- Joined
- Jan 30, 2002
- Messages
- 7,269
>
> > Three guys are waiting in line at the gates of
> > Heaven to gain access to
> > paradise. "Unfortunately," said St. Peter, "we
> > have a shortage of room
> > at
> > this time and only one of you will be granted
> > permission to cross
> > through
> > the pearly gates. Each of you tell me the story of
> > how you got here and
> >
> > the
> > person with the best story will be welcomed into
> > Heaven."
> > The first guy says, "Picture this... I am at work,
> > going about my day
> > when
> > all of a sudden I get this strange feeling that my
> > wife is cheating on
> > me.
> > I try to push the thought out of my mind, but I
> > just can't shake it.
> > Finally, I am so upset that I have to go home to
> > find out if it's true,
> > or
> > if I am just crazy. I speed home, race up the
> > elevator and throw open
> > the
> > front door. As I look around the room, I can hear
> > the shower going in
> > the
> > bathroom. On my way to the bathroom, I see a pair
> > of men's pants on the
> > floor of my bedroom and I think, a-ha -- she is
> > having an affair and
> > they
> > must both be in the shower. When I pull back the
> > curtain, however,
> > there is
> > only my wife who is startled to see me. I run
> > frantically around the
> > house,
> > searching from room to room, under the beds in the
> > closets, everywhere.
> > There is no sign of him. I head out to the
> > balcony where I see two
> > hands hanging from the railing. I look over the
> > side and see a man
> > hanging
> > there.
> > I called him every name in the book; I beat on his
> > hands with my fists,
> > I
> > grabbed a book and beat his hands, but he would not
> > fall. I was so
> > Furious
> > that I ran into the kitchen and grabbed a hammer
> > and beat his fingers
> > until
> > he fell 10 floors to the ground. I could not
> > believe it when I saw him
> > still moving! He was not dead! In a rage, I ran
> > back to the kitchen,
> > hoisted the fridge on my back , wobbled to the
> > railing and heaved it
> > over.
> > I stood there staring down and the realization
> > that I had just killed a
> >
> > man began to sink in. I could not bear to live
> > with the guilt, so
> > I took out my gun and shot myself, and here I am...
> >
> >
> > St. Peter said, "That was quite a story. Let's
> > hear the next one..."
> >
> > The next guy said, "Okay, picture this... I am
> > standing out on my
> > balcony
> > trying to work out. I've got the TV pulled out
> > from the living room
> > with
> > Richard Simmons' workout video playing. The sun
> > was beating down and it
> >
> > got
> > so hot outside that I had to take my shirt off to
> > continue. Richard was
> > on
> > a roll and so was I. He had me spinning and
> > dancing and sweating. The
> > next
> > segment involved the use of a chair. I grabbed my
> > patio chair and
> > climbed
> > on. Squeeze up and down, up, down. I was really
> > getting into it. I
> > must've gotten a little dizzy from the heat or the
> > adrenaline, because
> >
> > the next thing I knew, I had catapulted myself over
> > my balcony.
> > I fell at least 3 floors down and just as I thought
> > I would surely
> > die, my hands reached out and grasped the
> > railing of someone's balcony. I barely had a
> > moment to
> > rest and try to calm down and appreciate my new
> > lease on life, when this
> > maniac came running out. He was screaming and
> > crying and he started
> > beating on my hands. I could barely hold on
> > and I pleaded with him to help me up.
> >
> > He ran inside for a moment and I thought surely he
> > must have come to
> > his senses and was going for help.
> > I was wrong. Instead of coming back with
> >
> > help, he came back with a hammer and beat my
> > fingers until I couldn't
> > hang
> > on anymore. I fell and fell and fell. I was dazed
> > for a moment and I
> > hurt
> > all over, but I was ALIVE! I tried to get up and
> > then I looked up and
> > couldn't believe what I saw. A refrigerator was
> > hurling towards me...
> > and I ended up here."
> >
> >
> > St. Peter looked from the second guy back to the
> > first guy and then back
> > again. "Another good story. Let's hear from the
> > last guy."
> >
> > The last guy paused for a moment and then said,
> > "Picture this... You're
> > naked hiding in a refrigerator...."
