The Male Conspiracy! Women keep out!

B

Bill Marsh

Joined
Mar 26, 2002
Messages
1,861
My wife Anne is certain that several things we men know can not be true.

Tom turkeys have beards. Anne thinks they fall in the category of jackalopes.

She will not ask Home Depot people for help to find many plumbing parts. Saddle tees -- Male adapter -- Female Adapter -- elbows -- three inch nipples (sounds like a rock group) -- Spigot -- Coupling -- ballcock!

electrical -- acorns -- yellow grease -- wire nuts -- troffers -- fish tape (her favorite, "Sounds like something you get in a Vietnamese grocery store") -- main lug panel

concrete -- bull floats -- scree boards

roofing -- long neck hooker

Several mechanics terms -- "Move that over a ch." Maybe a RCH (smaller amount. If you don't know what this means, you're are not a mechanic) or a micro-tad.

And when we mean "yes," we may say something that sounds like "Ken-ay."

Do you have anything to add?
 
More terms:

Star torque: that level of torque which, when applied, causes one to see stars. ("How tight? Hell, just star torque it.")

Mechanical agitation: in technical terms, the use of elbow grease. In USN terms, to grab a mechanic and tell him to agitate something. (This typically involves a sledgehammer.) Typically done to re-align a pump and a prime mover (which is actually permitted, by the book) or to recalibrate a stubborn electrical and/or electromechanical device. (Which is not.) Can also be used as a verb to describe wailing on something with a heavy object in frustration. Alternate term is "percussive maintenance." Often applied to computers, at least around here.

Mechanic's punch: a nonexistant tool inexperienced personnel are often sent in search of. Most mechanics are more than willing to deliver one if asked nicely.

Knucklebuster, digit-dicer: a mechanism or area where one's fingers and/or hands are in constant peril while work is being done. ("That digit-dicer got me again. Where's doc?")

Hydro: short for hydrostatic testing. Normally used as a verb when one inadvertantly overpressurizes a fluid power system, occasionally to a frightening degree. ("Oh, that? Yeah, Smith fell asleep last night during the air charge and hydro'd the plant. All the flanges popped.")

Pull-start: the mythical manual starting device or method for nuclear reactors, large boilers, furnaces, and other industrial power plants that would theoretically save much prep time. ("It's 0300. Willya just pull-start the damned thing so we can all go to sleep? Should we get off the boat and push?")

And some technical terms that I've often heard:

Knicknack, hoobiejoob, goddammit, thingie, thingamabob, whatsitcalled, dingus, whatchamacallit, roundy-round, etc. Note that these can be combined to describe pretty much any purely mechanical system in existance if a bit of creativity is used. ("The dingus engages the thingamabob shaft inside the whatsitcalled case, which in turn drives the goddammit and transmits power to the hoobiejoob assembly, making the final drive gear thingie go roundy-round.")
 
Emily knob or Emilies knob . This is an insulator knob like structure .

I can just see a woman asking for Emilies knob . L:O:L

I,ve always wondered about "Virgin Teflon "
What would be the alternative ? " Party teflon "

Hey Dave ? Percussive Maintenance ! I love it .
If its not working , you are not using the correct size hammer . L:O:L
 
Yee Old Telephone Company Sayings

"If it don't fit, force it. If it breaks, it way bad anyway."

"Get a bigger hammer."

"Use a stepping hammer."

"Throw money at it 'till it goes away."

"Spend a buck to collect a dime."

"When in trouble,
Or in doubt,
Run in circles,
Scream or shout."

"Ten pounds of [feces] in a five pound bag."

"Don't f*** with Ma Bell. She's got the clap."
 
Don't forget the universal unit of measure, the sh!tload.

And for those who dabble in electronics, the multivibrator. :eek:
 
Thank you SHALDAG . First chuckle of the day . I will have to think of other universal units of measure .

Wait a minute......... " A Peck Of Trouble " ..... No since the discovery of pennicilin that unit has dried up . L:O:L
 
RCH I believe (and correct me if I am wrong) is a red one, which is believed to be even thinner. Not really sure if measurments had been made and it is a scientific fact.

Also I remember sending 'cruits for "elbow grease in a can" and "left handed monkey wrenchs". Since everyone on the post was in on it they used to get a days tour of the post by foot.

KR
 
Gronicle (n)

(1) nonexistent part of a ship. usage "Boy! Go fetch a seacock with counterclockwise threads to fit to the scuppers of the starboard gronicle!"

(2) essential part of male anatomy. usage "Thumbcutter laid the scurvy dog out cold with a quick kick to the gronicles."
 
We used to send recuits for sound powered phone line, or a yard of steam line, or have them doing the mail bouey watch. Or have them watch for SGU11's(seagulls).

James
 
here is a link to hair thickness and engine assembly. i tried to research the thickness of human pubic hair vs. sex and hair color without much luck. fbi forensic site just says human hair averages about 80 microns (thousandth of a millimeter) and that blonde hair is thinner, dark hair thicker, pubic hair is thicker and has more variation in thickness and 'kinks' than head hair. no proper charts of hair thickness vs. age, color, race, or body location were easily accessable, someone out there must have the info. inquiring minds need to know.

Linky
 
Jeez, Kronc...just look up "skosh."


One measurement from the 60's...a "Herman," invented by John Herman, who later went to...uh, do stuff.
 
Well I used my BMFH fairly often but I used my LBP a helluva lot more.
And any shop I worked in a rch was a *Red* one.;)
 
Has anyone mentioned the often maligned " Shuttlecock" ?

In polite society it might be considered risque to ask a young lady to pick up your shuttlecock . Unless she knew the raquet fairly well already . L:O:L
 
Don't even get me started on double meanings and slang terms.

A few years back I was in Victoria, departing a tavern called the Sticky Wicket in a cab. When I mentioned that I'd enjoyed it, the cabbie asked me if I knew what it meant.

"Sure," I replied smugly. "It's a cricket term, right?"
"Not in this context. That's not what they had in mind when it opened. It has another meaning," he said.
"Really? What?" I asked innocently.

And now I know.

There are some terms for that in America as well, but I've never heard of anyone naming a bar after it.

Back to mechanical terms, "petcock" is an accurate way to refer to a device used to shunt a small amount of fluid out of a line and was written like this in the technical manuals. It was seldom called as such, however, as any mention of it would lead to inevitable snickering. When you think of the talk and attitude that occurs in an engine room on a naval vessel, think Beavis and Butthead. We normally didn't discuss jam nuts for the same reason.

Verbiage is something that continues to plague me to this day. On my second or third day at this job, I stopped an inmate for a search in the dining hall: "Hey, you! Stand for search! Pockets out! Jacket off!" (Say it loudly and very quickly for maximum effect.)

Fortunately, the majority of the witnesses have since transferred to other facilities and I no longer get teased about it. I now simply instruct people to remove their coats.
 
Kismet said:
Jeez, Kronc...just look up "skosh."

One measurement from the 60's...a "Herman," invented by John Herman, who later went to...uh, do stuff.
Click to expand...

skosh Linky , a bit too loosely defined for an engineer. at least a CH is approximately 80 microns, give or take a few microns tolerance (which needs definition in the detail specs). (roughly 0.002-0.004 inches in the politically incorrect 'english' system of measurements)

squirmin' herman, the one eyed german is also a vague standard of measurement.

these all need tabulation and standardisation.
 
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