NEWS FLASH

Cobalt

Cobalt

Platinum Member
Joined
Dec 23, 1998
Messages
17,946
The Democratic Knife Party known as Dk Party has just come to power and has provided some new laws which if broken carry a penalty of $2 million dollars and 10 years in Jail.

The Laws are as Follows:

1. No knife shall be used to chop, EVER.

2. No knife shall be used for prying, even if your life depends on it, EVER.

3. Knives are meant only to be admired and caressed. If a person is seen mistreating or abusing a knife, it will be considered a felony.

4. All knives from this time forward must be made from 1/8 inch thick stock or thinner, due to items 1,2 and 3 above.

5. Cutting or chopping into anything harder than flesh is expressly forbidden.

6. All knives must be baptised prior to the age of 1 year old.

7. Sharpening a knife in anger is expressly forbidden.

8. Using a knife to cut into vehicles, or break glass is forbidden, even if lives are in danger.

9. The knife user has absolutely no say as to what the knife he buys should be able to do. Accept your knife as is.

10. Do not polish or modify your knives in any way. If it was necessary we would have done it for you.

11. If you happen to get into a knife fight and your blade gets damaged, punishment to the owner of the blade will be commensurate with the damage to the blade.

12. Knives shall not be used to chop up animals larger and tougher than Gerbils.

13. Using a knife to shave on beards that are 20 grit roughness is forbidden. Only peach fuzz beards are allowed to be shaved with knives(this includes arms too).

More laws are to come in the near future. Knives are not meant to be used hard. Treat them with kindness after all, they are only human.
 
Cobalt :

All knives from this time forward must be made from 1/8 inch thick stock or thinner, due to items 1,2 and 3 above.
Click to expand...

I have two Barteaux 1/8" machetes from Marion that I have been chopping and prying with for sometime now. They are still in one piece, there is a lot of wood that isn't though.

-Cliff
 
Cobalt, this is actually pretty funny. Not for what you wrote, but for All the Righteous Indignation and Moral Outrage that you are feeling. I guess folks that think that things might break when pushed beyond their design envelop are just stupid. Or ignorant. Or both.

In the future, you and your political party (what is It called?) will try to enact laws requiring that ALL knives must be able to perform Any task required of them by their owner. Without limit. No matter how ludicrous, poorly conceived, or non-sensical. Makers who produce knives which do not perform All tasks as expected will be re-educated and re-introduced into society under the Maker Protection Program. All buyers of fancy custom knives who Do Not use their knives except as cutting implements will be shot without mercy or legal recourse. The world will be a better place. Thank-you for expressing your political sentiments in such a satirical and sarcastic manner. It is Very inspiring.

Paracelsus, wacker
 
On a semi-serious note . . .

HYMN OF BREAKING STRAIN
by Rudyard Kipling, 1935

The careful texts-books measure
(Let all who build beware!)
The load, the shock, the pressure
Material can bear.
So, when the buckled girder
Lets down the grinding span,
The blame of loss, or murder,
Is laid upon the man.
Not on the Steel - the Man!

But in our daily dealing
With stone and steel, we find
The Gods have no such feeling
Of justice toward mankind.
To no set gauge they make us,-
For no laid course prepare-
And presently o'ertake us
With loads we cannot bear.
Too merciless to bear.

The prudent text-books give it
In tables at the end-
The stress that shears a rivet
Or makes a tie-bar bend-
What traffic wrecks macadam-
What concrete should endure-
But we, poor Sons of Adam,
Have no such literature,
To warn us or make sure!

We hold all Earth to plunder-
All Time and Space as well-
Too wonder-stale to wonder
At each new miracle;
Till, in the mid-illusion
Of Godhead 'neath our hand,
Falls multiple confusion
On all we did or planned.
The mighty works we planned.

We only of Creation
(Oh, luckier bridge and rail!)
Abide the twin-damnation-
To fail and know we fail.
Yet we-by which sole token
We know we once were Gods-
Take shame in being broken
However great the odds-
The burden or the Odds.

Oh, veiled and secret Power
Whose paths we seek in vain,
Be with us in our hour
Of overthrow and pain;
That we - by which sure token
We know Thy ways are true-
In spite of being broken.
Because of being broken,
May rise and build anew.
Stand by and build anew!
Click to expand...

I changed one word to conform to they way I heard it sung by Leslie Fish, before I saw it in print.


------------------
- JKM
www.chaicutlery.com
AKTI Member # SA00001
 
Chairman Cliff, has wisely pointed out that 1/8 inch may still be too much. Thus we are amending the following.

Amendment I: All knives shall be 3/32 inch thick or less and HOLLOW GROUND from the spine to the edge. This will prevent abuse as the edge will surely fracture if abused.

