OK . . . OK . . .
. . . .. . .give me a minute . . . I got to ge it back together . . . I thought I was ready . . .
. . . oh . . . I'm just so emotional . . .
. . ……………………. . . .
errrrrrrr . . . .
where to begin . . . .
the beginning . . . the real beginning . . . or today’s beginning ? ? ? ? or a few days ago beginning ? ? ?
Here we go :
I saw this knife and it was love at first sight . . . smooth so smooth (gasp) and look at that complexion . . . and the cute little way the main blade is engraved . . .
I couldn’t forget about it. I kept coming back and gazing at it in the online photo.
Why not order it dumb sheet ?
You mean I could ACTUALLY HAVE a knife like that ? !
Well if you got about seventy bucks what’s stoppin’ ya ?
With shaking hands I ordered it.
A few days . . . a week . . . seemed like a life time . . . ( and that is years ago now ) she came !
In the mail.
long story short : I opens the box, takes off the wraps and horrors . . . pale, pink bone even WHITE bone everywhere . . . this is a nightmare ? Is this a horrible accident ? What happened ?
I don’t feel good about admitting this but . . . I sent it back. I couldn’t look at it . I’m ashamed now. Casting out a knife like that. Poor thing wouldn’t have lived long anyway with the butter knife dull main blade and the super weak almost none existent spring tension on the little blades which were bravely trying to be sharp enough to make up for the main blade . . .
just sad.
I put it down.
Into the factory box and into the shipping box.
I can’t describe the rest I just get too emotional.
After some recovery and counseling I found myself calling around and e-mailing asking : You have a Boker large stockman in smooth, deep red, bone in stock IS IT THE DEEP RED SHOWN IN THE FACTORY PHOTO ? ? ? ? or is it . . . pink and white and goofy light red ? ? ? ? . . . .
. . . oh . . . I was afraid of that . . . thank you for your time . . .
years went by . . .
Then recently; like two years after all that had a chance to settle to the bottom and haunt my life less and less an idea came to me : I could get one of those and dye it ? . . . yeah RIGHT the chances of getting it to look like the photo are slim to none.
Maybe with multiple dye sessions ! ! ! ! . . . ? . . . ? ? . . .
Ever look at yourself incredulously ? I found I was.
I had got to the point I simply had to HAVE THAT KNIFE.
Pay a custom maker to make a knife like that for me ?
They would have to be as passionate about it as I am to pull it off. And it would take . . . what . . . a year to get it ? Years ? ? ?
I would be dead from longing and pining by that time.
NOW must have knife NOW ! ! !
Just the other day I called another vendor that listed it : . . . say what ? you don’t actually have one in stock ? it shows you do; you have to order it in to look at it to tell me the state of the scale color ?
I thanked them and hung up. I was willing to pay more if they could go over to the shelf and inspect the knife for me and take time with my crazy obsession; yes . . . that was worth like ten dollars more to me if they only had a fix for me . . .
but alas . . .
and in the back ground . . . looking back it is like Magic . . . this is all magic. Low on bucks because low on work. Then work tells me I HAVE TO work an extra day.
I deposit the bucks.
I then I am told I have to take an extra day off this week so I am home asleep (today).
Somebody is banging on the door; I answer it and it is Santa. He says he is sorry for the delay but there was some problem with elfin attitude and then there was The Great Maroon Dye Shortage that they are just now recovering from . . .
whaaaahhhhh ? ? ? ?
I’m standing there wandering if I should wake up because this dream is just tooooo weird . . . but I thought I was awake . . . I got up to answer the door . . . .
errrrr ? ? ? ?
He gives me a package . . . I now see it was disguised as an amazon box . . . and come to think about it now he was disguised as a mail man . . . but on the deck it was all different . . . I saw Santa Clause and he gave me this wonderfully wrapped package aw it was a bonnie thing ! ! ! there never was such a package ! ! !
Once I got it inside and shut the door I thought what the heck I may as well open the dambed thing . . . it got me out of bed and a sound sleep.
What is this ?
My dream knife ! ! !
The color ! ! ! It’s perfect ! ! ! Just like the online factory photo ! ! !
OK now I know I’m still asleep.
The little devil on my shoulder says “Guh head ! Test the edges on your thumb nail . . . they suck don’t they ? ? ? Dull as sheet right ? !
Noooooooo . . . they are all nicely sharp . . . no burs either . . .
suddenly Devil boy wasn’t there . . . . oh well mostly I don’t care for his company . . . he does have that great sense of humor though . . .
Later dude.
. . . . .
at this point I don’t know WHAT to do. I gently set the knife down like a little dead bird (or perhaps sleeping) . . . still open . . . and I stumped back to bed and pulled the covers over my head.
. . . nahhhhhhhh . . . and go back to sleep . . . or continue my dreaming . . . or . . . .
I woke up at a more sane hour; quarter to twelve.
Ever dream you got something you been wanting but can’t have then get up to go check it out and it was just a dream ? ? ? Yeah . . . that sucks.
So I get up and put it all out of my mind and get some orange juice and try to get the starter motor going so I can engage it into the main engine . . . walking through the living room to turn on the jazz station (got a new jazz station here . . . and that’s another thing . . . what’s up with that ? ? ? I thought the world loved jazz but Americans are just meh about jazz . . . how in tarnation did we get . . . .
and my mouth fell open at this point and I almost dropped the orange juice . . .
. . . . . . .
. . . . . .
well guys and gals at this point I don’t know how to act. I will show you what I am looking at and you can give me your assessment :
Am I actually seeing a deep maroon, smooth bone, Stockman ? Here are two photos; I can’t quite capture it; the light area on the left end isn’t like that, more like the darker photo.
. . . or whimper . . . as I suspect, I am merely barking mad, asleep or both ?
Shall I call in a specialist ?
An awakeoligist ?
Sleep specialist someone says. No I don’t have any trouble sleeping; in fact that is one area of my life that I must say, with little humility, I AM FEEKIN’ AWESOME.
I just need to know if I am actually awake right now and if I am, what the heck I should do with the rest of my life because . . . man . . . it seems I have just reached my last goal here, an unobtainable goal at that and I am just kind of like . . . ehhhha ha, er gahhhhh you know . . .
I think the doc here can explain how I feel better in his lingo (obviously some kind of Latin or like that).
WARNING colorful LANGUAGE sensitive ears be ware :
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Since you’ve been reading this and watching the vid of the fine doctor I have been slamming espresso.
Great day in the morning (well afternoon now) I don’t know if I am celebrating or just trying to wake myself up . . .
help . . .
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