OT:i am pissed--have to rant

yiterp

yiterp

Joined
Mar 18, 2001
Messages
2,921
i been helping a friend get togeather a curbing business--on all my days off i have been at his house working on the the trailer welding,sanding,painting,mounting equipment,getting everything ready for the business to start up--i was to be his partner--and after all this work some family members have decided to come live with him and just when he starts getting a few calls for service do you think he calls me to do the work with him--HELL NO--he's helping out them and they are working with him--i have been in the hole money wise for along time and i tryed hard to make this work for me and my family--it hurts me so because i thought this was my friend--but i quess not--not even a call to explain--or coming by to tell me(he lives 5 blocks from me)--i guess this falls into the old saying "lifes a bitch than you die" :grumpy: :( :grumpy:
 
yiterp,
Don't let it beat you down bro. Doing good by others in the long run is it's own reward. Sometimes it seems in vain, but it is not.
Quality, standup people are a rare breed. You are one! :)
Keep up the good fight!
 
I'm sorry. This falls into three things:

One, people will let you down, even friends.
Two, even with that, he's blown it with you, and is at fault, at the least for not coming to you personally and explaining how it was going to be.
Three,when you see him next, I'd give a moment or two for him to say something and meet his obligation. If that does not happen, I would tell him simply and matter of factly what you thought of this.

If you yell and curse, he can get away with more denial and rationalization- you were unreasonable, you were greedy, whatever. If you state your case simply, he has it on his hands.

You will feel better if you look him in the eyes and tell him it looks like he was willing to take your help but does not want to share any of the rewards.
If he does not say sorry, if he just whimps out, I'd tell him that was not the mark of either a friend or a man and walk away.


There are many people in life. It sounds to me as if you care and value friendship a lot. You'll meet some decent folks who feel the same way, as you have here in HI.


munk
 
Have you tried talking to your friend? Did you have any kind of agreement? Without a formal understanding he may feel that he is obligated to help his family first.

I'm sorry for your problems and hope that something works out good for you very soon.

Ice
 
Sounds like a raw deal all the way around, Yiterp:(
munk is right. It's just part of dealing with people. I have this problem where i expect the world from my friends. Not because i'm special, but because i would do anything and anytime for a friend. i know a lot of people that i'm really nice to, but i only have a few friends (not counting all you guys here in the cantina). Some people define friendship differently than others, but would wager that you'd ahve a hard time finding someone that wouldn't rate what your friend did to you as pretty underhanded...or at least inconsiderate. Family and friends always have a way of muddying the water when it comes to business or what is owed. Honestly, I just rank people on how important they are to me and how much they have been there for me in the past. I have friends that I will forsake family for and of course family that will trump a friend.
Don't sweat it, though. Archangel is right. You did something good. whether it seems like it was worth your time or not, it was. A real friend will work it out with you and make it straight. Look at it this way, if he can't keep a business agreement with a true friend, then how in hell is he going to make it in the business world? At the end of the day all we have is our word. People come and go. as does money, as does love, as does youth. The one thing they can't take away from you is your word. only YOU can decide if you follow through with what you promise. If your friend can't handle that...well, it's gonna be a bumpy road for his business.
Take care. it'll all work out.

Jake
 
yiterp said:
thanks all--it's just this hurt me :confused:
Click to expand...
Don't sweat it. You have heart. Heart, like honor, is what every man needs and no man can give you. A broken heart (so to speak) is a sign of a broken deep trust. Deep trust is what we all should have in any person we call friend.

jake
 
Sex and/or money change a relationship. Unless, of course, the relationship involves sex for money.

That said:


As awkward as it may be at the time, get all business arrangements on paper, and signed by each of the principals, no matter who they are.




Be well and safe.
 
Good advise from all. I would do what Munk suggested.

And Yit, I feel for you man! I have had that kind of shlt happen too me more times than I want too remember. :grumpy: :(

But Kis is right when it comes to business. Do it on paper and that gives you something too fall back on.
 
It happens...usually to the best men.

FWIW, sooner or later things even out.
 
Some good advice here. I too, agree with Munk's approach.

Family changes things. So does money. Maybe, in his mind he feels he is repaying a debt to them that was there long before you came along. Does not justify his actions in any way though.

This is a trying time for you, so I wish you some good fortune. Perhaps this will set you on another path you wouldn't have traveled otherwise.

Will send some smoke tonight...

SPIRITS UP.

~ Bamboo ~
 
and I can't improve on what raghorn just said.

Remember you are welcome here, Wyatt, and have made new friends. Surely you can do it again.


Ad Astra
 
yiterp said:
thanks all--it's just this hurt me :confused:
Click to expand...

This would hurt anyone. It sure looks like you were wronged.

I would be pissed.

First thing I would do is to go out in my back yard and yell my frustration at the sky. Then I would get a khuk and turn a dead tree into kindling. I believe that frustration/anger releases toxins/adrenalin into the bloodstream.

