Please help me with my daughter.

hank_rearden

hank_rearden

Joined
Jun 7, 2002
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my nine-year old daughter thinks i'm out to kill her. we were in church and she somehow saw the pocket clip on my titanium military peeking out of my shirt. she asked me whether or not it was a knife. i said yes and tried to show her a bit of the handle. her face changed alarmingly and asked if i was trying to kill her. i made light of the question (big mistake) and she got up and put her mother between her and me. for the rest of the service she seemed scared of even taking my hand. i pointed to the patron saint (bartholomew) who was always depicted as holding a long knife and it didn't convince her. later at home, i tried to talk to her about it. i tried the protective husband and father tact, telling her i was always ready to defend my family. well, at least she got some of her cockiness back and said i'm not supposed to have knife when with my daughter (her term) and inside the church even.
 
Somehow, somewhere someone put it into her head that people with knives were bad people. IMHO, ditch the knife for a while untill the stormy water calms. We all make greater sacrifices for our kids than that. Perhaps the explanation will come out. Maybe she will tell her mother where she came up with the notion.

ETA: There is a current news story out of Nashville about three family members being stabbed to death. Maybe she heard about it or discussed it with friends.
 
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Try to find something knife related that she can relate to. I have seen those SAK classics in pink. Nice small knives, perfect size for her. Show her how knives are used in the kitchen to prepare food for meals and at the table to cut meat and such, and how those knives are not really that different from pocket knives.

Show her how knives can be used for everyday tasks, such as cutting a thread, or opening a box, or slicing an apple.

Also, maybe carry a more traditional knife like a stockman or peanut for use around her. Those tend to be a little less "scary".

Finally, try to explain to her that knives are tools. People make them into weapons by using them as weapons. Anything can be made into a weapon; a pencil, a plastic spoon, etc. It's what you use them for that makes the difference.

Good luck.

Glenn
 
Weird. At 9 she suddenly cares about you carrying a pocket knife?


Have you not always carried a pocket knife?


Get her a knife of her own.


Tell her Jesus used a knife for most of his life. (he was a carpenter after all).

9 is old enough to sit her down and have a conversation about it.

Guns and knives are part of every day life.
 
thanks for the replies gents. i'm feeling rather stupid right now but you're helping me out a lot, for sure.
Bigfattyt said:
Weird. At 9 she suddenly cares about you carrying a pocket knife?

Have you not always carried a pocket knife?
Click to expand...
good question. she sees me browsing BF often enough ("hey knife boy!") she'd seen me sharpening my knives. but my collection grew significantly this year. before this, i usually carried slipits and traditional locking blades deep in the pocket. it's only this year when i took to a lot of clip carry. come to think of it, she has never seen the ti millie. and no, she doesn't like coming close to my knives. i suppose she was surprised to discover she was sitting right next to one in church.

and so i underestimated her fear and didn't consider how she would react. best to ease off when she's around (post #2) and build awareness and safety consideration (post #3.)

thanks again.
 
I agree that someone at some time has planted that seed in her head and it needs weeded out IMO. I would have asked her to explain her self quite thoroughly though as "are you going to kill me ?" is not the sort of thing any one should say to their father, joke or not.
 
I don't think it has anything to do with carrying a knife. I think she may be trying to verbalize some deeper inner feelings about something else. Asking Dad if he is trying to kill her and then being afraid of Dad? Come on. That's has little to do with knives.
 
She's a nine year old child, you're a full grown adult, I don't see the problem.

Does she believe in Santa Claus, the toothfairy, the easter bunny, unicorns, etc, etc. Considering all the things that nine year old girls believe in I don't see why it would be hard to convince her that a pocket knife is a very useful and innocent tool to carry around.

What I WOULD NOT do is talk about knives as weapons or tell her that I'm carrying them to protect her. I wouldn't want her to get the impression that she was in some kind of danger and that the danger was so great that I needed to carry a knife in order to keep her safe. Those are some pretty scary issues for a nine year old.

A friend once told me that she was frustrated because she couldn't get her ten year old to clean his room. What I wanted to say to her was "If you can't outsmart a ten year old then you shouldn't have one". Part of the job of being a parent is having the ability to outsmart your kids and convince them of things that they need to be convinced of.
 
explain to her that a pocket knife, just like a hammer, a screwdriver, or a chisel, is a tool. it is ment to be sued as such. explain to her how these things work. show her how multiple different tools work, knife kincluded. she will get the idea.
 
It's something new for her, she will realize they aren't murder machines after watching you use them casually. Touching on codger's comment, don't put the blame on her for ideas she got elsewhere or she might get defensive and more attached to them.
 
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Oofa, makes perfect sense.
But considering it DOES have to do with a knife, maybe don't carry one around her(or at least not let it show), like said before.
Another option is, when you're in the kitchen or something, use your pocket knife for something "normal" for a kid. Next time you buy her a toy, open it with a pocket knife. Show her cool things, like tying lanyard on a knife. Include her in the collecting. When you go out to Walmart or something, go look at the knives in the sporting goods. Let her pick your next knife(pick some out and then let her pick the final choice). Show her "Art Knives" ones that are gorgeous and "pretty". Do all of this slowly of course. Don't watch certain movies or shows. Be careful with certain news. She's young and hearing that people can hurt people with knives and such can be really scary to a little girl. Explain things to her, sit with her and talk(I suggest NOT having a pocket knife at this time).
 
My suggestion, immature as it may be, would be to hide ALL the knives, sharp objects etc in your house, might make her think twice about "knives" when she goes to use one!
 
Also, maybe it's time to put them up where she can't see them. Enjoy them alone. And if carrying, carry deep in the pocket.
 
Seems odd to me that she would react in that fashion. I have a nine year old daughter but she's seen me carrying and using knives since she was old enough to remember. She's fine with most of them but the really big ones scare her. She sometimes asks me: Daddy, why do you like knives so much? I always tell her that its a hobby. She collects soft toys and I collect knives, so there! :D
 
I dunno. Raised two kids. Both saw me use a knife for every day tasks. Neither one is really a knife person. But neither one freaks if I produce a large knife from my pocket.

So, I guess my question is, "Has your daughter seen you use a knife for everyday tasks?" If not, maybe she would not freak if she suddenly saw a knife in your pocket.

If it were I, I would just carry a knife, use it for everyday tasks, and let her get used to the concept that a knife is a normal thing for her Dad to carry.
 
If I have understood you correctly, it's that you were displaying a knife in church that offended her?
Perhaps she sees weapons in church as unnecessary / disrespectful?
 
Well, my granddaughter bring packets of food for me to open. She just commands me "open". I ask "why me?", and she answers "you're the one with the knife".
 
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