Ok, this one got me......

Moosez45

Moosez45

Custom Antlers, Factory Knives...
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My oldest daughter, Shyann, developed some Poison Sumac after a quick hike we went on. We (me and Lady) didn't know it at the time. So, after our soccer game on Saturday (we were down 4 players, and fielded 5, we kicked ass too 4-1 our win HELL YEAH!!), she took her shin guards off, and there, was a patch about the size of a baseball. :confused::eek:

So, no big, some anti itch gel, and some time to recoup, no big. Enough of the back story, on to the good stuff.

I picked my girls up from daycare, and Shy said "Daddy, I didn't put any itch gel on this morning, and my leg is driving me crazy"

To which I replied, "Tough cookies, itch gel is expensive, you've had all your getting from me.":D I like kidding with Ma Girlz.

"DAAAAAAADY!!! Stop messin' around, I need some itch gel".

"Nope, you're just outta luck. But, I can cut off the itchy part with a new knife I just got. Its plenty sharp, and should be pretty painless. " Evil, I know. :D

"DAD!! Cut it out."

"Yup, that's just what I'm gonna do, sweetheart, cut it out".

Well, she blanched. I mean, stone faced, pale white.

When we got home, my little one, Sierra, went runnin' into the bedroom and slammed the door (I guess she didn't want to watch). I told Shy, to go change outta those pants, and put on some shorts, I need to have some room to operate. She started crying. Bawling, actually. :D

After a few times of me tellin' her, she finally went and changed. While she was changing, I went and got the itch gel outta the cabinet, and put it in my pocket (you know, the one I ALWAYS carry a knife in. When she came out of the bedroom, the little one said, "Don't worry, Sissy, Dad said it wouldn't hurt much.

Now, I had'em. Both. Hook, line and sinker.

Shy was bawlin', Sierra was hiding in her bedroom. I made Shy, lay down on the couch, with her legs straight out. I told her, "Cover your eyes, you don't need to see this.":D

She wouldn't, so, I sat down, and laid across her legs, she started bawlin' louder than before, and I reached into the "knife pocket", retrieved the itch gel (which was cold, as in, cold steel), I grabbed her ankle, and squirted the gel right on the sumac spot.

Shy let out a BLOOD CURDLIN' scream and looked at her leg, then she started laffin' so hard, she almost pee'd on herself. I did too. We laffed for about 20mins, with me about to pass out. :D

"I THOUGHT YOU WERE GONNA' DO IT FOR REAL, DAD!!!" She was cryin' now, but from laffin'. I'm still crampin' up, side's stiched. :D

Gawd, I love bein' a parent.

Ya'll got any good stories about messin' with your kids?:thumbup:
 
Did something similar to my daughter when she was four and had a splinter in her foot. I got out my Buck 119,my daughter freaked,my wife got pissed and I was on the shit list for a while. Some people just dont have a sense of humor.
 
Well played.

This happened few years back. Me and the fam picked up some insta noodles at Japan town, mostly because they had some cutesy characters and colors on them and my daughter is a big fan of anime. Unfortunately, all the directions were in Japanese; no pictures for us westerners. Our regular cup o' noodle directions were: open cup, pour in powder, add water to line, re cover cup, and microwave for x minutes.

We figured it was about the same, but I wasn't sure if it was microwave safe. Parts KIND OF looked like aluminum, but it was hard to tell. So we loaded the cup up like we normally do, and pressed start. I had one hand on the STOP button in case sparks flew.

And fly they did. In 2 or 3 seconds, a brief spark caused my daughter to jump. Having lightning quick reflexes, I quickly pressed STOP, almost immediately after I stopped screaming like a girl. I was about to remove it when my daughter asked: "Is it safe to remove?"

Me: (reaching for the cup in the 'wave) Yeah, should be, it only- aaauuhghh! (at this point I pretend I'm being electrocuted as i make contact with the cup).

My daughter screamed and bolted to her mom.

Haven't had any cutesy cup o' noodles since then.
 
