The cow from Minsk

It was a dark and stormy night. The old Jew lay dying, his wife sobbing at his side. He turned to her and commanded, "Call the priest!" "The priest?" she asked. "Why the priest? Have you secretly converted?"

"Don't question me, just call him. I'm dying!"
"But just tell me why ..."
"You don't expect me to drag the rabbi out
on a miserable rainy night like this, do you!?"
 
A man was driving around town and saw this sign:
Sean Fergusson, Dry Cleaner

He thought, I gotta drop off my cleaning, let me try this guy.
In he went and there was a small Jewish man at the counter.
He asked "Are you Sean Fergusson?"
He nodded, yes.
The man asked, "how did you get that name?"

He replied "When I came through immigrations to get my papers, they asked what my name was but I was so scared I couldn't think and I said "shon fergessen!" (completely forgot!).
 
(When my grandfather came through immigration, he abandoned his original name of Starobinsky, and shortened it to Starr. Years later, his son's boys were great football players in high school, and when anyone asked them if they were related to Bart Starr, they said OF COURSE !!! :D)
 
Esav Benyamin said:
It was a dark and stormy night. The old Jew lay dying, his wife sobbing at his side. He turned to her and commanded, "Call the priest!" "The priest?" she asked. "Why the priest? Have you secretly converted?"

"Don't question me, just call him. I'm dying!"
"But just tell me why ..."
"You don't expect me to drag the rabbi out
on a miserable rainy night like this, do you!?"
Click to expand...

Another version of this joke.....

The old man asks his wife to call the priest so he can convert. She asks him if he's crazy. He replies, "Look, if someone is going to die, better one of them then one of us."
 
Back in the cowboy days, the westbound wagon train was lost and low on food. No other humans had been seen for days. And then they saw an old Jew sitting beneath a tree drinking tea.
The leader rushed to him and said, "We're lost and running out of food. Is there someplace ahead where we can get food?"
"Vell," the old Jew said, "I vouldn't go up dat hill und down de other side. Somevun told me you'll run into a big bacon tree."
"A bacon tree?" asked the wagon train leader.
"Yah, a bacon tree. Trust me. For nuttin vud I lie."
The leader goes back and tells his people that if nothing else, they might be able to find food on the other side of the next ridge.
"So why did he say not to go there?" some pioneers asked.
"Oh, you know those Jews-they don't eat bacon."
So the wagon train goes up the hill and down the other side. Suddenly, Indians attack and massacre everyone except the leader, who manages to escape back to the old Jew, who's enjoying a "glassel tea."
The near-dead man starts shouting. "You old fool! You sent us to our deaths!
We followed your instructions, but there was no bacon tree. Just hundreds of Indians, who killed everyone."
The old Jew holds up his hand and says "Oy, vait a minute."
He then gets out an English-Yiddish dictionary, and begins thumbing through it. "Gevalt, I made myself a big mistake."
"It vuz not a bacon tree. It vuz a ham bush!"
 
Morris had reached 60, so he went to see doctor Myers for a full medical check-up. When he had finished, doctor Myers said, "Relax, Morris, you’re in very good shape. I can’t find anything wrong with you. You’ll probably live till you’re 100. So how old was your father when he died?"
Morris replied, "Did I say he was dead?"
Doctor Myers then asked, "How old is your father, is he still active?"
"He’s 83 and goes jogging and Israeli dancing every week." Morris replied.
Doctor Myers was very surprised. "How old was your grandfather when he died?"
Morris again answered, "Did I say he was dead, doctor?"
Doctor Myers was astonished. "You mean to tell me that you are 60 years old and both your father and grandfather are alive? Is your grandfather active?"
Morris replied, "He goes swimming twice a week, and plays a full round of golf every Sunday, weather permitting. Not only that, he is 107 years old and next month he is getting married again."
Doctor Myers said, "If he’s 107 years old, why on earth would your grandfather want to get married?"
Morris looked Doctor Myers in the eye and said, "Did I say he wanted to?"
 
Uffda, gotta remember that one for work tomorrow!
Thanks,
G2 :)
 
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