• The Wait Is Over. From this thread, orders for the 2023 BladeForums Traditional Knife are open & here's your handy order button.
    OPEN TO ALL MEMBERS WITH GOLD OR HIGHER PAID SUBSCRIPTIONS OR have 25+ posts in the Traditional Forum Preorder price is $160 shipped CONUS, price increase on 9/25 11:59PM when ordering opens to anyone on the forums
    User Name

M3K problem; this time, Turber, you must act!!

Oct 7, 1998
OK, you turkey, you were able to slide past the M2K problem without any major problems. However, Mike, this time I feel you are obligated to take some action recognizing that we will have reached 3,000 members.

Perhaps a new pink tu-tu for Sparky?

An 'I Love the Dark Side' t-shirt for you?

A contest to find DC a husband (the loser has to marry her)?<--- my favorite; we should be able to repeat this quite often. heh heh

A copy of 'How to Win Friends and Influence People' for Mad Dog?

A copy of 'People Skills: Sometimes More Important than Heat Treatment' for Cliff?

Get Donna a new 'Knife on a Rope' for her shower (how does that woman stand sharp objects in the shower; I didn't think it possible. Ever try to use a woman's razor on your face? Think about it)

I would insult more people, but have to take my 7yo to a birthday party. Please feel free to continue the list, and you may include me as many times as you like.

But we really should do SOMETHING to celebrate having 3,000 knife maniacs, sharpaholics, edge whackos, and many other assorted crazies come together for at least one (semi-?) coherent purpose.

So lets let the suggestions roll. Walt
LOL-Good to see you Doc

and if Walt Wins, a 2 year supply of Viagra.
(in his case thats 2 tablets........
Walt- I guess this is your attempt at humor but I gotta say that I feel you crossed the line by some of your insults towards fellow members here.

By the way - you have a 7 year old? You mean you actually got a woman to have sex with you? I won't ask how much it cost you or if you had to get her drunk or worse.

Okay, I'm sorry for the above ^ as I never have resorted to insulting people here, but I felt you could use a little of your own medicine.
Now just behave!
Walt has figured out who he can insult and who will take it the wrong way. It is his style and always meant in light hearted humorous way.

I will look into the M3K problem and the approaching M100K problem.

BTW I have yet to receive my afore mentioned lifetime perscription of Viagra!

Best Regards,
Mike Turber
BladeForums Site Owner and Administrator
Do it! Do it right! Do it right NOW!


If you knew Walt, you would know where he is coming from. He is a stand up guy. Let's just leave it at that.


I like that "Sharpoholics". Maybe we should all get together and start "Sharpoholics Anonymous" .


Doc might be onto something here. How about when we hit 3K members, you could have a cool knife giveaway or something. Just a thought.

C.O.'s-"It takes balls to work behind the walls "

Regarding the measures to which I had to resort to reproduce. The truth is even worse than the suggestions you made. I had to marry her.

I am not sure as to how to take your implication that an 'I Love the Dark Side' t-shirt is a less than terrific item. I treasure the one my daughter got me.

Now, how about a suggestion as to what we can do to celebrate the event? That is the important thing.

May the farce be with you. Walt
Walt- Maybe I jumped the gun a bit with my reply. At first I thought about just standing back and letting the people you mentioned defend there good name, which is what I probably should have done. I just was a little taken back by the comment about DC (who I don't even know) and just sort of jumped to the defense of a woman and fellow forum members. I can see now that I was just "out of the loop" on this one, sorry for Barkin at ya.
When I read your last reply I had to laugh, when I wrote my comment on your reproducing the thought crossed my mind that your marrying her would be a witty reply from you. Seems to some degree we think alike, I'm not sure if I should smile at that thought or just be scared.
Man is this place great or what!

Best Regards,
Mike Turber
BladeForums Site Owner and Administrator
Do it! Do it right! Do it right NOW!


Your chivalry is commendable; and I might say, rather rare these days.

DC, who lives about 150 miles South of me, is a Sicilian woman who is somewhat, er, ah, outspoken. As well as volatile. She also is highly competant with a knife as well as a gun (she has many of both, BTW).

In addition, she has a Uncle Vincenzo, who has been known to send associates to visit people who have offended him or his family members. Sometimes the last thing that people present (not associated with UV) have heard of these offenders are the words, 'Uncle Vincenzo wants to have a tawk witcha.'

She has, in the past, for some verbal infraction of mine, offered to bury me and plant a tree on top of me. Since I am a paragon of moderation, congeniality, and extremely easy to get along with, (just ask anybody), I felt that marriage to DC would be a short term situation for ANY man.

Thus, I felt that an offer of marriage to her would be ideal within the context of our M3K celebration, as by the time M4K rolled around, there would be another tree planted on her farm, and she would be available again. Of course, there was a typo in my suggestion; I meant the WINNER of the contest would get to marry her. Sorry about that DC, and no disrespect intended

I am certainly not offended by your posts; however, since you jumped so avidly to DC's defense, you are automatically entered in the contest to find her a husband
.In fact, I feel that we may just have ourselves a winner (Mike Turber is well known for fixing contests around here)!!

