The cow from Minsk

Gary W. Graley

Gary W. Graley

“Imagination is more important than knowledge"
Knifemaker / Craftsman / Service Provider
Joined
Mar 2, 1999
Messages
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I give credit to Tim Wright for this joke he told at Ashokan;


A farmer in Russia had their only cow die on them suddenly.
So he gathers up his rubles and goes into town in search of a new cow
and finds two almost identical cows for sale.
One is priced at 50 rubles while the other at 250 rubles...

Puzzled by this, he inspects the cow carefully, but can find nothing at all wrong
and asks the seller why the price difference?
The seller explains that the cow is from Minsk.
Hmmm thought the farmer and hands over the 50 rubles and heads home.

The cow turns out to be a very good cow, excellent milk producer and is
very gentle with his children and all around good cow.
The farmer thought, I should breed this cow and get some offspring!

So he takes the cow down to his neighbor that has a bull to mate with his cow.
The other farmer says sure and in to the barn they go, but on
seeing the bull the cow plops down and doesn't get up.

Hmm thought the farmer, must not be a good day for this, return in a few days
and we try again.

So the man did that, brought the cow back three times in as many days
and on each day the same thing, very strange thought the farmer!

So the man decided to go and see the wisest man in the district, their Rabbi.

He tells the Rabbi his tale of woe.

The Rabbi thinks a while, pulling on his long beard and finally asks him this question,

"This cow, it wouldn't happen to have come from the city of Minsk, would it?"

My goodness thought the farmer, he really is the wisest and smartest man!

"Yes Rabbi, yes it is! but how could you possibly have known that?"

To which the Rabbi shrugged his shoulders and responded, "My wife is from Minsk"...;)

G2
 
:D .:D .
I think it is rubles,but maybe I am wrong.Thanks for the tip I will try to avoid buying anything made in Minsk :) .
 
lol, I think you're right, edited those to the proper term...
Thanks,
G2
 
I don't know. We're not from Minsk, we're from Pinsk.

(It IS rubles. We didn't have many. That's one reason we're not in Pinsk anymore. :) )
 
An elderly Jewish man was traveling by slow train from Minsk to Pinsk. At one of the frequent stops he felt hungry and bought a large salt herring. At the same stop a young Russian boy entered into his compartment and as the old man slowly munched his herring the young boy began to tease him.

He said " You Jews have a reputation of being so smart. How come that you are all so clever?" The old man said to him in answer " Since you are such a polite young man and asked so nicely, I will tell you the secret, if you promise not to tell a soul" The boy swore by all that was holy that he would never reveal such a precious secret, so the old man finally told him " We Jews are so smart because we eat the head of the salt herring" The boy was really impressed and said " I would like to get smart right away, I see you still have the head of the herring you have just eaten, would you sell it to me? "

The old man was reluctant, but in the end he gave in and said " All right, all right, you can have it for a ruble " Well, a ruble was a high price, but the boy could not wait to get started, so he paid and began to eat the head of the herring. When he was nearly finished he shouted, " Wait a minute, I saw you buy that whole herring for just ten kopecks and I paid you ten times that just for the head! "

The old Jew smiled back at him and said "You see, it is beginning to work already"

OY!
 
Hehe, you guys are killin' me...and that was a good one UffDa, my grandfather
would have liked that one.
G2
 
Did you hear about the new facility Kraft Foods is building in Israel?




It’s called "Cheeses of Nazareth".
 
Moshe was eating in a Chinese restaurant and was chatting to his Chinese waiter.
Moshe commented upon what a wise people the Chinese were.
"Yes," replied the waiter, "we're wise because our culture is 4,000 years old. But Jewish people are also very wise, are they not?"
Moshe replied, "Yes, we are. Our culture is 5,000 years old."
The waiter was surprised to hear this. "That can't be true," he replied, "where did your people eat for a thousand years?"
 
yevreyskiy is Hebrew
evropeyskiy is European

Both may derive from the Semitic root 'ever' meaning across. Hebrews are wanderers, and Europe is the land to which the sun crosses, as seen from the Middle East.
 
A Nice Jewish Girl

A nice Jewish girl brings home her fiance to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother tells her father to find out about the young man. He invites the finace to his study for schnapps.
"So what are your plans?" the father asks the fiance.
"I am a Torah scholar," he replies.
"A Torah scholar." the father says. "Admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in, as she's accustomed to?" "I will study," the young man replies, "and God will provide for us."
"And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, such as she deserves?" asks the father.
"I will concentrate on my studies," the young man replies, "God will provide for us."
"And children?" asks the father. "How will you support children?"
"Don't worry, sir, God will provide," replies the fiance.
The conversation proceeds like this, and each time the father questions, the fiance insists that God will provide.
Later, the mother asks "so nu? How did it go?"
The father answers, "He has no job and no plans, but the good news is he thinks I'm God."
 
His mother kept bugging him about finding a nice Jewish girl and settling down, but the young man kept bringing home non-Jewish girls. One day he comes home and tells his mom that he met a nice Jewish girl and he is gonig to get married. "Thank heaven!" she says. "What's the family name?" He replies, "Goldberg." "Wonderful", she says. "What's her first name?"




"Whoopie."

:D
 
Another one from Tim Wright, sorry Tim...:)

A man was driving around town and saw this billboard sign

Mendel Mouschivitz Chinese Laundry

He thought, I gotta check this out!

in he went and there was a small china man at the counter

he asked "are you Mendel Mouschivitz ?"

he nodded yes

the man asked, "how did you get that name?"

to which he replied " when I came through immigrations to get my papers
a Jewish man was ahead of me in line, they asked what his name was
and he said Mendel Mouschivitz , after he was done I stepped forward
they asked me what was my name and I said Same Thang....
:)

G2
 
Chinese Jews

A Jewish man went to eat at a Chinese restaurant and started to wonder if there were any Chinese Jews. So, when the waiter came over to take his order, he asked, "Pardon me, but I'd like to know if there are any Chinese Jews?" The waiter said, "I no know. I go into kitchen and ask manager."
After taking his order, the waiter went to the kitchen and returned in a few minutes. He explained to the man, "No. No Chinese Jews. We have orange Jews, tomato Jews, grape Jews, and pineapple Jews, but no Chinese Jews."
 
The man came home from work and stopped off at the deli for a bowl of soup first. A new waiter came to take his order -- the waiter was Chinese! but he took the order in Yiddish.

After his meal, the man went to pay his bill and asked the owner, how come he got a Chinese waiter, and how did he learn to speak Yiddish so well?

Shhh, said the owner -- he thinks we're teaching him English!
 
A man walking across a street in New York is hit by a truck. A policeman runs to his aid as a crowd gathers. It is obvious that the man is severely injured and doesn't have long to live. He asks the cop to get him a priest to perform the last rites.

The cops yells to the crown asking for a priest. No one answers. He asks again if there are any Catholics who could help. Again, there is no answer. The cop then asks if anyone would help. An old bent Jewish man hobbles over and says, "Mister policeman, I'm not a priest or even Catholic, but I live behind Saint Anthony's church and I hear vat goes on there. Maybe I can help." The cop says, "Sure, it's better then nothing." The old Jew kneels next to the man, makes the sign of the cross and says solemnly, "B 6, I 32, N 14".
 
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