Smoke / smart advice needed

R

richardallen

Joined
Oct 15, 2002
Messages
1,101
My diet consist of beer and cornflakes right now mostly, and I am sleeping about 4 hrs a day. Cornflakes in the morning, beer in the evening. The nights are the hardest. I do know this is not a solution, but it helps to ignore the pain.

My girlfriend broke up with me about 10 days ago. It seems that her way of solving problems was ignoring them, instead of talking about it, and guess what, at some point she just couldn't take it anymore. I don't even blame her for that.
I was always under the impression that I made it clear to her that she could talk about anything to me, apparently I haven't been clear enough, or maybe I wasn't listening enough.

In the end, you always realize how much you are loosing. I think I didn't even know how much I need her until she left, but now it is very obvious to me. We have been talking, and she knows she means everything to me.
Oh well. I have no idea what will happen in the future, I am not sure if we will be able to fix this or not.

Whatever we'll end up with, some smoke for both of us would be very nice.

Thank you.


Keno
 
I'll give you some smoke from my neck of the woods. As for advice, try to expand your diet. Ruining your health won't help much.

Bob
 
I agree with BigBob...Messing yourself up over this, is not a good idea..

My suggestion would be to "talk it out" with someone...A counselor can be worth there weight in gold when it comes to situations like this...

I went through a bad break-up 3 years ago, and only time has made it any better...
'



