Need serious input! Parents asked to borrow $55k

So I spoke to my mom later today about this issue.

Told her that she shouldn't be buying this new house before selling the new one. She reasoned that she will be renting the new house first to make some $$ while looking for potential sellers, and will pay me back in a year and a half. I told her that I didn't trust her to pay me back, and will require a promissary note.

Unfortunately, it turned out very bad. She started calling me "immature" saying that I should love my parents unconditionally, and refused to sign a promissary note. She then told me that she will exclude me from her living will and divide it among the other three children. I tried hard to reason that I'm just starting out in this world and $55k isn't something to take lightly, but she didn't listen.

Given these turn of events, I have decided not to loan her anything. The way she treats me is depressing, and I'm so frustrated to even vent this out as I'm typing. She's too stubborn to see my side of the story, so I give up.

I will be moving out of this house next week, I don't care if she excludes me from her will.
 
Gollnick said:
Blood is thicker than money.

This is your parents we are talking about; you lend them the money. (If you had class, you'd give them the money (actually, you would offer the gift and they would insist that it be a loan). But you at least lend them the money).

If it does end up being a loan, then a written promissory note is in order with interest. This way, you will eventually get it back if only from the estate.
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It doesn't make you any less classy for being wary about giving away fifty five thousand dollars, that is more than the average American makes in a year. Just because someone is in your family, doesn't mean they deserve to be just given a very substantial amount of money, especially if you are not certain you would see that money again. Family is important, but your parents are both adults and are responsible for their own actions. Don't jeopardize your future on account of their poor planning.
 
Translash said:
So I spoke to my mom later today about this issue.

Told her that she shouldn't be buying this new house before selling the new one. She reasoned that she will be renting the new house first to make some $$ while looking for potential sellers, and will pay me back in a year and a half. I told her that I didn't trust her to pay me back, and will require a promissary note.

Unfortunately, it turned out very bad. She started calling me "immature" saying that I should love my parents unconditionally, and refused to sign a promissary note. She then told me that she will exclude me from her living will and divide it among the other three children. I tried hard to reason that I'm just starting out in this world and $55k isn't something to take lightly, but she didn't listen.

Given these turn of events, I have decided not to loan her anything. The way she treats me is depressing, and I'm so frustrated to even vent this out as I'm typing. She's too stubborn to see my side of the story, so I give up.

I will be moving out of this house next week, I don't care if she excludes me from her will.
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It seems that this may be for the best. You might still gift back whatever the tuition expense they paid for you. But yeah, get your own place where you make your own rules.
 
I'm surprised no one has said this yet, but...

If I were a parent, I wouldn't ask my child, who is just starting out in the world, to loan me $5,000 let alone $55,000. People here want to talk about class and family... Well, I know my parents would have been pleased that I had such a nest-egg so early in my life, so that they could be assured I would do well or have something to fall back on. I don't want to say anything negative about your mother, but you certainly do not have an obligation to loan her money just to buy a new house. Pay off the mortgage and keep her from being homeless would be another case, and even then every mother I know would be ashamed to ask their children.

Just my $.02
 
I wouldn't even wait till next week to get out. Pack your things and put them in storage, stay with a friend or in a cheap hotel until you find a good apartment. Your mother telling you that you are out of the will because you wanted a signature on a piece of paper should tell you where you stand in your family. Give them back the tuition money and go out and make your own way in the world, its not like you are going out empty handed...
 
KennyB said:
I'm surprised no one has said this yet, but...

If I were a parent, I wouldn't ask my child, who is just starting out in the world, to loan me $5,000 let alone $55,000. People here want to talk about class and family... Well, I know my parents would have been pleased that I had such a nest-egg so early in my life, so that they could be assured I would do well or have something to fall back on. I don't want to say anything negative about your mother, but you certainly do not have an obligation to loan her money just to buy a new house. Pay off the mortgage and keep her from being homeless would be another case, and even then every mother I know would be ashamed to ask their children.

Just my $.02
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I agree with you Kenny, in an ideal world, we could all count on our parents to allow us to "do the right thing by them." But the reality is sometimes different. The OP is very young (at least in today's society) to be asking him to risk that much money - especially when he's getting ready to go to med school and will probably have to borrow $200K to graduate. Translash, I'm sorry to hear things went sour with your mother, but it seems to speak to some fundamental issues - like the trust you mentioned earlier. There is nothing wrong with taking care of yourself and your future in this case. As has been said, it's not like they are facing homelessness. Things will work out one way or another.

Jordan
 
Sounds like your mother is trying to become a real estate mogul by buying property to rent and live in. Who is going to manage the property and maintenance? Is she going to be able to rent it for enough money to cover the mortgage and property taxes? In these economic times it sounds like a good idea but how long will it take her to find a renter for the old property? 3 months, 6 months? For that amount of time she will be carrying 2 mortgages.

At 24 I probably had 5k to my name, not 55K. Take your money and run, it's not your job to help pay for a house that you will not even be part owner of.

