Amen brother! That was a good one!
I have three different incidents that are all tied for first place...
I was trying to hack a notch out of a pine board to set up a BB gun target for my son about 10 years ago. The knife was a cold steel medium voyager clip point. I got too close to my left hand that was holding the board. Sliced my thumb open to the bone. I balled up my fist clenching my thumb in the middle of it and walked in the house. I was leaving a blood trail the whole way... My wife said "did you hurt yourself again?" I calmly told her she may need to drive me to the hospital. After I looked at it I knew it was stitchworthy! 16 stitches closed it.
Another good one - I was whacking some branches off of a tree trying to clean it up. The knife was a spec plus marine combat. I swung it around in an arc, hit something hard like a knot, whacked it again in the same weird arc and it went through. I didn't expect it to! Well, the arc continued and I looked down to see the knife poked about an inch into my midsection. About 3 inches lower than my sternum. I thought "whoa, that was stupid"! I pulled the knife out and whipped my shirt off. My wife was on the porch talking to our neighbor. I just walked past them into the house bleeding all the way. I scrubbed out the wound and flooded it with isopropyl. I put a butterfly bandage on it and it wouldn't hold. I put superglue in it and pinched it shut. It healed fine, but left a pretty nasty jagged scar.
The other time I was in the back yard helping my Dad do some yard work. I was about 16. The knife was a tramontina machete. It got dull, so I went in the garage and got the whetstone to sharpen it. I was holding the stone in my left hand and drawing the blade across it with my right. I know - stupid! I cut the tips of my left thumb, index, and middle fingers smooth off. Through the nails and everything. I freaked out and tried to retrieve my fingertips but my staffordshire terrier beat me to it. He ate em! They did grow back. My nails and fingertips looked like something out of a Frankenstein movie for a while, but they did eventually look normal again.
I haven't had an incident in quite a while. I have learned a lot of hard lessons... Be careful out there guys!