> >
> > Three guys are waiting in line at the gates of
> > Heaven to gain access to
> > paradise. "Unfortunately," said St. Peter, "we
> > have a shortage of room
> > at
> > this time and only one of you will be granted
> > permission to cross
> > through
> > the pearly gates. Each of you tell me the story of
> > how you got here and
> >
> > the
> > person with the best story will be welcomed into
> > Heaven."
> > The first guy says, "Picture this... I am at work,
> > going about my day
> > when
> > all of a sudden I get this strange feeling that my
> > wife is cheating on
> > me.
> > I try to push the thought out of my mind, but I
> > just can't shake it.
> > Finally, I am so upset that I have to go home to
> > find out if it's true,
> > or
> > if I am just crazy. I speed home, race up the
> > elevator and throw open
> > the
> > front door. As I look around the room, I can hear
> > the shower going in
> > the
> > bathroom. On my way to the bathroom, I see a pair
> > of men's pants on the
> > floor of my bedroom and I think, a-ha -- she is
> > having an affair and
> > they
> > must both be in the shower. When I pull back the
> > curtain, however,
> > there is
> > only my wife who is startled to see me. I run
> > frantically around the
> > house,
> > searching from room to room, under the beds in the
> > closets, everywhere.
> > There is no sign of him. I head out to the
> > balcony where I see two
> > hands hanging from the railing. I look over the
> > side and see a man
> > hanging
> > there.
> > I called him every name in the book; I beat on his
> > hands with my fists,
> > I
> > grabbed a book and beat his hands, but he would not
> > fall. I was so
> > Furious
> > that I ran into the kitchen and grabbed a hammer
> > and beat his fingers
> > until
> > he fell 10 floors to the ground. I could not
> > believe it when I saw him
> > still moving! He was not dead! In a rage, I ran
> > back to the kitchen,
> > hoisted the fridge on my back , wobbled to the
> > railing and heaved it
> > over.
> > I stood there staring down and the realization
> > that I had just killed a
> >
> > man began to sink in. I could not bear to live
> > with the guilt, so
> > I took out my gun and shot myself, and here I am...
> >
> >
> > St. Peter said, "That was quite a story. Let's
> > hear the next one..."
> >
> > The next guy said, "Okay, picture this... I am
> > standing out on my
> > balcony
> > trying to work out. I've got the TV pulled out
> > from the living room
> > with
> > Richard Simmons' workout video playing. The sun
> > was beating down and it
> >
> > got
> > so hot outside that I had to take my shirt off to
> > continue. Richard was
> > on
> > a roll and so was I. He had me spinning and
> > dancing and sweating. The
> > next
> > segment involved the use of a chair. I grabbed my
> > patio chair and
> > climbed
> > on. Squeeze up and down, up, down. I was really
> > getting into it. I
> > must've gotten a little dizzy from the heat or the
> > adrenaline, because
> >
> > the next thing I knew, I had catapulted myself over
> > my balcony.
> > I fell at least 3 floors down and just as I thought
> > I would surely
> > die, my hands reached out and grasped the
> > railing of someone's balcony. I barely had a
> > moment to
> > rest and try to calm down and appreciate my new
> > lease on life, when this
> > maniac came running out. He was screaming and
> > crying and he started
> > beating on my hands. I could barely hold on
> > and I pleaded with him to help me up.
> >
> > He ran inside for a moment and I thought surely he
> > must have come to
> > his senses and was going for help.
> > I was wrong. Instead of coming back with
> >
> > help, he came back with a hammer and beat my
> > fingers until I couldn't
> > hang
> > on anymore. I fell and fell and fell. I was dazed
> > for a moment and I
> > hurt
> > all over, but I was ALIVE! I tried to get up and
> > then I looked up and
> > couldn't believe what I saw. A refrigerator was
> > hurling towards me...
> > and I ended up here."
> >
> >
> > St. Peter looked from the second guy back to the
> > first guy and then back
> > again. "Another good story. Let's hear from the
> > last guy."
> >
> > The last guy paused for a moment and then said,
> > "Picture this... You're
> > naked hiding in a refrigerator...."
> >
