Ok, this one got me......

When my step daughter was younger (6 ish) she used to think it was funny to flip people the bird ...

Background: Before me, she kinda' grew up in a machine shop with the inlaws. Brother and sister in laws (there were 8) are either dead, in jail or in rehab ... Pretty rough crew.
(As my wife says, her family put the D in disfunctional) Anyway, couple of them thought it was funny to teach her to flip the bird.
I tried to stop it. She thought it was funnier ... OOOOHHHH KAAAAY.

Enter the Duct Tape. :D

Yup, I'd rip a piece off and say "I'm gonna' tape that thing down if you don't stop" "You're going to walk around with a Duct Tape mit" After a bit, just that loud sound of a piece starting to be ripped off did the trick. (LOL) She stopped.

She's older now, kid of her own, we laugh about it.
 
That's awesome Moose. I love to mess with the kids. Sometimes I get their mom to, she is very easy to scare the living daylights out of. I laugh at her but she don't think it's to funny. Ahh the joys of family.
 
When my daughter was about 6 or 7 we were sitting in the bleachers at a local high school football game. She saw this little boy she knew and asked if she could go talk to him. I said sure, go ahead. It was only 2 rows in front of us and the bleachers were solid concrete so she wasn't going to fall through them. Anyway, about 10 minutes passes and she comes back up by me with little boy in tow. Now keep in mind, my daughter knew then (and still knows for that matter) that when boys come around it is my job...NO!...my duty...to give them shit. So, being the good dad that I am, I just smiled and watched the game like nothing is happening. My daughter sits down on the bench seat to my right and the little boy squeezes in between us. I look down at the kid, to my daughter, and then back to the boy and then my daughter gives me the best material to work with I have had to date. She says "hey dad! tell us a scary story!". This was a common thing for my daughter and I to do. She always wanted me to tell scary stories and then she would make one up and tell me. This was working out great! I said "oh you want a scary story?" all the while looking at the boy. He nods yes eagerly. I said "ok" and proceeded with this:

A little boy was sleeping in his bed one night and a vampire creeps out from under his bed. The vampire grabs the little boy out of bed and rips his face off and sticks it on the bottom of his shoe so he can walk all around with the boys face. The end.

Well I looked at his face and he had the most horrified look on his face so I thought I might better tone it down some. So I said, "Nah I'm just playin....but Santa Claus does have fangs." The little boy starts crying and runs back to his mom, my daughter busts out laughing, and my wife slaps me on the arm and makes me apologize to the mom. HOWEVER! The little boy was never heard from again....at least not by me. =) 1 down...
 
not being a dad( yet) i cant comment on any off my own jokes, but i can share on given on me

when i was about 14 i brought my girlfriend to my house( she was 16, and i thought i was the hottest s*** in town)
she was also a devout catholic, and very conservative. well i walk in the front door with her and find my uncle sitting
on the coach. he takes on look at me with my arm around my girl and this horrible grin spreads across his face. he stands up
walks over and introduces himself. appropriate small talk is made. then, as i am leaving to take this girl upstairs to
see my room, he reaches into his pocket, pulls out a condom, winks at me, and says "dont knock this one up"

i was mortified, and my girl nearly feinted. unc just laughed his ass off
 
nutnfancyfan said:
not being a dad( yet) i cant comment on any off my own jokes, but i can share on given on me

when i was about 14 i brought my girlfriend to my house( she was 16, and i thought i was the hottest s*** in town)
she was also a devout catholic, and very conservative. well i walk in the front door with her and find my uncle sitting
on the coach. he takes on look at me with my arm around my girl and this horrible grin spreads across his face. he stands up
walks over and introduces himself. appropriate small talk is made. then, as i am leaving to take this girl upstairs to
see my room, he reaches into his pocket, pulls out a condom, winks at me, and says "dont knock this one up"

i was mortified, and my girl nearly feinted. unc just laughed his ass off
Click to expand...

Ok, I tore something on that one.:D

Something inside broke. I felt it.

If he's still around, tell him thanks for me.:D

Moose
 
nutnfancyfan said:
not being a dad( yet) i cant comment on any off my own jokes, but i can share on given on me

when i was about 14 i brought my girlfriend to my house( she was 16, and i thought i was the hottest s*** in town)
she was also a devout catholic, and very conservative. well i walk in the front door with her and find my uncle sitting
on the coach. he takes on look at me with my arm around my girl and this horrible grin spreads across his face. he stands up
walks over and introduces himself. appropriate small talk is made. then, as i am leaving to take this girl upstairs to
see my room, he reaches into his pocket, pulls out a condom, winks at me, and says "dont knock this one up"

i was mortified, and my girl nearly feinted. unc just laughed his ass off
Click to expand...

I'm definitely going to have to use this one on my son in about 12 years.
 
moosez45 said:
Ok, I tore something on that one.:D

Something inside broke. I felt it.

If he's still around, tell him thanks for me.:D

Moose
Click to expand...

you know i actually called him up after i wrote that. after talking to him for awhile, i say "hey wags (nickname), do you remember that prank
you pulled on me when i was like 14? i just hear him laughing on the phone for a good 5 minutes, then he just says "F****** with family is
not just a perk of life, its a requirement" then he hung up. god i love that crazy sob

in the end i did get him back though. about a year and a half later, my uncle brings HIS new girlfriends to the family christmas. he told us about a week earlier
that he was bringing his date bye, so i had time to prepare. well he shows up, and this girl is gorgeous. probably under 30, latino with beautiful curves,
(meanwhile uncle was like 45 by now,player) a total bombshell. so as dinner is wrapping up, and he starts to leave with his girl, i throw him a bottle
filled with pills (actually vitamains, but they were just for effect) and said "dont forget your happy pills, remember what happened last time?" my dad nearly busted a
gut, and i have never seen my uncle so red
 
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