Smoke sent!
 
~~~Smoke~~~


Try to get some decent food and vitamins into yourself, even if everything does taste like cardboard.
 
Keno,
What you are going through is a very good thing. You have pointed up something in yourself that might never have been revealed, unless this happened to you.
You are not totally comfortable with yourself.
In order for a relationship to be really healthy, both parties must be whole individuals, able to live fulfilling lives on their own. Then, when they join, the sum is greater than the parts, and it is a good thing. Now, most people never get to this but you have been given a chance.
Embrace this, and instead of focusing on how much you "needed" the girlfriend, focus on how you are going to improve yourself so that you don't "need" anyone to the point that if they are taken away you self-destruct.
Once you are really OK with yourself, the next relationship will be even better, and if it breaks up, you won't go through the depression anymore.
Take care of yourself. Life is not over, it is just changing.
 
There is a time for grace and a time for cornflakes.

I feel for you.
At some point, being down and punishing yourself won't be rewarding anymore.


>>>>>>>>>>>

Might I reccomend munk's walk into the desert or high mountains, to get your body moving and heart and spirit free? (at the right time)

After I had my heart ripped out a few times, I began to see men cared about some things more than women, or at least cared in different ways and amounts.


munk
 
Smoke up for you Keno. I think you are really doing the right thing by examining yourself, and grieving. The pain will subside. It doesn't seem like it will, but it will. It has happened to all of us, bro, and we are here for you.

My method was much like yours. Beer, and junk food. Eventually I got better. Back in my youth I'd have tried to sleep with her friends, and sisters, for revenge. LOL. But that is the wrong thing to do I later learned.

Grieve till it feels right to stop. Don't malnourish yourself too badly though, certainly if you are going to walk into a desert hydrate yourself first and bring water, not beer. LOL. Keep your head up. You're a good guy.

Smoke up from Atlanta.
 
Eating poorly will just make things worse. Try to eat well and don't do anything you will regret later. Get some excercise. Physical activity helps you forget things for a little while.

No groveling. Nobody likes groveling.

It gets better eventually. Might be awhile but it gets better.

:(
 
Prayers sent.

I remember a time when all I could manage was ground beef straight out of the frying pan. Been there.

Like everyone says, eat real food, even if it seems pointless. Exercize. Don't pretend that you can keep your mind off it when alone ... so go somewhere that the agenda's being set from outside, and requires engagement.

In the 6 months following a point such as you're at, I learned to meditate. Whatever else it is, pain is a great motivator.

It feels like the end of the world ... but truly it's not. Later on, you can learn from the pain; right now, you've just got to get through it.
 
richardallen said:
My diet consist of beer and cornflakes
Click to expand...


Doesn't this make your cereal soggy? You need to vary your diet, I would solidly recommend some tinkies and coke.

Seriously everyone has issues and they become a problem if not dealt with. Eventually it reaches a point that the wheels just fall off. Putting wheels back on doesn't address the issues and they will just fall off again.

Alcohol merely depresses you further and the pain rushes back when the alcohol evaporates. Walk to a takeaway, allow yourself space to think and breath, order your favourite.
 
BruiseLeee said:
Eating poorly will just make things worse. Try to eat well and don't do anything you will regret later. Get some excercise. Physical activity helps you forget things for a little while.

:(
Click to expand...
Great advice. It gets better but it takes time.
 
This may be God's way of telling you there's better for you out there somewhere...if you want to try and salvage this wreck go ahead,but remember:she did it once she may again-I'm very hard with women if you want me then stand by me no matter what!!,if not...well honey that way's the door enjoy your life.

I've even told a girl once if her family didn't approve then screw it-there's you and me,what else do we need?

Keep your head up-don't let love blind you.:thumbup:
 
Thanks y'all. I know I should eat healthy, but it's easier to say than to do. I am sure most if not all of you have experienced this before.

Wont try to sleep with her friends, cause I cant even hate her for her decision. In a way, it is a good one, because it showed me something I had never experienced before in other relationships. Then again, I believe we should have a second chance, dont know if we ever had a first chance.

The_Shadow, thanks, but I respectfully disagree, or maybe I'm just misunderstanding you. I did not rely on other people before. Relying on someone for me is a hard thing to do, and involves a lot of trust. I believe it is a good thing to be able to fully trust someone (I still do, btw.).

Krull, kinda reminds me of fool me once, shame on you - fool me twice...
Well anyway, it was a matter of miscommunication, or too less conversation. If she betrayed me, I'd agree with you, but she didnt. I will try to salvage what's left, no matter what it'll be.

Time heels all wounds - Time kills everything?

Thanks for listening, it helps.

Keno
 
Keno,
I mean, psycologically rely on her to the point that when she is taken away you cannot function normally. I don't think it is good for a person to allow that to happen to him/her. I understand that you can go to work/tie your shoes/pay your bills without her.
 
Jepp, that's what I was talking about as well. I do understand your point, however I believe that someone very close deserves this kind of trust, and I will gladly even psychogically rely on her. Of course this causes problems once you take away that someone. *I* wouldn't really be in love or close friends w/ someone if taking them away wouldn't disturb me.
 
Disturb, yes. Disrupt, no. Of course, we are human and we grieve, but I think it is healthy to keep that to a minimum, and the goal, to me, is to love and appreciate the people in my life, but not stop functioning if they are not around for whatever reason. I have been in a lot of places in life that if I had fallen apart when someone left or died, I would surely be dead today. So that colors my view on the subject. In a kinder, gentler life, your way sounds really nice. If that was my reality, I would like your way.
 
Smoke, friend. You do what you need to do. Things will get right in the end. As munk said, when the time is right, I'd recommend a good hike to someplace remote. Someplace to reflect and recharge. But above all, you just have to heal. Good luck. You're among friends.

Chris
 
I'd also recommend reading a good inspirational book. That doesn't necessarily mean religious - it means something that will inspire you, rekindle your hope, make you smile.

You'll have a positive "voice" saying intelligent, useful, positive things to you, to counter all the negative things you're probably saying to yourself about yourself right now.
 
I'll give one more piece of advice, though I wouldn't go labeling my advice as smart, wise or even good. You be the judge.

Sometimes the hard parts of relationships are what highlights the great parts. My wife and I met ten years ago yesterday. It has been one hell of a ride. There have been BAD parts. Parts where one or both of us wanted Out Out Out. Times I thought we were goners. I think these times have tempered the steele in the relationship.

Someone below said not to grovel. I think thats good advice. Women, in my experience, don't respect groveling.
 
richardallen said:
Time heels all wounds - Time kills everything?
Click to expand...

More or less. It just takes a really long time depending on how close you were.

It's probably not much help in knowing that right now. In two years time, you'll say, "Darn, that Bruise guy was right. I'll certainly purchase some indulgences now." :rolleyes:

Just try to keep busy and don't feel sorry for yourself.
 
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