Of the other posters I attempted to offend, Donna Barnas is an incredible tactically oriented woman. She was somewhat miffed at her husband who, when Donna developed severe labor pain, insisted on unloading the 1911A1 that Donna had beside her (she was delivering at home). She actually does have a knife in the shower with her; my comment about a knife-on-a-rope was, in retrospect, factual, not an insult. Darn.

I am very proud that I was instrumental in providing Donna with a custom Mad Dog knife, a style later to become known as the Voodoo Child.

The gag about Sparky having a pink tutu is so old I was afraid the tutu might need replacement; thus my comment regarding this.

Mad Dog is actually quite pleased with me. I have recently been promoted to Accolyte First Class, Church of Tactical Truth. Further, I received a wonderful collection of thank you notes from his daughters recently. They are just absolutely great kids, I met them at KNIFEGNUGEN 98, and sent them some Photon lights and Krill lights and some other goodies.

MD himself, however, does have the people skills of a great white shark at times. Most times. Come to KN '99 and see for yourself.

Concerning your apprehension regarding the possibility that you and I may think in similar manners, you are correct that this is cause for concern. Grave concern (stop that laughing, DC!). Before Sparky and Mikey got the BB screwed up, I was known as 'Whacko Walt.' Instead of my membership status being listed under my name, it just said, 'Whacko.' Alas, my unique moniker mysteriously disappeared.

One note of caution; if you start to feel that your thinking is similar to Mike Turber, then you are in real trouble. I do not call him turkey as a term of disrespect; he has performed his turkey call for me on more than one occasion, and it leads me to wonder just how frightened he gets in November! I hear that when he lays on the beach, a little indicator pops up out of his skin when he is done enough!

So, I am somewhat chagrined to have to fess up. I was trying to shock and motivate people by appearing to be offensive and nasty. In reality, however, I actually was just teasing some old friends. I am just going to have to work harder to be bad.

In closing, I would just like to share one observation regarding my reproduction. We moved from CA to Omaha, stayed there five years, and moved back to CA. During all this time, we had the same mailman; moreover, all my kids look like him. Could anyone shed some light on this curiosity?

Have fun everyone, and lets start working on our M3K celebration plans. Perhaps we could combine the celebration with BarkinDog's nuptuals?

(formerly Whacko) Walt
I do not believe in name calling, but may I say?

Barking Dog-Breath,(sorry) Walt seems to have snagged you into his world of fun, and it is nice to hear from Walt the Wacko again.

A happening event for 3K sounds like fun.

An Italian woman(DC)as wife, sounds nice.
I know, I enjoy one...



Walt, been a long time since you last posted something here at BFC, but when you do, you really send us laughing like crazy...

You should really consider doing stand-up comedy sometime... hahahaha..

5 YEARS IN OMAHA!!! Nothing else needs to be said - Thank God you're back to normality in California! My daughter spent 5 years in Omaha courtesy of Uncle Sam(A.F.) - she had to spend a year in South Korea to recover. She still has occasional 'flashbacks' though.
Glad you're back.

Our dear Walt, the 5 years in Omaha explains everything, including the rumored large quantities of meds. May you soon fully recover, Walt, we're rootin' for ya!

Perhaps, though, your coercing some poor woman into marrying you is a passive/aggressive reaction of forcing others to experience the same sort of trauma that, obviously, Omaha left on your psyche. Maybe she should also receive a complimentary "I Love the Dark Side" T-shirt. Such symbolic irony.

With all due respect, Dr. Welch.

Don LeHue

The pen is mightier than the sword...outside of arm's reach. Modify radius accordingly for rifle.

[This message has been edited by DonL (edited 26 July 1999).]
Ah Now I know where all his AF knowledge comes from. He was spying in Omaha

I knew he was a comunist!

Best Regards,
Mike Turber
BladeForums Site Owner and Administrator
Do it! Do it right! Do it right NOW!

M3K: I didnt know there were that many of us out there.

I'll chip in for the tu-tu for Spark!

The Infamous ShadedDude http://www.inanimatemotion.com
Web Design and Hosting

[This message has been edited by ShadedDude (edited 26 July 1999).]
Oh boy, me and my big mouth. What have I gotten myself into now?
To quote L.B.Johnson(who quoted some earlier president)- If nominated I will not run, if elected I will not serve.
Walt, you are a riot!
All these replies and no-one has put together the "Walt is a stand up guy" statement and Viagra reference ? Oh people c'mon !!!
Hi Walt.
I just can't believe it. I try and recount some of our colorful history to a well intentioned (if somewhat crudely insulting) poster, and you guys really lay into me! How unjust! How 'woood' as Jar Jar Binx would say.