You need to work/exercise it out. Too often we "civilized" adults try to stuff it, but our bodies are ready for the fight/flight syndrome. Don't keep that crap bottled up inside you. Sounds like there is a part of you ready to punch him out. I'd feel that way.

Then after the exercise, talk with your friend like Munk said "...when you see him next, I'd give a moment or two for him to say something and meet his obligation. If that does not happen, I would tell him simply and matter of factly what you thought of this.

"If you yell and curse, he can get away with more denial and rationalization- you were unreasonable, you were greedy, whatever. If you state your case simply, he has it on his hands. ....." good avdice Munk

Hell, if his family (coming to live with him?!?!) is like MY family, this won't last long. I suspect he will be knocking on your door very soon. Then you get an agreement, verbal or written.

I care about my extended family, but I don't want them coming to live with me!

I love the lights of Paris,
I love the lights of Rome.
But the lights I like the best
Are the tail lights of the car taking my grandchildren home.
 
Exercise is great but not really relevent to the heart of his problem here. I hope I can tell you something here that will be of real value to you. Surely you've heard this before, but...the best partnerships are the ones in writing.

Get it in writing! Everybody rationalizes against this by saying, "but we're friends" or "we've been best buds since high school; he'd NEVER do me wrong!" I don't care if it's my own MOM (okay, ESPECIALLY if it's her), if I'm going to enter into a business partnership or arrangement, and if I'm going to invest any of my time, my effort, or my money, I'm going to make damn sure that everything I expect out of him and everything he expects out of me, and when, is in writing. It isn't only necessary when you think you can't trust the other party; it is ALWAYS necessary to spell out everyone's expectations and commitments TO AVOID CONFUSION, FORGETFULNESS, AND MISCOMMUNICATION. See, you and your friend apparently had different expectations, even going back BEFORE his freeloaders moved in. Anytime you decide to enter into a business arrangement based solely on a few conversations and your past history together, without a contract, you KNOW you're doing it at your own risk. And believe me, I'm not lecturing from a high horse here. Live and learn; I damn sure did. And I won't be stupid twice. You know the saying, "Fool me once, shame on you..."
 
If there was a meeting of the minds in a verbal agreement, that is still an agreement. If you were voted out of the business, then you should at least be compensated for the time you put into the building of that business. If he is no longer a friend (and he is going to act that way), I would request that he compensate you for the valuable time you spent in the start-up phase.
 
X-Head said:
Get it in writing! Everybody rationalizes against this by saying, "but we're friends" or "we've been best buds since high school; he'd NEVER do me wrong!" I don't care if it's my own MOM (okay, ESPECIALLY if it's her), if I'm going to enter into a business partnership or arrangement, and if I'm going to invest any of my time, my effort, or my money, I'm going to make damn sure that everything I expect out of him and everything he expects out of me, and when, is in writing. It isn't only necessary when you think you can't trust the other party; it is ALWAYS necessary to spell out everyone's expectations and commitments TO AVOID CONFUSION, FORGETFULNESS, AND MISCOMMUNICATION. See, you and your friend apparently had different expectations, even going back BEFORE his freeloaders moved in. Anytime you decide to enter into a business arrangement based solely on a few conversations and your past history together, without a contract, you KNOW you're doing it at your own risk. And believe me, I'm not lecturing from a high horse here. Live and learn; I damn sure did. And I won't be stupid twice. You know the saying, "Fool me once, shame on you..."
Click to expand...
I second this. Many people have had similar experiences. Once I made a verbal contract to rent a house from a guy I'd known for several years. I notified the landlord where I was staying and she found another tenant for the house I was staying in. About a week before I was scheduled to move I went by the new place and saw stuff inside, as if someone were living there. I called the guy who had agreed to rent it to me, and he said, "Oh, I got a good offer and sold it." I guess he was just going to let me show up with a u-haul full of furniture to find out. As it was I had to find lodging for my family in one week, in a very tight housing market.

After you get burnt a few times like this you start to ask for things in writing.
 
Howard, that is all very true about getting it in writing, however I continue to look for and find men and women with whom a handshake is bond.

If I could not find them, I think I would be far more cynical and depressed than I am.


munk
 
There's a lot of wisdom on this forum if you add it all up. And this kind of situation is where the wisest of us let ourselves be blindsided.

It hurts, GD***-it. And we want to keep it from happening again so we try to build a wall to protect us, or to harden our hearts against the next time. Well guess what? That wall blocks the light of the sun. That hardened heart can't be warmed by our fellow sufferers.

I can't live that way, I can't get the sustenance I need. So I open my heart again despite my fears, knowing I'll get clobbered again some day. But I need the warmth others bring to me right here and now to survive today and tomorrow.

If anyone knows a better way, don't make me beat it out of you! ;) :rolleyes:
 
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