OT Workplace harassment

Nov 27, 1999
It's Saturday and has been another bad week. I've had a world of problems this Winter and among other things, asked the President of the company to find other employment. I've gotten it straightened out mostly but last night I reflected on some of the unusual things I've done to keep employees working...(and add a little enjoyment to my day)

I'd like to hear some of the other unusual workplace stories.

My favorite is th long key. I had a somewhat anal salesman who was concerned about the security of his office. We had had discussions before about the ownership of his office but he just didn't grasp the fact that it was my office, not his.
Anyway...he kept pestering for a lock on his office that only he had the key to. He claimed somebody kept smoking in his office (Wonder who that was)

I got sick of it so I took his lock off and went to the locksmith. I had two keys made. One normal, one that was one notch longer. It worked if you pulled it back one notch and turned. I gave him that key.
Every morning he would march (Yes, he marched and I swear he wore taps) in and try his office.....Rattle, rattle,, rattle. This key doesn't work!

I'd go out, take his key, subtly back it out one notch and open his door. This went on for several weeks and one day he marched in....rattle, rattle......damnit...I quit! and marched out.
He came back at lunch and never locked his office again.

The Dead computer.
I had a fellow who was constantly downloading Viruses from X rated sites. I told him a dozen times to concentrate on work not Nude Moms of the World.
After reaching the end of my rope, I did a print screen of his desktop, deleted all his icons, put the print screen up as his wallpaper and put in one working icon to his sales database. It and the recycle bin were the only things working.

The Wasabe biscuit.
I had a tech that would steal food. After hearing complaints about it for weeks and two lectures on leaving other peoples sausage biscuits alone (he denied it) I bought a Sausage biscuit from Hardies. I got some Wasabe from the Restaurant down the street and replaced the sausage with it. I re-wrapped the biscuit and put it back in the refrigerator. About an hour later I heard a commotion coming from the shop. When I went back there he was pouring water down his throat and could only say "What do I have in my mouth...What do I have in my mouth?)

The petty cash caper.
Every day for about a month, I had 1 to 10 dollars disappear from a petty cash box (Coffee fund)
It irritated the hell out of me to have a thief there. One day I put sneak thief powder in the box and went home. We had a sales director who only owned one suit. The next day...sure enough money was missing. The sales director showed up literally red handed. On top of that his face was streaked with red and the pockets and and butt of his pants (Must have had an itch) were red too. I spoke to him and I think he's working at McDonald's.

The fun goes on! :rolleyes:
I had to supervise a production facility for my company. Ages ranged from 18 - 70. Mostly women. I swear that adults are far worse at cooperating and getting along that little kids. The petty arguments. I actually had to take one lady to the back door of the warehouse and show her how it worked to have a job. I told her to stand outside the door. Once she did I said. "Choices". Now I had her step inside. I said "No Choices". Had her repeat the exercise until she understood. I never , ever want to be in a supervisory role again.
Man you guys are inventive! :D Where I work, they tell you the rules and if you break em you're fired. Pretty simple. People conform or get fired.

Frankly, I like your methods better. Thanks for the uplifting stories!
I like that one Mark. I'll have to remember it.
You'll enjoy this since it's in your back yard. When I bought CRS in Virginia Beach, I inherited an employee who had great aspirations of being an actor.

One day he called me and told me that they were smoking pot in the recording studio next door and he could smell it. I told him to turn on the exhaust fan and mind his own business.
He didn't.
The next evening he called and told me they were in the parking lot and he was afraid to go to his car because he had called the police. I told him to wait until they left and go home.

The next day he called and told me "They are emanating super sonic waves from their sound equipment through the walls. It's causing me pain) I asked if he could hear it and he said no, he could only feel the pressure in his body.

I had trouble with this one for a couple of reasons. The first is he was black and everything you told him was taken as a discriminatory thing. The second was that Workman's Compensation is an area you don't fool around with.

I called the feds and they told me they didn't have any workplace standards for Supersonic Emanations (I'd love to have heard the comments after I hung up on that one. He did suggest I buy a certain type of earmuff to be safe. I did and wrote a memo directing him to wear it at all times.

A week later I got a doctors report for ...you guessed it...examination due to Supersonic Emanations. I filed the "First Report of Accident" Report with my insurance company. The Workman's Comp Guy Called me back laughing so hard it was hard to understand him.

