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Pretty Gosh Durn Quiet Round here again.
- Thread starter Bawanna
- Start date
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- Aug 16, 2014
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- 1,602
Tiny package? I don't like where this thread is heading
. Just remember Bawanna, mine bends were yours ends. Haha...
- Joined
- Mar 25, 2014
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Bawanna, I've been an amateur astronomer for many years and have been known to assist young folks just starting out to "study the stars". Your persoanl knowledge on the subject is an unknown, but I enclose a letter recently received because fame travels like wildfire. Such is life. Do you suppose I should endeavor to reply to the lad?
Deer Mr. Buckout, this heres yer offishul notyficashun about whut I wanna do.
My name is Billy-Fred Bootlaces, but you kin jus call me Billy-Fred. Ahm 15 an a haf yeers ol and inna thurd grayd. An I were told frum my good fren Bosco J. Stumpwater, thet you put pepul in fer star watching a-wards an sech. He lets me reed his ol copys of th Reflecter magizeen. Well ahm uh astronymer an have my own obzurvitory out behin th howse. Its on top er the goat shed. Thet way, my tellyscope dont get them liddle brown an roun goat thingys a-stuck on it. I heered you make yer own tellyscopes an' my tellyscope is made frum outta a piece of blue water pipe I got offen th county when they wuz puttin in water fer allus who lives onna back side of buteyful Pukin Buzzerd Mountin. It aint got here jus yet cawse they run outta pipe somweres aroun Uncle Skeeters still. Anyways, I took a a par of bunokulers thet a revenoor done lef behind one day when he was agoin up ta Uncle Skeeters place an decided thet he fergot sumthin an hurryed bac ta home. They is mounted inna end of th pipe an I used th good duck tape an why they named thet stuff fer a duck is beyond me.
I look at them stars an everthang. My Momma had a par of them ladies songlasses her Momma had back inna fifdys. They shore look like cats eyes ta me. I got owt th duck tape agin an fixed em up on th other en of th tellyscope sos I kin look et th Son. Wall, I got all th famly up ta th obzurvitory fer th gran opinin of the Billy-Fred Big Tellyscope. I aimed thet rascal up ta th Son an took th ferst look ta break er in easy like. Hooo-weeee! Thet ol Son shore is brite un aint it! I stood back ta let the crowd cum taka look see, but they dun all backed off. Thet pesky liddle bruther of mine, Billy-Quincy, Momma is a namin us after th ledders of th alfybet, backed off real kwick like an asked whut twere wrong wiff my eyes. Said they was all big an black when my oldist sister Wanita-Ray hollers I seed thet look at th drive in last week end! Me and Roscoe Lee Rountree wuz a watchin the late show Zombies Frum Chadanooga an they looked jus like thet! I wuz so mad at her a smartin off all them nasty re-marks about me. An I even put onna tie fer taday. Iffin I could seed where she wuz astandin, wall, I wooda nocked er fer a loop. Bud I degress.
Anyways, I been a studyin them stars an such and wanna git me wunna them jobs like an astrynot er ar leest wun of keepin th lenz of thet famus Hubble tellyscope clean. I no how to make my own glass kleener an Uncle Baxters got himself a gas station over ta Maxwell way, sos I kin get alla grease rags fer wipin th lens fer free. Bosco sezs I gotta be dedycated an I am thet, I swear. Even while I was in jale las munth, I kept on a studyin all the tellyscopes in the Sears catalog when I wasnt out pickin up trash along th hiway wiff th res of th guys. Thet way I woodnt loose track with alla new sientific stuff comin outta astronimy. Sos whut I wanchu ta do fer me is put my name inta th Astynomicul Leege fer summa thet money an a new tellyscope cawse I doan think duck tape looks reel gud on tellyscopes and my gurl fren Sammy-Jean ud look et thet Nashunal Yong Astronimers A-ward certificut an then no I wuz th reel deel. An when she seed my pictsure inna Reflecter magizieen shed a be a-swoonin all over me! We'd git married soons she turned 14. You kin ask Bosco ta veryfy ever thang aboud me if you wan. I got nuthin ta hide. Us perfeshunal astronimers gotta be onna up an up you no. Thet astronimy is gonna be my life, yes indeedy.
