"The Claws and Tusks of Man"—a Brief Argumentative Essay Concerning Weapons Laws

Discussion in 'Knife Laws' started by Pug-butter, May 23, 2012.

  1. Pug-butter

    Pug-butter Banned BANNED

    743
    Jan 25, 2012
    This is a piece I wrote for English class, the last major grade of the year. It's not handed in yet and you guys are about the closest I have to a direct source. So I'd like some advice. Please tell me what you think, especially improvements to be made.

    This is free domain if anyone wants to use it for anything.

     
    Last edited: May 23, 2012
  2. Pug-butter

    Pug-butter Banned BANNED

    743
    Jan 25, 2012
    .....
     
  3. hickman1

    hickman1

    329
    Nov 26, 2009
    I'd be willing to read through and copy edit it for you, however I am unable to do so for at least a week. There were several fragments and pieces of poor grammar, but all in all you raised some good points. If I can find the time in the next day or so I'll try to make corrections and get it back to you, but don't think I will be able to, we are working 16 hours per day right now... I hope someone else can chime in and help you out here.
     
  4. Pug-butter

    Pug-butter Banned BANNED

    743
    Jan 25, 2012
    I've already rooted one out. Proofreading is always the most trying process for me.

    Thanks for the input.
     
  5. Shrub

    Shrub

    232
    Feb 7, 2012
    Best I can tell, very well written and a subject that needs to be shared more ofton. Hope you get an A+. Good luck and keep up the good fight.
     
  6. DeepFriedDoom

    DeepFriedDoom

    64
    Apr 14, 2010
    Can I steal this for my political science thesis?

    Kidding. It's a good read; I enjoyed your prose heartily.
     
  7. Pug-butter

    Pug-butter Banned BANNED

    743
    Jan 25, 2012
    My major is not even remotely related to any of this. Go for it. :thumbup:

    Thanks for the kind words. Sniped another typo and awaiting more in-depth feedback.
     
  8. Tahts-a-dats-ago

    Tahts-a-dats-ago

    854
    May 25, 2011
    I’m not going to bother with pretending that I’m legitimately capable of critiquing your work from the basis of a vast understanding of the proper structure, or word choices, when it comes to college-level English classes. I’m not thusly gifted, nor am I inclined to care all that much about such things.

    I can offer my opinion though. And that opinion falls (chiefly) into two main camps:


    1. I’d vote for you in a heartbeat. I’ve long studied our Constitution and the intent behind the words chosen. Purpose is everything when it comes to limited powers granted a servant known to usurp [said powers] in its never-ending quest for supremacy.​

    Most of us don’t understand that. Most of us don’t even care. But you obviously “get it.” And for that, I applaud you.


    2. I enjoyed the article very much; it spoke to me in a manner that few subjects can approach (in the sense that individual freedoms rank at the very top of my list of things really important). I think it is well written and that you’ve done a very good job of building a solid basis for the pro-individual freedoms argument made.


    That said; I did have a bit of difficulty reading the piece offered. Most of that is rightfully attributed to issues of my own and have little, if anything to do with your written argument. My eyesight isn’t what it used to be and I frequently have some trouble reading larger paragraphs online (yet another gift from Lyme disease). I also think the font used may impair my ability to clearly separate some of the words.​


    Therefore, my advice would amount to the following:

    Keep up with your quest to inform others of the value of individual freedoms (and the dangers of an intrusive government).

    Proofread for errors or awkward sentences that could (possibly) be re-written better (I'm not saying that is the case - but you should check and double check).

    Print the piece out and see how it flows on paper. Make sure it is formatted in a manner that is conducive to the reader’s ability to fully comprehend. Use a different font (if necessary – I’m probably not well equipped to make that call). Try tinkering with the size of your paragraphs – see what works best in capturing the intended audience’s attention.


    Be prepared to catch some heat from those who disagree with your premise. It is a battle worth fighting.
     
  9. TOM1960

    TOM1960

    653
    Nov 5, 2007
    Are you in high school? If so, with all of the "zero-tolerance" rules that liberal administrative numbskulls have implemented over the years, consider yourself fortunate that you did not find yourself under investigation or even suspended for writing such an article. Students have been suspended for bringing such mainstream magazines as Field and Stream to school, because they contain articles about firearms and photos of firearms and knives. But you are correct and your article is a very well written piece, indeed! :thumbup:
     
  10. Pug-butter

    Pug-butter Banned BANNED

    743
    Jan 25, 2012
    I remember a time from seventh grade where I was closing a window in the cafeteria. Another kid had placed his hand in the sill to try to stop me from closing it, he got his fingers crushed, and the office was convinced that I'd weaponized the window against him. :confused: That was a different principal, but I still try to wrap my head around how that would have been humanly possible, as if I'd masterminded some brilliant scheme to crush a kid's fingers in the window and make it seem like an accident. I do admit I was a bit pugnacious when they called me in though.

    Due process has been better recently than it was in years past, at least in my experience. Just a few weeks ago I was brought into the office because I'd been using a computer with a racist message written on it; I denied writing it, and with my word pitted against that of whoever tried to turn me, and no evidence for either side, they could do nothing. They have not contacted me since. (I'd like an apology, but that's a bit much to ask, I guess.) You'll be interested to know, however, that they're using cop tactics in school offices now. "I like to think you're a young man of integrity," the principal had told me. "I'm one myself. And I would trust you to tell the truth with me." He had a really subtle good-cop-bad-cop routine going on for quite some time and had I thought myself guilty I would probably have fallen for it.

    That's not to say that I'm completely blameless in this district. My First Amendment right has gotten me in trouble before—trouble that I, in retrospect, deserved.
     
  11. skarrd

    skarrd

    14
    May 6, 2012
    well Pug,you give me renewed hope for the future,very good work[and subject] i am impressed.
     
  12. josewise

    josewise

    1
    Jan 23, 2020
    Very good essay, I liked it very much. It reminds me of the years when I was studying at university. I had a colleague who always wrote some very good essays. Of course, he always received the highest grade. We colleagues wondered how well he writes, I proposed to become a writer, or at least to work in an editorial. It was the graduation ball, our colleague finally told us that he was not writing those essays, as he ordered them from Removed. You can not imagine how wonderful I was, all this time he took the maximum not only to buy essays. He was a very clever boy. The new nobody came to us with this idea.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 23, 2020
  13. Policeman22

    Policeman22

    4
    May 23, 2020



    Many students do this. Earn good grades by other people's labor. But there is nothing wrong with that. Student life is this)))
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 23, 2020

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