This went on for weeks and I finally told him that his problem was so severe he was unfit to work and he needed to file a Workman's Comp claim for disability. He did, they denied it and I have no idea where he is now....Thank the Lord!
Mark Williams said:
I never , ever want to be in a supervisory role again.

Being a "leading PO" on a ship in the Navy broke me of ever wanting to be in a supervisory position again. So far I have been able to avoid it.

Makes me glad that I drove a truck that I owned most of my life, I didn't answer to anyone but myself. Bosses are a pain in the A!!! every time you get a new one you have to retrain them. Gib
Oh, my! :eek:

Don, thank you for what has to be about the best laugh I've had in awhile!!! :)
'supersonic emanations' That reminds me of an interview of two Secret Service agents who of course meet lots of whackos. One claimed that he was hearing voices from Mars that were controlling him The agents made a chain from paper clips , clipping one end to the guys belt ,the other end dragging on the ground.They told him the voices would now be grounded out throught the paper clips and wouldn't be a problem !!
Years ago as a perpetual partner in a small laundry and dry cleaning business we used to hire some people for rehab.(cons)
This one guy was on a pants press and couldn,t understand why he had to start at the bottom.
He wanted to start at the top and work his way down.
I told him congratulations you already made it.
He took a $10 advance on his next pay and disapeared.
I worked with a guy who had porn problem, and I mean problem. I worked on a help desk and the desks were arranged in a big horseshoe. He would sit at his desk and open his browser, and then size the window so it was as small as it could be. Every once in a while you would see him scroll the window and a boob (or whatever) would go moving across the screen. It was like a porn ticker, like he was getting the latest market price of boobies on the NY Boobies Exchange. Everyone could see him doing it but he never seemed to get that. It was absolutely hilarious. He got caught doing it a few times and finally the boss told him he would give him a pc to take home, he could dial in from home and look at all the porn he wanted if he'd stop doing it at work. He did it again, and was fired. The boss told me he cried when he was fired, he said his wife was going to leave him when she found out.
At work I was helping out at our main gate entrance before going on patrol. It was just above freezing and raining, with the wind blowing pretty good. It was miserable. Standing at the outbound gateshack door wearing my issued rain poncho, I spotted one of our well known tech pests approaching the guardshack. He spotted me and pulled to the OUTSIDE lane and stopped. He gave me a big crap eating grin, and wiggled his finger, motioning for me to go to his car and inspect his badge. I motioned for him to come to me. He just shook his head and repeated his taunt, grinning all the time while making jokes with his passinger. I then marched out into the cold rain and wind and ordered him out of his vehicle, informing I was going to inspect his vehicle. We are required to do this several times per hour. He thought I was joking. I wasn't. He stepped out into the cold rain, wearing only a thin cotton short sleaved shirt, and no T-shirt. I then ordered him to open his car trunk and hood. As I inspected his car, I told his rider to just remain where he was, inside the warm and dry car. By this time, the passinger was laughing and really enjoying the backfire. While doing the inspection, the tech was shivering and said, "I don't think this was a good idea"! I asked him what his first clue was, finished my inspection, and cut them loose. He was soaking wet. Now, when I see him, he leaves his practical jokes back at the office. His co-workers and our other officers got a good laugh out of the deal, because his passinger told the whole admin area.
We had another funny happen at work just a while back. We were expecting a general and some White House bigwig visitors. The assigned landing area for their chopper was an open area across the road from our HQ, in a secured area. Our Provost Officer gave the wrong GPS point for the pilot, so the chopper ended up landing on the admin lawn, right by the flag. All our installation bigwigs, including our CO, a Lt.Col., were at the expected (wrong) landing area. We had patrols standing by the expected landing area and one patrol and some officers at the admin area. I was parked at the intersection by the expected landing site. When the big chopper landed, the officers and the busy admin( joke, a BUSY government office area?) were flabbergasted. One quick thinking officer radioed our HQ with the news. The dignitaries were already out of their chopper and looking around for the reception and brass band. A few minutes later our own redfaced bigwigs rolled up to the visitors. They are still pointing fingers at each other about who did the screwup. The pilot had written GPS landing spot orders, and he followed them to the letter.