The weenie test

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mnblade

mnblade

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Recently, my boss at work confirmed my long-held suspicions and failed the weenie test. Lot of folks have their own weenie tests, but mine has to do with closing a lockblade knife. My boss was struggling with a large cardboard envelope, so I pulled out my tiny Buck 526 lockblade, opened it and offered it to him, all the while thinking, "I bet this weenie doesn't know how to close a lockback."
Sure enough, the knife easily slices the envelope open and my boss tries to fold shut the knife. "It's stuck open," he says.
WEENIE!
"Here, I've got it," I reply, closing the knife and slipping it back into my pocket (a slight smirk on my face).
Only a weenie can't close a simple lockback. Of course, while a weenie can't close a lockback, a BIG WEENIE uses a key to try and rip open stuff.
Anyone out there have other tests of weeniehood?
 
Sure, I got plenty of tests...
1). Guys who try to trip the trigger on a Colt 1911 with the safety on.
2). Guys who put an F-150 into first gear at a stop light with the bed empty.
3). 'Tire kickers' who thumb the edge of every knife to see if it's sharp.
4). Tree-huggers who check the label of really cherry mescal tequila to see if it's high in sodium.
5). Girls who 'let me lead' when we dance, without even putting up a struggle.
6). Cops who use the word 'parabellum,' but then add, "I don't know about a pair, they only gave me the one gun..."
7). Custom knife makers who have their students cut out all of the metal pieces, but still make you wait over three years for delivery...
8). Members of the executive branch of government who fail to notice that a contrband cigar and a fat girl ARE A LEGACY.
9). Guys who won't wipe the sweat off of execise equipment...
Okay, Paracelsus, okay, I'll stop...--OKG
 
OKG, I only got worried about #5.
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Knife content please, or this thread is destined for the community forum. I certainly prefer the word Sheeple, to weenie. It is more accurate and less provocative.

Paracelsus
 
Sorry, Para, but I thought the semantic similarity of the words 'weenie' and 'sheeple' was implied. To our credit, we both used knife content, albeit, I did go for the humor.
(About #5; my wife is also a weight lifter, and she will go 'two out three falls' over the last potato chip. She raced her dad down the aisle at our wedding, and then yelled back at him, "In your face, slow-poke!)
I promise to always check knife content in the future...--OKG
 
Paracelsus, "sheeple" and "weenies" are synonyms.
Knife content:
"Wave" a Emerson Commander in front of a non-knife nut. They'll say "OMG, that's cool!", or "OMG,
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!", and take a step back while eyeing you like a rattlesnake.
The latter is, you guessed it, a weenie (sheeple, liberal, whatever).
 
Sorry OKG, but I have to disagree with you on #9. It's only common courtesy to wipe your sweat off the equipment, but the weenies are the ones carrying their little towels around, polishing everything in sight because they're afraid of a little honest sweat.

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Dave

Let no one ever from henceforth say one word in any way countenancing war. It is dangerous even to speak of how here and there the individual may gain some hardship of soul by it. For war is hell, and those who institute it are criminals. Siegfried Loraine Sassoon
 
I avoided the term "sheeple" because, in my mind, if my boss was one of those, he would have recoiled in horror at the sight of such a wicked weapon as the Buck 526 pen knife. He didn't, though. He seemed vaguely aware that it was a knife and used it to cut open the package. He just didn't have a clue how to close such a contraption. Weenie.
 
Hey OKG Whats the gear ratio in your truck? I put mine in 1st and its 4.10 in the back. It gets lots of really neat stares from people when you rev it up to about 3 or 4 grand with the air lines burned off of the catalytic converter, then shift into 2nd and do the same thing again before ever reaching 20 mph or making it through the intersection
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now that the air lines are fixed I usually stay in second though. Its just not loud enough, on the other hand it does make it easier to hear my hank williams jr. and johnny cash CDs
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As for the lock thing, I consider people a weenie/loser if they can't close a locking knife with simple instructions. But can you really bring the term sheeple into play if the person is willingly using a knife ?

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I may not be the sharpest knife in the drawer... but I've got the sharpest knife in the room.
 
To Matt Shade: I use Japanese water stones, thank you for asking. Since the majority of my knife collection is 154-CM and S60V, I wear a stone fairly quickly--then it's off to the carborundum store. I usually take the F-150, 5-speed. Since it's a 4-wheel-drive, and the Triton 5.4 only comes in automatic, I got stuck with the standard spiders. I had a 5.0 Mustang, and all of my friends at the Ford shop, saw to it that I received a goodly number of SVO parts for the engine of this truck. With this much grunt, I usually arrive at the knife store well before closing. Blue jeans are the order of the day, so my daily carry is an LCC. Sun Prairie is a small town, and the interstate is nearby, and I would never carry an auto knife there, as I cruise well over 75 most of the time and I could 'contribute' to a Wisconsin State Patrol officer I don't know. But knives are my life, I love knives, and that's why it's so good to have a forum here expressly for the discussion of knives, and sharpening, and double clutching...--OKG
 
Here's a scary thought: A kid on my crew team was a USMC reservist; when I handed him my Military to cut some medical tape for wrapping his hands, he couldn't figure out how to close it. "Press the little bar to the side, Mike."
 
CALL ME CRAZY, BUT MY IDEA OF A "WEINIE TEST" IS A LOT DIFFERENT THAN YOU GUYS'S!

[This space formerly occupied by a picture too horrible, too distasteful, and too revolting for the general forum. This picture was deleted at the request of the young lady who originally posted it so that the rest of the boys could keep playing]

THAT'S AN AL MAR SHADOW SOMETHING, SO THERE'S KNIFE CONTENT.
THERE'S ALSO A BLACK BAR OBLITERATING THE SEXUAL ASPECT OF THE PICTURE, SO THIS BETTER NOT GET BLOCKED, YOUKNOWWHO!
ALTHOUGH, I REALIZE THAT YOU JUST MIGHT BLOCK IT SINCE YOU LIKE LORENA'S DISCIPLINARY TACTICS, IT WOULD ANGER ME GREATLY, NOT TO MENTION CAUSE ME TO STOP SENDING YOU MY UNDIES IN THE MAIL, MR YOUKNOWWHO.
LOVE,
L

PS - MR. YOUKNWWHO IS PARCELISLOST

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"Hey Renfield, you gonna eat that last spider leg?"

[This message has been edited by Paracelsus (edited 12-04-2000).]
 
Allright! That is IT! Moving, Locking, and throwing up...

Lorena, sorry babe. Do your worst. I know you will
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Paracelsus, sickened
 
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