OT Just sank in.

Ben,
I am much happier (now) than when I was married. I was also pretty damn miserable for a while. Show me some "condescending psuedo-philosophy" anywhere in my post, as opposed to your insensitivity. Maybe you rejoiced when your mother died, too? Just because you don't feel a certain way, does not invalidate others' feelings. If you can't get that, take your hands off the keyboard.

I have noticed that you seem to delight in being contrary. What's up? It's not even any particular thing, it just seems like you just enjoy being opposed to everyone else.

John
 
Haven't been divorced,
but I've been in pain from many things.
It will pass.
 
I was in a bit of a fix a month or so ago. I worried and dreaded in many sleepless nights, worrying about the future and thinking of back up plans... I was so worried but I couldn't tell anyone so I sat alone in the dark rocking back and fourth hugging my knees and dreading for hours. It was like being tied up and waiting for a train to come and run me over. :eek:

But it all passed, I hope your situation worked out as well as mine did. :)
 
Originally posted by Ben Arown-Awile
Most of the other replies were condescending psuedo-philosophy like "All things pass", "Hang in there", "Things will get better", and of course the ever present offer of prayers. I don't remember seeing any smoke being sent, but I'm sure it probably was.
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I always thought you were an azzhole and now I'm certain of it. We give sincere thoughts to Rod and you demean the message and the messenger. Why not let the man take some comfort without taking a dump in his thread? :mad:
 
Just be patient Rod! I experienced that twice before. I'm thru in both even though I haven't reach the ending.

We always try to plan our life but ironically most of the time it doesn't work accordingly. We have to accept it as a fact of life. There will always be the bitter parts and the sour parts but there exists a lot of sweet parts in between.

We have to review our plan and we have to redo our plan over and over again. Of course we have to rebuild our life all over again in every new episodes and it takes a lot of our gut.

Some times ago when I were in those sort of troubles I just cool down myself. I told myself that life is not stereotype. I have the faith to say to myself that all the happenings are new experience in the unending learning process of life till the end. There are always blessing in disguise in every downfall. I restart everything all over again. I felt like a reborn person. I took those incidents as new chance to correct my errs in the previous past.

I survive till now!

Rod .. pls just do not let yourself sink deeper to the bottom .. fight it and insyaa-Allowh you will survive the battle!

I already sent my prayers for you.
 
There are very few words that stand out in times of crisis. The older I get, seems the more helpless words appear. But I can't think of anything better than saying, "I'm sorry this has happened to you. This pain will pass. Hang in there."

We say them. That is what means something. We were there too.


''' ''''

I can't think of many things more painful than a breakup. Call me old fashioned or silly or whatever. It hurts. Some hurts can not be reconciled. Rod Allen, I'm 47 years old and still can't understand why some hurts cannot be reconciled.



munk
 
Rod, I know exactly how you feel. Was married for 11 years and thought all was well. Boy, was I blindsided when the wife told me that she wanted a divorce. I tried to fool myself, that we could work it out, for almost a year, before I finally realized that I was fooling only myself. Divorce was in 2000, and still seems like only yesterday.:( I've accepted it, and stayed friends with my ex, because my daughter would suffer if I didn't. I've since been married and divorced again. I think, no, I know that my second divorce was caused by the fact that my daughter is now the most important person in my life. I don't think I was fully over my first wife either. Been 4 years now, and I'm finally taking a good look and realizing that I need to let it go. I hope that you can do better than I. Occupy your mind, and don't do as I did, and try to resort to alchohol (or drugs) to forget. Trust me, IT DOESN'T work. It only makes it worse, and prolongs the healing. Find some other way of keeping your mind off of the past. Try your hand at something new, something you may have always wanted to do. Smoke and prayers heading your way. Good luck to you.
 
Rod,
I lost my girl almost ten years ago and it was my call, but i still cried for 18 months.
Even ten years down the line i sometimes wish i could go back and fix things.
Oh man, i sat in my room and just burned, i cant even say why.
18 months it took me to get over that.
I hope yours is over sooner, but i want you to know that i know.
sorry about this,
danny
 
I can share no relevant personal experiences, but I like Sams idea. wonderful surroundings for introspection, and fishing is darn near a meditative state.