AmendmentII: High strength steels and alloys are expressly forbidden.

AmendmentIII: No portion, Part or any piece thereof, any knife shall be FORGED.

AmendmentIV: High strength tips such as Tanto styles are forbidden.

AmendmentV: Sarcasm within this thread is also forbidden. Mocking carries the Death Penalty.

AmendmentVI: Heat treating is permitted as long as it is done over your barbeque. Cryo is only allowed as a quench in order to make sure all blades are extremely brittle.

 
["Out of order" - Chairman JKM]

[This message has been edited by James Mattis (edited 03-26-2000).]
 
Cobalt :

All knives shall be 3/32 inch thick or less and HOLLOW GROUND from the spine to the edge.
Click to expand...

Blast I almost had you again but you got me on the second condition. I have a 3/32" 62 RC D2 blade that I have pried (25 - 30 degrees) and chopped with (light brush), it has a full flat grind though.

-Cliff


[This message has been edited by Cliff Stamp (edited 03-26-2000).]
 
["Out of Order" - Chairman JKM]


[This message has been edited by James Mattis (edited 03-26-2000).]
 
Come on into #BladeForums.com on irc.newnet -- I'm about to commit a public act of civil disobedience by stabbing a knife into warm butter and prying it out ... if I can. I'm going to wear safety glasses just in case the knife breaks before the butter does....



------------------
-Cougar Allen :{)
--------------------------------------
This post is not merely the author's opinions; it is the trrrrrruth. This post is intended to cause dissension and unrest and upset people, and ultimately drive them mad. Please do not misinterpret my intentions in posting this.
 
"AmendmentV: Sarcasm within this thread is also forbidden. Mocking carries the Death Penalty."

Are you dead yet? And did the knife bend or break when it hit your heart?

Paracelsus, having a jolly good time, really
smile.gif

 
C'mon JKM was I really out of order?
troy

I guess I'm just Thick or what
tongue.gif


[This message has been edited by Ben E Hana (edited 03-26-2000).]
 
Cougar, I doubt any knife will have any trouble with the butter, but I hope you don't intend to spread it on toast. Toast can be mighty abrasive. It will take a finely honed and stropped edge down to the sharpness of a butter knife in no time at all. Please reconsider your dangerous and futile test. There are some things better left unknown and unsaid.

BTW: since mike turned chat off and the link for IRC now goes to that forum, how the heck to I get to BF chat?

Paracelsus
 
Really out of order? In any ordinary "lively discussion" here, probably not. But today I'm having to be a little more "aggressive" than usual in enforcing decorum in these "broken knife" threads, where several people have been taking things personally. That's when it's especially important to address remarks to the assembly and about the subject, rather than to and about the previous speaker. That last post appeared to be a response to a direct response to somebody else's post that I had already zapped, and I'm trying to be even-handed.


------------------
- JKM
www.chaicutlery.com
AKTI Member # SA00001
 
:
I can just see the new model khukuris hand ground from Yugo fenders.
smile.gif

Butterng your toast with them will be absolutely forbidden as it will sharpen the edge to hair poppin sharpness.
LMRRAO!!



------------------
>>>>---¥vsa---->®

"Know your own bone, gnaw at it, bury it, unearth it again."

'Thoreau'

Khukuri FAQ
 
Let's watch the language, folks. Nobody needs to be calling anyone else names, we've got kids reading the forums.

Spark

------------------
Kevin Jon Schlossberg
SysOp and Administrator for BladeForums.com

Insert witty quip here
 
Cliff, the use of high strength alloys like D-2 is forbidden as are flat grinds.

Cougar, putting your knife in butter could be construed as a sexual offense. Sexual harassment of knives is not permitted, but there is no law on the books as of yet.

Also, sticking 1/4 inch of your knife into wood is a misdemeanor, under the "knife teasing" section. Chiro is guilty of this.

Chairman JKM is doing a great job of keeping us in line.
 
As long as nobody casts a "devouring by wolves and bears" spell on anybody (see my "Broken Puukko" post), I guess we're all relatively calm!
biggrin.gif


------------------
- JKM
www.chaicutlery.com
AKTI Member # SA00001


[This message has been edited by James Mattis (edited 03-26-2000).]
 
Ok, I found one. The main blade on my SAK is about 1/16". It quite probably was heat treated in a barbeque. There is no way cryo was used nor was any part forged and you would have to be quite mental to call whatever steel is in the SAK blade a high strength alloy.

Last night I repeated Chiro's 1/2" stab into pine and I the mighty 10 degree flex. No damage to the blade.

One small exception though, the blade is fully flat ground.

-Cliff
 
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