I have a bridge in Brooklyn for sale if your interested.
 
I never borrow and I never lend money to family or friends.

If I can, I will *GIVE* it to them, but I will not borrow.

Furthermore, I'd never *give or lend* a sum that large to family or friend, due to the fact that it is large enough to be difficult to forget. The conversation of saying no will be easier to get past than the conversation of you not getting your $$$ back.

*SHE* put you in this position by asking, but *YOU* put yourself into this position by living with your parents. Move out, that will fix a lot of your issues.

Also, this should be a good lesson in not talking about money. The reason your mom is after your money, is because she KNOWS ABOUT IT.

Let's say, she didn't know you had that kind of money, would she be asking for it? Doubtful. Don't talk about money with her anymore. Next time it comes up, tell her you will or will not take care of it, but do NOT giver her intelligence about your wealth. Think of conversations with her as digging for information, so drop some counter-intel.

Maybe "invest" in something, (but not really) etc.....so that it is tied up and unavailable if you don't want to approach this head-on?
 
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roughneckrob said:
I wouldn't even wait till next week to get out. Pack your things and put them in storage, stay with a friend or in a cheap hotel until you find a good apartment. Your mother telling you that you are out of the will because you wanted a signature on a piece of paper should tell you where you stand in your family. Give them back the tuition money and go out and make your own way in the world, its not like you are going out empty handed...
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This -- if you can afford to pay them back for the tuition they paid out as an unconditional gift, then do so.
If not, she's made it pretty clear you would never have actually seen the $$ by her attitude which merely substantiated your initial feelings on the subject.
also agree with the suggestion to get a storage unit and rent a room at one of the hotel chains offering weekly rates ASAP. (around here there is a hotel chain offering essentially a studio apartment for under $200 a week)
 
Translash said:
So I spoke to my mom later today about this issue.

Told her that she shouldn't be buying this new house before selling the new one. She reasoned that she will be renting the new house first to make some $$ while looking for potential sellers, and will pay me back in a year and a half. I told her that I didn't trust her to pay me back, and will require a promissary note.

Unfortunately, it turned out very bad. She started calling me "immature" saying that I should love my parents unconditionally, and refused to sign a promissary note. She then told me that she will exclude me from her living will and divide it among the other three children. I tried hard to reason that I'm just starting out in this world and $55k isn't something to take lightly, but she didn't listen.

Given these turn of events, I have decided not to loan her anything. The way she treats me is depressing, and I'm so frustrated to even vent this out as I'm typing. She's too stubborn to see my side of the story, so I give up.

I will be moving out of this house next week, I don't care if she excludes me from her will.
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Very sorry to hear it turned out this way. As others have mentioned money can turn the best relationships sour. I am still a college student living on my parent's good graces to a degree. They would never ask me to loan them that kind of money. Best wishes in your situation.
 
If your mother is going to exclude you from her "living will" then she wouldn't understand what a promissory note is either and probably would never pay you back. A living will is nothing more than an advance health care directive so I guess that she could meant that she would be taking you off the list as the person who decides whether to pull the plug. I'm pretty sure that's not what she meant. What kind of parent asks a young person to spend practically all of their money so that they can buy a new house!!??
 
I just want to thank you guys for all your input. The reason I asked on this forum is because you guys are of the older crowd, and I knew for sure I would get some wise advice here. I'm doing well so far -- moved into a hotel in Queens until my lease is finalized...
 
It sounds like you are a lot more mature than your mother. Sorry things worked out the way that they did, but it'll be for the best in the long run. Money has strange way of making people crazy. Doesn't sound like you traveled down the wrong road very far if you were able to save $55k by the time you were 24. Like others said, if you can gift them the money they spent on your tuition, then do so. You're young and apparently good with your money, so in the long run the money won't be missed as much as you might think. This way you're mother can not hold it over your head sometime in the future.
 
Just one question for your mum and its one I think you might ask her as well.
Why won't the bank lend you the money Mum?
 
If mom isn't making sound economic decisions then stay away from it ! Hire a finacial analyst and lay it all out .
 
parbajtor said:
Or you could insist on being named in the title deeds with % of ownership. (Well, you can over here and common law is fairly similar).

PS: It would mean they'd have to pay you out before they could sell.
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Quit Claim Deed.
 
Uh, only 24 and in your own words, immature, given 55k would make you 75% poorer?
Seems like you haven't paid for a thing in life like rent, a car payment etc... If you do have that much, grow up and move out then.
 
Myker said:
Uh, only 24 and in your own words, immature, given 55k would make you 75% poorer?
Seems like you haven't paid for a thing in life like rent, a car payment etc... If you do have that much, grow up and move out then.
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He has. See his post above.
 
Count your blessings that you didn't get further entangled or guilted by this woman. Don't look back and don't feel guilty. It doesn't sound like she'd appreciate this and would likely continue to pressure you for more if she got her way on this one. Good riddance.
 
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