----
Ben: Kind bud? Heh, it's regs fer you, from the tone of yer post it sounds like yer out anyway.

Ben's a bit gruff sometimes, perhaps it is not understood that words in print hit harder than words from the mouth. Or the heart.
 
Pappy, I noticed quick Semper fi doesn't talk much but when he does the head of the nail is in danger.





munk
 
Well, Rod, at the risk of falling into the "psuedo" category, I still wish you the best.

Don't know you, so I can't offer any advice (though the Amazon DOES sound interesting).
 
Originally posted by Semper Fi
We give sincere thoughts to Rod and you demean the message and the messenger.
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Hold on there Shemp, I guess my post contained too many words, because you obviously missed some.

Didn't you read: "I'm not saying that these replies were not sincere, I'm sure they were, and they were all sent by good men.."

If you find my saying the replies were since and by good men to be demeaning, then I guess we have different interpretations of the term "demeaning".
 
Here's to the next chapter of your life!


OBSERVATION: I'm here less frequently now but it seems people are emotionally trigger-happy since Burafan came here. What gives?
 
Originally posted by Ben Arown-Awile
Hold on there Shemp, I guess my post contained too many words, because you obviously missed some.

Didn't you read: "I'm not saying that these replies were not sincere, I'm sure they were, and they were all sent by good men.."

If you find my saying the replies were since and by good men to be demeaning, then I guess we have different interpretations of the term "demeaning".
Click to expand...

You, sir, are a troll. Pure and simple.

Others may want to read about The Contrarian Troll at Phil's Field Guide to Trolls.

You already know what you are.
 
Having been divorced more than once, I know it hurts. I can not know your pain, but I know it hurts. When a major relationship that I thought would last forever ended, I have felt that I could never experience another meaningful relationship. That life was just a house of cards, ready for the slightest disturbance.

There is also a feeling of depression that penetrates everything. The sky seems less blue, the music loses it's feeling, food can taste flat --- this is normal.

For me, I HAD to get out of the house. Get with friends.

No, I can not know your pain. I can only tell you what worked for me in the hope that you will be able to use it.

When I look back over my life at incredibly traumatic events I can now reaize that I benefited from them. I know this may sound strange and I do not mean to sound insensitive. When you are in the middle of something like this everything hurts and there seems to be little light.

My comfort comes from looking back at other traumatic events that I thought would kill me or at least would kill my spirit.

I like who I am. And I know that I would not be the person I am today without the tempering and strengthening events that happened to me. And hey, this is just me. I can not know your pain. But I pray that you will look back on the other traumatic events in your life and see a pattern that has made you you.

AND I pray that one day soon you may look back on this horrible time in your life and see some benefits. Some reason. Some Guidance. I use the capital "G" intentionally.

AND I hope that I do not stir the ire of other Forumites with this message.

AND I KNOW that God never works on one person at a time. We are all interconnected at some level. He knows best.

In closing I have a short parable that may or may not fit your situation. It fits me over and over. Not while I am in the middle of the pain, but afterward.

I have a friend with a very young son who had an abcess in his ear. The doctor had to lance it. He told the father that he could not give novacaine that close to the son's brain and that the only way he could lance it was for the father to hold his son very tightly and that it would be very painful.

The father held the son while the doctor worked. The son, too young to understand what was happening, screamed at the Father, "Why are you letting him hurt me like this?"

I belive that God loves me more than my father ever could. He also loved his Son. I belive . . . .

When you can't see His Hand, trust His heart.
 
Dear Rod,

Prayers sent in hopes that what is best for you is what happens. I hope that everything can be worked out, that whatever changes need to occur will happen, but I wish you strength and courage for you will need both whether your marriage is saved or your life takes you elsewhere.

You need a lot of courage and strength to face why things aren't working out. Since you don't want misery and probably don't want to drift in between numbness and misery, you'll also need that strength and courage to change, even if you're completely free of responsibility for this situation.

Wishing you the best from across a huge pond.
 
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