"The Ten Knife Commandments"

THE TEN KNIFE COMMANDMENTS

1. Thou shalt have no other knives before thee. But you can keep a couple extra in your EDC pack.

2. Thou shalt not take unto thee any cheap Chinese knock-offs. Except to prove how unworthy they truly are.

3. Thou shalt not take the name of thy knife in vain. No curse words involving Spyderco, Benchmade, Sebenza, Buck, Kershaw, or any other manufacturers (i.e. Buck you!).

4. Remember sharpening day, and keep it regular. And always keep your tip up.

5. Honour thy model and manufacturer. Continually support them through monetary offerings and regular tithes for more and more knives.

6. Thou shalt not kill (people) with thy knife. Unless self defense is utterly necessary and mall ninja tactics will not suffice.

7. Thou shalt not commit adultery with another knife. If it be so and both parties agree, let the owner put away his knife with a bill of divorcement by properly placing said knife in a safe location to live out the rest of the days of its' life. The owner may then be free to acquire a younger, better, sharper knife with superior steel and edge holding abilities.

8. Thou shalt not steal with thy knife. But a blade can be used properly to earn monetary gain for yourself (such as on the job). Spread the word to the sheeple flock, my children.

9. Thou shalt not bear false witness about the qualities of thy knife. Do not lie to your neighbor about the many qualities of your fine foreign blade.

10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's knife...



...but you may buy several of your own. ;)
 
NEVER loan any knife you care about. Remember that anyone who needs to borrow a knife is likely a hopeless incompetent who will hurt himself, or even worse, your knife.
 
On that note:
Thou shalt not inform thy wife of any new knife purchases. Thou shalt use that secret credit card that has its statements mailed to that secret p.o. box were those secret knives appear. Thou shall then proceed to interduce the new knife to thy wife by opening her new Jessica Simpson CD with it while saying "man this trusty old knife has helped you once again honey, I should really buy a replacement for this old thing sometime." And so the cycle continues...
 
Whatever else you carry, carry a keychain knife and let your co-workers see no other knife. Keep your good knife (knives) concealed and sharp.


Keep Band-Aids handy.


Don't lose your knives. :rolleyes:
 
1) Always carry more than one knive(s)
2) Keep em sharp and clean.
3) Always conceal carry those knives that are socially or politically incorrect.
4) Whilst flying your own aircraft (or the rental) always, always carry a solid pig sticker style hunting knife- on your belt. If for some unfortunate reason you have to dump it short of the runway, you have the knife to hack and carve your way to freedom from the fuel oozing wreckage.
5) Always have one knife that is firmly secure to your belt. Those clip ons will have a nasty habbit of getting lost at the worst possible moment.
6) A sturdy box cutter makes a great back-up and cuts like hell (amazing they weren't banned after 9-11. Wilder than any automatic! Yea their ugly.
7) Under no circumstances do you ever let go of your knife.
8) No matter how angry you are just keep it sheathed!
9) Never lend your knife to anyone ever.
10) Keep your knife under your pillow when away from home, if your back up firearm is not available.
 
and yeah thou shall not
1. not have at least a knife, and possibly 2, or more as dictated by the circumstances.
2. ever sharpen someone else's knife as this will encourage sloth
3. turn down a good deal on a knife if you have money.
4. use a knife as a phillips/flathead screwdriver.
5. use it to just pry "a little".
6. give a good knife to someone who doesn't care about knives as he will use it to scrape paint off the house.
to name just a few. later, ahgar
 
never a lender nor a borrower be.
thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's knife
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top