Cinsearly, yer newust fren Billy-Fred
Deer Mr. Buckout, this heres yer offishul notyficashun about whut I wanna do.
My name is Billy-Fred Bootlaces, but you kin jus call me Billy-Fred. Ahm 15 an a haf yeers ol and inna thurd grayd. An I were told frum my good fren Bosco J. Stumpwater, thet you put pepul in fer star watching a-wards an sech. He lets me reed his ol copys of th Reflecter magizeen. Well ahm uh astronymer an have my own obzurvitory out behin th howse. Its on top er the goat shed. Thet way, my tellyscope dont get them liddle brown an roun goat thingys a-stuck on it. I heered you make yer own tellyscopes an' my tellyscope is made frum outta a piece of blue water pipe I got offen th county when they wuz puttin in water fer allus who lives onna back side of buteyful Pukin Buzzerd Mountin. It aint got here jus yet cawse they run outta pipe somweres aroun Uncle Skeeters still. Anyways, I took a a par of bunokulers thet a revenoor done lef behind one day when he was agoin up ta Uncle Skeeters place an decided thet he fergot sumthin an hurryed bac ta home. They is mounted inna end of th pipe an I used th good duck tape an why they named thet stuff fer a duck is beyond me.
I look at them stars an everthang. My Momma had a par of them ladies songlasses her Momma had back inna fifdys. They shore look like cats eyes ta me. I got owt th duck tape agin an fixed em up on th other en of th tellyscope sos I kin look et th Son. Wall, I got all th famly up ta th obzurvitory fer th gran opinin of the Billy-Fred Big Tellyscope. I aimed thet rascal up ta th Son an took th ferst look ta break er in easy like. Hooo-weeee! Thet ol Son shore is brite un aint it! I stood back ta let the crowd cum taka look see, but they dun all backed off. Thet pesky liddle bruther of mine, Billy-Quincy, Momma is a namin us after th ledders of th alfybet, backed off real kwick like an asked whut twere wrong wiff my eyes. Said they was all big an black when my oldist sister Wanita-Ray hollers I seed thet look at th drive in last week end! Me and Roscoe Lee Rountree wuz a watchin the late show Zombies Frum Chadanooga an they looked jus like thet! I wuz so mad at her a smartin off all them nasty re-marks about me. An I even put onna tie fer taday. Iffin I could seed where she wuz astandin, wall, I wooda nocked er fer a loop. Bud I degress.
Anyways, I been a studyin them stars an such and wanna git me wunna them jobs like an astrynot er ar leest wun of keepin th lenz of thet famus Hubble tellyscope clean. I no how to make my own glass kleener an Uncle Baxters got himself a gas station over ta Maxwell way, sos I kin get alla grease rags fer wipin th lens fer free. Bosco sezs I gotta be dedycated an I am thet, I swear. Even while I was in jale las munth, I kept on a studyin all the tellyscopes in the Sears catalog when I wasnt out pickin up trash along th hiway wiff th res of th guys. Thet way I woodnt loose track with alla new sientific stuff comin outta astronimy. Sos whut I wanchu ta do fer me is put my name inta th Astynomicul Leege fer summa thet money an a new tellyscope cawse I doan think duck tape looks reel gud on tellyscopes and my gurl fren Sammy-Jean ud look et thet Nashunal Yong Astronimers A-ward certificut an then no I wuz th reel deel. An when she seed my pictsure inna Reflecter magizieen shed a be a-swoonin all over me! We'd git married soons she turned 14. You kin ask Bosco ta veryfy ever thang aboud me if you wan. I got nuthin ta hide. Us perfeshunal astronimers gotta be onna up an up you no. Thet astronimy is gonna be my life, yes indeedy.
Cinsearly, yer newust fren Billy-Fred
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Very funny and very witty... I had to reread it a couple times. :thumbup: Very well written, it actually takes a bit of effort to write in such a "Gonzo" way. Ize luvz dat purddy rytin...
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