Some Funnies

O

oldman/Marty

Joined
Apr 23, 2006
Messages
265
Since a few good friends have been having a rough time lately with some serious problems so I thought I would help put a smile on everyones faces and lighten the mood.


Men strike back!

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.
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Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
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Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows
them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
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How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me.."
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How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
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Why do men fart more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to
build up the required pressure.
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If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
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What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told.
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I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
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Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes
a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
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Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
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Women will never be equal to men until they can
walk down the street with a bald head and a beer
gut, and still think they are sexy.
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In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.!
Oldman/Marty Simon
 
Thanks, Marty. Made me laugh! :thumbup: :D

Here's another one:


Who's your best friend?

If you don't believe it, just try this experiment.

Put your dog and your wife in the trunk of the car for an hour.

When you open the trunk, who is really happy to see you?
 
kitchen-2.jpg



suit your tastes?
 
Ha! Absolutely great, laughed a lot. Dog is looking at me funny now. I can't wait to show these to my girlfriend. After I hide my knives...
 
Q: What's a woman doing looking at a blank sheet of paper?
A: Reading her rights.

Q: Why don't women ski?
A: There's no mountains between the kitchen and the bedroom.
 
ajcz said:
no not really touchy my comment wasnt meant in sarcasm was just question

gues im just not ment for this funneh suff:(
Click to expand...

My bad. Guess I read it wrong :foot:. I'll make up for it:

LOLCAT.jpg
 
Ok thought I would add to the fun and these particular jokes seem very appropriate to this forum:

***Disclaimer: If you get offended, luckily I didn't come up with these. I found them online. If you liked these, unfortunately I didn't come up with these. I found them online.***



The Top 10 reasons why a handgun is better than a woman



#10 - You can trade an old .44 for two new .22s.


#9 - You can keep one handgun at home and have another for
when you're on the road.


#8 - If you admire a friend's handgun, and tell him so, he
will probably let you try it out a few times.


#7 - Your primary handgun doesn't mind if you have a
backup.


#6 - Your handgun will stay with you even if you're out of
ammo.


#5 - A handgun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.


#4 - Handguns function normally every day of the month.


#3 - A handgun doesn't ask "Do these new grips make me look
fat?"


#2 - A handgun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you
use it.


AND THE NUMBER ONE WAY THAT A HANDGUN IS BETTER THAN A
WOMAN . . . You can buy a silencer for a handgun.
 
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