I'll tell you what you should see . . . but I'm warning you, it ain't for the faint of heart.
Rumor has it, that there is a ranch due East of Salt Lake City, Utah (right off I-80) that is home to a mythical pine tree that is impervious to all harm!
Fifty years ago, this tree started its life as as any other tree, and it lived an ordinary life for the next 35 years. Then, one fateful night the sun was eclipsed, the planets aligned, and Bigfoot and his arch-enemy, a unicorn known as Precious, gathered at the base of this tree for a battle of epic proportions.
The battle lasted for a fortnight, and all of the gods gathered to watch the spectacle . . . including the mighty Thor.
On the fifteenth day of the battle, Bigfoot and the evil, bloodthirsty unicorn precious had exhausted all their energy, and leaned against the base of this tree to gather their strength for the last meeting of these two titans.
Precious reared up on his gnarled rear legs and charged Bigfoot, but Bigfoot was caught off-guard by Precious' speed, and found himself with a horn buried in his side . . . but Bigfoot had a secret weapon.
You see, during their break, Thor sent one of his minions to deliver his war hammer to Bigfoot to vanquish Precious the unicorn. Thor had watched Precious' reign of blood and horror, and had decided that he could not live with the screams of the women and children on whom Precious seemed to take great joy from killing.
So, Thor handed Bigfoot his war hammer to finish Precious once and for all.
As Precious twisted his blood-soaked horn in Bigfoot's side, Bigfoot wielded Thor's hammer and took a mighty swing at Precious, cracking Precious' horn.
Precious withdrew in horror at the treachery of Bigfoot and Thor and decided to end Bigfoot with one final charge, knowing that the charge would likely kill them both.
So, with a blood piercing cry, Precious, the evil unicorn, summoned all of the strength he had left and charged at Bigfoot.
Again, Bigfoot the good was caught off guard by the speed and ferocity of Precious' attack, and although he had Thor's mighty hammer, his swing was too late, and Precious pinned Bigfoot to the trunk of this once ordinary pine-tree.
With his last breath, Bigfoot raised Thor's mighty hammer for one last strike. Precious could sense the pending strike and tried to pull away from Bigfoot with every ounce of strength left in him, but it was of no use. His horn was too deeply wedged inside the trunk of the tree.
Lightning split the sky, and thunder sounded in the ear of every creature within a thousand miles as Bigfoot unleashed his last mighty blow.
The hammer hit Precious, and was followed by a blinding flash.
When all the gods and creatures who had beheld the fight recovered their sight, Bigfoot and Precious were no more. Where they once stood, was the once plain, and ordinary pine-tree. But something had changed about the tree. Thor went to the sight of his friend's last stand to retrieve his hammer, but his hammer was nowhere to be found. Furious, Thor demanded that someone tell him where his mighty hammer had come to lay, but his demands were answered by silence.
Thor grabbed his axe and tried to fell the tree, but to his shock, when his axe touched the base of the tree, the axe-head shattered.
Merlin stepped from the crowd and told Thor that the combination of his mighty hammer, with the horn of the unicorn, had made the tree nearly indestructible.
Merlin then predicted that one day, a blade would be constructed that would be strong enough to fell the mighty tree, and usher in a new era of peace, and increased production from Wauseon, Ohio!
Many a blades have been tried against the tree, but the tree has laughed at all of their futile attempts to pierce its bark.
At the base of this tree there is a lovely meadow, and a nice pond with tons of trout.
You should stop by, have a picnic, shoot some guns, and do a little fishin' while you're passing through.
Aaargghh! I cannot believe I forgot CarHenge. Sorry about that.
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