(Sorry guys, long post...!)
Dave, I have been right where you're at now, and know the demand you're facing and the juggling act you have to do. In the late 80's and early 90's I would put in so many hours at my work at MicroPro (WordStar product, later WordStar International), that I would pull 50 and 60 hour shifts at times. We were working on the localized builds for the 5.5 product, converting them into over 20 languages. I would go into work on Monday night at 8 p.m. and leave Thursday morning at 8 p.m., or work all weekend for weeks at a time. I literally went almost two years without seeing my kids awake, or getting to spend time with my family on the weekends, etc. Why? Because they asked me to, and I guess I wanted to be thought of as a good "team player." !?
I remember one time I was just going out the door late on a Friday; I had promised my son who was 7 at the time that I would take him to see a Monster Truck show at the fairgrounds. He really had his heart set on it. My idiot boss and the VP of Marketing, a pure sales droid of the worst kind, caught me as I was going out and said there was an emergency and that the Italian release that had been scheduled for the following week needed to go out right then. That people were standing by on the ground in Rome, and needed the release, and it was SOOO important! I wanted to be thought of well, so called my son and let him down; he had been ready to go for hours and waiting for me to get home, and was so disappointed it made me sick, and my wife was furious with me. But I thought I was doing it for them. I wanted to get them out of the crappy apartment we lived in, and this was the only way I knew to do that.
The programmer I was working with and I stayed all night, working like hell, and finally had the release done about 14 hours later at 8 a.m. We were to transmit the executable file via an X25 link to Rome, but for an hour couldnt get any confirmation from that office. Finally, after an hour of trying, we got a hold of a _janitor_ on the phone, who told us in broken English that OF COURSE no one was there! It was the friggin WEEKEND for Godssake! (Or the equivalent Italian.) My boss and the Marketing VP had lied to us to get the work done early. The job didnt end up being transferred and accepted until the following Tuesday. After all this work the CEO came up to me, clapped a fatherly hand on my back, and said just Much appreciated! That was it. No bonus, no time off, nothing. Just a BULL$#%t fake-hearty Much appreciated! I got an Outstanding Performance on my yearly review, but all raises were cancelled that year! We did this kind of effort, averaging 2 weeks per language and hundreds of man hours for over 20 localized builds. And for _this_ I missed time with my little boy?!
Bottom line, I worked almost 1800 hours of overtime for them in a year and a half. Thats 45 weeks. I took off 3 weeks of vacation at the end of the first year, and dared my boss to subtract it from my vacation allotment; I took it all as comp time. They went out of business within months of my leaving in 1992, after I had been there 5 years. I went to Borland where OT was not that common, because they knew how to correctly plan for and budget time for major projects. 3 years later I went to Softbank where again I ended up working over 600 hours of unpaid OT the first year there on Emergency Recovery builds for Compaq. After one 20 hour shift I fell asleep driving home, took out a guardrail and did over $5,000 worth of damage to my truck. But, I got a $500 ship bonus. Gee! Thanks. Luckily I didnt have to give my life or leave my family without a breadwinner to help some sales droid get his bonus.
In 97 when we finally got our house after 12 years of trying and saving, I determined that my goal had been reached, and I would _never_ subject myself and my family to those hours again.
Now I am at CTB/McGraw-Hill, and they have that same sickness of the emergency time model where OT, or as they euphemistically call it extra time is officially discouraged but secretly encouraged, and schedule heroes like I used to be are embraced and lauded in front of the whole company. "He REALLY pulled it out for us!" "She REALLY went the extra mile! What a contributor! What a TEAM PLAYER!" Consequently people as stupid as I used to be work those hours, many times when there is no real need. But because people see that behavior being rewarded, they rush to copy it. The company is too process-bereft to understand that if projects were planned correctly, up front with clear requirements, very little OT would ever be required. Thats what I am pushing for now, but changing that embedded institutional stupidity and corporate culture is very difficult.
In any case, now I carry a little slip of paper with me in a plastic sleeve in my time planner. I take it out and look at it every couple of weeks, or anytime I am tempted to buy into the emergency mode model. It is a little smiley drawing my daughter made for me when she was 4 or 5, and she wrote on it I love you dadyou aer the best, I miss you love Lauren.
On the back I wrote the following: From January 1991 to June 1992. Erik, 6 years 1 month to 7 years 6 months. Lauren, 1 year 8 months to 3 years 2 months. 18 months missed of my babies lives, working for WordStar. What I wouldn't give to have those 18 months back to see my babies. And WS is if it had never existed... That's all I need to see.
That time with my children is gone forever. My baby girls entire second year. My sons entire sixth year. I never saw them awake, I missed whole chunks of their life. And for what? For an ill-run Company that is long gone. On my death bed I wont be regretting that I didnt spend more time at work.
Now I push back. I dont mind occasional 50 or sometime 60 hour weeks. My daughter is gone at camp right now, so I worked all day Saturday and part of today as well. No sweat. But if I dont feel like it, or have family plans, now I am expert in saying No! If they really push, I say HELL NO! I have put in my time, and I wont buy into the schedule hero mindset any more. They can and do bitch about my attitude but they cant touch me legally with HR at all. Life is just too damned short.
Im not saying any of this applies to your situation or motivation; its just my experience.
Anyway, sorry for the long post, but this one hit a nerve, with a lot of regret behind it.
Best Regards,
Norm