and a towel and off to the ER...a six hour wait later..and amazing no vascular or Tendon Surgery later we returned to find our wives had fed the kids and the dinner party was off...no kidding...and he was a Marine...Judas Im glad I didnt show him my Gun collection..:D
 
I've lent my working knives out twice. The first time was my uncle henry stockman to a guy who proceeded to try to open paint cans with the sheepsfoot blade (told him to get a can opener or a set of pliers). The second time was a kershaw leek to a coworker who went into a booth and was using it to wedge an open root pipe joint level (and tacking beside the blade with a 1/8 " 7018 rod). Now, there's an exacto knife in my toolbox (kinda fun watching guys snap blades off of those and then get mad at it for breaking when they're trying to scrape paint, remove screws, deburr steel or aluminum, etc.). As far as I'm concerned my knife is like my vehicle, if you can't afford it, you can't use it.
 
My retard friends are the usual knife throwers/ scrapers/ bangers. I made the mistake of letting a freind use my machete. He started whacking a stump that I use as a surface for cutting firewood. He tries to chip bits of wood off the sides, but all his cuts glance off the side and slam into the cement around the stump.
He's capable of dulling, chipping, or bending any blade with his clumsiness.

My solution is to keep 3 types of knives:

Sharp knives : keep razor sharp for SD or impressing people

Users: a rougher edge is alright as long as it works

Abusers: these are the ones you hand to sheeple/moron friends
abuser knives are dull pos knives that you would normally throw away
 
While teaching SERE I once handed my folder to a guy who used it to cut open 20+ sandbags. Not just cut off the top of the bag and pour out the sand, but jab the knife repeatedly into the bag, making 10 or so holes, then ripping the rest of the bag open and pouring out the sand. Luckily, it was $20 POS I was planning to get rid of anyway, but after he destroyed the blade I just tossed the thing.
 
I'm very protective of my knives, and generally don't lend them out for any reason. I sometimes carry a SAK to let people use at work. I don't let anyonoe use my customs though. The problem is that once everyone knows that you are the "knife guy", they always seem to track you down and ask to borrow your blade!
 
The last time I let my brother borrow a knife, it was, sadly, my Buck Odyssey. It was $40 at Wal-Mart, but I love the thing. He used it to saw an sempty soda can in half, and gave it back with some kind of...goop on it. So i carry a POS I got for something like .79 in a large collection.
 
thedishdoc said:
A friend one asked to borrow my knife and proceeded to cut the top out of a TIN can, not aluminum so he would have a spit cup. Needless to say I stopped him and took my knife away from him.

Once in college (Auburn University) ROTC in the ranger unit my 1st Sgt. asked to borrow my knife. He was cutting up a chicken and managed to cut the web between his thumb and finger to the bone. His comment, “Boy you keep a sharp knife” For the next two years every time he saw me, he commented about how sharp my knife is.

Along the same lines I had to take my machete from another friend as he used it for a fireplace poker and was killing the temper.

Also in the process of building a deck my wife stripped the head of the deck screw she was driving with a cordless drill. I went to get a pair of vice grips and when I get back I found she had used a brand new $40 razor sharp chisel to attempt to pry the screw resulting in a huge notch in the blade. I still bring that up to her every Saturday when we are watching the home repair shows.
Click to expand...

WAR EAGLE!!! also in ROTC, 1965, Solution to avoiding tool damage, don't loan or allow to use, including wives.;)
 
Just today, I met one of my friend's friends. Seeing the knife clipped to his pocket and the leatherman multitool pouch on his belt, I thought, "hey cool another knife guy just like me." So I handed him my Buck 110 and said, "hey cool, you're into knives too." The first thing he did was to open it and put it to my friend's throat. I grabbed the blade with my left hand, putting my right hand between the tip and said friend's throat thinking that I'd rather have my hand "killed" than my friend killed and told him to let go of the knife NOW. So what does this yahoo do now? HE JAMS THE KNIFE INTO MY HAND:eek: !!! I used my left hand to slam his hand into the wall behind him, which made him let go of the knife, which then dropped out of my palm. I asked him WTF did he think he was doing, and he replied, "I was just joking dude, sheesh, relax." I showed him my hand and what he did to it. He then proceeds to tell me that it isn't that bad!!! I REALLLLY felt like punching him for that.:mad: After wiping the blood off of my knife and stopping the bleeding. I asked to see his knife and multitool just out of curiosity. It turns out the knife was a POS with a loose blade and no edge (figures:jerkit: ), and the multitool was given to him. (What the h*ll were they thinking giving a multitool to HIM, anyways?) I made it very clear to him that you DO NOT threaten someone with a knife in a "joking" manner. Its NOT funny:grumpy:. Sheesh, am I the only teenager with any common sense...
 
War Eagle, guys! AFROTC, 1964-68, basic and advanced. Didn't have to go down to the Army barn and clean an M1.:D
 
I just had a ************ from my university scratch up my Emerson Custom CQC9...

He comes up to me, sees that i have a knife clipped to my pocket, and without asking, just yanks it out of my pocket..and obviously he got a bad grip of it. So what happens?..the ****** drops the blade, half-opened onto the floor..i was so mad...the thing is, this ******* knows that my blades ain't cheap. He offered to pay, my first reply was "can you afford?"....**** them...

cheers,
Nick
 
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