They just don't make em like they used to

[RLDubbya]

Not a problem--no offense taken. My thinking was that I don't know you personally, where you've been, what you've experienced, and it might be presumptuous to extrapolate in that direction. I figured the fickleness and self-centeredness of human nature were fair game --and not a far step from the reality of friendships under the stress/strain of a demanding illness or disability.

Thanks for the reminder we are all works in progress, too! and btw, I 100% support your comments about the Xanax. I know someone famous for saying "patients come to me with a Xanax problem" when what they had initially was an insomnia or anxiety problem--the Xanax addiction being much more painful/difficult to treat.

Thanks. I do both respect and appreciate your opinion on your epistemic access to what makes me tick. I will add that I am fairly open, and have no problems talking about this stuff - if I perceive that somebody has gotten something wrong about me, I'll speak up. But if we're talking about me, please feel free to bring it up. If you do not wish to do so publicly, PM me or email: strongmanbob[at]gmail[dot]com.

I'm not trying to toot my own horn with the next statement or two; rather, I am trying to let you see a bit more about me. When I joined BF, I took a look around. I saw a vibrant, passionate, caring and intelligent community. I also saw people doing giveaways.

So I am organizing a raffle. Looks like I will raffling off a brand new Spyderco Gayle Bradley 2 and Manix 2 XL w/t black blade. I'm talking with knifemakers about customizations. All proceeds after the bills will be donated to the MPN Foundation, linked in my sig.

That's me, in a nutshell. I see something that I want to do, or that needs done: I find a way to make it happen. While I will not benefit from this raffle - too late for me - if I can donate something that pays for a researcher to investigate, it will be worth it. I have seen far too many good people die from this cancer.

 

[RLDubbya]

Ok kinda rushed through that because I wanted to get back to this. Was good though, bacon wrapped pork with asparagus and mashed pots.

Please do not ever rush through a meal, especially with family, because of me. Priorities.

I appreciate your forthrightness with me. It is well placed. I am, I hope, equally forthright. Thank you as well for note of explanation; I made an assumption about you that got in the way of clear communication. I shall try better to make sure it doesn't happen again. Specifically, I assumed that you, like most people, did not bother drawing a distinction between using the phrase "stay positive" and "be positive." I am sorry I did so, I essentially sold you short.

I will wrap up by saying that I don't have it bad. I was diagnosed with another rare disease in 2006; my connective tissue is turning to bone. A large part of the reason I'm in a crap financial situation is that I put a lot of cash money and my time into regaining my mobility lost to that disease. However, I started to make the needed course corrections in time; not only did I keep my own business for a while, but I got to compete as a strongman for a few years. I got to travel the world and meet many people. More importantly, I learned a lot about myself by moving some incredibly heavy weight.

I was DX'd with cancer in Aug '15, and was admitted to an ICU and nearly died one night when my stats bottomed out (my hemoglobin count when I was admitted was 4). In March '16, I bled out badly, and nearly died; I was placed in a coma and intubated, and given 18 units of blood. Life has, by and large, been good despite these couple bumps in the road. I mean, heck, the doctors told me I couldn't walk back in 2006, and by 2010 I was deadlifting 850lbs in competition. I've managed, somehow, to have a decent time of it.

This will be, in all likelihood, my last year on this planet. I've rediscovered the beauty of the blade; I'm writing a novel; I'm raising funds for cancer research; I developed my own treatment protocol for myelofibrosis. I don't know what will happen in July when my disability stops. But for now, for tonight, I'm going to write some more, and take heart in the fact that in April of '16, my hematologist told me to go home and die, because there was no way to fix me - so I fixed myself.

Which might explain my f@#$@#$c mental state, come to think of it...