MR.GRIMM said:
Did something similar to my daughter when she was four and had a splinter in her foot. I got out my Buck 119,my daughter freaked,my wife got pissed and I was on the shit list for a while. Some people just dont have a sense of humor.
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My wife just bitched me out about it. :D She said I traumatized our daughter. I told her I did not, it was only itch gel. :D

Me and my kids had a fantastic laff outta it, even though there were tears before, laffs to finish up. :thumbup:

Moose
 
thats hilarious, the only thing that comes close to that for me is my neighbor telling my younger brother that if he caught him sucking his thumb, he would cut it off, scared the living hell out of my brother
 
ah, child services is on their way :)
 
Sounds like my old man. I swear to god half the reason that man had kids was to feed us misinformation and the other half was the indentured servitude.
 
For my son's 12th birthday we told him we had a surprise for him and he could bring a friend..... we were taking him to medieval Times...... but as we drove closer there was a very high construction crane in the distance.... we told them we were taking them bungee jumping from that crane...... both of them yelled out..... no !&@$$ing way..... first time I heard that word come from his mouth....lol
 
no pics of the new knife at least? i hear its plenty sharp....

funny stuff, cant wait till my kid is old enough to mess with.
 
You gotta follow through on your promises, or your kids will start to lose respect.
 
clich said:
no pics of the new knife at least? i hear its plenty sharp....

funny stuff, cant wait till my kid is old enough to mess with.
Click to expand...

Its Mora Bushcraft force, Sandvik Stainless. No pics yet, but I did sharpen it.


Guyon said:
You gotta follow through on your promises, or your kids will start to lose respect.
Click to expand...

Too true, I should do something about that......


Moose
 
Just one of life's little pleasures right there, messing with the kids.
 
I wanted to teach my kids about the Christmas Ninja instead of Santa Claus. He comes and cuts parts off your body if you've been naughty, and nothing if you've been good. My wife however disagreed with that parenting tactic. I totally thought I would get out of buying presents...
 
There is this really weird guy that lives in our town, everybody knows him as "the creepy guy" he wheres a hat like that wrestler The Undertaker the big round brim kind. Same pleather jacket, same pants, same pointed toed boots (not cowboy boots) all the time. Well one dark evening my daughter and I (she was about 12-13) were driving along when out of the dark my headlights illuminate a hunched figure with a big round brim hat on scurrying along the sidewalk. I said hey look honey it's the creepy guy and he looks like he needs a ride. So being the good dad that I am, I "started" to pull over to give him a ride. Well anyone that has seen a 12-13 year old girl scared to death doesnt need any further explaination. Good times Good times
 
Arkanian said:
I wanted to teach my kids about the Christmas Ninja instead of Santa Claus. He comes and cuts parts off your body if you've been naughty, and nothing if you've been good. My wife however disagreed with that parenting tactic. I totally thought I would get out of buying presents...
Click to expand...

That's a good one.

Back about 2004, I had my son thinking that Santa ground up mean little kids into high-energy reindeer pellets. We had a deep conversation about who Santa would feed to his reindeer that year. Great conversation until we both decided mom would probably be one of the first 'choco-meanie-chewies' for the season. That woman has no sense of humor, I tell ya. :p

~Chris
 
Couple years back the boy was drinking some kool-aid with his dinner. He was pretty quiet, didn't say much, but then he looked up at me and his mom with this huge kool-aid smile, and said "Why so serious?" I bout spit my drink out at that.

Yesterday evening saw me and him after Scouts sitting down to look at pocket knives cause he wanted one that wasn't a piece of junk. I have tried telling him for awhile but he kept wanting to buy junky ones. Hopefully now we have got that taken care of.
 
I tooks my kids to see one of the "Freddie" movies. While they were in their room laughing about how over-the-top it was, I was busy putting steak knives through the fingers of an old leather glove and digging out my grandfather's fedora. Just about dark, I went ouside and made one long, slow scratch down the window. They were on the ceiling. There's just nothing as rewarding as scaring the total hell out of your kids.
 
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