Brian, they also missed the 'stand up comic' reference as well. Which just shows that the average IQ of this list is in the mid 50's. Tops.

DonL; thank you for your wonderful melange of psychobabble. As is usual with shrinks, you totally missed the pathology. Let's leave my ex-wives out of this. My mother as well. You need look no farther than the fact that I grew up in *Southern* California to realize from whence my problems stem.

You cannot begin to imagine the pain, no, the AGONY of growing up a *redneck Jedi*.

How would YOU feel if this dark, hulking, masked and caped figure says, 'Walt, I AM your father...and your uncle!' How about later, when he says, 'Heck, son, come on over to the 'ol Dark Side; it'll be a hoot!'

Tell me you won't cringe when he uses The Force to get another Bud Light so he doesn't have to wait for a commercial. Or has his R2 unit use that self defense sparky thingy to light the charcoal. Or use his lightsaber to open the Bud Light he Forced to his side.

Speaking of that, YOU try and maintain your sanity when you are freeing people using The Force. Talk about oxymorons! And, no, I am not talking about my cousin who strongly resembles Chewbacca. You tell ME, Mr. Smartypants Shrink, is it any wonder that even though I was forced to kill Jabba the Hutt, I thought that he had a pretty good handle on how to treat his women?

Not to mention having a Speeder AND a pod racer up on blocks in the yard for everyone to see. Can you imagine trying to save the universe after you are forced to crawl through the window of your X-wing fighter because both doors are welded shut? And two of the wings are primer color? With a Confederate flag painted on the tail? Listen, buddy, it wasn't two days into my adolescence before I figured out that Sturm und Drang were NOT two planets in the Degobah system!

One of the few bright aspects in my life is the secure knowledge, having explored many dimensions, that *my* 'lightsaber' DEFINITELY comes from the DARK side

Well, enough for tonight. I have to go kick some Empirical (or is it Imperial?) butt. On the eternal quest to free people with Force, and try to find a dry cleaner that won't shrink my codpiece.
I will deal with you tomorrow, Turber.

signed, (formerly) Whacko, (Redneck) Jedi Knight


Walt, I'm not a shrink, I don't even play one on TV, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn last night.

You are correct, I failed to connect the Omaha-angst turmoil with the obvious personal conflict of living as a red-neck Jedi in the southern regions of the People's Republik of Kalifornia. I do believe, however, that your time spent in SoCal has removed you from your roots. Shouldn't the proper enticement from your father/uncle have been , "Y'all come on over to the Dark Side for a spell." And it was my understanding that a Jedi knight wouldn't use his lightsaber to open a beer, heck, if he could use the Force to fetch a beer from the fridge, he could certainly also use the force to flip a piddly pop-top. At least he can help you use the force to move your speeder to around the back of the trailer, since I hear that city ordinance will only allow one vehicle on blocks at a time on any property.

Walt, you're mistaking our concern for your health and stability as agressive overtures, but trust me, they are not. We're here to help you. We're just looking out for you, Walt, we know saving the world from the dastardly deeds of ne'er-do-wells is more than a full time job, what with the paperwork and union battles. Heck, it's a job many of us wouldn't do for twice the pay or prestige. Walt, we care, we really do, think of this as an electronic "intervention". We want you to sit watching the sun set over your speeder on cinder blocks, knowing that you indeed made a difference, and touched all of our lives. Then you can revel in the mysteries of the universe, such as if your father/uncle divorced your mother/aunt, is Darth Maul still your brother, your half brother, your second cousin, or now some third cousin once-removed.

We all have out demons, Walt. Mine is currently wishing that Mike's search for a Buck M-9 sheath for the show Stargate is fruitless, as it is my desire to be strapped to the hip of the lovely Amanda Tapping and hold the knife myself.
Don LeHue

The pen is mightier than the sword...outside of arm's reach. Modify radius accordingly for rifle.

[This message has been edited by DonL (edited 27 July 1999).]
Redneck Jedi Knight ….

That’s funny Walt !

“Use the Force … Y’all”

However, if your transition to the “Dark” side is complete you would properly be labeled a “Sith” and be required to adopt a new name beginning with the title “Darth”. Further, as such you would be required to be either the apprentice of as superior “Sith” or adopt an apprentice that you your self would train. As Yoda says “there are always two … no more, no less”.

Jedi … ? Sith … ? Light side … ? Dark side … ?

I am sensing a disturbance in the force somewhere.

However, it is difficult to see as the mind of this one is unusually clouded.



How about offering an embroidered hat? I would purchase one.

Possibly with the slogan “Blade Forums Red neck Jedi apprentice … and proud of it … y’all” or “BF M3K Strong” or …

Also, an optional duel bear can holder/cooler attachment, complete with flexible straw for sipping for the "Stihs" among us.

“We are the pilgrims masters; we shall go, always, a little farther.”

[This message has been edited by Scott Evans (edited 27 July 1999).]